hakuna matata

why is it that i always feel bad after home calls. or certain sealnet meetings. i guess they remind me of things i want to forget but shouldn't be forgetting. hm. and then after that i'm rather unhappy with the state of things but i don't want to be. man this is complicated. nevermind.. go and study.

hmm. this is rather sad. just now jon was asking me whether i'd decided when i'm going home and that i should go home earlier. besides the obvious fact that i still have school, i suddenly had no inclination to go home! which is a little peculiar cos i think usually at least the food will be some sort of an incentive. or seeing my family or friends. (and you see how food comes first, i'm such a bad person). i wonder. if this is a start of being distanced from home. i was like right now 17 hr flights don't seem particularly desirable.

haha. i'm in another one of my crazy moods. i just told jackie i want to bring some piglets to pwr class tmr instead of my 2 written responses to my research sources. then i'd throw them around and people will scream! haha. man. i think next year dayoung is going to think i'm nuts if i do that to her.. we'll see.

quote of the day. i slept from 11:30ish to 4am cos i was too tired but i still had pset + paper to write. (and it also doesn't help that jon called me up at like 11:40 and i was so puzzled and, as usual, wondering if it was time to get up already) so i was online at 6:30am and my brother IMed me and asked "why're you up so early? trying to beat the breakfast line?" haha. i love my bro. he's such a silly pig.

augh! i'm so bad at making decisions. like, seriously. :( even the simplest things.. so many things to consider. first housing.. rooming w jackie has been really fun, but it would be nice to try rooming w dayoung too.. and then off campus vs on campus and whether we'll get a good number.. okay that part is really out of my hands. but then i realized how bad unpreferred is... heh.

and then now both akpsi and sealnet have spiderman3 outings. i think i ought to go for the akpsi one just because.. but it's on friday and i know i'll be really tired out on fri by windsurfing heh. and sealnet's is free!! haha. and i kind of already know it'll be more fun, but it IS on sun and i have a 9am midterm on mon. i guess precisely because i know i should get to know my akpsi pple better this is somewhat of a problem. and the timing. aaahh. see! simple things!
maybe it'll be easier if i think in the indian cultural model - dharma! moral obligation. hahaha. yay for cultural psych.

alright i really need to do my pwr paper. it's so hard to find books on cirque du soleil though. hm.

i am so tired!!! i don't even know why, i think it's psychological or something. i've had 5 hours of sleep and it isn't really that bad, so that's why i say it's psychological!! bah. so tired.

it seemed almost prophetic that bible study was about servant leadership and my meeting later was about leadership. not that it really helped though, i was still trying to figure out draw cos i don't think i'm going to go to oxford anymore. i'm kind of glad i know, although i was a little bummed about it cos it would've been nice to go. but i think #15 on the waitlist isn't particularly hopeful, so i'll just get on with my life:)

psych pretty much screwed me over, i think i suck at psych exams >.< i don't want another A- for psych! grumbles. last year it was cos i was pledging but this quarter... can't be. okay sleep. and get up early to do pwr.

i am frazzled. haha. that is the word of the day. and last night. and probably tonight. and tomorrow night. there you go. i did think i did work this weekend! i need to learn to skim my psych articles more efficiently. or actually, take notes WHILE reading them. bah. after 1 2/3 yrs of stanford education, i still haven't mastered that. -shakes head-

and when i'm stressed i EAT. how horrible. at least i have tennis plus windsurfing to keep me in shape (or give me a shape, haha). although i skipped today cos as i proclaimed to jackie last night, i decided studying is more impt than going for tennis! -triumphant- haha.

i really don't think the midterm can be that bad (or so i hope), but after that lousy first paper grade i feel like i NEED to do something about it. so i sat down on my bed and prayed. for strength, for understanding, for wisdom, for guidance in studying, for support to survive and manage everything. yay bible study tonight! :) although actually yesterday while in church i was still thinking about whether i should just borrow cars and drive to my own church when my ride's not around. as much as it's really nice to go to church w the sporean bunch, i don't really like the worship there. too rock-ish for my comfort i think.

okay it's been more than 5mins. last stretch of studying! haha and this when other people have finished their semester/are having finals/will be having finals. the irony.