hakuna matata

a Somebody with a nobody

so I'm subscribed to this weekly study on the names of God (mostly old testament, i think) and i really liked the bold part:

God tells Moses that he has seen the misery of "my people" and states his intention to rescue (nāstal) them and bring them back to Canaan. He concludes, "So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt" (3:10). Now Moses begins to protest. His first objection is that he is a nobody. God's answer to the excuse of being a nobody, is that a Somebody will be with him.

"But Moses said to God, 'Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?'
And God said, 'I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain.'" (3:11-12)

afresh

alright, i sat and thought about it and i have resolved to be a better student for my last quarter. and i will also apologize to my mom for being so bratty. God's grace is enough even though I'm so wretched sometimes.

sigh

the one time in a long while my mom decides to call, and she calls to tell me that i need a wake-up call to stop slacking and work harder in my last quarter. cos i told her i just came back from playing cards at joseph's. i guess she's right that that isn't the best use of time, and also it IS true that my undergrad gpa has been dropping since fall quarter and my econ is quite terrible, i think i got Bs for my last two econ classes. i wonder where my work ethic has gone... and it's no good being flippant about it, i really did use to work harder.

anyhow, i guess at that point i was just focused on how pathetic/disappointing it was that the one time my mom decides to call, it's to express disapproval. and then i felt bad that i was giving monosyllabic answers. but it's 2am and i'm tired from the day, plus you've just finished reproaching me, how do you expect me to be able to chat with you cheerfully when you've just made me feel crappy about myself? and now that just sounds so self-centered..

unfortunately, negative things do have to be said by someone else i'd never know. poor mom. has to bear the consequences of scolding me for my own good. a bit like how Jesus had to die for our sins huh.

the beginning of the end

that is totally koped from yx's gchat status, but it is true. i don't know why people always say "you must be glad to be graduating right?" nothing could be further from the truth! ok granted assignments & midterms & finals aren't exactly fun, but really... being able to arrange classes so i don't have class on fridays (if i don't take social dance 2) is quite cool. haha.

it was quite a packed day, involved quite a lot of food after dinner (bad!!!) but i have BAKKWA! i have never been so excited. ok i probably have, but you know... oh wow and i just realized jackie's going to feed me too. MACARON!!! and i forget what the other thing is. i guess it's a good thing i went with dayoung to yoga-pilates and abs&glutes today. yoga-pilates was still ok, surprisingly, cos the last time i went i remember feeling very inept at all the stretching and crunches and what not. so, hopefully i am more fit now! haha. or maybe the aches from snowboarding eclipsed everything else so it didn't matter.

abs & glutes... gosh. oh, i met tomi & christina & jessica (my frosh dormmates!) which was cool, and then we all suffered together. the instructor was seriously crazy, 67 years old and still so lithe and wiry and FIT. as christina was saying "i'm 22 years old and i can't do half the things he's doing!" anyway... after that dayoung & i couldn't walk properly, climbing the stairs is painful, i thought my thighs were going to start spasming with all the squats and other things he made us do. gosh. but if we do go for the rest of the quarter i'm sure we'll be very toned by the end... haha.

alright. i am going to go to social dance tmr... oh i still have to figure out what camera to buy. and i really hope i didn't bring any bed bugs back from puerto rico...

contradictions

my church sends out the electronic version of the weekly bulletin so i got this thing called the christian's checklist. anyhow, i got to this one where it gave the verse 1 Cor 3:18 Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems to be wise in this world, let him become a fool that he may become wise.
and then it reminded me of other verses with "the first shall be last" and "my power is made perfect in your weakness". and it just occurred to me that i love those contradictions somehow, because they are so unintuitive.

the faces of music

just watched my friends perform their guzheng/pipa, it was pretty amazing... i felt like i was in china in some palace courtyard or something, like royalty being entertained by court musicians. or in some chinese movie... quite surreal.

and then i realized how similar the guzheng is to the harp. sound-wise and the way you play it, kind of. the glissandos are pretty alike! and knocking on the wood part for extra sound effect. v cool! and then saw a bunch of other chinese instruments i hadn't really heard before... so interesting! music can be produced in so many different ways.

alright, back to my 3000word final.

exciting!

i was able to pray for my roommate who's been having bf issues... i don't even know why i feel excited about it and i feel like i've to tell someone. still debating on whether i should email people. or whether that's like boasting or something.

anyway, she asked me how i never get angry, cos she flares up pretty easily and throws tantrums (her own words, not mine). and esp so when her bf doesn't react in ways she expects and then she's disappointed (or rather, angry). i think to begin with, we just have different temperaments, i'm just more zen or something. but.. yeah, i was asking her about her relationship and stuff and it just felt so much like she had so much on her plate to handle and was so stressed. so i was just sharing that knowing that God's spirit works in us is so freeing because it takes away the pressure of me thinking i've to achieve everything on my own. just being able to trust is good. and i asked her if she prays.. (she's catholic so it's a little different) and then i prayed for her.

anyhow, although i'm not quite sure i had an answer to the anger thing (or maybe the solution was prayer), but she said she felt much better after praying so that was really cool. i guess i felt so glad that i was able to serve her and serve God at the same time :) which makes me think, it kind of is a testimony huh? but i wonder if my wanting to tell someone is craving man's praise... hm. the tale of the pharisee and the tax collector comes to mind.

end quarter blues

last night, at the last bible study for the graduating chi alpha people, my christian fellowship pastor glen was praying for us and a phrase just stuck in my mind - "as they take their last classes at stanford next quarter". i mean, there was definitely more to the whole prayer but since this is something i've been thinking about for a while, that's the phrase that stuck. it is so surreal. i've probably repeated this at least three times this year but i still can't get over how fast 4 years have flown by! i guess i did realize every year when i came back and had to adjust to being a "sophomore", then a "junior", and now a senior... it's kind of like getting older. somewhere in jc i kept thinking i was 16 and always had to count to figure out my age (happens sometimes now too) and i also cannot believe i'm turning 23 this year, it's scary [sorry to people who've had birthdays already :p]

and my pastor also told us that we'd be having a senior farewell sort of thing at the last chi alpha next quarter and that we should think about what we'd say (share) with the younger 'uns. haha. the irony is that i think i did spend time hanging out more in my sophomore/some of junior year, but not so much this year, unfortunately.. even so, my spiritual growth here has far surpassed that at home thanks to all the people i've come in contact with. and i guess the most important lesson is still the one from freshman year, when sean told me that if i just carve out that time for God, things will rearrange themselves in the remaining time. the way i see sunday morning as taken, that can be so for other things too (like chi alpha). actually that can still be applied to many other things.. but oh well.

i have no idea why i'm feeling so odd today. i think i need to sleep. hopefully that's it. and eat more oranges and less fried/sweet things. i am honestly so terrible at discipline when it comes to food. i blame america for this. and the dorm buffet dining system. haha.

in need

i really haven't the foggiest idea why i've been so tired this week. i slept 9 hours on sunday night and yesterday night. i guess monday i was okay.. today i was tired in the afternoon. maybe it's the dsch project draining me... i've seen my team practically every day and we struggle with the same questions and it's just so tiring to keep diverging and converging and getting feedback which changes stuff and we go back to square 1 and repeat the process. i don't think i can be a designer, it just takes too much out of me. or maybe i'm just saying that cos i'm tired now.

and i guess i was also somewhat annoyed because i thought we were okay with the project and i could go to tahoe. although now, given that i'm doing that microsoft visit thing tmr it's probably not very possible since i'd have to somehow finish my 500 word essay (which is very unformed) in like 1.5 hrs before going to chris tomlin and all. sighhhh.

alright, i think i just need to sleep and all will be better tmr! although i do have a packed day, as usual. i haven't not had a packed day since... i dunno when. oh wait, sunday. i don't know why it's felt like it's been so long... hm. clearly, there is something wrong. ah well. bedtime!

friday night!

so i watched confessions of a shopaholic with selene, which was fun!!! haha. there were so many *gasp* moments though. i felt like i was making so much noise. anyhow... on reflection it really is a little like 27 dresses. girl is in denial about (insert flaw), meets guy, falls in love, guy finds out about said flaw (and oh no, trust is broken, -dramatic drumroll-), they break up, girl steels self to address said flaw, they meet again as guy finds out that girl has changed for the better and happy ending! yippee... haha ok that sounds so cynical in a way. but it is somewhat formulaic... the green scarf thing was kinda sweet though.

oh, on another note with being cynical. today we had a guest speaker from IDEO for our organizational behavior class, and half the products she talked about i had already heard about from my dschool class where one of the IDEO founders is on the teaching team! and i was just sitting there being okay... been there, heard that. it's quite amazing how much they've achieved though, relatively small company and so much coverage! i guess they do have a tie to Stanford with the dschool so that helps. but the guest speaker (who incidentally was the marketing head) was right, you can't do a graduate course at Stanford without hearing about/watching the shopping cart video. haha. but again... lyd said she watched it at SMU so i guess it's not just masters!

and last note. i really never thought about the abraham-sacrificing-isaac story very much, but since i've come here (i don't know when was the first time i really thought about it thanks to chi alpha prodding or something or other), it seems to have come up so much! especially recently, i guess. since i'm reading it in hebrew for biblical hebrew class, and then today at clare's bible study thing it was the passage... it is good though. to think about idolizing things/people/ideas and having an almost warped sort of love (to do with the whole idolizing thing again). or obsessive. i don't know. but it is so easy to fall into.. for me anyhow. okies, bedtime!!! what a crazy day.

the return...

of the work monster!

so i thought i was being on task by finishing my 261 pset early (for once. maybe twice.) and then today after dschool stuff i realize i have TONS of stuff to do. it's amazing how much time dsch stuff takes, i must rethink whether i want to apply to do another dsch class next quarter, it being my last quarter. man, that sounds so sad to say. but i have determined to fill it with fun stuff! well ok i have to find people who want to do fun stuff too but hopefully that won't be a huge problem.. although one of those things does include doing pearline's otter kayaking thing.. hm.

and tonight's chi alpha was quite powerful. including the fact that the guest speaker (dick schroeder) repeated something that i remembered so clearly from highway during the summer. that we must learn to accept and let go with open palms, instead of clenching to hold on and not being able to let go. and that relates to selfishness. it's funny though, i always thought i wasn't selfish until i realized all the little things which demonstrate how incredibly self-centered i am sometimes. i learnt to care for other people by seeing how jackie cared for her friends (her boys, as she calls them), to genuinely care about how other pple's days went instead of just asking it for the sake of courtesy. chi alpha helped with that too, i saw that with esther & company as well.

anyway... he gave us this sheet of paper contrasting selflessness (the embodiment of God) and selfishness and how one spirals outwards like the sun radiating its light outwards and leads to heaven, while the other spirals inwards like a black hole and leads to hell. very thought-provoking. anyway, i decided i needed to stick it up on my wall to remind me to not be so self-centered. and just now i could share in my roommate's joy of rearranging her room (silly as it sounds) and it felt good! better than just being like oh, cool, good for you.. it was fun to really care about what makes her happy too. :)

alright. now i have to go back to finishing 22 pages of reading for a case. ahhhh. pooft.

the power of a song

so i just felt like listening to a certain chinese pop song which i hadn't listened to in a while (寻友启示 - 明道/许孟哲) and it was a song that i had on replay a lot during summer. it brought back so many memories of walking down the streets of downtown san mateo to and from work, running/wandering along sandhill road and being at jackie's apartment. oh, and my first attempts at cooking, that was definitely interesting. it's amazing how much a song can bring to mind.

i guess i tend to replay songs over and over during a certain period of time and then it gets associated with whatever happens during that time.

update: feb 22 sunday. ah. 1000 years by kang eun soo (from the movie innocent steps) reminds me of freshman year cos i got hooked on the movie when i was on the way home - it's this korean dance show about this girl from china who gets "imported" to korea to learn to dance and falls in love with her teacher. but anyhow, i watched that show at least 4 times on the way back from SFO to SIN and so that song is forever associated with my first trip back home and that winter break. it's actually quite amazing how i can get so obsessed with things sometimes. rather unhealthy. what happened to moderation?! that's probably why i get these eating frenzies.. just like a shark.

metallica

so now i'm somewhat confused as to whether they're heavy metal or rock, but whichever it is, i don't really like it very much. but after watching almost 2 hours worth of the documentary (which i have to analyze for my organizational behavior class midterm), i think i actually appreciate the music somewhat (horror of horrors). i mean, they are pretty skillful, despite the fact that it is SO loud and they're always cursing. electric guitars are kinda cool. i think i still have about 20mins more to watch... the power of familiarity. it's kind of the same for highway (my current church) too, i didn't use to like the music very much but now i think i've kinda gotten used to it. although i still miss campbell's acappella sometimes.

anyhow, it was really quite amusing when i (very surprisingly) recognized one of metallica's songs while watching the video. like what are the odds right, since i really don't like that sort of music. (jackie: quick listen to smooth jazz to soothe your frazzled soul!) and then i decided to google the rock band songs (since that's the first thing that the video reminded me of) and i realized it's enter sandman i.e. dewen's & pearline's fav song to play on rock band... haha. it is really a challenge to watch 2+hrs worth of music i don't really like though, i must say.

it also doesn't help that this video is kinda about how dysfunctional the group is, so there's lots of conflict and such. being a very peace-leaving person, it makes me feel so uncomfortable. i guess i would do a lot to avoid conflict if i can.. anyhow. yes, so the combination of not-my-fav-music + dysfunctional group dynamics = bad.

which suddenly reminded me of how i think recruiting is so bad for the soul. i guess anything competitive is, really, in a sense. my roommate was saying that she's not used to failure, and after putting in so much effort into preparing for interviews and not being able to do well in them, it feels crappy. and it does, i've been through it twice. after you're past it it doesn't really matter anymore, but while you're still in that place, it feels terrible. and somewhat determinant of self-worth, which is a really bad idea but happens anyway... maybe that's called character-building, haha.

this weekend i'll be freeeee! as a bird! i feel like i ought to go do something exciting but don't know what that is. maybe i should go go-karting with akpsi... hm. but i don't really feel like it either. and next week's freeee too! but i've to figure out my job. ugh. i really hope i have an offer by the time i graduate so i can go home for summer and see everyone... pray hard.

random bible study note

so i'm doing this study called 'how God called his servants' which my pastor gave us.. and i was reading the front part of Ezekiel and somehow it just struck me as to what weird creatures people saw in their visions.

Ezekiel1:10 Their faces looked like this: Each of the four had the face of a man, and on the right side each had the face of a lion, and on the left the face of an ox; each also had the face of an eagle.

like, seriously? creatures with 4 sided faces? that sounds kinda far-fetched man. those old testament prophets definitely saw some weird things. but anyhow. guess it goes to show how we've been so socialized to what's normal. it's like in sophie's world (jostein gaarder) where they give the example of how kids come into the world without much idea of what's supposed to be normal.. e.g. if they looked up and suddenly saw mom flying around the room, they wouldn't be very surprised but dad would probably freak out. cos dad has been in the world long enough to know that people mostly stay on the ground... kinda interesting. oh philosophy.

there's nothing like a hug from a friend when you need one! i'm so glad lorra came by.. for some reason i was feeling so blah after ski trip, even though it was SO nice to be on slopes again. despite, you know, snow/wind/amazingly limited visibility of about 10 feet (decreased to about 2-3 feet at certain points). it was rather enlightening to find out how it's like without being able to see.. i think all steepness of slopes became somewhat inconsequential because i couldn't see where the heck i was going so i was going pretty slowly, first of all, and i was just trying to carve my way down somehow or other, slowly.

although the powder was quite amazing, i kept telling rachael i'd never seen so much powder before! actually that may not be true, memories are always warped. but it was really quite wonderful. haha. although the sheer volume of powder made it a little harder to manage too. okay as usual my command of the english language seems to be leaving me as my powers of expression diminish... i probably need to hang out with jackie more. maybe her creative writing flair will inspire me.

anyway on hindsight i think i somewhat know why i was so blah, but it's terribly confusing. and it doesn't really matter for now anyhow... i almost feel like God sent Lorra over to remind me that He always cares. and some things are more important than whatever my mind is caught up with. but really, lorra is such an amazing bundle of joy (even though that makes her sound like a newborn child.. hm.)

amazing grace! ok, i feel better. gnite

aaaahhhhh

okay, i have no idea how this happened. so i actually kind of finished my 280 assignment early (well it's not completely done, but almost) on monday and joseph was so amazed, but somehow right now i'm struggling to finish my stuff and sleep enough! boo :( and my 280 group is somewhat dysfunctional, the irony. it's so awkward when people don't engage in discussion when they're supposed to. it's like one person says something, then there's silence. then someone else tries to say something, followed by silence. i don't even understand WHY that's happening.. now i know why sometimes people just volunteer to do most of the work cos they're not sure what'll happen if they don't. alright i should stop sounding like a martyr, it's actually kind of fun doing the organizing and somewhat fulfilling to have it in a nice structure. i am starting to sound crazy...

dsch proj takes up an amazing amount of time. i think i've spent at least 2hrs per day for the past 3 or 4 days working on it. it IS fun though, but it's just that it really does sap time like nobody's business! blah.

and then i start eating and eating and eating. and of course it doesn't help that i have restocked my snack supply thanks to lisa's car... so much for self control. devouring seems to be the order of the day. i almost wish i was like my roommate, she doesn't eat when she's stressed! i can't imagine how she functions, if i'm hungry i can't do anything. i bet ser & jackie'd agree.. that's probably why they're my good friends. ahah.

on another note, i am now hooked on israel houghton & new breed. i don't know why i like their rhythm/beat so much! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty0SO7IvtXM

just now i was thinking about the next couple of days and felt so reluctant to go to class and do presentations and take midterms. eek. fast-forward to tahoe pleaseeee.

the realization of graduation

i think i'm over this for the moment, but mommy asking me about wacky walk and papa telling me to make sure i've finished my university requirements and my logging onto stanford epay and seeing the following notice:

"ATTENTION UNDERGRADUATE SENIORS: You have reached the stage in your Undergraduate career at which you must carefully review your University Requirements (GERs, PWR, Language) in Axess in order to prepare for graduation. Please be aware that you must review your course, grade, and GER history in Axess and resolve any outstanding, unreported, and /or incomplete grades no later than April 12, 2009 (or March 1, 2009 if you are graduating Winter quarter). You must complete your remaining University and department requirements during your final quarters at Stanford."

it has such a final ring to it that is so depressing. it's like pearline's song. "(x & y place) will be so empty without you". it has the same kind of feeling. i guess graduation is supposed to be a happy occasion, that i survived (not yet, but soon, hopefully:p) and got a college degree and made friends and all that.

and then it brings me back to my brother's graduation. when i was wondering why all his friends were asian/asian american (now, i think i kind of know why), and wondering how he felt to be leaving a place after spending 4 years there, and wondering what sort of sadness it was. now that it's the year of my graduation, i'm beginning to wonder. but the reality of not living at stanford anymore won't set in until packing, i think.

and i still don't know what path lies ahead for me. although, jackie did tell me about this very interesting live-on-an-island-for-6-months thing which sounds very exotic! hahaha. it's weird though, i really don't feel the urge to make sure i stay in the US anymore. i'm not quite sure why either. maybe i'm just taking life in the US for granted now.

alright, back to my 60-notebook-page dschool assignment, of which i've completed about 1/2 of and spent at least 5 hours on so far.. ahhh. help me! limited time and so much stuff to do.

from my reading for organizational behaviour...

'Then there was Ambrose Vollard, the sponsor of Cézanne's first one-man show, at the age of fifty-six. At the urging of Pissarro, Renoir, Degas, and Monet, Vollard hunted down Cézanne in Aix. He spotted a still-life in a tree, where it had been flung by Cézanne in disgust. He poked around the town, putting the word out that he was in the market for Cézanne's canvases. In "Lost Earth: A Life of Cézanne," the biographer Philip Callow writes about what happened next:

Before long someone appeared at his hotel with an object wrapped in a cloth. He sold the picture for 150 francs, which inspired him to trot back to his house with the dealer to inspect several more magnificent Cézannes. Vollard paid a thousand francs for the job lot, then on the way out was nearly hit on the head by a canvas that had been overlooked, dropped out the window by the man's wife. All the pictures had been gathering dust, half buried in a pile of junk in the attic.

All this came before Vollard agreed to sit a hundred and fifty times, from eight in the morning to eleven-thirty, without a break, for a picture that Cézanne disgustedly abandoned. Once, Vollard recounted in his memoir, he fell asleep, and toppled off the makeshift platform. Cézanne berated him, incensed: "Does an apple move?" This is called friendship.' - from Gladwell's article on Late Bloomers.

hahaha. i have to say, i was quite amused.

new discoveries

certainly a very exciting year.. it's kind of funny to answer people who ask "did you go home for break?" and i'm like nope, i went to florida, bahamas and tahoe three times. exotic indeed. although it cost a LOT. actually i'm sure europe cost a substantial amount too, i guess i just had more money in my account at that point in time.

okay my train of thought derailed along the way cos it's been a day plus since i typed the above paragraph and my browser died on me -_-

BUT. we shall do a little update on my classes/roommate situation and .. whatever else i remember. my biblical hebrew class is rather exciting, although i was quite shocked when i walked into the first class and she started teaching us the vowels and part of the alphabet. so many squiggly lines! i told my pastor that, he laughed and said "but you learn chinese!" and i was like but it's different.. chinese has more strokes so it doesn't look so pictorial/sketchy... i don't know how to explain it.

anyway, we read the first verse of Genesis 1 on thursday (in the beginning, God created the heaven and earth). it was SO cool... as hard as it is to decipher hebrew in small font, it sent a delicious shiver down my spine. can't really explain it. i guess i felt like i was discovering how God spoke to people in the old testament or something. that was the language!!! i guess i've always been somewhat of a purist. only somewhat though... the original is always nice.

okay now we shall rewind to what happened before i got back... my last tahoe trip was certainly very eventful. it was snowstorming as we drove up. actually now that i think about it it's quite amazing that we didn't need chains at that time. anyway it totally reminded me of the first trip this season, snow blowing into the windshield and all. although when we got up there it was dark already at that time... anyhow. yes, snowy windy day, boarding was slightly miserable, i don't know if it was just as cold or a little better... but only a few lifts were open. kinda sad :( but boarding with pearline is so interesting, she is definitely v adventurous. tree-skiing, going down blacks (which i was certainly NOT contemplating and was mostly falling-leaf-ing down).. after the last run i was like i am NEVER going on a black again... and then wait to hear what happens the next day:

second day @ heavenly was good! very clear and pretty.. yay for ridge run and lake tahoe view. i looove that run. anyhow, we had a good time with the other cornell ppl, i was just amused at how huangyu kept sitting down. and he's a skiier! ah.. so, the concluding run - we were coming down roundabout and having experienced the pain of having to unstrap and walk over some flat parts, yuanxiang was like eh, let's do gunbarrel instead. the sign said it was a black. and i clearly remembered the pain of unstrapping etc and i thought it was a black, should be manageable albeit not the best, so.. i said okay! and then we started going down the slope and it was CRAZY. why?? we discovered later (after surviving down the slope i.e. sliding down as best as possible) it was a DOUBLE BLACKKK. i kept blaming yx after :p and we only realized how long the slope was after we'd come down because, as yx said, we were focused on short term survival while coming down.. absolutely ridiculous :p

oh, we went to the outdoor hot tub in the hotel.. it was pretty good! despite the slight shivering before getting in and after getting out..

and then third day we ended up going to sierra. a little bit of deja vu again since i'd been there the previous weekend. but unfortunately.. i think i was kinda tired and for some odd reason somewhat hungry even though i did have breakfast and all.. maybe i really can't do more than 2 days. anyhow. on one of the blue slopes i somehow managed to catch my board and flipped somehow or other and hit my head on the slope... ouch. it was SO painful. my first thought was "great.. this is exactly what mommy told me not to do". second thought "i was praying for safety! why'd God let me injure myself!" (kinda irrational really) and third "crap! i need to graduate!" opened my eyes, saw stars on the left side, decided i needed to close my eyes.

after a few minutes this skiier stopped in front of me and asked "are you okay?" and i opened my eyes and was like yeah.. i'm just going to sit here for a while. and he had my hat/goggles (they flew off when i hit the slope) so i was very thankful. anyhow after that i still had to board down the slope, but carving was giving me a headache so it was actually quite a pain to get down (yes, very tragic). but basically i decided i was done for the day and went to rest.. it was somewhaat cold though.. headache continued throughout the night and jackie almost freaked me out cos she was like GO TO A HOSPITAL IF THERE'S BLINDING PAIN!!! and i guess either i can tolerate pain or i don't like going to doctors when i don't absolutely have to, cos i was thinking that it's a similar kind of pain as if i had just gotten sick and was moving around a little too much than i ought to. but thankfully after sleep it was better..

okay. done with the whole tahoe episode. so i move in, and this girl comes in the door and says "hi! i'm mattie! my stuff is in your room" and i'm somewhat surprised, cos i thought lilianna was going to be my roommate right. but i thought oh, maybe something changed along the way so i shut my gaping mouth and was like hi! etcetc. and then later i find out that there was a mixup. man.. awkward situation. well anyway thankfully it worked out...

and then classes-wise, i was kinda confused about what to take and all but thankfully i was blessed and got into the classes i wanted! although... i had a terrible moment with the dschool class. because i realized, with a sinking heart, that this class has SATURDAY labs. meaning no more boarding for me! well, unless it's president's day weekend. but then i was like heck, dschool classes are hard to get into and i may not get to take one next quarter either (and i'd already been rejected by two, i think). so i'll just apply and if God lets me get in i'll take it as a sign. so.. i did get in and my classes are settled and i almost know all the classes i'm taking next quarter too! not bad...

ah. yes. karo's bday dinner last night was lovely. haven't seen the XA girls in a while.. not in a grp, anyway. twas great fun. although it was rather interesting that half the night was centered around guys..... heh. i guess for different groups (of people) there're different conversation focuses. the only thing was that i didn't do my 280 reading/hw so had to cram it today.. i think it was alright though. i hope. -prays hard-

lazy lazy me. really need to restart the job hunt.. i kinda like my schedule this quarter though. even though i can't believe i reneged on my promise to myself not to take 9am classes! i guess kash is right though, at least it's near enough at the econ building. and it's a midterm/final class so shouldn't be so much work. basically it's mon 4-6pm, tues/thurs 9am-2pm, wed 1-3, 4-6, fri 1-3.

new year's eve!

man, i feel so lazy. i think i've watched like 4 movies in the past 2 days. attempted to figure out my classes (still need to shop), supposed to start looking for jobs to apply to and i really did try this morning but now i've given up due to lack of motivation and am clearing up my computer. haha. sigh... it IS rather important too. why is job hunting so difficult -_- joanna's email is right though, if we don't have troubles we'll forget all about God. funny huh. even though I do see Him in all the beauty that I see...

anyhow. it's been a good break. although i wonder how the next tahoe trip will be.. i hope snow is good. and i can carve down blues properly :p i was reading over my logs from previous breaks/trips and am quite amazed at how patient my friends have been in teaching me. sean, jon, yongji... and i always had trouble with toe-ing. haha. good times!

i kind of wish there was a set path for me to go. so far it's pretty easy, it's been school, pri --> sec --> jc --> college. it's just which school i end up in. now it's the whole wide world! ahhh. would really like some guidance here. although for some reason i suddenly felt like i wanted to restrict my search to california i.e. norcal. i guess i'm not actually that keen on living anywhere else.. that IS rather restricting though. the same way i don't want to do 9am classes and don't want to do anything super-techy which is going to be painful. hmmm. don't know if that's the best strategy.

still missing my rg girls. where's lyd's christmas card?? haha. and my silly bro sent a card to my dorm so it's going to sit there until school starts cos the housing desk ain't open.

can't believe it's my graduation year. like, the actual calendar year. a little scary.