hakuna matata

energy. or lack thereof?

how are people like pam and lyd able to be so happy and excited??? i asked lyd and then she said she isn't usually. but then she figured God is in control so why worry etc. I was like wow, that's quite powerful. hm. even my pastors said i need to work on the being (actually more like looking) happy thing last year. not so much this year though... smile, clar, smile. heh. so ridiculous... i need to count my blessings more huh.

somehow today i was reminded of all my inadequacies and things i'm unhappy about (wrt myself).

i also need to remember how i used to be so disciplined in rg and hardworking (as compared to now). sigh! lijia saying she wants to sit with me cos i do my work and so inspire her to do her work. now i never do my work early! ok not never, but rarely. aiee.

the fabulous days of rgs ;)

so i finally dug out my old diaries from rg days (one week after visiting; i should've done it before i think) and relived sec 3 and 4. it's weird how i don't actually remember being so tired all the time and stressed out in sec 4 and trying to cope with piano & jk in sec 3... despairing over my piano and whether to take my dip or not and all that. and i did cry in those days too, which i really didn't remember.

i also rediscovered how i used to look tired. i wonder if i still do?

and it sounded like i laughed a lot more, which is kind of sad (that i don't anymore). many many hysterical fits... even at my piano teacher who can scold REALLY hard sometimes. and i wrote "i'm a creature of laughter". anyway so today i was sitting at the hairdresser's and i brought one of the diaries along, and i couldn't help snorting at some of the things i wrote down and the hairdresser was like what's so funny?? seems like we used to be a lot more ridiculous. so here goes:

our invigilator in sec 1 (who later turned out to be my chinese teacher in sec 2 & 3) - i described him as being "siao" and "rubbing imaginary spots on the whiteboard" - in which mag ng proceeded to imitate him with her calculator (as the whiteboard eraser), exaggerating his actions grossly of course. just the memory of it is enough to tickle me hugely :D

but yeah i think we used to talk a lot more nonsense.. we need more jackie-ism/clar-ism type things man.

and i miss how we had classes to hang out in which stayed with you for a year, at least. and teachers who kind of belong to the class? don't really know how to say it. and our teachers were nice and funny. jc teachers were not bad i guess, but now profs and lecturers are just different. or at least, they aren't terribly amusing or anything.. dunno. and i remember being quite shocked that frosh/sophs/juniors/seniors could all be in the same class, didn't really like that type of arrangement.

anyway i am now re-amazed at how much our teachers invested in us... typing notes and extra sessions and marking our extra assignments and wat not to prep for O's. and how mrs kwan cared so much for us personally. or at least, she was always concerned about whether we were okay and etc (albeit sometimes overly so).

i think i need more paper diaries. my handwriting has also evolved, which is rather interesting. haha. anyway it is more personal than typing, even though typing is faster....