hakuna matata

okay i really should be reading my econ now but i'll get back to it later. cos this was something i wanted to blog about for a while but i kept forgetting!

i can't believe the (sch) year's almost over! :( it doesn't even seem like i accomplished what i wanted to. although i don't really think i had new year's resolutions. and 07 pple are graduating and 08 people are going to be seniors and we're gonna be juniors:| i'm not all that close to 07 pple so doesn't really matter to me as much. but then realizing that the a*star scholars of my batch (cs & jon) are gonna be leaving after next year and the juniors too (yf, jh, shineik, cat, steph, ...) so tragic! well at least ser should be coming so that will be fun:) and there'll still be 09ers around.. although i think more than half the people are going to be abroad at one point or another, not that i see them that often anyway.

and it still doesn't seem like i've found my niche/i've that much of a better idea of what i wanna do. sighh. how perplexing. oh and this random sporean added me on facebook and i had no idea why he'd added me until i realized he's stanford '11. haha. oops. aw little freshmen coming in, but we're all getting old!!! aaah.

a little out of sorts and don't feel like doing any work. it's been a long week. but i say that every week huh... heh. it's an awful feeling to go to class and not want to be there.. but somehow my initial excitement-about-classes has died off as the quarter progresses. which is really really sad!

i really hope that God shows me what it is that He has planned for me for next fall. well, actually, summer is kind of more important in a way. yup, summer would be nice. and then fall too. :| ahhh. anyway yes, what i'm going to end up doing during summer???! that dbs test thing was disconcerting. ugh. and fall, was I meant to go to oxford after all or stay back here? both ways I'm sure I'll still have a good time.. but then if I don't go I need to think about draw and that's always a tricky thing. augh. also given that it's nonpriority and nonpreferred. unless I staff next year? hmm. anyway if I need to draw I don't know who I should room/draw with.

weekend! more and more meetings and midterms coming up. oh i think i just need to sleep.. haha. the panacea to all ills. all MY ills, so it seems anyway. yay for borrowing pearline's wetsuit so I won't freeze in the water tmr! :)

albeit my lousy grade for my 2pg written-in-2-hrs-the-day-it-was-due psych paper, this class is really very interesting. so while the prof was lecturing on chinese cultural models today (i fell asleep for a while, but that's besides the point) and it suddenly dawned on me that it isn't necessarily wrong to be collectivist. it seems (to me, at least) that singapore is busy trying to get us all to be more unique and to stand out and be different, complaining that we're all coming out of one mould at the moment and that's bad. but maybe that's cos of the cultural context we come from, that harmony is important and being part of a whole, rather than standing out by doing your own thing, as they call it.

anyhow, i don't even know if that makes sense but i know i always feel the pressure to be different from other people, to find something that distinguishes me. and i suppose that might help me form my identity but really, sometimes it's just stressful. i think in general i've always been very afraid of doing something 'wrong', whether it's not-speaking-up, or speaking-up-and-saying-something-stupid, or not being able to define myself for interviews, or even now during art class, when i don't really know what the teacher's asking for but you can't really be WRONG in art cos it's whatever you want it to be/make out of it. which is kind of nice i guess. the freedom.