sighs why can't life ever be easy
i don't know what to do
in fact, i never ever know what to do
why why why why
what am i going to do?
it's so hard
everything's always so hard
sigh
this sucks. big time..
and if i weigh both sides.. i still don't know..
groans
moans
whines
:( =( 8(
feeling a lil out of sorts..
why can't pple be individual? is it so hard? why must pple compete? why must pple have what others have? why?
it doesn't seem all that appealing does it? wonder if that's called materialism.. i couldn't really care what others have.. i just want what i want.. why can't others be the same? okay i guess tts individualism.. not being the same
shrugs
i'm really confused here
is it all that hard to send one email?
that busy?
can't care less?
gah i'm being piggish
i shouldn't care so much
its not worth my caring is it
u should really just go do ur work and not bother anymore
hell, its not worth bothering.
yeah i'm going mad
don't mind me
aaargh so irritating yesterday i typed out this whole long thing abt the harry potter movie which i just watched..
shall hafta redo it *sighs*
okays.. was kinda disappointed in the movie.. metinks one should read the book after u've watched the movie.. i guess when u read the book u imagine for urself wat the characters and settings and all that are... and when the movie doesn't match up to ur ideals u get disappointed.. especially with all the publicity and hype abt the movie..
hmms 1st the casting.. harry potter was pretty gd.. just tt he's kinda tall for a midget as described by J.K. Rowling.. but he does look like harry potter.. hermione was gd too.. like her face:) quite pretty n sweet n cute.. but doesn't really look like a mugger *laffs*
ron looks kinda weird to me tho.. something abt his eyes. i'm kinda particular abt pple's eyes i guess:þ
and he doesn't seem to talk very much.. and for a lanky guy he's kinda short..
snape was quite okay.. but he didn't look all that cold.. mcgonagall was gd.. the strict tcher n all.. dumbledore was okay but he didn't seem to be very endearing or watever u call it.. din smile enuff or sth..
setting.. the inside of the castle was great! din look very majestic at night when the 1st years were sailing towards it on boats tho.. but besides that everything abt the castle was so british and so cool:) the train as well.. n the moving pple in the portraits! was really nice:) great effects..
music.. that was the most fantastic part:) tho the soundtracks i downloaded all seem to be pretty much the same.. but the way one can use *classical* music to create that magical effect is wonderful:) especially the harp! i luv the harp sound:) rather unfortunate that its kinda normal for the harp to be used when every other instrument is playing at its loudest, can't really hear much of the harp..
props.. the sorting hat was so cute! :) but i guess i was nitpicking or something or i've read the book so many times [yeah out of boredom] tt i noe the details too well.. it -was- spposed to slip over the eyes of the 1st years cos it was too big..
oh the quidditch match was cool :) like wow! on broomsticks they're like speeding blurs, i have absolutely =no= idea how they manage to play at all!! but something irked me as well.. when harry caught the snitch.. he seemed to have fallen off his broomstick and the broomstick disappeared.. *poof* just like that.. a bit queer don't u think..
the troll was interesting. my mind didn't conjure up an image of a troll *shrugs*
kinda think they left out quite a lot of stuff.. but it was pretty gd the way most of the stuff was the same as in the book.. i guess if they'd stuck to *everything*, the movie wud haf turned out 1 day long.. but funny how it didn't seem like 2 n 1/2 hrs to me.. sppose time always passes faster when u're absorbed in something.. in fact it actually seemed pretty short to me!
well tts everything i can remember at the moment..
hais and i thot i could get out of getting sick for one year.. so sad!
hmph shall try harder nxt yr *grins*
being sick is so terrible.. pure torture.. feel terrible, can't do anything to get well besides waiting for the next day and taking medication or watever other crap
and why oh why can't my diploma results hurry up and appear in my mailbox..
can't believe i dreamt i got 77.. hahaha.. distinction.. hmm... i wonder.. i just wish they'd hurry up.. *grumbles* or let me quote claire.. *sulk* *pouts*..
sighs. its been like practically .. hmm.. practically 3 months!! *ready to tear my hair out*
speaking of which my hair desperately needs cutting. and a new hairstyle.
hmms i don't seem to have much discipline to keep a daily blog huh.. *laffs* oh well..
yay went swimming again! i shall go swimming every 2 days.. exercise n keep my weight down n helps my spine n i like playing in ze water! ladida..
can't imagine how boring hols get.. luckily for now i haf something to do every week :) if not i'd probably die of boredom *laffs*
gd to go out a few times... before nxt yr comes *shudder* this yr was actually hell enuff.. not all that bad, but quite bad.. and i started revision for exams kinda late too.. again no discipline
tsktsk
should learn self-discipline better
hahaha again YAY chinese o's are over! :)
wasn't worth all the worrying :þ but oh well.. how wud anyone noe wat the paper was gonna be like..
heh tink those pple who skipped OBS to study for chinese find it even more a pity now?
dunno.. but i wud tink so
hmms and i actually feel bored now that i don't have to study chinese.. *shakes head* that's very very sad..
there's actually nothing to do
maybe i should go on with my letter-writing spree/marathon..
but somehow it doesn't sound as appealing as it did before the exams.. talk about wanting to do things when u can't..
blah
ah last day of school :) happy day :)
laffs
anyhow.. can't believe our school screwed up so badly.. i mean.. who calculates the whole sec 3 level's combined humanities marks wrongly *groan* waited from 10.30 to 12.45 can.. actually we were spposed to have recess at 10.30 [which we did in the end 'cos our form tcher sed the report books can only be given out when the principal says so] so fine.. recess until 11.15..
then happy waiting *gosh*
eek.
so glad i'm home :)
and i can't believe their criteria for taking 9/10 subjs nxt yr..
to take 9 subjs, must get 4 distinctions..
to take 10 subjs, must get 7 distinctions..
such a big diff!! gosh so unfair.. not like taking 10 subjs is v much different from taking 9. hmph.
luckily i scrapped through.. really v heng can.. if not i wud haf die-ded. plooh
boohoo i'm so sick and tired of doing chinese.. not that i'm all that well-prepared either. actually i don't ever remember feeling well-prepared for chinese *laffs* hmm.. i wonder how u manage to be well-prepared..
after all, u can't exactly prepare for close and compre.. besides practising i sppose.. argh i also sppose i should have read more chinese *hehe a bit late* 'cos my vocab is like really limited and i never noe wat ci2 yu3s go with wat.. sad huh
aah and still missing obs.. maybe i shud stash the photo somewhere else.. rite now its on the top right hand corner of my table and everytime i catch a glimpse of it i get distracted n can't do my work.
actually i can't do my work anyway *laffs* not much of a diff eh
somehow hafta get back into the exam-mode. bah not looking forward to nxt yr :( imagine.. 11 subjs! 'cos of combined humans as well. and i thot my ss wud pull up my lit. but maybe it was 'cos i chose the wrong qn.. well.. learn from mistakes.. wat to do
aargh.. chinese o's.. can somebody please tell me why i can't get down to doing anything..
obs withdrawal symptoms eh *groan*
wat'm i gonna do *groan somemore*
and tmr's getting back exam papers day
sigh. wat *can* we actually do for chinese anyway?
maybe i'm just being lazy
i tink i need to go back to sch if not i probably wun feel the urgency to study or watever
aah
had so so so much fun at obs :)
couldn't bear to leave
our watch was wonderful.. instructor was fantastic..
but the 5 days wasn't enuff! *boohoo*
and our sleeping hours weren't enuff either! *grumble*
so evil.. lights out by 11pm [its quite hard to achieve that]
and then hafta wake up by 5.30.. brush teeth and all that stuff.. meet for morning exercise at 5.55am.. eek
hate having so little sleep
and everyday is so crammed full of activities.. so tired.. so little sleep..
but our expedition was wonderful too :)
stay up and look at stars and frolick around.. and don't sleep
and hiking.. even tho it was total hell carrying such heavy stuff and we're so weak *laffs*
but ended up walking zombies.. friday everybody was so tired.. couldn't do anything much
eyes half closed and all that
hehe
woohoo all exams over ! yay! :)
spent most of the day out :)
but actually got pretty boring.. i dunno why i don't really take to shopping
just got v sian. and din feel like doing anything
man. my french results are really really REALLY pathetic. and disappointing. *grumbles* but i sppose that would have to be my fault..
plooh. so sad! aaargh
i hope my sch results are better
hoho yay yay yay! *three cheers*! english, ss, lit, hcl, a maths, bio, chem, physics all over!! :) :) :)
happy clar :)
hahaha :)
and there's only e maths paper left on monday and geog MCQ *sigh* on tuesday then i'm freee! but again rite now i'm already feeling bored 'cos i dont feel like doing anything
oh wells ;) wat to do ;)
at least i have 3 days to prepare for e maths. and geog mcq. haha. not like u need to study very much for 30 mcq questions when 12 of them are on map reading somemore..
woah.. just back from french end yr exam.. hope i did fine.. so relieved its over anyhow :) but nxt week = hell
AND i realised how long i haven't added anything *laffs* exams wat to do..
oh no.. i'm busy worrying abt nxt yrs french class.. bah.. hope everything works out.. how the heck was i spposed to noe that rg's gonna have remedial on fridays nxt yr?!! gosh.. crap.. anyway i'm only free tues wed fri.. and i hate having mon-wed/tues-thurs/wed-fri 'cos there's only one day in btwn.. argh.. i hope everything works out fine *groan* n i get nice classmates n tchers ;)
aaaargh. dunno why i'm so bothered abt this 3rd lang class thingy but i just am so *shrug* wat to do
only thing to do is to vent it on this page ! hoho :)
yay ;) soo happy i'm actually keeping to what i'm spposed to do.. finished a maths a little fast so shall "rest" a little before continuing :) i decided that maybe having a specific time slot works better.. but again i don't know how accurate my answers are since i did them pretty fast. *hmm* well hope they're correct if not i'd have wasted my time. maybe shall call pple up to check :)
feeling so sian still.. wanna get out of the house but can't anyway. pathetic. but the weather's soo nice! cool n rainy :) ladida.. so boring. i actually don't mind going back to school. but the problem is.. two weeks after school starts, exams! *horror* freaking me out..
sick of doing chinese *laffs* and feeling v sian. i wonder why actually.
went to school today.. give sec 1s extra lessons for science.
i hope they understood. if not we die ;)
lalala. weird feelings come sometimes. like i want to do something but i don't even know what that something is! queer me *shakes head*
holidays, nothing much interesting.
hmm i accomplished around half the things i planned to do today
maybe i should aim to do more things so when i only accomplish half of what i intended to, it won't be that bad
wonder when bao will email. sigh maybe i should write. but writing takes quite long too. sigh somemore. wonder if she'll have icq over there (ah-huh!) guess i shouldn't keep fretting if pple don't reply email huh.. not worth me worrying over for the moment i guess
whatever's meant to be will be
i hope :)
now time to worry about hol homework. and how i'm gonna finish
gahgahgah
wow i wonder how i survived. 1 n 1/2 hrs of physics. well i guess it's almost as normal.. so wasn't that bad
then THREE hours of a maths. wowwee... and it didnt' help with the whole noisy grp around me.. and then mrs kwan kept going on and on abt basic angles when we all knew that from e maths.. i sppose the revision would help drive it in.. but repeating like soo many times *groan* and as it is, we were so hungry cos no recess and all.. boohoo
but we survived *proudly* :)
and then ss.. wasn't too bad either i guess.. less pple, not so noisy.. cos most pple went off for lunch and all
and it was only an hour :)
i'm so glad we got pam something :) i noe she'll appreciate it v much :)
after all that pore ole pound puppy we got her still sits in her bag everyday or something..
woah so tired
whole day taking care of kids
oh today we went for community service at a child care centre... and then the kids were so amusing.. and it so happened that me n serene went together (plus one more gal who left earlier cos she was busy)
so during the tea break one of the kids was going "i know u all have boyfriends rite?" so we asked "why?" and so the kid said "dunno leh.." *after prolonged thinking* "i know! the 2 of u have a lot of charm!"
hahahahah ;) amusing rite
gah have so many mosquito bites from yesterday
and have homework to do, exams to mug for, but my holidays (like normal students') are hardly holidays
holidays.. the irony of them..
gah hate going airport ;(
but i guess i'll have to learn how to sooner or later..
oh wells
but at least this time i didn't like start weeping or something.. *grimace*
but it was almost as bad. as usual. really pathetic.
...
and that silly bao.. i could have sent her off! *growls* but nooo she mistook her flight timing and told us 1am instead of 10am
*sighsighsigh* but china's a whole lot nearer than canada..
but it doesn't matter how far, it matters that they aren't here.. i'll miss them and miss them and miss them..
this blog thingy is quite useful actually :)
aaaaaah
just back from piano exam
i am so dead
i don't even know if i can pass
*big groan* die already..
grumble grumble grumble
first of all my playing wasn't that great
missed notes, blah blah blah.
and then the quick study wasn't so gd either.. missed notes too, wrong notes, etc
and then viva voce
aaacck. b4 everything the woman looked v happy, ...
then while 'interrogating' me, she didn't look so happy
and i made the stupidest mistakes of my life. like calling a time signature a key signature
gah and then i didn't even noe whether 6-4 was compound duple or triple. crap lah. soo pathetic..
ask me things i'm not sure.. so i was crapping out.. crap also she didn't look v convinced
esp when the things i'm not sure = abt bach.. which is her speciality.. and she plays for the queen and her students play for the queen too!
die die die.. hope i can pass
groan
i never want to go through that again.. so freakyfying.. ;(
aaaaaah.
my piano exam's tomorrow! *freaks out*
what if i can't play properly (esp. my bach cos the female examiner's a bach specialist!!!) what if i can't sightread properly what if i can't answer their questions properly
gah. pre-exam jitters.
aaaaaah.
and at this point in time, no one can help me. unless they can somehow assure me that i definitely will do fine tmr and pass well and watever other crap.
and i'm in no mood to do my h/w.. which includes like 6 n 1/2 jian3 bao4s and learning e maths... groan. all that i will have to do thursday (tmr) after 4:15pm. sighs
hmm just back from the last piano lesson i'll have, unless i fail. which i certainly hope not.
its quite sad isn't it..
kinda like wat she said.. *bittersweet*
sometimes she can be nice, sometimes she can be horrible..
sometimes i'm really glad i did my diploma, sometimes i'm not
it all really depends on what's happening at the moment
i don't know if i want to do LRSM. probably not actually. she doesn't seem all that keen on me continuing.
not that i should make my decision based on that. and she doesn't think i'm very interested in music. though i've improved since when i first went into the studio. i have enough trouble and stress and depression from doing dipabrsm.. hmm. i really don't know what to do. i never do know what to do, though. *sigh*
2 years in that studio really educated me though..
it was very interesting, very amusing and all.
but something i failed to grasp is that life goes on. and you can't hold on to anything for long.
which i can't accept very well. and i can't bear to let go. so i end up a mess. as usual.
sigh. somehow all the entries here are usually depressing. which is what this blog is for actually.. but not that nice for people to read i guess.
sometimes i think i'm in desperate need of a counsellor..
gah my pore eyes are so aching.. and its not like i din take a nice nap in the evening.. thinking i can work better at times like now which is.. 12.11am.. in which actually i do work better at night *or rather, unearthly hours of the day* like 12am 1am blah blah blah
but somehow i can't seem to take it
ah wells. nvm at least on thursday i can wake up at watever time i like :) but probably will be scared stiff tinking abt piano diploma exam in a few hours time.. *grimace* and believe it or not, i have to mug for that too. amazing huh..
the amount of homework which we have now (and tests) and u still have to mug for things like piano..*laffs*
tumdeedum
i think the teaching sec 1s physics thingy is really crap..
we sec 3s can't even consolidate our own knowledge and they expect us to teach sec 1s.. i'm betting the sec 1s will end up failing their test.. *groan* esp given the way ms tan marks.. it would be a miracle if any of those under our charge pass..
after seeing the look on ms tan's face when jiahui and huichu were demo-ing and explaining *haha* she looked ready to kill.. run after us brandishing a parang or something. *grin*
honestly i think prama, yap and blin can rival for "most boring teacher in the world".. its amazing the way they teach..
*shiver* just came back from young musician's society.
sooo cold inside.. and hafta stay there and play for one hour..
freezing..
i shall get a blanket and wrap myself round and round and round until i can't move.. like a mummy
laffs
anyway.. *gah* i wish my mom hadn't videotaped me.. its soo embarrassing to watch urself play
and then some parts sounded so terrible
but i guess i've improved a lot stylistically since last time.. :)
groan. its 12.43am and i can't sleep cos i postponed doing my programme notes for piano diploma exam too late.. so now i've gotta rush and finish it tonite or rush home tmr and finish it. but i decided since i somehow work better at nite when everyone's asleep and no one bothers me.. better try n finish tonite. sighs. even tho i have a headache now *groan somemore*
and i just finished ss .. around.. 1/2hr ago or sth? blah. editing programme notes.. tomorrow is kinda like "last lesson" and i haven't finalised my programme notes stuff! gah. excuse my obsession with programme notes.
my head seems to be controlling me. oh wait, of cos it would. wat'm i talking abt? gah becoming incoherent. *fatigue overcomes me*
but i struggle on. haha.. crappy.. anyway its back to wonderful programme notes for me! *laffs*
gah
hate tests
hate everything :(
esp when u get ambiguous qns like "wat happened?"
hmph
hmph
hmph
*v angry*
the last week of sch is gonna suck :(
3 tests and piano dip exam
boohoo
wat'm i gonna do *moan*
i'm gonna miss bao when she disappears off to china.. sigh. leaving on the same day as the gostelows too
and both probably not returning.
woah. so tired.. out for the whole day and just back and finished bathing..
but it was fun.. at least now i'm closer to the church pple.. thx to the 3 of them. its so sad they're not coming back for a long long time but maybe i can induce my parents to visit them when we go visit my brother every year *laffs* -hopeful-
and luckily the gals stopped suaning me.. i'm so glad :)
oh it was so weird today.. just got in the car after the mock debate.. and then radio was on.. *surprise surprise*! the song tt my piano tcher played for concert.. beethoven emperor concerto.. and i kinda would have thot its too long a song to be played on radio.. 20mins! and then after that i tink they played the 2nd mvt as well.. anyhow this is so crappy..
-feet are v tired-
woah i have no idea how i'm gonna survive...
my piano sux like dunno wat.. tcher drilled me until my right hand is so tired now..
boohoo. poor hand.
and then there's still so much stuff to do, plus studying to do, plus a whole lot of things! :(
ladida
i'm so glad a maths test is over but there're a whole lot more things to do!! *grumble*
and a whole lot more tests coming up
boohoohoo
horrid.
- SMP presentation, french controle, e maths test, ss test, geog project on mangroves,..
and some smart tcher decided to send me and ser and lam in for a general knowledge quiz when i dont possess a SHRED of general knowledge *sigh*.. wonder wat possessed the tcher to send me in?
now i shall hafta go mug a lil bit if not i'll totally malu myself. bah...
quote of the day from mrs kwan "do the right thing and chances are : u won't do the wrong thing"
*nods sagely in agreement* thats very sensible isn't it?
*rolls on the floor laffing* :)
hohoho
its quite amazing what she can come up with..
boohoohoo
how i'm gonna pass my piano diploma exam is a mystery to me
actually i probably can if i go work on it
and the piano in the auditorium is so weird! i mean, i noe the piano isn't weird to start with, but somehow.. it ends up with such a gross sound and so loud and so obvious when i miss notes or have mistakes.
and my gershwin 3rd prelude was bad.. so ravel became bad and i couldn't concentrate
oh yes.. serene's intelligence :
during physics prac.. she tinks the water isn't heating up fast enough so she wants to turn up the flame/gas.. but ends up switching the bunsen burner off. *sigh*
during bio.. "the refresher's on plant nutrition rite?" when mrs prama already said it was on circulatory system..
later chris says "i noe why its so important to serene that she study both plant nutrition and circulatory system.. its cos she's a zhi2 wu4 ren2!" haha .. serene the vegetable :)
school. hehe. not that it's very illuminating.. with such things as english lessons.. and chemistry lessons which both can virtually put you to sleep.. its really amazing. okay i'm being mean here but.. gosh.. why can't we have more interesting lessons..
english *dronedronedronedrone* ..
chemistry *tcher's eyes dart around.. "junwan!"* haha.
oh wells.. and during english.. grand total of three pple blatantly sleeping ;)
it really amuses me to think of what would happen if one day blin had someone sit in for class.. *chuckles in glee*
he'll probably get sacked or something..
let me see.. oh e maths. pple complaining ms hoo's grumpier and grumpier by the day.. hmm she's kind of weird i think.. we don't always answer her questions, doesn't mean we don't understand or we're braindead wat. she seems to be overly concerned. ooh interesting getting a bit like mrs kwan huh. ok that was kind of mean.. but they both are!
i mean.. imagine telling pple's parents "i think ur child has boyfriend problems!" *rolls around on the floor laffing*
anyway besides that.. i'm glad i told someone. couldn't have kept it to myself any longer. and i feel slightly better about it. very slightly only though.
still slightly depressed about everything.
why's life so unfair. sigh. mais c'est la vie, i have to accept that.
well okay i guess today was a better day but i still still still hate it when pple give u such knowing smiles when there's NOTHING to smile about. gah. hmph. why can't pple get it into their heads there's something called platonic relationships? guys and gals can just be very good friends can't they. it really makes life difficult for me. [actually, maybe it isn't so simple as that, but it can't be more either. sigh]
like the whole world's against me. sigh somemore
and i still can't really carry on a decent conversation
wat a pathetic conversationalist.
quote of the day "you look very pretty today!!"
haha
*groan* i just hate it when pple start teasing..
its so irritating!! *snarl*
and why do i care so much abt wat other pple tink
i should just not bother abt them.. but i can't! i need courage! or maybe its just the "don't-care-ness" or watever
result : i'm .. well.. sarcastic, dry, watever.. somehow its the way i am 1/2 the time, even though i don't mean to insult pple. just insult them for fun. but it does get pretty mean i suppose. especially if you don't noe wat i'm like. and now i'm feeling guilty. VERY guilty indeed. in case i really hurt pple's feelings and i don't know what to do. i feel mean, pathetic, horrible, u name it.
moohoohoo (like serene says, i sound like a cow crying *haha*)
lousy poot. *sigh*
such a horrible situation to be in. *big groan*
i shall hope that tomorrow will be a better day
quelquefois.. la vie.. c'est triste. mais parfois, c'est merveilleux
feeling better today :) one finds that sleeping always helps when one is depressed over crap things like piano tchers who love insulting you. *laffs*