sigh.. where are people when i need to talk to them. feeling a little blue now. "just a shade of azure blue", so i remember reading from some book or other. but blue nonetheless. of course i definitely have stuff to do but i still don't feel like doing it. actually i spent last night slacking so i really should be doing my work now.. but well.
oh!! i got lilke 2 marks above the mean for my first psych midterm.. bah. got to buck up there. i don't even know how i managed to get so many questions wrong! man. evidently their mcqs were quite tricky. and i'd only barely started pledging then so i can't blame that:p hope econ was better.. augh. not that econ was terribly difficult either, just that i silly-ly didn't write something down which i ought to have known to do so.
and it was SO awkward talking to my IHUM TF just now. i guess partly cos i also hadn't really thought of what to write about. but really, TFs are supposed to be nice and encouraging and stimulate thought and he was just like, i don't see what's the relation there and i'm like i don't know either?! it was just a thought? bleah. and then i was thinking about writing about one of last quarter's texts (cos they repeated it this quarter) and he's like "don't you want to move on? try something new?" (or something to that effect) i like that text, wat's ur problem? ok i shouldn't be so mean. but he is kind of awkward/weird sometimes somehow
now they're talking about grievances against us. i wonder what midcourts is going to be like. hope i stay strong. this sounds so ridiculous, like it's such a huge ordeal when it obviously isn't like a huge life crisis or anything. but still. and then we had dinner/S@S meeting, in which i didn't even realize i was supposed to have a vision and goals and stuff. wow. and everyone was late. i guess it was dinner after all so it's not such a big deal, and i've been late the past two times so i also shouldn't be complaining. anyhow, i wonder, how to plan something such that people come?
so many things which would be good for me (i think) i always feel averse to doing. such as homework. haha. i just need to talk to my girlfriends now but none of them are around:( non-stanford, non-akpsi people. maybe i miss them cos i haven't had much time to talk to them lately. hm. and pam's never online. grumbles. alright i should stop moping around and do some work. haha wat a depressing post.
ohh sailing yesterday was quite hilarious.. i wanted to go back to the dock halfway cos the boat kept tipping all over the place and i was like oh noo! we're gonna capsize! nooooo! i didn't bring a towel today! haha. it was really quite freaky. when turning, and the sails are no longer countering the wind pressure and our weight is too little... quite a bit of water got into the boat. haha. so much so that i was like nooo i want to go back onto land. haha. our instructor's really nice/amusing though.
this pledging thing is driving me nuts. not only do i have to spend time doing silly things (well in my opinion anyway) by silly deadlines, i also have to constantly send emails apologizing for things i've done/not done. as usual, anotther ranting post. i also need to figure out how to do a self intro concisely and effectively/socialize. sometimes it's so awkward meeting actives, i don't know what to talk about. maybe it's just me though. remember, says mr psych lecturer, correlation does not necessarily mean causation! and we're not supposed to tell other people about wat's happening, which i guess makes sense to preserve the secrecy and wat not. but of course that makes it all the harder. unless i go whine to my fellow pledges, who're probably as stressed (or even more so) than i am. it's interesting how two of us are like contacting the same people, doing the same stuff. i wonder.
and all this should probably go into my journal. and i really must study for econ.
i think i must be in a really bad mood. so so annoyed. my roommate really annoys me sometimes, and the thing is that it doesn't happen only with her.. but it's so easy to just push everyth onto her i guess. ahhh. driving me nuts. maybe it was the psych expts too. i really should've done more work during the weekend.. now i'm dying again.
so, occasionally, i get annoyed the way my roommate's forever on the phone. that's number one. and she talks inside most of the time. and she calls her family SO often. like. grow up and get a life. okay i'm really being mean but at this point in time i need to get my frustration out. and whining at her mom that "my chem advisor is asleep! i'm so mad" (or something to that effect). her chem advisor being a sophomore who's majoring in chem engine who lives down the hall. i guess she doesn't really mean these things but honestly.. i'm probably being the self-centred one right now though sigh. when i think about it.
i realized i have like 40pgs of ihum to read by tmr, my psych outline expt thingy to do by tmr, a lot of pledge stuff to do also by tmr, econ midterm coming up, definitely don't feel very prepared. and to top it off, yf and sufen and shineik invited me over to a grp chat and ladida! sas committee has to plan something! and the actives were telling us, we've hardly started the pledge projects.. i'm like.. okay.. yay..
alright i feel a bit better. need to manage my time better.. okay i'm repeating myself. but i guess that time schedule thing is good. i can't remember wat i've been doing w my time:(
wow my last post was like a week ago. goes to show. when i'm busy i have no time to blog. or maybe i was just lazy, come to think of it. was trying to clear out my mailbox cos i'm convinced thunderbird (and webmail) slows down when i have more mail. anyhow. brief summary of how frats work:
1. they have rush events, where you go and find out about the frat and see if you like it/the pple/...
2. if you attend enough events/the pple u've met like u (i dunno wat other criteria there are), you get invited to a rush interview.
3. if you're successful in the rush interview, you get a bid to pledge. you can choose to accept the bid/not
4. if you accept, pledging begins.
you're not in the frat yet, as all the active members (aka actives) emphasized, but you're going to learn about yourself/your pledge brothers/the frat in the process. and they can cut you/you can depledge during that pledging process. so, i'm pledging. apparently the crazy work hasn't started, i guess it died down for a bit since we just went for pledge retreat. i'm still walking around in mortal fear that i see actives i don't recognize and don't greet and i'll get into trouble. anyhow, am not supposed to talk about pledge process.
why i am taking psych 1 is such a mystery to me. the lectures are actually interesting, something that is lacking in most of the other classes i've done. but the reading is oh so painful. i mean, like, 35pgs of reading (txtbk!!) for each lecture is more than i can take.. seriously. augh.
and i stilll need to bother about driving. i think i need to set out better schedules for myself or i'll never get stuff done.. guess my hpac (who happens to be the frat's master of rituals i.e. person in charge of being strict with pledges) 's request for the weekly schedule thing is good.
oh but i met two actives today, it was pretty cool to find out about them/other people doing crazy things.. they're definitely people i wouldn't have met had it not been for this whole pledging thing.