hakuna matata

realizations

so i was re-reading one of my childhood favourite books (the anne of green gables series by l.m. montgomery, haha - yeah i think some of my friends would be appalled i'm reading that at my age, but whatever) and it described one of the characters going off to college and having to leave home and all. when i read that, my mind involuntarily did a flash back to when i first left for stanford. i guess, also because cos i'm leaving again soon and every time i leave the experience is slightly different.

i remember getting a panic attack before leaving (maybe a couple of days before? or a week?) and not wanting to go, and serene having to message me all the way from boston to assure me that it really isn't that bad, i'll adapt.
i remember going to the airport and having so many friends come to send me off - church/chorale/class/... flying to an unknown place which i'd never seen before (well maybe when i was REALLY young) with kiat & wang ning.
i remember being disappointed that we didn't enter stanford through palm drive cos we dropped off a grad student first (-_-) but subsequently being amazed by the open space and greenery that is the stanford campus and finally, the loud noisy welcome by the international orientation volunteers!

kind of crazy, really, that it's been 4 years

[update, after meeting rgs classmates]
while we were sitting around eating at chinatown/on the bus from chinatown to orchard, i looked at my friends and it was just such a weird feeling to think that we've known each other for 8 years (well, 10 if you count from sec 1) and we still get along so well. or so i think, anyway. more ponderings to come later, am too exhausted to think or type anymore.

also realized that going out with girls usually entails dessert, maybe because they don't go out and meet people every day. but since i do that when i'm back, that kind of kills me... sigh. really should not have drunk that milk thingy at tcc... -bloat-

realizations

i really have been overeating and my days really do revolve around food. tummy is growing! felt so gross i had to go run just now. and while running, i also thought about this past sunday's sermon. the preacher ended by asking us whether our spiritual life had been healthier at some other point, and why that was the case. i came to the realization that this summer hasn't been as good as last summer spiritually because i wasn't as convicted in making God/learning about Him the centre of my life. instead, i fell back into the old trap of idolizing food, amongst other things. i would like to blame other people for influencing me, but really it's my own fault. anyhow, at least i know what's wrong now and hopefully will do better at correcting it.

also, am in process of writing a testimony about my senior year and job search. was supposed to try and get it done by today (wed) for the church bulletin but unfortunately that didn't happen cos i had to trawl through emails and chat transcripts to quote my friends accurately. i really should've started it earlier so it would've been in time, but oh well.