thoughts since coming back
weird that lyd's not around, she's usually the one who calls me to go out. got pretty bored within two days (even though i had barney and peiying's wedding to go for the day i returned!) and almost sank into slight depression thinking about how disconnected i am from my sg friends since i'm not even sure if they're on the same cell phone etc. silly me though, it wasn't that hard to contact people. so i've spent much of the week meeting people, tomorrow's my only "free" day. which i am contemplating going shopping but i bet i'll be too lazy. it is really boring getting on a bus to go to town (or any of the bigger shopping malls) cos all the buses use the same route for at least 60% of the trip! :( sigh. i think i need to find an exciting book to read..
anyway, singapore is changing an awful lot. i got off the bus at queen street terminal today to get to bugis junction, passed by bugis village and there were all these clothes shops i hadn't seen before! and then i get out of bugis village and find myself in this brand new spanking huge shopping mall i hadn't even HEARD of! and that's saying something since new malls are always announced.. or so i think. anyhow, i discover this japanese food street thing. tis kinda cool, albeit a little on the more expensive side. they claim to fly in fish from tsukiji. hmm.
hilarious quotes from cheukka:
her marveling at my shopping stamina - "i can last two hours at most. after that, i start seeing blurs (instead of clothes)"
background: my mom's going to relief teach for the month of august (or something) and she was afraid that i wouldn't have anything to eat for lunch when she's teaching. i'm like, don't be ridiculous, #1 i can cook, #2 i can go out and eat. so i was telling cheukka about it and she said, "wow, you're so practical/problem-solving" and i was totally confused as to how she concluded that, so i asked her what she would do in my place and she's like "oh, if my mom's not at home then i don't eat lor."
then she explained herself a little further by telling me this hilarious story about how she wanted to eat ice cream one day and she was trying to persuade jon to eat ice cream too.. but he didn't want to. so then she said if he didn't want to then she didn't want to either, so he should eat with her. and then apparently he said something like if it were me i would just go get the ice cream myself. independence. haha. i'm like okay... interesting. she says she always needs people to do stuff with her, else she won't do whatever it is. i definitely like doing stuff alone, which i guess isn't the healthiest thing.. but like for shopping, i feel like other people are inconvenienced if i drag them along. and if i want to eat random stuff instead of eating meals, it's more for a on-the-go type thing not so much when i meet friends thing. although i guess if my friend wants to eat random stuff too then that works. ah well.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
okay since serene complained... haha. actually i guess i was meaning to blog about my job stuff and so on but the whirlwind of spring quarter senior year + commencement caught me and swept me up.
so, quick summary of job stuff: God has provided most abundantly even though his timeline was clearly quite different from mine. haha. all those consulting interviews in fall quarter.. i guess they built up my confidence. getting final rounds. even though there were multiple let-downs and disappointments when i didn't get offers. and i also learnt (thanks to serene's honesty, i appreciate that) how much of a monster i can become when it comes to being competitive... quite shocking, really.
winter quarter, i was kind of tired of interviewing and submitted a few resumes for the sake of it, heart really wasn't in it. lazy. unmotivated.
spring quarter, i realized just how little time i have left, and things like air tickets etc have to be settled. fasted that one meal which was quite a big deal since i was eating literally all the time during that period. was quite bad, really. so i tried my hardest, contacted alumni to help. got a couple more interviews, two rejections and this one i was a little iffy about, given the odd location (the shopping complex where college students do their grocery shopping! i didn't even know there was an office building) and also the fact that they called me in directly for final rounds (i.e. a full day of interviews) without any preliminary phone interview. also, lousy website means i couldn't find out much about the company.
went there, met the people. liked the good-natured joking i saw between people, kind of reminded me of last summer (bluepulse). the last guy i met was the CEO. i thought it was ok but it seemed like he wasn't so interested at the end and i had this sinking feeling in my heart. decided it was time for retail shopping. while driving to macy's, told God i was so tired of interviewing and trying to tell people how good i am etc. why is a job so hard to get?! and then 1 hour later, the CEO calls me and tells me i have an offer... cannot believe it man. later i thought about it and was wondering how much i get paid... gotta wait till i get back to find out. get back, find out that it is a really good offer! and at that point i was already ready to settle for anything. plus i get to start whenever..
that's a pretty short summary as it is. but i have been greatly blessed.
Friday, May 01, 2009
sigh
i wonder what, if anything, i ought to be doing about this. for the (however many)th time this quarter, i wake up to my roommate telling her boyfriend what's wrong with him. ok normally she does that at night, but i'm just kind of amazed at how he manages to put up with constantly being told how he's lacking! <-- this was at 9:20am+ after i got woken up. i REALLY wanted to whine about how i've had enough of this and what not, but... (continue below)
at 9:40am my roommate comes out so i decided to ask her if everything's okay... and we talked a little about how her boyfriend annoys her a LOT sometimes. and how she gives and gives but doesn't receive any appreciation. actually i can't really remember what i told her anymore, but it included things like not expecting in return for giving (and then when you are appreciated that's even better!), that she shouldn't expect him to change (this, thanks to ser's wisdom after almost a year of marriage;p), that maybe she needs to ask God to change her, and she said she's always been really competitive and feels like she has to mould everything. i also said something about trying to remember that everyone's a reflection of God and when friends make us happy, He makes us happy too. anyway, after talking to her i feel more sympathetic about the whole situation, more peace i guess.
frantic econ outline writing. ok, not that frantic since i wasn't THAT clear-minded at the moment. but i forgot about it. oh, and then i printed out jackie's creative writing stuff (SO many pages! i did not realize... haha). i wonder how she managed to write so many pages in a week. anyway, i don't usually like poems that much but hers are beautiful. and short stories! very cool. love the language. love good writing.
so i go and turn in my econ outline thing and i saw other pple's stuff and they were so much more detailed and seemed much more advanced in where they were! i guess i did pretty much change my research question last night, but i don't know if my TA'll be nicer cos of that. eeps. i can only trust. and pray for grace. mrarrrr.
anyhow so i went to the post office, got my EAD card (i look like a BALL in the picture, i am not kidding). i'm like whatever, as long as it serves its purpose, i'm never looking at it again. :p
and my roommate comes back from lunch and says she loves talking to me. given my sleep-deprived state, i immediately forget what she said to me (or i guess i was somewhat dazed so it came in one ear and happily wafted out the other), but it was along the lines of how the things i say are true/wise, and that i make her a better person. i was like awww! -melt- that was really unexpected and quite touching. from what she said it sounds like she spent most of her time in the library thinking about what we talked about instead of reading. but it's kind of cool, i hope it did help...
anyway ok, now it's time to pick a passage for bible study. it's really funny, last night i was thinking about it and i was like hm i think i should ask people to think about things that surprised them this week/where God might have been working and then this happens to me today...
Monday, April 27, 2009
some amazing praise notes i had to throw out:
1. extension of deadline for my econ paper outline! i was getting stressed out about it last night, realized i had two interviews to prep for plus a concert tmr night etc... and i had no data set at that point (still working on it). today i went to class and the prof says to us, "i don't know if this will help, but i can give you a tiny extension..." and at this point i'm staring at her with huge eyes like she's just given me a great treasure. anyhow i feel like a huge load has been lifted off (but also i guess less stress means i will procrastinate on it a while more :|) and i can concentrate on interview prep and all that.
2. i feel like God has given me favour with people.
a. i emailed a prof about the data set thing last wed and she replied thurs morning; emailed her last night and she replied this morning (i was frankly VERY amazed), and then i find out from another classmate that she also emailed this same last fri but hasn't received a reply. i'm like wow. maybe my data question is easier to answer, but still..
b. i emailed an alum to help with my job thing (which led to my wed interview, more praise!) and today as i was talking to another friend, i realized she emailed the same alum but didn't get her resume internally referred. perhaps my email was more explicit/sounded more desperate, but also wow...
3. strange coincidence. i guess i was thinking about the EAD card (which allows me to stay and work here after graduation) since i have an interview tmr, but i suddenly decided to check on the status (i guess i'd thought about checking before but figured it was too early for anything to have happened) and so i went to fish out the letter they sent me with the tracking number. and guess what?
"Current Status: Card Mailed
On April 27, 2009, we mailed the new card directly to the address we have on file."
again, i'm just astonished. like, what are the odds...
anyhow, just feel like God's been speaking to me through these little things and He is good. i also thought about the possibilities that neither interview works out and i'm back to square one, but I will trust in His grace and His plans for me.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Mosaic!
This is on facebook but for me to remember... so pretty! and so funny that the last row = all animals.
Rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/).
b. Using ONLY the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker. Change rows to 3 and columns to 3 (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d. Save the image and post it on this note!
e. If you're tagged, pass it on to however many people you want. And tag me. :)
The Questions:
1. What is your first name? (Clarissa)
2. What is your favorite food? (Sushi rolls)
3. What is your favorite color? (Pink)
4. Favorite drink? (Mango shake)
5. Dream vacation? (Corfu, Greece)
6. Favorite hobby? (Snowboarding)
7. What do you want to be when you grow up? (Dolphin trainer)
8. What do you love most in life? (Beauty)
9. One word to describe you? (Calm)
1. Clarissa and Chi Chi 8, 2. temari sushi, 3. Water sculpture, 4. refreshingly good!, 5. Krf, Grcka (Corfu, Greece), 6. Wall #1, 7. Hawaii #16 - Baby wolphin, 8. My Girls..., 9. Savoir Vivre... hmmmmmm
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
fleeting days
i'm counting down the weeks. and i don't know if this is like a self-fulfilling prophecy, but after lindsey's email i'm like yes, i am stressed. she said that "this is a really emotional and stressful season, even if it doesn't feel like it", and i guess i've come to believe it even though i don't think i was that stressed before.. or maybe the overeating/constant snacking was a symptom or whatever you call it.
anyway, after today, i'm just like i'm so tired, why the heck did i not plan my classes properly so i wouldn't have to take so many freaking classes in my last quarter. and even then i don't know if it would make a difference... although i'm tempted to drop either accounting or the research thing. but i feel like i can't drop research since i talked to her and all that, and it is, sort of, a full-time option even though i haven't talked to her about that recently. psych paper due today, i don't think it was fantastic so praying for favour with graders, i have to write another 2 page thing for econ due tmr and i'm tired... there's a career fair tmr and thurs, oh look, here's the job thing coming up
counting down the weeks, because with 7 weeks left, i can't even figure out whether i should be enjoying myself or trying to find a job. because those two are, i think, quite contradictory and both take time. one of them has to come first and i don't know which one. if i don't end up getting a job here and i spent most of my last quarter here trying to do that, that would really suck.. as opposed to if i knew i was going to go home and making the best of my last weeks here. and i still have those 18 units worth of class... but again, i guess if i stay i'll have weekends to play. but now, trying hard doesn't equal GETTING a job. sigh.
i guess it's still possible to take a break after graduating like daryl/junwan did. but.. dunno. my mom seems to assume that i'm going home too, she asked me whether i was going to start shipping stuff back. AUGH. i hate life decisions. ok, this is sounding so angsty.. probably doesn't help that it's so windy and cold:(
and it's not that i don't believe God will provide. because ultimately, He will. and i just looked at the resurrection passage. because He rose again, we have hope! the only problem being i don't feel very hopeful at the moment and i'm just tired. but oh, i just found this. 1 John 5:14 Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. just for me... haha.
update: yay for friends, had dinner w annie & yeye (my little from akpsi) and i feel better! even though, the problem is still there, i feel better about life. talk about moodswings... man.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
crappy
my roommate was arguing with her boyfriend again (on the phone) and i could hear her raised voice and it just made me feel so uncomfortable. uncomfortable isn't even the correct word.. antsy? i have no idea. i am extremely extremely conflict-averse. as are most people, i guess. i don't know. and the whole raised voice thing happens so regularly (well, frequently enough) that i'm just like are relationships supposed to be like that?? i thought you're supposed to be happy most of the time..
and then i check my zipcar account and realize that i got charged $50 for returning the car late. i really should've made sure we left on time to get the car returned on time... i feel bad making the student group pay for it, but i don't want to pay for it either. sigh. this is what comes of not being insistent enough.
not so crappy anymore, just puzzled
okay, talked to my roommate about her bf issues. i am unbelievably ill-equipped to give relationship advice, i wonder why i've been finding myself in such situations. i never wanted to go through the whole heartbreak thing, but it almost makes me feel as though i would be better able to relate to people when they tell me about it. like my roommate was like "it's hard to let go, i took 1.5 years to actually break up with my last bf" and i'm like okay... given that i've never found myself in that situation i don't quite know what to say.
but even then, actually, i think i'll just be thankful that God has kept my heart whole since that's what i always wanted anyway. or at least, i THINK it's whole.
now, how to add empathy to the picture... hm.
oh man, i just realized that another friend i'm meeting on wed sort of has issues of the heart too. why can't our world be perfect... i guess that's what heaven is. rawr. light please?