i really should go to bed. or get some productive work done. but it's been such a long week i don't feel like either of those two! and i keep having the weirdest dreams. okay they're not really that weird but i'd rather not dream.. dreamless sleep is usually best. at least i don't have to get up at 8 tmr.
i really am going to try not to have 9am classes every single day anymore. never again! :( sobs. or maybe i just need to be more disciplined about sleeping early. but you know, that hardly happens in college unless you have great willpower. which i don't really possess all the time.
art class is fun, get to sit around and draw stuff. i don't think i succeed all that well, but it's not too bad. there simply isn't enough time, though, i never really thought about how much time it takes to draw something. really admire megan & emilyn.
oh yes, and so while carrying my huge poster board & drawing block i lost control of my bike handles and crashed into a jolly little bush. it was a rather spectacular crash (although less so than a couple i've witnessed this year) and this guy came over and was like "are you okay?" while i really felt like cursing & swearing cos my knee felt like someone had hammered it with a lead pile, but i gritted my teeth and was like don't worry, i'm fine.. just lost control..
and i sat by the roadside and fumed for a bit. more like trying to bear the pain, but there you go. and the crowning glory: a caterpillar (one of the many infesting our lovely campus during this season) found its way onto my jacket. i should be glad it didn't get UNDER the jacket. eek.
hopefully my knee will be alright for windsurfing tmr, i really shudder to think wat'll happen if this waterproof spray thing doesn't work. probably will end up shrieking my head off!
bleah. anyway i feel remarkably unmotivated (as usual), it being the weekend and all. but dad's coming to visit for a couple of hours on sat (and fix my bike basket on, haha).
i shall take a leaf out of christina's book and post the sealnet flyer!! apply for projects if you're interested!:) it was an AWESOME experience.. so much fun. 
so i really do think i spent yesterday effectively doing nothing. well, no work at all. got up at 7:30 to go to church (and daylight savings began! ridiculously soon.. i didn't even know until i saw the sign at the restaurant/bar thing at kirkwood. somehow i think that happened last year too, saw it at some shop at yosemite during spring break. heh)
i thought the sermon wasn't very helpful cos they were encouraging members to give and talked about budget and stuff and i was (most unfortunately) falling asleep. the actual sermon was like maybe 10 minutes long. bah. oh well.. came back and got straight back into bed. jon called an hour later to ask about lunch, but i was rather reluctant to get out of bed so oh well. too bad. it wasn't that great a nap i guess, i kept waking up at random times and wondering if i should get up. esp at 12:30, cos i realized brunch was over.. then i was like heck, i'd rather sleep and i need to stop eating so much anyway.
spent like 1.5hrs updating my accounts (still can't figure out where some of my money went -_-) and then cleaned up my snowboarding boots. then jackie wanted to cook so we did. and honestly, soup is one of the most boring things you can cook. i guess it's the same as boiling water, kind of. just got to wait for it to heat up while stirring. haha.
okay don't feel like chronicling the rest of my uneventful day so i shall talk about saturday! yayyy. i don't even know why i'm so crazy about snowboarding. like if you really think about it.. boarding/skiing is just going down a snowy slope multiple times. okay i guess that's an oversimplification and the same logic would apply to everything else (e.g. basketball/blading/watever). it's the joy one derives from it!
anyway i realized the drive to kirkwood/tahoe is really long. >.< i guess having a tour bus and being able to watch DVDs makes it pass faster. (as for dorm trip). also while we were coming back i found myself staring at the other cars on the freeway wondering where they were coming from - had they been up to napa on a 2-3hr drive? were they visiting from somewhere? went to sacramento for the weekend and were now going home? it's just such a weird concept to do road trips. and especially those across-state-trips.. that's just crazy.
kirkwood has really huge slopes. i mean huge as in width-wise.. very nice and wide! i preferred the snow on the backside, only got there after lunch (and it was such a pain to get there! man. probably took us like 40mins to get over there).
i realized this whole snowboarding thing has a lot to do with overcoming psychological barriers (quote barney). like i KNOW i can toe but part of me is very afraid of trying cos the probability of me falling when toeing is higher than when i'm heeling. but when i do try and succeed then it's like YEAHHH owned the slopes! haha. also about gaining momentum while carving.. if i start and carve a couple of times then it's just easier to continue. also like pearline said.. at first, scared of green slopes, then blue.. then black! haha my aim is to be able to jump by the time i graduate
and my triumph of the saturday was answering my phone while boarding:p granted it wasn't that such a steep slope (if not i wouldn't have thought about answering my phone). so anyway i was going down an okay blue slope, and then suddenly my phone started vibrating in my jacket sleeve (yay for sleeve pockets) and i was like oh crap i bet that's sicheng asking where we are.. (we ended up splitting into 2 pairs) was trying to decide if i should answer it and then i was like heck, i'm sure i can do this! so while carving i was unzipping my sleeve pocket and taking out my phone.
it was so funny cos i was quite sure sicheng could hear my board carving the snow cos it was SO loud, but apparently later he said he could hear the wind and was wondering if i was boarding while talking. and whether i was going to fall cos i was doing that. but i didn't! haha! anyway i felt such a sense of achievement:D funkkyyy stuff! :p :) whee~
okay. so i'm tired of doing work and decided i could think about retreat so at least i get to do something fun. haha.
anyway. so there was a lot of breathing and listening (to yourself - being aware of wat's happening in your body, and to others, and to the surroundings). some of it was kind of similar to improv class, which made me think of dan (he's our improv coach! v cool guy:) at the beginning and comparing, but i forgot that after a bit.
at the beginning and at the end of retreat, we had this inner-outer circle where they'd play slow pure moods sort of music (which i'm sort of addicted to now!) and then we'd partner (inner circle w outer circle) and think about various things and reveal them to each other. they (leng & hung) created a lot of trust, i think.
and also kb, she's such an amazing person. so dynamic and yet willing to be so open and share such personal things in front of a huge group even though she hasn't met like more than half of us before. that's really something i admire. and also just having one person open up like that makes other people more willing to share.
so while all this was happening, i definitely felt closer to people there. but there was this nagging feeling in the back of me. because i kept thinking, shouldn't this kind of closeness be achieved with fellow christians? but i can't really imagine chi alpha pple standing around doing that sort of thing.. i dunno. it's hard to explain. takes a certain kind of atmosphere and person to perpetuate that. and it is admittedly kind of touchy-feely sort of thing.
oh yes and they were coaching us on being more honest about our emotions and owning them. saying "i feel (watever)" and esp when giving feedback (cos you're less likely to judge people or hurt them i guess). and also u're being more open and more vulnerable. and helping us find our values.
we had this relate-acting-to-leadership workshop thing, which was really cool. and there was this thing about telling your partner a story which showcased your 'personal best' moment and extracting your values/strengths from that and then coming up with a metaphor for your values/strengths. that was valuable. cos i always have trouble with the whole articulating your skills/strengths/... stuff.
sigh i kind of miss being there. although while i was there i felt a bit awkward cos i didn't know what to say to people either. and i had a number of emotionally draining conversations cos they were the higher-level-type and i guess being so engaged/watever you wanna call it takes a lot out of me. alright let's face it i just don't have very much energy unless i'm in a crazy mood.
and i feel awful about not wanting to talk to my family. because i'm struggling with school and i don't know what i'm going to do about my summer! well okay the context for that is that my mom was trying to talk to me on skype and my stupid headset wasn't working so i called the home phone. and my mom was asking me abt retreat, i didn't feel like talking about it (too tiring to talk about it i guess). and then about my (failed) interviews. then my bro wanted to talk to me about summer. i suppose now i'm unhappy because talking about all those reminded me of my inadequacy (which i recognize is ridiculous since like everyone keeps saying, i'm just a sophomore, it's okay. and i knew that i wanted experience, which i did get.)
and that is also why i don't want to go for akpsi meeting later, cos i know people will ask me about the interview stuff and i don't want to talk about it.
alright i think i feel a little better. i wish pam was here, she's like my mommy-friend and i need someone like that right now. i guess i'll go spend some time with God. if i can find Him. it is so hard sometimes, how many times have I been to church this quarter? it's awful.
i am so annoyed.. i was editing my hangman code on ryan's laptop over the weekend and somehow it didn't save to my external drive so i've to redo everything -_- not that it was a lot but STILL! growl. i want a laptop.
anyhow, i figured (fine this is somewhat procrastination) that i should have closure on the retreat. so my 6th weekend of winter quarter (and 5th weekend off campus) was spent at SEALNet retreat. and what is SEALNet? --> www.sealnetonline.org
it was such an out-of-the-world weekend. i guess cos the two main facilitators, leng & hung, were such breathing/connect-with-your-spirit sort of people. or at least, i think that's what they do when they coach people.
suddenly after that little nap i don't feel like blogging anymore so i guess the rest has to wait till later!
wow it's almost been a week since i last posted! but this quarter is so crazy. actually every quarter's crazy. hmm. yeah. plus double ski trips.. which means my weekend is effectively gone.. oh well. boarding is always fun, except for the long drive there >.< and this time i somehow wrenched my left leg or something, it really felt dislocated yesterday.
so here's the story (which is going to sound so stupid but well):
so after getting off the lift for the beginner slope (of all slopes! ugh! was going to help out my dormmates cos it was their first time boarding) i think i skidded on an icy patch and then landed on my side. in which i felt this sharp pain on my left side (similar to wat happened to my finger last week at heavenly as well - talk about jinxed). and i wasn't going to get up for a bit but i was blocking the path and this guy helped me up.. anyway it was so so painful (still is actually) but i could still board (although it was still kinda painful) so i'm like heck i'll just continue
so when i unstrapped and had to walk my board along it did hurt, kind of, but when i was actually boarding it wasn't so bad.. thankfully. but when i stopped for lunch. !! that was a nightmare. really could NOT walk at all.. i kept wondering whether i fractured something. and it was so torturous i was thinking about calling Peling (my long-suffering RA) to come pick me up earlier. but then i thought about the $50 lift ticket and the 5hour drive and i'm like heck.. i'll just go on.
it was fun though, going on the nevada side properly (instead of getting myself stuck there like last Sat and having to rush down the slopes to get down in time). the snow was much better. and i did blues! yayy. but yeah, after that i was begging Reid (my other long-suffering RA) to let me take the car up the hill cos there was no way i was going to be able to walk up. and he actually offered to carry me cos Peling was going to be driving the equipment up.
oh what happened was that our house was on this hilly part where the bus couldn't enter cos it wouldn't be able to climb the hill.. so we'd to walk about 0.3miles in (according to Peling) - on the first night it definitely seemed REALLY long esp cos 1. it's uphill and 2. it was so cold. but yeah, Peling made a second trip down to the bottom to get me so phewwww. walking from the ski lodge to the bus was already so painful as it was.. everyone was really nice about it though.
and i totally suck at CS.. okay well i guess this is really my fault (as usual). didn't start doing my assignment earlier.. and then i fell asleep on thurs night cos i was so tired from getting up at 6:30 to go to SF for my interview and then company talks at night.. so no time to code. and had to take two late days (we get three 'free' late days for the quarter) cos i couldn't hand in by fri at 5 cos we left at 3 to go to tahoe.. and over the weekend i didn't do coding either (i need a freaking laptop man) , did a little on the bus but coding without testing it out never works.. so i just handed in a buggy program. which really sucks cos i hate doing things like that. :(
i hope my leg is fine by tonight. okay, more realistically, by tomorrow.