sigh and my mom has to talk about results again and my s papers. what can i say? i should've done more about them since the beginning of the year? and i regret a lot of things? or should i say, having not done a lot of things? what's the point? i can't do anything about that now. i wonder what my predicted grades were.
on further reflection i thank god that i did okay and now am just praying for an excellent uni and scholarship.. who cares about a levels once i've gotten those..
hoho now my mom tells me my dad regrets letting me join choir. so she asked me "do u regret joining choir?" and after that "everyone thinks i can do better than my bro". which i evidently didn't. in a way. i'll never match up to him so what's the point.. let's predict my future.. i'll get rejected by all my us unis and end up staying here.. or maybe i won't get into any course here either and end up going somewhere else.. yay.. sorry i'm just rather bitter now.
oh and she thinks they (as in parents) didn't tell me what they expected (for s papers) that's why i didn't achieve. aside from that being ridiculous (because i have my own goals), that also hurts. and then she just asked me whether i knew what my dad expected from me. to which i replied i didn't really think about that.
maybe it's easier to work for something when you're doing it for someone else? but no i don't think so. it's like a replay of my higher chinese in sec 4.. felt like i let down my tuition tcher and my hcl tcher (who's v sweet and said she thought i deserved better). well i suppose at least i din let my gp tcher n tuition tcher down this time.
so tomorrow there's church and everyone'll be asking again.. i hope i get thru that in one piece cos i still have to come home and revise physics which i still haven't done. on another note, this is so ironic. i never thought i'd have this 2nd child syndrome or watever you call it. but i'll just forget it after a while, the way the water slips off a duck's back. i think i'm rather unfeeling sometimes. imagine a heart of stone. okay sorry being melodramatic here, exaggeration is always fun.
don't worry about me, i'll just pick myself up and go on. as always.
the incredibles soundtrack is nice.
lala. i feel much better after a loooong nap in the afternoon. i think i slept at least 4 hours haha. pig. felt so cheated having to wake up early and drag myself down to the bus stop on my painful feet and in the end nothing came out of it.. oh well..
oh. except the minor detail that my chair somehow crashed down and caused my specs to become deformed. bah. i suppose it's time to change specs anyway since that's the older pair. but was rather annoyed when i woke up.
the dolphin show was so nice. well okay not particularly but watching shows improves my mood mostly. i think. and oh i just realised how the AJC guy's results are really good esp considering his condition. makes one feel small.
yeah am going to be rather busy.. aah i still haven't revised my phys!: help.
on reflection i realised my last post was all on results. yeah i don't really know what to make of my results, depends how you look at it i guess. and i don't know if i disappointed pple and somehow that affects me quite a bit. i wonder what my predicted grades were heh. wonder if they were the same as what i got.
now.. i was thinking about something else that was slightly depressing but now i can't remember what exactly it was. must be the effect of the looong day. just was rather moody the 2nd half of today. so didn't talk v much. aiyah somehow that always happens to me.. bad habit. habit? okay i'm confusing myself, i should go sleep. and think about what's bothering me before that.
let me recount the whole day. the narrative mode begins:
got to work a bit late. did my mindless form-sorting and stapling.. for once i was glad that it was a mindless job cos i was getting rather worked up while waiting for ser to call. and when she told me my results i was thinking hmm that was the least i was praying for. so well. but of cos i wud hope for better. so nvm. and oh. i really think i trust people too easily. so gullible. now i realise it really wasn't possible. unless it was a different thing altogether. another disillusion. maybe i'm wrong anyway, i don't know.
okay i just realised my recounting isn't going to be very long cos i don't feel like recounting a lot anymore. well.. saw chernise 1st.. (w a whole bunch of guys haha) then kp.. then fenglin in the hall and denise.. all the pple i'm going to teach. ah well. should be fun i hope.. and i've to go revise phys haha
and then i got my result slip and looked. to make sure serene told me the correct thing. huge irony. when i saw mrs cheong before results were given out she was like "u noe ur results already rite?" while fiona candice siewjin etc were still worrying. and i said yeah, serene told me. so i looked at my slip and realised she got the order wrong. so hmm hurry up n call mom again.
i kind of prefer knowing my results earlier. saves me the torture. anyway that's immaterial now. ah i wanted to rant about something but don't feel like it anymore.. and also dont' feel like describing anymore stuff so i shall go sleep soon.
augh. i'm terrified of tomorrow. somehow this is way way worse than o's. wait. i feel a sense of deja-va aka i've already said this yesterday. i wish for tomorrow to bring me a pleasant surprise. or pleasant surprises in the plural would be good too. but it doesn't seem like i'd had a pleasant surprise for a long while. o level results were definitely not pleasant, although my english grade was sufficiently surprising, although i felt slightly uneasy after the compo paper.
and i also hope for pleasant surprises for us uni apps. and scholarship apps too for that matter but anyway, uni's more on my mind at the moment. yeah but it doesn't seem like that will happen either. right so i'm terribly blue now. more like looking thru black-tinted glasses? haha. help.
anyway, i got "sacked" cos they didn't want me to take 3 days leave nxt week. or if you want a euphemism (given by my mom), they decided to "terminate my services". i don't really care actually, i don't foresee doing very interesting/useful stuff in that dept. and i'd much rather go back to rj nxt week to teach. so there. at least i got a week in the bank. haha. i suppose if i stayed on i'll probably learn more in time to come.. but nevermind.
besides that, i don't really see what's so indispensable about someone who sorts forms in numerical order/staples fax confirmations to forms. esp for only 3 days. but there, i'm in no position to comment, maybe they wud have given me more important stuff to do when the pregnant lady disappears. no use speculating, i shall just enjoy myself next week, if "enjoy" be the correct word.
haha poor serene still hasn't gotten her bday present. but i think i can promise to bring it on monday:) and mr chan's wedding video! haha i'm so glad his hair is short now. and i didn't finish watching it cos mrs tan came looking for me (oops). he told me good luck (or bao3 zhong4? i forgot) when i told him i was teaching j2s. oh and mr chan ty told me "u'll see sarah next week" actually ser already told me but anyway. it'll be fun! haha. 4 of us frm the same class.. and then there's hon florrine hanyan liangsi christine sarah-hiong. at least i think they're still around.
i have just counted and realised there're at least 4 choir juniors whom i will be teaching. erps. s12a, so1b, so3b, so3i, so3j, so6a, so6f. if any of you read this, you'd better not call me clar when i'm teaching! i'm ms lin for the week! -stares- speaking of which we saw mr hodge when we went down to general office to register some stuff and mrs tan told him we were relief-teaching. he stared at us for a while and went "u all look too young to be teaching! -pause- go and get yourselves a shawl or something!" haha. tt'll never work for me tho. i can't look old (or mature, whichever) no matter how i try to dress up.
luckily i have only brainless work (as usual) to do tomorrow if not i'll be making mistakes all over the place while i wait for ser to call me:s augh
haha. it turned out to be quite a happy day after all! i was rather disgruntled in the morning though. had no idea where the shuttle bus was supposed to stop (and therefore missed the first one without knowing, how was i supposed to know that bus went to carrefour when its covering was "amazing thailand" or watever their punchline is?) and had to walk in the rain to try and figure out where in the world the singapore explorer bus/trolley stopped.
anyway, upon walking back to near the mrt i saw this long line of pple queueing and asked and yeah.. suntec bus. the woman i asked was like "u need a pass". wat rot. the HR person told me yesterday that those 2 shuttles didn't need a pass. and anyway for the bus that goes directly to millenia walk, you don't need to show ur pass either. who's so wu liao to check? when everyone's either rushing to work or rushing to go home. i didn't bother anyway.
and yes, i finally got my access card. yeah! no more prisoner-clar. haha. so, i was again late for work (what's new) glad is hilarious.. when i was telling her abt how i have been late the 1st 2 days, she msged back and said "oh i'm late every day. it don matter la you have to test the limits of your boss!" rofl. that girl is really.. cos i was asking her why she said (a long time ago) that her lunch break can be for any length of time..
anyway i took a shorter lunch to make up, not that it mattered cos nobody gave me work until i decided to go and ask around. and today, -taadaa- i did more stapling and even more sorting! i must be very good at looking at numbers and arranging them. actually on the contrary, i think i'm getting worse cos i start mixing up numbers cos i'm seeing too many.
luckily i was talking to aud today. anyway, i will get to teach at rj after all.. haha:D am taking 3 days off from the bank nxt week! waha. but i figured since i'm taking off nxt week i'd better work half day on friday to appease the HR gal. who wasn't very pleased to start with but too bad, it's not my problem if they give me rubbishy things to do.. i mean, it's not like i'm really taking over the pregnant woman.. i'm just doing various odd jobs which other pple (mainly the 2 guys, hmm) don't want to do. i think the HR person has the wrong idea. she seems to think i'm learning a lot of stuff and therefore will be a replacement when mrs pregnant goes off.
my boss (okay, he's the manager of remittance dept so i suppose one could call him my boss) is so easy to talk to haha. i told him i wanted a week off at first and he was like sure, after results got stuff to settle, no problem, just go tell the HR dept. (who wasn't as amiable but nvm)
lala. the only dark cloud. or few clouds, including uni app results which actually don't come up till april but still. so the only dark cloud as of now is results on friday. wat if i screwed up phys? and then still go and teach j2s phys? that'll be a huge joke.
when aud msged me in the morning i started worrying all over again and wondered how/why i lulled myself into this false sense of security that everything'd be alright/perfect. bah. if a miracle occurs, maybe, remembering how many papers/questions i screwed up. groan. it's way worse than o's. given that it determines uni entry. in a way. and scholarships. and i don't even know if i still want dbs.
heh. 1st day at bank. well well well. prepare for the barrage of complaints. first of all i was late for work cos i couldn't figure out where the building was so had to walk extra distance. not that it mattered, since the HR person in charge of me came at 9.30 so i had to stone around for 10mins.
anyway. centennial tower has crazy security. you need a card to get into the lift lobby (and to get out of it). and then sumitomo itself has even crazier security. you need a card to get into many of the departments (and even to get out of the office, which i find is totally ridiculous).
and i'm so fortunate to be working in the remittance department which is enclosed because the management decided that since remittance includes payment of funds and stuff, they should be partitioned off from the other staff. so you need a card to get into the remittance room too. it's rather like a prison, esp when you don't have a card on the 1st day like me. i tried to go out as little as possible so i didn't have to bother my colleagues to open the door for me.
yes. so, when i first stepped into the remittance dept, nobody knew what i was supposed to do. so the gal who received me (called elene) decided to seat me in a corner. but the others said i'd be too cold, so i shifted 2 more times.
and, finally, my first assignment came. arrange fax confirmations in running order! how delightful. i think i got a little cross-eyed staring at the numbers and wondering if i saw the wrong thing.
next assignment, 2 stacks of stapled forms with a little sheet labelled "pending" - take out the little sheets and staple the forms back together! fabulously interesting. now i know why glad complained about "the stupid shits make me move boxes and type millions of small data". i shall just hope it improves, if not i shall quit.
alright i think that's all the complaining i shall do. my colleagues are actually quite nice, they're more predisposed to talking to me than my ex-colleagues somehow. maybe they're younger or something, i don't know. or maybe they're not managers. or maybe cos the concept is different, managers don't sit in a separate room.
anyway they were so cute, kept asking me if i brought a jacket/wanted one.. i think they suffered hugely yesterday cos the aircon was just diverted to their remittance room and it was super cold for the morning until the guys came to fix it in the afternoon. elene's hilarious, she had to bundle herself up to guard against the cold and complained when anyone asked her to do stuff that required moving from her seat cos she'd just arranged her shawl over her lap to her liking and felt warm n cosy.
yeah i finally got my gic app done and submitted. happily:) their office is SO gorgeous. the whole of capital tower actually, i should suppose. and calyon is there. french bank or something. sigh.
oh and my boss (as in the boss of the remittance dept) has a daughter my age. wat is it with my getting bosses with children my age? who aren't frm rj but that's besides the point. but it's gd too i guess heh. they'll understand what it's like.
alright i've let off enough steam. oh i haven't complained about the person who called me and scolded me for sounding lackadaisical/lacklustre/bored/unenthusiastic. man. just after just two sentences n i get scolded? what did she expect me to do? shout in joy?? i happen to be in an office for gdness' sakes. gah. after one hour of taking out staples and restapling i'm not really in the best of moods. but yeah it is true i probably should try to sound more lively on the phone.
i forgot to add that i have no computer!:( or rather i don't have a login and all. sigh. so tragic. and my current chair is not as comfy as the one in my last company! sigh. no headrest. actually that chair was koped frm my ex-boss' office so that's why it's nice and comfy. aiyah. i really only appreciate things when they're gone.
oh i think joss stone's voice is quite nice. her songs are growing on me. k that sounds like i've some funny disease but nvm.
i was going to start swearing about having an awful day but watching virginia's run on HBO made me happier. although the plot was too perfect and therefore rather ridiculous. like a fairytale sort of thing. hmm. how do i put it. the characters were over-stereotyped, the plot was.. too simple to be true. yeah. augh. my language ability is deserting me. my vocabulary has gone into a downward spiral. i would like to blame it on all the people whom i've been meeting lately who don't speak english very well but nevermind.
so let me describe my horrible day.
1. didn't think properly about my gic app and happily went to sleep after reading james herriot. so.. ended up having to postpone submission of my app (which is super late as it is), cos i didn't finish filling up the form nor did i photostat all the certs. actually i could've foregone lunch w pam n lijia (and gone to photostat the certs and submit my app) but decided i mite not end up working at china square central so better meet them today.
2. yeah so when i got to the mrt station i wasn't in a very angelic mood. and my mom had to point out that i was going to miss the train cos it was in plain sight at the platform n i hadn't gotten out of the car yet. fine. had a headache in the train.
3. guy frm [recruitment agency 1] called to tell me details of another job interview at [company 1]. and i didn't have a pen so i had to memorise everything he told me. which thankfully i managed to. and quickly typed it into my phone. although it didn't matter in the end anyway.
4. got to raffles place mrt, got out at the wrong exit. or maybe it was the correct one, just that i didn't know where china square central was thanks to all the tall buildings around obstructing my view. and i didn't recognise any of them. so i was frantically scurrying around (as fast as i could on heels)
5. found out both pam n lijia couldn't make it for lunch so was walking around.. met chris! how fun:) with laura and someone else..
6. returned to the china square central building, tried to call the [company 1] pple cos i was very sure i couldn't make it there (the company's at tuas) by 3pm but no one answered.
7. so heck, went up to surpasser pte ltd. and met lijia! another coincidence. she'd just come back frm buying her office supplies. haven't seen her in ages:) and then i finally continued my journey to surpasser.
8. was waiting to watch video at surpasser and then finally managed to watch it and then halfway gal frm [recruitment agency 2] called and offered me the bank job.. 3 months assignment. which started more problems
9. now i can't teach at rj.. i was kind of looking forward to it.. but e gal said they wouldn't let me disappear off for a week. and if i don't take it i don't know if i can get another job. and this is 3 months at least so i'm kind of settled for the moment. sigh.
10. anyway, so i went back and finished the video.. all the while i was frantically trying to think of names of pple who mite possibly be able to replace me for teaching. and msging them not-so-surreptitiously
11. after that, the guy who was supposed to tell me about working hours and pay if i joined surpasser was still not available so i had to talk to some other guy and hear about his experiences. all the while i was squirming and still wondering if anyone could replace me. which carried on even while i was listening to explanations about commission and such.
12. so finally i got myself out of the office and thankfully skittered off (and got a bit lost) and conveniently forgot about the [company 1] thing until later when the guy frm [recruitment agency 1]] called up to scold me. oops. but the way my mom put it last time when i was calling up to cancel interviews.. she said they'll normally have quite a few people to interview so missing one wouldn't matter. so i took her word for it and hardened my heart.
13. actually i also figured it was past 3 by the time i got out of surpasser so wat to do.. call up the guy and tell him sorry i can't make it for the interview? then i'll get scolded for calling late too wat. watever la. i don't care anymore. i actually felt quite bad for the moment when he was scolding me. "my client spent 3 hours waiting for u!" but after that my common sense returned and i decided nobody would sit there just waiting. but yeah i should have called la. it's also not my fault my phone happened to be low on battery today and i was constantly in fear of the unthinkable happening i.e. my phone switching off on me. maybe i should have bought the holster charger. gah.
14. anyway, whatever, made my way to raffles place mrt again, down to [recruitment agency 2] to get timesheets (wat a horrible system) and sign stuff. to top it off, by the time i came down, it was raining. really heavily. waited around for a bit, couldn't stand it anymore, plus decided rain was slightly lighter, so i walked in the rain to tanjong pagar mrt. cold wet and angry. not a very good combination. at least it was time to go home. but on the mrt i got the scolding-call so that didn't help much.
heck i'm finally home and there's the silly 9pm show to watch in a bit. i realised i really don't appreciate things i have when i have them. things always look better when you look back. but there were times at total when i felt like i could just burst with the boredom/not being able to talk? don't know. so, off to sumitomo bank tomorrow, i hope i get a good experience there and that giving up the teaching was well-worth-it. if not. well. nevermind, this is my 2nd job i'm sure i'll do a better job of learning stuff and talking to pple. hopefully there'll be nice french guys too? haha. i shouldn't hope for too much.
i also just remembered i met sya while i was frantically rushing back to raffles places mrt! such a nice surprise too:) met so many pple by accident today. and all pleasant:) that kind of makes up for all the rest of the horrible parts i guess.
okay main complaints of the day:
1. not finishing my gic app
2. no lunch w pam n lijia (and reaching there late too)
3. being stuck at surpasser while having to worry about so many things
4. multiple job offers which overwhelmed me
5. not being able to teach at rj anymore
6. phone on low batt
7. not being able to contact company 1 and recruitment agency 1 (and getting scolded later)
8. parents telling me conflicting things abt choosing btwn bank job and relief teaching
i think that's about it.