YAYYY clar is DONE with WINTER QUARTER and FINALS!!!! woohooo!!!
man. that was cathartic. anyway i've had rather the craziest time since finals ended on thurs at 9:30PM! wheee. so i was supposed to go to late nite w dewen but that didn't really work out cos late nite was closed! cheated. humph. anyway i was going to say hi and happy bday to top but he was on the phone. and then yf called. so i piled into the car w the rest of them (jh who still had a final today, megan & viet) and we went to viet's place to play wii tennis!
haha it's ridiculously addictive. and pretty fun! yay. and then tu misha daniel came over.. philbert and dex came too but they all ended up playing beer pong. hum. oh then we came back to lantana to celebrate top's bday.. yay cheesecake factory cake! yums.
i don't really think i've been eating any less since finals were over, hm. oops. and then i watched this ridiculous korean movie called guns n talks w jackie until like 5am. (partly due to her doing laundry at the same time, she has SO many clothes and took so long to fold them -sigh-). also it was either the dvd or my computer, but the subtitles were sort of wonky and annoying. ah well.
didn't get to sleep in either cos we had a PV07 lunch meeting (sigh). sometimes i think i see too much of SEALNet pple for work man -shakes head- and then spent two hours with music yay! harp and then piano.. that was nice:)
went w jh to get his car tires fixed. i felt slightly obliged to cos he was going to be nice and give me a lift to the airport tmr. haha. but it was cool, haven't talked to him in a while. actually i really haven't seen yf in a looong time. ah well.
came back, went out w dayoung for dinner! wow korean food is pretty crazy.. i think i still prefer jap though, ah well. it's kind of funny but i think the food and language are somewhat linked. like jap food/lang is a little more palatable/fluent than korean. but i may be biased:)
then we stopped by this korean supermarket yay bakery! it was a small one, but nevertheless, asian bread yayyyy. i miss bo luo baos greatly. umm. oh yes and yayyy dayoung let me drive back -happy clar- i really like her car. and she doesn't like driving! and she has a car! so ironic. haha. says it's stressful. i could definitely see why, but i enjoy it. ah well. then we went to coldstones and i stuffed myself full of sugar :p then we came back and watched match point, which had a pretty disturbing plot, not altogether very satisfactory. i LOVE my screen though, thanks to my bro:)
okay i should really pack or shower or do something useful.. aahh.
I really should be concentrating on studying for Int'l Econ (final on Mon 8:30am augh) but somehow the SEALNet meeting this morning keeps popping into my head. About how I've (as usual) gotten myself into something I have no idea how I'm going to deliver. Actually I sort of remember saying that at some point.. oh right that was about recruiting.
Anyway, I find it so interesting that KB (one of our professional mentors) is so invested in SEALNet and she's really all out to push us. I mean JH does say that sometimes.. His favorite phrase is like "I challenge you to..." I bet he got it from KB. And we finally have like set roles for each of us in Project Vietnam, which I think is great cos now at least there's something tangible (or defined, anyway) to work towards.
And the way the professionals 'dissect' and summarize our aims is so interesting. Sounds rather like work lingo or something.. And it was so amazing how KB got us to talk about our view of the 1. mission of PV 2. our stake in it 3. how we're going to interact. While we were talking she whipped out a marker and drew this really cool map on the whiteboard (those are really useful things) and organized it/used black lines to show us who we'd be talking to (mainly) and stuff.
Actually I don't even know why I think it's cool.. Stepping back it could be seen as a rather artificial way of distilling things. But I think it worked for me.
So what I've gotten myself into is like planning the service leadership curriculum for the entire SEALNet (okay I'm quite sure I'll have a team, but the initial impression was that she was going to hold me accountable for it and KB is quite scary haha). cos I was asking, isn't that the SEALNet-wide curriculum that everyone uses, and KB said (actually I forgot what exactly she said). But later Tu was like, but there ISN'T a documented curriculum at the moment, we've to start doing that. and KB was like "oh yes, I forgot to add: there IS no SEALNet, YOU are SEALNet." and I was like okay!!! well done...
Alright at least I've gotten that out of my system. I realized the way I punctuate kind of depends on my mood. Now it's like a semi-formal thing or something.
At this point I feel like SEALNet is going to have a huge impact on my life. Leading a project and all. And I wish my frat would have that kind of impact, but somehow I don't know if I can see that happening..
Actually this whole business with professional mentors sounds vaguely like CCAs in school where we had teachers-in-charge. And uni stuff is so different cos it's all student-run. I guess sometimes it's really nice to have people around who know more than you. And in that sense I guess that's what former-committee members (in the case of S@S) and older-bros (in the frat) are for. Which I've kind of just realized. A little late there.. oh well.
i was going to post something just now in the afternoon but then i forgot wat it was cos blogger wasn't working at that time -_-
anyway
here're some favourite quotes:
Jackie: We should really cook one day. It’ll be you and me…
Clar: (in the most adorable voice ever <- this description by jackie) And our little frying pan.
As Clar lies in bed,
Jackie: If I go to the toilet, will you be awake when I get back?
Clar: No. I will be a pufferfish.
-pause-
Clar: I think I want to be a monster.
(I started describing Celia in Monsters Inc. - with the hair-monsters and etc)
Jackie: I haven’t watched Monsters Inc.
Clar: Then I’m just describing nonsense.
Jackie: Yah…
Jackie: Hopefully when I come back you won’t be a pufferfish.
Clar: I’ll puff up and pop and then no more Clar. You’ll just have shreds. I guess that’ll be enough.
(on the night when I was getting pissed off with coding NameSurfer, I think)
Me “My aim in life is to annoy everyone”
Jackie “That’s a really stupid aim”
Me, exasperated, “Do I sound like I was being serious you silly pig?”
Jackie “No, but I felt like I should tell you it was stupid anyway”
After an extended campaign to get Jackie to send me the photos of our night out at California Café (which included me calling her so she could locate her phone in the sea of stuff that is her bed), she finds her phone and sends me the photos. Then.
Jackie, peering down at her phone screen, “Who called?”
Me “me”
Jackie “oh yah”
[this is such a classic serene-type of thing to do..]
Me, reading Ch 13 of my Econometrics txtbk, “I can’t take it anymore!”
Jackie laughs. “Oh no.. what happened?”
Me “This stupid chapter is so long!”
Jackie “Those damn chapters! Always so long…”
okay this is really a deluge of posts but yay feeling better. bible study was good. although we had like 4 pple.. aaron's hilarious. he was making all sorts of amusing remarks about the parables we were looking at.. 'cumulative investment' - the man who found hidden treasure and then sold all he had to buy the field.. and oh, lots of things. and about how christians are described as 'mustard seeds', 'yeast', 'wheat', 'fish', 'salt'. karen "we're a tasty bunch!" aaron "we could make a meal out of all that!"
i have had enough of people for the moment. well, until like 7:15 when bible study starts cos chi alpha pple are fine. haha. anyway.. yeah. this whole email thing, plus the 2-hour SEALNet meeting I just had = more than enough.
two days later you send me an email telling me the real reason you came here, and that involves a relationship issue with someone i know pretty well. while i am really glad you decided to be frank, what do you want me to do? or say? or think? i'm not sure that was such a good idea, cos now all the possibilities start chasing themselves inside my mind and i don't know what to think of you anymore. like, telling me afterwards and not giving me the entire picture is just going to confuse me more. and i haven't even the foggiest idea why it disturbed me so much. at least i think that's it for the moment, and hopefully we can all move on.
SEALNet meeting involved a length discussion on our working styles and what we've been doing/not doing. I always dislike these things cos they're very draining. I guess cos it indirectly targets our weaknesses and it's very tiring to discuss such things. I suppose it's just easier to remain in denial and push everything aside instead of really grappling with it. Something which I need to do with a lot of areas of my life, but can't find the energy to.
Anyway, so after these two things, I'm just like.. okay. I can talk to my roommate, and that's it. I don't want to have to sit around at the dining table and try and socialize with people I don't feel like talking to..
I still have so much work to do... Where does the time go?
It was nice meeting Philbert by chance at Olives, even though my mind was still rather preoccupied with the email-thing.
so i really do think i spent yesterday effectively doing nothing. well, no work at all. got up at 7:30 to go to church (and daylight savings began! ridiculously soon.. i didn't even know until i saw the sign at the restaurant/bar thing at kirkwood. somehow i think that happened last year too, saw it at some shop at yosemite during spring break. heh)
i thought the sermon wasn't very helpful cos they were encouraging members to give and talked about budget and stuff and i was (most unfortunately) falling asleep. the actual sermon was like maybe 10 minutes long. bah. oh well.. came back and got straight back into bed. jon called an hour later to ask about lunch, but i was rather reluctant to get out of bed so oh well. too bad. it wasn't that great a nap i guess, i kept waking up at random times and wondering if i should get up. esp at 12:30, cos i realized brunch was over.. then i was like heck, i'd rather sleep and i need to stop eating so much anyway.
spent like 1.5hrs updating my accounts (still can't figure out where some of my money went -_-) and then cleaned up my snowboarding boots. then jackie wanted to cook so we did. and honestly, soup is one of the most boring things you can cook. i guess it's the same as boiling water, kind of. just got to wait for it to heat up while stirring. haha.
okay don't feel like chronicling the rest of my uneventful day so i shall talk about saturday! yayyy. i don't even know why i'm so crazy about snowboarding. like if you really think about it.. boarding/skiing is just going down a snowy slope multiple times. okay i guess that's an oversimplification and the same logic would apply to everything else (e.g. basketball/blading/watever). it's the joy one derives from it!
anyway i realized the drive to kirkwood/tahoe is really long. >.< i guess having a tour bus and being able to watch DVDs makes it pass faster. (as for dorm trip). also while we were coming back i found myself staring at the other cars on the freeway wondering where they were coming from - had they been up to napa on a 2-3hr drive? were they visiting from somewhere? went to sacramento for the weekend and were now going home? it's just such a weird concept to do road trips. and especially those across-state-trips.. that's just crazy.
kirkwood has really huge slopes. i mean huge as in width-wise.. very nice and wide! i preferred the snow on the backside, only got there after lunch (and it was such a pain to get there! man. probably took us like 40mins to get over there).
i realized this whole snowboarding thing has a lot to do with overcoming psychological barriers (quote barney). like i KNOW i can toe but part of me is very afraid of trying cos the probability of me falling when toeing is higher than when i'm heeling. but when i do try and succeed then it's like YEAHHH owned the slopes! haha. also about gaining momentum while carving.. if i start and carve a couple of times then it's just easier to continue. also like pearline said.. at first, scared of green slopes, then blue.. then black! haha my aim is to be able to jump by the time i graduate
and my triumph of the saturday was answering my phone while boarding:p granted it wasn't that such a steep slope (if not i wouldn't have thought about answering my phone). so anyway i was going down an okay blue slope, and then suddenly my phone started vibrating in my jacket sleeve (yay for sleeve pockets) and i was like oh crap i bet that's sicheng asking where we are.. (we ended up splitting into 2 pairs) was trying to decide if i should answer it and then i was like heck, i'm sure i can do this! so while carving i was unzipping my sleeve pocket and taking out my phone.
it was so funny cos i was quite sure sicheng could hear my board carving the snow cos it was SO loud, but apparently later he said he could hear the wind and was wondering if i was boarding while talking. and whether i was going to fall cos i was doing that. but i didn't! haha! anyway i felt such a sense of achievement:D funkkyyy stuff! :p :) whee~
man. wat a crazy pair of days. as in tues and wed. tues morning was okay, went for dance and 102B (these econ classes.. all drive me nuts, although nothing can beat CS, really).. i think i was reading my book for a while during class haha. oops. the grumpy koala is SO funny though.. lemme try and find a pic
there! grumpy koala:) haha it's so cute.. jackie was amused too:) anyway it's been so long since i read for pleasure, it's a really nice feeling. of course it also means i slack but well.. this quarter has been so disastrous anyway..
anyway so i came back from 102B (fighting the urge to fall asleep), had lunch, took a nap. got woken up by my alarm, then the phone (jackie ordered dinner) and i really didn't feel like getting up but in the end i was kind of awake. and i was glad i got up cos sean was online! yayyy:)
but like after that was rather downhill in a sense. had extra econ 165 class (and then when i was coming back from dinner i realized that's my last class for today and it's my first class tmr! -grumps-). and then i went to the lair to get namesurfer done.. but it so was not getting done >.< so i got rather mad/frustrated.
went back to my room at like a quarter to 1am, quite annoyed. thankfully kiat came over at like a quarter to 3 to help me out yayyy. but before that i was so so so frustrated i was making alot of noise and annoying the hell out of poor jackie.. haha. and then i was in the hallway and i stomped around in anger for a while and david said i looked like an angry duck. which actually is rather hilarious
and i was also kind of tired so i was complaining, "anything that requires a lot of work pisses me off!" and jackie looked at me with such a horrified expression i was like wellll you know i don't really mean it. but maybe i do, so lazy.
ah watever. anyhow i managed to finish the silly program before it was due! for once! (maybe twice) and that was such a great feeling:p also with the help of one of the section leaders who lives down the hall. then dinner w dayoung and chi alpha..
i am so so so excited for snowboarding on sat! psyched up! haha. i guess also cos i don't have to plan it, makes life a lot less stressful. but i haven't been since mid-jan! i hope the snow's good and we have loads of fun:) (and none of us end up injured 0_0) and yay i have a fellow snowboarder.. didn't know sicheng boards too wheee.
okay i'm so psyched up i must post the pic of my pretty board again. haha. ahhh! okay must do work first. so i can replicate the miracle of my A-IHUM-paper due the day after snowboarding.. in the form of full marks for 102B pset maybe? anywayyyy snowboard! man i don't even know why i'm so crazy about it. maybe cos my quarter hasn't been that wonderful and boarding is something that definitely makes me happy. alright i don't even think i'm coherent anymore:
i must take more pics of my snowboard hm. but this is when it was brand new! lala. and not scratched.
yay i had a rather happy day in all:) slightly unexpected, but good!
so the first part of the day was spent struggling with my (tired) body. got up at 6am to write econ paper cos last night i was just too sick of it to get anything much done. and then i had lots of trouble getting my eyes to stay open. so i think i went back to sleep from 7:30 to 8ish.. struggle is definitely the word.
anyhow i finished it, on time, surprisingly. i guess in the end i'm like i've tried my best, that's it. and i actually got to class on time, which was nice cos i haven't been very good at doing that when stuff is due. when the quarter is finally winding down, then i begin to get my act together. how ironic is that..
i was rather in a rush to get out of class cos i wanted to go to the post office to get my jason hahn book (which i then spent like 1.5hrs after lunch devouring instead of doing my work. but it was so riveting). i almost feel a little embarrassed cos i keep getting packages/package slips from the housing office and the guy recognizes me already. haha.
lemme see.. and it was such a beautiful god-given day:) awesome weather! so i'm like yes, i must finally get my lazy ass down to the gym. esp if i'm going snowboarding this sat (which was sort of decided for me cos happily my prof moved the pset due date to wed instead of mon).. and also bcos i haven't exercised since that fateful mid-jan day when i slipped on the ice.
yeah so i fell asleep during CS again.. probably wasn't such a great idea, given that he was going thru the next assignment :| oh well. i'm sure we'll figure it out. then went to the gym, felt happy i was actually doing something about all the eating i've been doing. i really should stop taking comfort in food. not a healthy thing to do.
but anyhow, i also resolved to go to the lair to get help with namesurfer (due wed). it's this program which reads in a database of names and how popular they were from 1900 to 2000 and then plots a graph. pretty cool:) so i went after dinner and ron was there to help! haha he is such a unique character.. his metaphorical explanations were very helpful though, that was nice.
and then i decided since i'm at tresidder i might as well go to frosoco/lag and visit pple, since i never ever go over & i definitely hadn't seen kiat in forever. so i went and saw kiat, misha, tu, stacey, daniel, philbert. it was nice hanging out and chilling:) although it is also quite an unearthly hour now (i'm one to talk, given the ridiculous hours i stay up to code CS!) but it's sort of amazing cos at 7pm i was feeling quite sleepy and yet i managed to survive quite happily until now. coding CS was tiring but hanging out was fun so i'm glad~
but now i must sleep. hope tmr's social dance is fun! yay
this is so weird. i'm hearing lots of strange music coming from somewhere towards the north-east of campus (my dorm is east-campus) but i'm too lazy to go check it out. anyway, there was this flute-like-sounding tune for a bit, and after reading chim's reply to my email wrt chicago, i just have this image of a peaceful temple-like retreat place (you know, the kind you see in movies) with nice soothing music (yes, featuring a flute of some sort). i guess it's like some meditative place or something. long for peace.
anyhow weather's getting better and so i'm happy! the only problem is i think i slacked off too much last week so this weekend is going to be hell (and yes, i'm still here blogging). a paper due monday which is 20% of my grade, another program due wed. ahh.
the latter conversation transpired between me & CS 10mins ago.
CS: The latter's Chris' Outrageous Chocolate Cake combines brownie, pie, and cheesecake into 1,380-calorie pudding.
CS: Cheesecake Factory
CS: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6399267.stm
me: WOAH
me: they're going to kill pple with that man
CS: yeah
me: i wonder if it's new
me: probably not right
CS: no
CS: but gives you an idea
me: augh
me: i ate a choc cake today cos i was stressed
me: haha
CS: ok
CS: a whole cake???
me: no la
me: whole cake i die already you know
and i just had a hysterical laughing fit, which apparently rather alarmed jackie. and i was like well, i wasn't too sure if i could've stopped, but it's been a long time since i laughed that much.
more quotes from jackie:
context: she passed him some of her perishables (namely, roti prata & her 7-layer caramel cake) and her air-con to store over winter break.
"of all the things i gave john, the only thing he can't keep is the air-conditioner."
jackie informs me that my hysterical laughter was quite disturbing.
me: but you did that to me once!
jackie: yes, but i went and promptly got into bed
jackie tries to persuade me to go take a nap.
me, resisting strenuously, then conceding: i think i will. i can't think anymore.
jackie, visibly VERY relieved: THANK GOD.
random note: went for mentoring dinner (finally! this is the 7th week!) and had honey walnut prawns!! well i've had better elsewhere but since i haven't eaten them in a long time i was quite happy:) and then my fortune in the fortune cookie was hilarious (it also rather reminded me of retreat): "you are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling." both of which are so, so not me. unless you think otherwise, in which case do let me know cos i'd be rather curious.
anyway yes, after a disastrous midterm/hangman-program-due/pset due week, i came out of my econ classes with an epiphany. well, it's sort of a blurry epiphany since i'm not sure yet. but i may change my major. i mean, i really did not like macroecon last quarter (might be the fault of the teacher, might be that i didn't really understand stuff and therefore am now somewhat averse to it, maybe i just am not interested in learning about the fed/...)
but this quarter i feel like walking out of my econ classes 1 hr into lecture (they're 1h50). int'l econ i don't always feel like walking out, usually it's pretty intense so not much time to look at the clock and stuff. but it's a little hard to grasp too i guess, and he goes somewhat fast. but econometrics.. really.. i don't know. and my econ major right now is a finance track, but i really don't know if i'd like learning about those either. -_- i guess i'll have to do huge-time shopping next quarter. my bro suggested just taking one econ class and really exploring the rest of my options.
i also didn't realize how worried my family was about my state. so-called. cos my mom called, and my brother called, and ... i never really thought sophomore slump was a real concept but i guess maybe it is true.. when you really start wondering about what the heck you're doing (or actually, i should be using 'i' instead of 'you', as leng&hung would say). in life, in school, in whatever.
i know a couple of my fellow sealnet-ers are thinking about that, and one of dayoung's friends took the quarter off. i think she had a little bit of a self-esteem problem.. apparently she kept saying she doesn't know why she's at stanford, ... i didn't really believe it when people said everyone feels the same way 'how did i get in?' but i think i do now. and it's kind of like we don't realize what it is that makes us unique, and it takes other people to tell us sometimes. (at least, so i found out at the retreat when leng&hung were asking us to listen to each other and tell each other what we valued about the other person etc).
haha suddenly that sounded rather upbeat. oh well. david (the guy who gives me a ride to church normally) is at san diego so today i went w lisa & bertram & adelene. [daryl overslept! tsk]. anyway it was nice seeing all the stanford pple, but i think i prefer my own church. i guess familiarity does do something for you. and familiarity with songs. i feel like i can't really worship properly if i don't know the songs cos i'm trying to catch the tune, the words, and it just doesn't work. maybe that's why i felt weird at chi alpha last year.. although i know i should be able to worship anyway but it's tough.
anyway we had lunch at adelene's house and it was yummy! she cooked a mee siam-ish dish, very good. and she had pineapple tarts! just what i was craving! yay!! blessed:) haha. i have decided bengawan solo tarts are pretty good. although i really liked the de cooking house one (the shop's at far east square near chinatown!).
okay i really need to code yahtzee. it's kind of a fun game.. and i'm glad i don't have any other psets to do so i can really work on it. yay! and CNY dinner later should be awesome too:) oh and it was so nice to see megan yesterday, and the talisman concert was awesome, christina ho (freshman at chi alpha) has an amazing voice!
okay. so i'm tired of doing work and decided i could think about retreat so at least i get to do something fun. haha.
anyway. so there was a lot of breathing and listening (to yourself - being aware of wat's happening in your body, and to others, and to the surroundings). some of it was kind of similar to improv class, which made me think of dan (he's our improv coach! v cool guy:) at the beginning and comparing, but i forgot that after a bit.
at the beginning and at the end of retreat, we had this inner-outer circle where they'd play slow pure moods sort of music (which i'm sort of addicted to now!) and then we'd partner (inner circle w outer circle) and think about various things and reveal them to each other. they (leng & hung) created a lot of trust, i think.
and also kb, she's such an amazing person. so dynamic and yet willing to be so open and share such personal things in front of a huge group even though she hasn't met like more than half of us before. that's really something i admire. and also just having one person open up like that makes other people more willing to share.
so while all this was happening, i definitely felt closer to people there. but there was this nagging feeling in the back of me. because i kept thinking, shouldn't this kind of closeness be achieved with fellow christians? but i can't really imagine chi alpha pple standing around doing that sort of thing.. i dunno. it's hard to explain. takes a certain kind of atmosphere and person to perpetuate that. and it is admittedly kind of touchy-feely sort of thing.
oh yes and they were coaching us on being more honest about our emotions and owning them. saying "i feel (watever)" and esp when giving feedback (cos you're less likely to judge people or hurt them i guess). and also u're being more open and more vulnerable. and helping us find our values.
we had this relate-acting-to-leadership workshop thing, which was really cool. and there was this thing about telling your partner a story which showcased your 'personal best' moment and extracting your values/strengths from that and then coming up with a metaphor for your values/strengths. that was valuable. cos i always have trouble with the whole articulating your skills/strengths/... stuff.
sigh i kind of miss being there. although while i was there i felt a bit awkward cos i didn't know what to say to people either. and i had a number of emotionally draining conversations cos they were the higher-level-type and i guess being so engaged/watever you wanna call it takes a lot out of me. alright let's face it i just don't have very much energy unless i'm in a crazy mood.
and i feel awful about not wanting to talk to my family. because i'm struggling with school and i don't know what i'm going to do about my summer! well okay the context for that is that my mom was trying to talk to me on skype and my stupid headset wasn't working so i called the home phone. and my mom was asking me abt retreat, i didn't feel like talking about it (too tiring to talk about it i guess). and then about my (failed) interviews. then my bro wanted to talk to me about summer. i suppose now i'm unhappy because talking about all those reminded me of my inadequacy (which i recognize is ridiculous since like everyone keeps saying, i'm just a sophomore, it's okay. and i knew that i wanted experience, which i did get.)
and that is also why i don't want to go for akpsi meeting later, cos i know people will ask me about the interview stuff and i don't want to talk about it.
alright i think i feel a little better. i wish pam was here, she's like my mommy-friend and i need someone like that right now. i guess i'll go spend some time with God. if i can find Him. it is so hard sometimes, how many times have I been to church this quarter? it's awful.
i am so annoyed.. i was editing my hangman code on ryan's laptop over the weekend and somehow it didn't save to my external drive so i've to redo everything -_- not that it was a lot but STILL! growl. i want a laptop.
anyhow, i figured (fine this is somewhat procrastination) that i should have closure on the retreat. so my 6th weekend of winter quarter (and 5th weekend off campus) was spent at SEALNet retreat. and what is SEALNet? --> www.sealnetonline.org
it was such an out-of-the-world weekend. i guess cos the two main facilitators, leng & hung, were such breathing/connect-with-your-spirit sort of people. or at least, i think that's what they do when they coach people.
suddenly after that little nap i don't feel like blogging anymore so i guess the rest has to wait till later!
i wonder why it is that i can't seem to summon up energy to be enthusiastic about stuff i'm involved in. yesterday's SEALNet meeting, i was just like dude we've been thinking about this (what to do in Vietnam) since last Dec, and there doesn't seem to be something that sounds sufficiently exciting. and then i was just reading the akpsi emails about this publicity thing we're doing.. i actually didn't forward stuff, oops. even though i think it's a really good idea. i guess i'm just lazy. sigh.
and so it reminded me of when the interviewer asked me what i'm passionate about. i really don't think i'm passionate about anything (unless you count snowboarding, haha). and various other things like cirque du soleil and dance and wat not. oh i guess food does figure, but jackie definitely beats me hands down there:)
i decided salsa is lots of fun though, lots of energy! yay. but yeah i think i really am lazy:( which sometimes really makes me wonder wat i'm doing here. everyone here is the 'let's go out and change the world!' sort and i'm just like.. yeah, watever. too chill. heh. i suppose it also depends on my mood, i could be upbeat about stuff if i put myself in the correct mindset i guess. although it was interesting coming from jackie 'it's a privilege to be here'. yup it definitely is although it's so easy to forget that.
i am SO tired. actually i think i probably brought this upon myself because i got hooked on full house, but i prefer to wallow in self pity. haha. anyway so the 102b (econometrics) pset was SO frickin' long, i think i used 7 sheets of paper and i'm not really done yet. i HATE that class.. like seriously >.< it is so torturous to sit through 1h50 of that lecture and talk about regressions and all manner of weird formulae including matrices and linear algebra and.... i really would drop econ because of this one class. the only problem being i wouldn't know what else to do. (it's a core class for econ, sadly unescapable).
and i'm also not very prepped for cs.. i guess that shouldn't be as bad since it's openbook but my logic is really not there sometimes. okay i guess i should be able to manage but i'm so tired right now i'm typing with my eyes closed cos they refuse to stay open! ok definitely my finishing 16 episodes (1hr each i think) in 3 days had a part to play. :| and of course being in boston over the weekend.
this is like never going to end.. tonight i'll have to mug for int'l econ, which hopefully shouldn't be so bad cos that class is actually interesting and i know the front half of the material. but i know i'm gonna be tired which is a problem too.
and after that i'll have to code like crazy cos hangman is due on friday. >.< so tired. but i did have fun hanging out w ser in boston and meeting trang... yay for that at least:) and being done w interviews although they turned out rather unfruitful save for the experience -shrug-
you know the feeling of desperation? well as long as i remember i don't think i've felt it as much as during college. or maybe it's just this quarter cos CS is so unpredictable - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you can't BS your way thru making it work (unlike psets or papers).
alright at least this problem set isn't so bad. but i really should've prepped for case interviews earlier.. when am i going to stop procrastinating?! and i couldn't finish my pset yesterday in time.. and i don't know what i'm gonna do about my two midterms next week. ahhh. alright, today's a huge problem first.
oh and i'm so thankful for jackie, she's so sweet. heh. so last night i was going to take a nap and then get up and code (which of course didn't happen), so she covered me wth her flurry blanket n set my alarm for me. aww.
when i saw how happy chun-kai was when his lil bro got an offer from gs taiwan, i think i can imagine how my brother reacted when i got into stanford. it was so cute, chunky was like so proud and telling pple how he n jon n some other guy prepped him like crazy for the interviews.. heh. but again chunky's always v funny and animated.
but yeah, just something that stuck with me tonight and it just made me think of my bro and how he spent so much time helping me with my apps and all. and how his friends knew about his lil sis getting here and how i heard it from them. aww.
anyway i'm feeling much better, which is good. i don't really know about tomorrow though, will just try my best and have faith that God will do the rest. was really kind of hard to have faith yesterday/today but life goes on. and it was really nice to talk to Cat, fellow-sufferers-in-kind with recruiting being so draining.
i am so so tired. i think over the past week i haven't had more than 6 hrs sleep/night, average was probably 5 or so. and then sat night i couldn't really sleep either, combination of nerves and unfamiliarity. and i was missing home, weirdly. also on the flight back, i guess cos usually when i'm on a plane i get to go home. haha.
and last night i thought i was finally hopefully going to get 8 hrs but that didn't work out either cos my head was still swimming (from what, i don't know) and then halfway i suddenly knew wat was going on around me and i could hear jackie's canto >.< poor girl though, it must've been frustrating to not be able to record it properly. i was like ?? why the hell is she repeating it so many times!
blah. i don't feel like going for more interviews. it's like being perpetually stressed and i can't just heck care either cos that'd just make it worse. aughhh. okay actually i guess i'm just tired.. i was glad i'd get to go boston and see ser but am definitely not looking forward to plane flights. traveling is super tiring. not to mention boring if you're on american airlines >.<
where are people when i need them.. i need to take a nap. and i also can't help feeling i'm going to feel really silly about all this when it's all over. haiyah. but wat to do!
another week! time really passes so quickly. and i'm so puzzled, i'm supposedly taking a lighter courseload but i'm still not really up to speed! i guess the two-consecutive-ski-trips didn't help.. but they were fun:) although the S@S one would've been better w more people, definitely. the house for dorm ski trip was SO huge.. pretty cool.
anyway yes, i really don't know what i've gotten myself into but i thank God many times for all the opportunities anyway.. still wondering what his plan for my summer is though. guess we'll see how it goes this weekend and next week and blahh... somehow i keep thinking of Seabiscuit and how he won the race against the superhorse War Admiral, only because of the training that his trainer focused on and the jockey's strategy. the exact phrase escapes me but it somehow keeps resounding in my mind.
going to be busy busy busy!! ahh. actually i already am. and i also figured my classes are quite a bit harder this quarter.. either that or i'm getting stupider, haha. and i haven't really been able to keep my promise to my dad which kind of worries me. i try! okay not really i guess. hm. last night was doing oxford apps, coding CS, now i'm studying for a midterm, tmr i have a pset to do, i'm sure i have more stuff for the rest of the week.. ahhhh!
right i really need to understand and internalize all this econometrics stuff, augh.
wow it's almost been a week since i last posted! but this quarter is so crazy. actually every quarter's crazy. hmm. yeah. plus double ski trips.. which means my weekend is effectively gone.. oh well. boarding is always fun, except for the long drive there >.< and this time i somehow wrenched my left leg or something, it really felt dislocated yesterday.
so here's the story (which is going to sound so stupid but well):
so after getting off the lift for the beginner slope (of all slopes! ugh! was going to help out my dormmates cos it was their first time boarding) i think i skidded on an icy patch and then landed on my side. in which i felt this sharp pain on my left side (similar to wat happened to my finger last week at heavenly as well - talk about jinxed). and i wasn't going to get up for a bit but i was blocking the path and this guy helped me up.. anyway it was so so painful (still is actually) but i could still board (although it was still kinda painful) so i'm like heck i'll just continue
so when i unstrapped and had to walk my board along it did hurt, kind of, but when i was actually boarding it wasn't so bad.. thankfully. but when i stopped for lunch. !! that was a nightmare. really could NOT walk at all.. i kept wondering whether i fractured something. and it was so torturous i was thinking about calling Peling (my long-suffering RA) to come pick me up earlier. but then i thought about the $50 lift ticket and the 5hour drive and i'm like heck.. i'll just go on.
it was fun though, going on the nevada side properly (instead of getting myself stuck there like last Sat and having to rush down the slopes to get down in time). the snow was much better. and i did blues! yayy. but yeah, after that i was begging Reid (my other long-suffering RA) to let me take the car up the hill cos there was no way i was going to be able to walk up. and he actually offered to carry me cos Peling was going to be driving the equipment up.
oh what happened was that our house was on this hilly part where the bus couldn't enter cos it wouldn't be able to climb the hill.. so we'd to walk about 0.3miles in (according to Peling) - on the first night it definitely seemed REALLY long esp cos 1. it's uphill and 2. it was so cold. but yeah, Peling made a second trip down to the bottom to get me so phewwww. walking from the ski lodge to the bus was already so painful as it was.. everyone was really nice about it though.
and i totally suck at CS.. okay well i guess this is really my fault (as usual). didn't start doing my assignment earlier.. and then i fell asleep on thurs night cos i was so tired from getting up at 6:30 to go to SF for my interview and then company talks at night.. so no time to code. and had to take two late days (we get three 'free' late days for the quarter) cos i couldn't hand in by fri at 5 cos we left at 3 to go to tahoe.. and over the weekend i didn't do coding either (i need a freaking laptop man) , did a little on the bus but coding without testing it out never works.. so i just handed in a buggy program. which really sucks cos i hate doing things like that. :(
i hope my leg is fine by tonight. okay, more realistically, by tomorrow.