i really think i'm going a bit mad. first i wasn't happy. then i got high on hakuna matata or something. and now i miss french immersion (and all the nonsense that yunlei/kai/cheukka were spouting). talking to cheukkie abt the trip now.. so many funny memories. i'm so glad i got to know her.. funny gal:) and i was just complaining to her sometimes i suddenly feel so indescribably lonely. and she's like "orh.. i also.. so get a bf lo" rofl. like so easy to get like that. by mail order. okay that's not really something to joke about, given that it actually exists as a serious thing.
right i'm supposed to be writing my personal statement, don't know why i ended up here unburdening myself. my philosophy is that if i don't unburden myself i can't write! haha. convenient excuses.
oh! i can't remember if i posted the funny things i saw on simpsons (quite a long time ago)..
the simpsons' house suddenly sank into the ground. and some guy frm a building company came to check with a spirit level. he placed it on top of one of the walls, and it immediately slid down the wall and crashed. homer "did you see the bubble?"
english teacher "are you ready to take your make-up english test?" (the first time he missed it cos he feigned a stomachace)
bart, doubling over in pain, "oww.. my ovaries.."
i think i should watch more episodes to amuse myself. but they aren't always funny. somehow the ones i watch with my brother are always hilarious. miss him lots too. i guess like lyd said (she's in the same situation with her sis graduating this year) it's not so good to go away when your elder sibling comes back. sigh. what a mess. i only wish i knew what to do.
i hate interviews. really. and i can never say the right things. or rather, i can learn from saying the wrong things, but end up saying even more wrong things. it doesn't seem like i'll ever exhaust them all and it also doesn't seem like i'll end up at stanford. so much for getting in!
anyway i need to complain somemore, i'm only 18, how am i supposed to know what my career aspirations are? don't people change? i've heard of so many people who go to uni and totally switch majors. and even if i do get called back by gic, do i want to spend 6 years staring at numbers all the time? but i'm sure they look at other things besides numbers right.
i should just go and buy a farm. but again i don't like cleaning up either haha. talk about fussy. anyway, even if i go to uni w/o a scholarship, i'll have to go for job interviews after that. and sell myself again. oh, i'm such a wonderful person therefore you should hire me. interminable. i wonder what it's like to be an author.
on another note, i think bond (their music) makes me feel better when i'm not happy.
it's finally friday.. hardly realised it. must be cos of the wednesday-holiday. such a horrible day. week? i don't know. very mood-swingy this week i think. awful. and i have an interview lined up for each friday for the next two weeks. don't know about dbs. and two personal statements to write. okay i think i've said all that before.
i think it's my classes which keep me sane. at least i have something to look forward to.
speaking of which i need to try and be a better teacher.
it really never ends does it. always better, better, better. i'm very tired now really. and i don't mean physically.
upon glancing thru this again i realised how melancholic it sounds. but it's true. it's so much easier to ignore anything that matters and just go on every day but one day (or night) it just comes and stares you in the face and you want to scream. okay that last sentence i quoted from one of the anne books. childhood book, but there're little quotes which mean something. they mean something to me at any rate.
right i think i sound totally convoluted. ramble ramble ramble. but what else is a blog for, if not to vent frustrations? moo. feeling ambivalent.
right i'm totally stressed out (thanks to myself, i don't know what's wrong with me nowadays) and if i don't type something i'm going to explode soon.
so, i got my rejection letter frm sia yesterday, which kind of leaves me with 2 scholarships left.. and my gic interview is tmr and i haven't really prepped. and my mom was telling me i haven't been putting in enough effort. which i suppose is true to an extent. so, given that i only have 2 "lifelines" left (unless loke cheng kim miraculously calls me up, and i manage to convince them) i'm a wee bit desperate at the moment, given my tendency to screw up interviews.
in any case, i still don't know what exactly i want to do for a career. so, even as i'm feeling very lucky that i got shortlisted for both med n law, i have 2 more essays to write. and interviews and tests and blah. that's not so much of a problem.
the last concern being that i'm a terrible relief teacher. i feel like i'm short-changing my students. esp after today's staff meeting. i'm like. gape. how in the world did they manage to do so many things? and i also realised i have to start my students on essays soon and i have to MARK them and there're still people who owe me compres, which i have yet to finish marking as well. and it's not like nj's gp is like that of rj.. frankly i don't think mrs lim did very much teaching, mostly discussion. anyway yeah, rj, they just throw stuff at you, and somehow you manage to swim. at least for our class i think we managed okay in the end.
and now, i'm like. right. i haven't planned my lessons properly and i still have all these random application things to worry about. i just don't know.. my students don't seem to want to do stuff i tell them to do, or else they take a super long time to do stuff, and then i get so sian watching them being so sian too. i'm not even sure i can mark their paragraphs/introductions/essays (when they finally write one) properly.
feel like i've bitten off more than i can chew. and as usual, everything is undeniably my fault. poor time management, watever.
wah. i'm feeling so drained. spent 15mins trying to reason with my grandma.. she kept insisting on giving me money to go and perm my hair, cos apparently my hair is very messy and unkempt when i let it down, and if i don't perm, my students will think i'm very poor and my hair'll look terrible. really so tiring.. and she has a very very strong grip, was trying to force the money into my hands, and kept repeating herself even though i explained to her umpteen times that i was working, ... ... aiyoh. and threatened me with like "if i fall down (while trying to force money on me) how?" "if you dont' take the money i won't sleep!"
and the last time it was "i'm giving you money so that you won't have to scrimp and save on food, so you won't have to keep going to your friend's house to eat cos it's not very good to impose on them".
luckily i managed to persuade her to keep her money.
and my eyesight is really really terrible:( maybe it would've been better to stay at the zoo sigh. but actually no that's quite impossible i wouldn't survive the weeks esp if i have to do double duty.
i wonder if there're people who can never look angry.
Heh. one day when I was watching discovery channel or something, it was on Australia's native animals (I think). wombat! haha it's so cute. anyway the part I watched was on koalas. The commentary "the koala's greatest passion is sleeping". -beams-
and today.. my funny class.. actually it's just that I can hear all the things that the people in the front row say. I gave them the current affairs quiz.
qn: list the 5 cities (remaining contenders) which are interested in hosting the 2012 Olympics.
guy: Bethlehem. cos it's a holy city.
nxt qn was about the nepali twins ganga and jamuna. the qn was something like : operation was performed on ___ twins, ____ and ____, for the purpose for ____ them.
they didn't know the nationality, so the guy was like "siamese"
and didn't know the names either. suggestions included "maria and sutti", "momo and jojo", "fatimah and aminah"
and just to be ridiculous, guy said it was for the purpose of dissecting them.
qn: with effect from nxt yr, graduates who want to be teachers have to _______
gal: learn home econs
me: cook for their students right
okay there're somemore but I'm tired, shall go mark a few compres. not that that's particularly relaxing but well. my eyesight is really terrible now:( help me.. argh.
right. i'm very very tired. and i haven't read up on current affairs! aahh. and i actually saw my nj student at the concert -horror of horrors-. she happily said "See u tmr!" ahhhh. not looking forward to this. it was like, zero breath control and shaky voice does not add up to an excellent performance! haha. oops. anyway it was fun to perform again though, albeit a bit scary.
and i was checking out one of the stanford acapella grp websites.. their recordings.. the one of beautiful stranger is really scary lah, it sounds like the original song not an acapella version.. haha really super zai. but i think dischordant's perfect day arrangement is nicer than theirs. but they have better blending. or maybe its the way they recorded.. dunno la..
k i'm really too tired to write anymore, maybe tmr.. zzzz