i'm so freaking annoyed.. i forgot to hand up my econ problem set and only realised it after the solutions were posted, so they aren't going to accept it and i have to drop the grade.. which totally sucks cos this was probably one of my better ones since i went for office hours and got most of the stuff explained. and it also doesn't help that i got the median score for econ midterm, even though i'm relieved it wasn't any worse. and i have so much stuff on this weekend i haven't studied, nor do i feel like studying at all.
okay i think part of the annoyance is cos i'm sleepy, and i can't even figure out why. i think i'll give up and go sleep. i'm very glad for my new stanford sweater though its nice and furry inside and warm. thanks to wangning's discount coupon. oh and i'm also glad jane's gonna come over and stay the night before big game! yay!! okay. i have cheered myself up slightly. but i'm still tired.
crap la i just tore part of a page of my econ txt cos my hair dripped water on it and i rubbed too hard at the page trying to dry it. i really need to sleep before i start destroying more things and getting even more pissed off.
i think chuan sheng is right. it all depends on my attitude. anyway, i was blog surfing, sort of, and came across some stuff in judith's blog which is so true. so i koped some phrases from her. replace H with stanford and you have it. my sentiments exactly.
||One of the hardest things about college is having to start from scratch. Then, the fact that you're starting from scratch at H, where you -are- scratch, also doesn't make things any easier.||
it's so easy to forget that though. like when i talk to pple i don't realise that these are like super-smart pple or anything.. the way i forget age differences and all. and i didn't realise like everyone who's here was valedictorian of their class. haha.
||My time here feels so precious and so tedious at the same time (...) And I'm not even bonded to any particular job when I get back. It's like the whole account is accountable to myself, and that makes it all the more frightening. If I don't make good, it'll really be my own fault.||
i don't really think about it (like many many other things) when i'm swamped in work. but sometimes the realisation just comes and hits you. i really should be doing my work. okay nvm, lemme finish this. so yeah, as with many other things, sometimes i just suddenly remember that its my parents who are paying for all this (hell lot of money too, i might add) and i don't even think i'm living up to their expectations at the moment. which of course they don't know, but that makes it even worse.
i'm not driven the way so many people i know are. although actually i'm quite sure that's a defining characteristic of any student in a university like stanford. i haven't the foggiest idea what i want to do.
i'm really glad i'm here though. i realised it is really different. my time is entirely my own; there's no mom to nag me to stop playing around/wasting time and study. not that i really needed that much nagging but sometimes i do tend to not do my work. heh. anyway i guess i'm getting more used to the reading textbook thing..which is gd.
alright, ranting over. yay i have understood my math. i feel better:) oh. i think cs & ser are right too, nxt quarter i better find courses that i actually like.. although given that pwr n ihum are compulsory.. hmm. must find some way to make them appealing (haha)
bah. i'm so sleepy. but i haven't done much work today:| last night was frosh formal! we were SO late, haha. but dressing up is fun. and i don't really think i would have wanted to stay very long. this partying thing is really not me. then we went to jonathan's room to eat ice cream! yay. pity the ice cream was sort of melted though haha the sorbet became a (rather thick) smoothie. but it was still good:) and i only remembered jackie was sick after we finished most of it. but nvm, i'm not going to get sick.
uh. yeah. so we left jon's room at 2.30 (and therefore no more midnight express/shuttle, horror of horrors, had to walk!) thankfully it wasn't that cold.. but of course there wasn't much choice. and i ended up sleeping at 4. !! i don't think i've ever slept at 4 in spore. maybe that night when my sleep cycle was screwed up cos of being sick/trying to study for bio a level prelim mcq, but that's about it. and i've already done that 3 times (sleeping past 4) and it's only been 1.5months. man.
so i happily woke up at 11.30! actually i wasn't that happy, cos i got woken up at 8sth by my roommate talking to her family on the phone. why can't she get out of the room and talk? ... although maybe she thought i was still fast asleep and wouldn't hear. given that chuan sheng can spend 2 hrs on the phone outside his room cos his roommate was sleeping.. later she saiid they forgot about the time difference. and assume that she's awake. since they're always awake after 7 at home. but really, college is so different. how can one expect to keep the "go to bed early and wake up early" routine? forget it man..
i think i'm a terrible person to room with:| i'm very picky about sleep. if that's the way to put it. like, when my sleep is disturbed, depending on my mood, i can really feel like screaming my head off.
anyway. sigh my neighbour opposite threw a birthday party and the music's been going on for 3 hrs and it's giving me a headache. actually maybe the headache is also due to fatigue, but i prefer to complain. seems like people are more vulgar though, f*** seems to form a rather large part of conversations sometimes. and i also frequently hear "goddammit!" in the hallways.. maybe i was too sheltered before though
i hope there's nothing wrong with my computer anymore, it's so tedious to bring the whole freaking thing down to stanford shopping center and have to back up the hard drive.. thankfully ruixiong had an external hard drive to lend me.. yay for sporeans! haha.
oh wait i haven't explained why i haven't done any work. after waking up, went for brunch/lunch at lag (and met wang ning on the way, how coincidental) he was busy eating yoghurt or something and only looked up when i stepped into his path haha. then i decided to go visit chuan sheng since i'd never seen his room before. and he just woke up! well done man.. haha. it was rather amusing. then i figured since i was at lag i may as well walk over to frosoco n visit kiat (also cos his roommate isn't around for the weekend, like jon's). since if i were in my dorm i'd never trek over to either of their dorms. haha. killed two birds with one stone! then aft tt i decided i'd visit jesley too since i'd never seen her dorm either.. and i caught her just when she came back frm movie! lucky day:)
then i finally came back to my room. and did two weeks' worth of laundry. (this is what two midterms on the same day at the end of the week does to you). messed around a bit, decided to go shopping. alone. i think there's something rather wrong with me. find it tiring to have to create/continue conversation for long periods of time. i guess i just wanted some time alone. which is weird cos i'm mostly alone anyway. i must be becoming a hermit.