sigh maybe i should just take some medicine. my nose is so blocked and i sound like a frog! but i think i just need to sleep. which i can hardly afford given i took a 2-hr nap just now (it was supposed to be 1/2hr but i decided heck i'm too tired) and when i got up, it was so dark i thought it must be past 6 but it was 5:50pm.
so frustrating, why do these things happen to me? stupid soc class, 91 is A- and 92 is A. guess what i got -_- now i have to take that stupid final. i'm tempted to just let it go but it was SUPPOSED to be an easy A. i guess jackie's right, either we should've listened in class or done the reading. but seriously, lectures are so boring... whatever, i shouldn't have taken this class cos i'm going to fulfill the GER next quarter anyway, but that's too late...
psych study guide qns are hard. or at least, i can't do more than one at a time, which slightly screws up my crazy timetable... how to do 4 qns a day?! augh. it's so mentally taxing. maybe i'm just being lazy.
i wonder how europe will turn out. i hope it'll be good... and not TOO expensive. eek.
i hate time value of money.
somehow i was reminded of this verse (which I've read in one of the Anne of Green Gables books before, coincidentally. such a kiddy book but i don't care! whee). "weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" - Psalms 30:5
not that i was in tears last night (although jackie's ra-ra speech was rather touching, but it really seemed quite hopeless. in which i couldn't sleep and sat up for 1/2hr drawing out this ridiculous timetable for the next week and a half, which i actually think is going to work. :) He has blessed me so richly and direct my path. Praise Him! anyway, i guess it helped that i went for econ 111 office hours today, and really, I feel, by God's grace, there was just one other guy there who was just talking about stuff so i pretty much got personal tutoring for 45mins. SWEET. :)
and it also helped that i started studying for psych earlier so i finished going thru lectures and can SLEEP. YAY. i thought i t\was going to die in econ 153 today. don't know how come time passed SO slowly, sheesh.
anyway, i believe. now, i believe i can do it. yesss! inspirational speech to self. ahaha.
so... after the initial relief at finishing my soc paper (which I really hope, by God's grace, will go well so I don't have to take the stupid final), I am now DEAD!!! whee. with a thump i fall back on the ground of reality. from soaring in the clouds. wheee.
here is what the rest of my "quarter" (more like week and a half) looks like:
tmr: econ 153 pset due (which is like 5% of my grade and i spent >4hrs trying to write up the analysis on facebook.... how inefficient is that)
thurs: psych 60 quiz. i NEED to ace this one, at least i started reading earlier so this shouldn't be such a problem, i hope and pray
fri: econ 111 pset due. this is driving me UP THE WALL. i am going to be a bat soon, hanging from the ceiling. what sort of noises i'll be making, i don't know.
mon: optional soc final (which i really pray i won't have to do)
tues: econ 111 take home essay due (1500 words, yippee!)
wed: psych 137 final (i have no idea how to integrate lectures on "models" and "concepts" and various other abstract things, our study guide has 19 qns, we're supposed to look at the midterm study guide which had about 15 qns which may be on the final)
thurs: econ 111 final (so, i'm currently below the mean for this class i.e. i NEED TO ACE THIS FINAL ELSE I'M DONE FOR)
fri: econ 153 final (also think i'm around the mean for this one, and i have no idea how to answer his qns to the point, so that's going to be interesting)
... basically, i need a miracle. or actually, LOTS of them.
yay for primal scream. enough said. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH. stupid dead week with classes.
sigh. it seems i blog only when at the extremes. anyway, this is so sad. everyone thinks i'm hardworking (or so it seems, at first) and i guess i used to be, since i think my grades actually used to be decent. and now they're down the drain! augh. maybe this is motivation for me to start disciplining myself better. :( what have i done to myself?? how puzzling.
i have a couple more hours, a paper to write - it is so unformulated at this point.. i mean i did think about it but the structure is just not coming to me. a case to prepare for, problem sets to do, ... i have to stop thinking it's overwhelming and just DO something. :( procrastination. maybe i need serene here to motivate me. haha. i wonder how that used to work.. she'd finish her problem sets really really early. i was gonna say dayoung does do her work pretty fast too... but still a little different somehow. i always tell myself i'm going to get my stuff done on time. i don't think it normally happens though... and it's already my 3rd year. actually scrap that, i think i was a lot more motivated last time hmm. weird.
yay for good music though. even if it's kind of addictive. O.O
so, story of the week. well, not really since there was florida. but anyway...
we're at target and dayoung says she wants to buy wine. then she thinks "hmmm. i wonder if i can." and then i'm like "i'm 21!" so okay, we stop by the wine thing and she chooses her wine.. sutter or something. and then we go pay, cos the marguerite's coming soon and we don't want to miss it.
at the cashier, the dude says "can i see your ID?" so i take out my driver's license. he peers at it. and peers. and peers for a really long time. so much so that i'm wondering if he can't count (it even says "AGE 21 in 2007) or can't see my birth date or what.
so we're standing there wondering what's going on when finally he gives it back and says "you look really different." apparently, i look a lot younger in person. in which i said "i guess it's the glasses". and he repeats "you don't look anything like the photo". i just shrug (what else to do right) and at this point i think dayoung got slightly annoyed cos she looks at my license and is like "it looks just like her" and brushes it off, and the guy gets defensive and is like "you have to look at it from my point of view. this is the first time i'm seeing her." so dayoung says "yeah, i guess after two years, it looks the same to me" and the guy sounds even more defensive and repeats something along the same lines.
after we get out i'm like okay... so wat'm i supposed to do if you don't believe that's my ID. -_- how ridiculous. and to think i lent jackie my ID that day in case she got carded while ordering some drink. hah. anyway, another good story to add to the collection.
i bet CS would say i shouldn't be surprised, cos he saw quite a few photos on my macbook on the plane and apparently thinks i look pretty different in a lot of them. even if they might have been taken during the same time period
whyyyy am i doing so badly in my classes this quarter. getting stupider? lazier? okay, lazier is probably possible. haha. but really, is it too much to ask to just be pleasantly surprised for once... doesn't seem like that's happening anymore. which is probably my fault. ugh i don't know. this is so confusing.
and i really want to go to gilroy! only problem is that it's so far. and i don't have a car. oh look, that rhymes. oh, and i won't be there for the thanksgiving sale either cos i'll be snowboarding. which i'm very excited about, but then this is the only time i actually shop during the year so that's also a little problematic ><
it's time for amusing psych readings again! yippee.
"In their first weeks of crawling, infants (averaging around 8.5 months in age) unhesitatingly and competently went down shallow slopes. Confronted with slopes that were too steep to crawl down, the babies typically paused for a moment, but then launched themselves headfirst anyway (requiring the experimenter to catch hold of them)."
somehow. the image of babies "launching themselves headfirst" tickles me.
"Toddlers will attempt, in all seriousness, to sit in a tiny, dollhouse=sized chair or to get into a small toy car"
haha. i think my imagination is too good.
and i don't know why i'm eating so much. maybe it's subconscious stress. which is kind of ridiculous, but nevermind.
pooh. i had such an unproductive weekend. oh! i got my macbook!!!! :):):) but i'm so sad, it's a little scratched already... sigh. i shall wrap it in a shirt! haha. and i'm so afraid it'll get dirty.. which i already know is going to happen. boo. oh well, nice to have a laptop though, so useful... and it kept me awake in class on mon :p
and jackie's belated bday presents to me are hilarious! a stuffed llama and a peacock feather quill.. both of which relate to my art class last spring. i drew 6 llama heads (plus some of the neck) in different mediums. okay, i don't even remember what they're called - ink, pencil, charcoal, ... and i really liked using a quill! i don't even know if it's really a quill.. whatever, the type of pen with a nib which you dip into the ink! anyway, i came up with this briliant idea of having a huge peacock feather quill which i could use in exams and distract everyone else so i'll get my A :p and can tickle people with the quill. haha.
just back from XA. don't know why i'm feeling a little out of sorts! so weird. just happens from time to time and i've no idea why... i really don't like reading about the history of the Fed's monetary policy. somehow, i really don't like macro. even though that i know it's important and everything... it just doesn't click or something.
and i guess i'm somewhat worried about my class grades.. econ and psch. well, developmental is fine cos i know i can handle the quizzes if i study early enough. the other 3... ugh. i don't even know.
lindsey is right though. deficient substitutes for real life relationships. i did, after all, spend like 15+hrs watching that whole drama last weekend or something. oops. at least i did some nice things for people today i guess. haha. this is so silly.
anyway, me and jackie with quill and llama.
my academics are so going to pot. last week i had three midterms, all of which i'm rather sure i royally screwed up. well, one of them i just got back and i am DEAD. below the mean, it's such a hard class. why didn't i drop it when i had the chance? and that psych language class.. i was writing so much nonsense, and i sacrificed the other psych quiz (i mean okay, i can drop one) to study for.. and yes, it's also my own fault that i didn't do my readings and such. and then i bet this stupid econ class is going to turn out like last year's 140 (financial econ) but i just can't let that happen again! but i really hate that class. why why why.
and i really shouldn't have slacked off so much this weekend cos i've no idea what the 153 midterm is going to be like, and i don't know if my soc paper is going to be decent. help me.
even while i am desperately (and i repeat, DESPERATELY) studying for my psych midterm...
"In humans, compared with other mammals, the larynx is low. Although this feature is good for producing speech sounds, it comes at a cost. Because our larynx is low, food from our mouths can fall into the trachea, and we run the risk of choking to death. (...) Changes in the shape of the mouth that go along with the lower larynx also account for the frequent human problem of overcrowded teeth and impacted wisdom teeth (Lieberman, 1991). These life-threatening disadvantages that come with a vocal tract that is good for speech suggest that speech must have been very useful to the first hominids who had it. It must have given them a survival advantage that more than compensated for the risk of death from infected teeth and choking on food." - one of my psych readings.
isn't it classic? haha.
Excerpt from my psych reading:
At the level of the sentence, our knowledge of the rules of grammar tells us that "There is no time to question" is a permissible English sentence, but "Question, no time there is" is not permissible or, at best, is extremely awkward (unless you are Yoda, who says this in Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith).
got to love it. haha.
crazy week! i seem to have forgotten how hard i've to work to keep up with 20 units. like really... maybe this just happens all the time and i take it as status quo. quite possible, really.
birthday wasn't particularly exciting i think, esp cos i had a midterm and a pset to do (which i frankly hadn't much of an idea how to do either, i hope it was alright though:|) ah. since i procrastinated on finishing this post, i got my midterm back and praise God! did pretty well:)
oh, my birthday stuff all came at different times! diffused happiness. haha.
so first it was dinner..
then poor sealnet pple singing me a bday song twice (once at mon night meeting and once at midnight! so sweet :)).
i think serene's present came on time (yay! pretty bag:) although it wasn't as exciting cos i chose it anyway haha:p) hmm.
oh! yah, dayoung gave me a mini cake and yellow victory roses which seem to be slowly dying, unfortunately.
tuan's present was a little late.. but so sweet. at first i was like wat?! why is he sending me vietnamese cds? and then i saw the rest of the package and i was like ohhhhhh. aw.
then my bday card from my family arrived just this monday.. which amused me so much but made me miss home a little. the envelope was bright pink and then when i opened it the first thing i saw was the back of the card which said "princess and pony", and the front is SO cute :)
and yesterday, chris' present came! such pretty earrings from the art institute in chicago! :) which was nice cos i had a slightly crappy morning yesterday, what with professors standing me up and dvds not being where they were supposed to be -_-
yeah. i need to muster up the motivation to do my work. ack! ohh! sicheng gave me speakers! yayyy. :) i was getting rather annoyed with the pathetic-ness of the mac mini's internal ones (even though actually my bro says he's going to buy me a macbook for my bday! :)) but yeah, it makes watching stuff on my computer really hard. not anymore yay!
planning this europe trip is such a headache. i wish we had more time :( and i've been to paris/rome so i don't particularly wanna go, but other people wanna go... and i really wanna go to nice/florence/venice! we'll see i guess. maybe i'll just disappear off for a bit and meet back later.
as usual, i'm blogging to procrastinate. well, i'm trying to start the paper but it's starting off sounding kinda weird so i don't know... aiyah. anyway. bday dinner today! i have now learnt that ming's honey walnut prawns aren't that fantastic. oh well. they are right though, i think normally pple's bday dinners don't have 2 tables' worth. actually, three this time cos we couldn't fit everyone! i'm glad everyone came:) other than those horrible ppl who couldn't make it! haha.
anyway. i'm a pledge parent this quarter. which means i can't be mean to pledges! how tragic. i guess it's good to get another side of the experience. and to see my pledge bros in action as MOR/AMOR! haha it's great. and aw, di and andrew are pledging.
suddenly i don't know if i'm overdoing it by doing 21 units. it's not just the homework but the class time and all.. i guess my timetable isn't that bad - i only have class on fridays 3 times a quarter! and one of those fridays has passed. :) but my mon wed is practically class straight from 10am to 5pm without much of a break. and tues thurs is 1 to 6pm. my nights aren't very productive i think. dunno leh. arghhh. it's like 3rd week of quarter already, don't know what i've been doing! i think i need to be more hardcore.
looks like i really am supposed to be an empress.
You are The Empress
Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.
The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.
The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
it's time to leave again. no matter how many times i come back and leave it's always the same. would rather stay, don't want to go. but i guess when i get past customs and stuff i'll be looking forward. but before that! ack. so much for my telling tuan that i was trying to get used to saying goodbye cos it's so inevitable and it always happens. bleah. should try to think less. but it always happens, looking at luggage and trying to think of what else i need to bring back. i think i did pick well, when someone asked me during spotlight on: "if you could destroy one of your possessions, what would it be?" it was really quite hard.. i mean, if you HAVE stuff it's likely that you actually LIKE the stuff that's why you have it right. although i suppose that's not always the case. anyway after prolonged thought, i said luggage, cos i hate packing. so much for liking to travel! like young people should. -_- i wish i wouldn't get so attached to things sometimes.
it's been a week! and i'm so tired. i guess the combination of a crazy night + not enough sleep + hectic day is getting to me. and being sad. haha. sigh. i thought i'd gotten used to leaving but i guess i never really do. and things like last day at work are terrible cos there's the whole DAY worth of pple reminding you that it's your last day! bleah.
and i have to admit i was quite annoyed with kelly! he was like okay, i'll be around later to say bye and stuff but he DISAPPEARED. hmph. i don't even know why i was so annoyed actually. i suppose cos everyone else whom i wrote notes to was still around for me to say bye to. luckily i delivered the notes early though. just in case pple disappear.
kind of weird. throughout the week i was a little regretful i was leaving so soon, then i was suddenly ready to leave (and go back to school). even then i kept thinking of leng's point about needing "closure". which pretty much equalled my brownie-making/bringing and note/card-giving. oh well. i think as long as i was able to be a blessing to their lives while i was there, i'm glad. sometimes i wonder if that's me being selfish/proud in a way though. like it's a bit like me wanting to feel like i've been able to do something for them. it's a little complicated. the mere christianity book by cs lewis has been very interesting, although not something one can read at one shot, i think. takes time to digest.
anyway. it's junior year. not really looking forward to the unpacking and all that, but i hope i have a good year.
sigh i can't sleep! maybe the excitement hasn't worn off. anyway I feel so blessed. just one night (more like afternoon + night i guess) and God has given me so much. I'm almost tempted to say "all I ever hoped for", but of course that's not really the case. it's so weird though, He works in such mysterious ways. and I don't even know why I'm so happy about it. I suppose somehow or other, after all the people I've gotten to know, Citibank has come to mean something to me. kind of weird huh?
anyway.. so originally when my boss asked HR they said i couldn't go. even though, in his words, he fought very hard for me. so I was kind of disappointed but resigned to it -shrug- it's really funny cos at first i was like nope, why would i want to go.. it'd just be weird. then i gradually got more amenable to it cos pple were all talking about it and what they were going to dress up as.. but then I found out I couldn't go so I was like sigh, whatever then..
And then today I decided to go to the costume shop with my boss and his fellow management associates, one of them is a relationship manager(RM) in training [rahul], another one is a full fledged (well, sort of) RM [EC]. since they were leaving early and i had nothing else to do anyway.. not until dinnertime when i was supposed to meet jiahui and adeline.
so we got there, and i was sort of advising them on costumes and such.. and then rahul kept asking me why i wasn't going! anyhow in the end he just called up the organizers and asked if there was space.. and there was! and i was like serious???? so i called up poor jiahui to cancel on them.. for like the dunno how many-ieth time. felt kinda bad about it. but luckily they were meeting pam yeo so it wasn't so bad i guess:p
oh and i got to wear a fun costume (egyptian queen!:p). although it got rather scratchy/hot after a while -_- haha. actually i don't think it looks THAT good on me. anyhow. yes, i also got to see everyone I wanted to see (which was quite amazing cos different departments were at different tables). anyhow hopefully everyone sends photos to me cos I didn't have my camera -sob-
and then kelvin drove me home too. so, very blessed today I feel!:) it's not even such a big deal I think. oh well. just happy anyway:) two weeks left.. hardly. I'm so glad I got to intern here though. Although it seems like what I'm taking from it is more about my style of interaction/getting to know people/work more than the financey stuff. Even though I'm sure there's that stuff too.. not as impactful. it's the interactions with people I'll remember.
it's been.. a week? i think. somewhere around there.
i guess this week wasn't so busy but i was doing random other things. like getting my specs done. FINALLY! that poor salesman. haha. i must have frustrated him so much. cos i took a total of two hours (one on each day, i went down twice cos i couldn't decide) to choose my frames.
and i met more people this week. oh i got to talk to my investment consultant person. and a couple other people.. including one girl whom i originally thought wasn't very friendly cos when she gave me the card she just gave me that sort of impression. or maybe i just caught her at a better time this time.. it's funny how first impressions are sometimes so wrong.
anyway my mind is more preoccupied with non-work stuff. i'm so sick of telling people what i do at work! it's such a horribly boring topic. i guess it really shouldn't be, but it sounds slightly lame somehow. same with MOF prison rehab thing last year. but you know, "website content" and "trusts presentation" just doesn't sound particularly impressive. i suppose in general things aren't as glamorous as they sound.
i drove to pam's house and back today! yay:) despite my mom's rather obvious doubts of my ability to drive the car safely >< couldn't really face a 1hr train ride, not after all the commuting i have to do during weekdays. anyway first she was trying to convince me to take MRT cos i'll have to find parking and etc.. then afterwards she was like oh, you better remember to take down the carplate and insurance number if anything happens. luckily nothing did! haha. praise God:) and my parking was quite good. although granted, there were two lots' worth of space.
and it was rather queer being the odd one out. cos the bunch at her house today was mostly 3G (her class) and RJ councillors/RI prefects. and there was me. well puee and jiahui came later. and poor lyd was sick. hope lyd feels better soon! but while i was sitting there it just struck me that the situation was somewhat similar to val's bday party last sat. actually i also dunno how come she invited me, but the groups of friends were like columbia/air rifle/3J/412. so i just hung around with the 412 girls.. was good to see them after so long but also so interesting to see their dynamic. and to find out that most of them aren't attached! i suppose cos it seems like half my class is attached. dunno la.
3 weeks left to leaving. hm. i think i need to make better friends at stanford. one of my colleagues was saying "your classmates are going to be future presidents (and wat not) so better start networking!" i just smiled. i didn't want to say anything cos i don't really think i'm that close to people there somehow. i guess i need to make an effort to hang out with people more, am so bad at doing that! so easy to get preoccupied and such.
it's really been a while! what with starting work and SEALNet people coming for the ASEAN celebrations to present our circle paintings and get the PM to paint on it.. That was definitely a crazy week. Entertaining SEALNet pple until 11+ everyday and taking a cab home. and then Top (from project thailand last year) randomly came to Singapore and I got his email on Friday night asking if I was free for Saturday lunch. I'm like.. well done. But anyway I managed to get a couple of people to come down. and then sean's bday dinner on Sunday.. which was quite fun even though i was the youngest. honored to be invited though. haha :)
yeah, lunch with yingheng and then dinner with lyd n pam on monday. i don't think i was very good company somehow. dinner with aud n changmou n shaun n hongking yesterday. reminiscing about rj days was rather enjoyable. and somehow all my conversations include an element of animal! maybe i only notice it now cos tuan kept telling me i was obsessed with animals. ohwell. anyway, it also struck me what a GEP group it was.. i don't know why only today though. maybe cos we really haven't met up in that group so it was a little different.
today was a rather eventful day i guess. meaning most of my time wasn't spent at the desk which made me very happy:) it felt a little like being in school and doing PWR research again though, haha. cos i was trying to find books on trusts to help me understand. rather than random googling. i'm glad my boss let me go though.. hopefully he didn't think i was slacking or something.
so i went to NLB from 11:30 to 3:30 and had lunch w jon in btwn.. that was nice too. rather amusing and i got to see his van! apparently one of his ex-gfs or something was very averse to him picking her up in a van. and he was like "why couldn't she see past the van!" which was just hilarious cos normally it's like see past the money or something.. oh i don't know, it was just funny.
and then my boss forwarded me this email about RM (relationship manager) training.. so I got to sit in on this session where the RMs were taught about citi's house view, investing for long term, etc. and i found out that one of the guys i met was quite an important person. i THINK. anyway i shall go ask him what he actually does.. hopefully tmr. yeah, so that took up the rest of the day and i wasn't deskbound! ahaha. victory.
i'm also actually home for dinner, which hasn't happened since i don't know when.. oh wait it was last fri or something. and fireworks tmr! yay
anyway, i think that guy made such a big impression on me cos he was the only one to answer me at that first team huddle thing. but again i guess he didn't have much of a choice since after all of them stared at me like i was crazy when i was like "hello! what're you doing? i'm an intern and I heard a lot of noise so i came out to see what was going on" (this was Nat'l Day eve), and went back to doing whatever team activity it was that they were doing, i asked him specifically what was going on.
and later met him when i was going out in search of a hashbrown. haha. oh this reminds me of the French guy at Total in 05. he was so nice! and smiley! i suddenly randomly remember going into his office and finding out that he went to INSEAD.
the weird things i do.
i am so tired. why am i getting sick twice in a month?? :( and it's so hard to work on this ASEAN exhibition thing. okay i should just do something about it and stop complaining but i am somehow drained. i don't even know why i'm feeling so negative about it. i guess cos we're past the deadline and i feel bad about it. haha.
anyway yeah, i think i'll finish my complaining and then get down to finishing up. after all, that's what a blog's for anyway. so, like i was telling tu, a sick strawberry + an internetless ryan working on this is really quite sad! not to mention the difficulties of working across countries -_- i guess it's similar to the leadership curriculum time, but somehow that was easier. i guess we had more defined deadlines and roles. doesn't help that i've been sick since sat and couldn't stay at the computer for more than like half an hour or something.
i think i need to take a break. not that i've been doing very much since 10am. haha. what to do.. lack of energy.