ugh i seem to have a problem with my sleep pattern. nap in afternoon, spend one hr slacking b4 i sleep, end up waking up at 7.30 cos it's so freaking bright, get v angry n refuse to wake up so early, try to sleep until 9sth, wake up still v unhappy. i shall attempt to change that today if not i'll be annoyed the whole week. i mean, when one can't even sleep in peace it's time to do something about it.
i suppose i kind of slept my worries away but i think they' re going to come back today when i rediscover my incompetency in tackling a level problems. sigh. no matterin which subject. very tedious. being cooped up within 4 walls does things to you. and yes i know it's my fault for not wanting to exercise either haha well.
anyway so cool! yahoo has a special banner for halloween. if that's wat u call it. i saved the pic yay:D quite a funky gif.
i was just thinking about "o" by cirque du soleil. it is truly a work of art. and then i'm thinking why isn't it possible not to work and just enjoy. but i guess one'd get sick of it after a while. and i think my perceptions of work are too hollywood-based. the power of the media. and sometimes when i'm pessimistic it feels like happiness wasn't meant for me. but of cos tts only cos i'm stuck mugging for the nxt month as usual.
wat a train of disjointed thoughts. so what has 2 yrs of jc given me? i really wonder.. esp tt day i was reading my autographs. i think i've said it before though. i seem to have changed. and not necessarily for the better. so much for never-ending patience and such. or maybe pple just write things that sound nice. nowadays i get annoyed at the slightest things so easily. though i may not necessarily show it. well maybe i'll be fine after everyth is done with.
comment on spore idol: it's quite pathetic actually.. the judges are like solitary individuals sitting there.. they've no camaraderie so it's really boring when they're commenting. i mean the show's about the singers [who aren't actually that wonderful either haha sadly] but it's also about the host [who isn't fantastic but probably one of the best one can find here] and the judges and how they interact. big problem: they don't interact. in my opinion anyway. i was trying to figure out why idol gets stale. and the themes are boring/singers can't bring the style out v well.
okay i should stop complaining. i think chem prac gave me a headache.
i'm so dead. kinda like equate not finishing a paper to suicide, especially when it's a's. i hate double indicators.. didn't know where the end point was.. am just praying that i estimated correctly.. the 2 tables make up 15marks lar if my accuracy's gone i'm done for.. esp when i didnt' finish both designs.. which is like 8marks gone. and i dunno if my qa is correct, anyhow whacked.
alrite i feel a bit better after complaining to lots of pple. thanks everyone:)
blah. these few days i've not felt like waking up. just want to sleep and sleep and forget about all the nasty things. dont' feel like doing anything. maybe it'll disappear after monday.
but really after a's i'll be probably stuck at home doing uni apps/scholarship apps anyway. bleah. it'll never end. oh and yesterday i suddenly thought of the shops at metro stations overseas [actually it was specifically those in france] and missed france + immersion all over again. quite weird the way things just appear in my mind sometimes. i want a holiday again! heh. wishful thinking. there's a long way to go before holidays come. hais.
oh and i've been in the "i'm studying for prelims" mode for so long that i still keep thinking its prelims. although i think somewhere in the back of my mind i noe it's a's.. but the 1st thing tt comes to mind is still prelims.
the pure cinema chillout cd my dad got for free is quite nice!:D recognise some songs frm opera band/bond though.. the way they copy songs is scandalous. okay i suppose it's called modifying but watever it just seemed like copying to me at the moment.
i think i'm never satisfied. that's gd and bad. rowls. i've realised taking photos is actually quite fun.. memories and such? anyway the way baoyi posts all her pics on her blog is quite cool:)
bio prac was disastrous. i don't think i was thinking v clearly. if not i wudn't have drawn the wrong genetic diagram.. can't believe how stupid i was. and started panicking. this paper was kinda unexpected somehow.. only 1 slide. somehow feel like prelims were better. which is not good. esp cos this prac had a lot of open-ended qns, meaning there's a whole lot more room for deduction when u don't explain enough. which is v likely to happen given how i always miss out on main points/keywords.
yeah. and instead of drawing tissue map i drew in the nuclei as well.. forgot lar. totally screwed. let me see wat else.. my tube 4 didn't change colour so i faked a bit at the end. watever lar. not my problem it didn't wanna change. and then all the explanation things.. yeah.. possibly will minus quite a few marks. and that explaining why rice grains don't have same length. i forgot sec 4 work lar stuff abt how it's frm diff plants and wat not. just vaguely talked abt e minor genes and environmental conditions. totally sucky. sigh.
that just about sums it up, some parts of each qn are all screwed. yup. so lovely.
hum. i will learn to do things more in advance in the future. this always happens. but anyway farewell assembly was alright lar. not fantastic. tho i dunno wat i expected. it was so so hot in the hall.. boring.. and i was getting a headache towards the middle of the thing.. but john made a really gd speech though. at least my interest was held. or maybe i'm biased. but whatever it is i think he'll achieve a lot.
umm. yeah. spent the 1st part of the evening rushing about madly getting last minute uni app stuff done. and now i realised something else which might give me some problems. baah. pray for help. worries abound! what to do.
i hope my photos get developed soon. haha pity the one with the guys is in the new roll and won't be developed for some time.. hope it turns out nice! dunno if we moved when serene took the picture. and i think sarah sed me n mrs cheong look alike. humm. i suppose it's the ponytail haha.
today was a bit awkward actually. also partly cos i was sleepy [dunno how come though]. haven't talked to them for a long time so felt a bit weird. anyway i came home and slept a LOT. sigh. my energy level leaves much to be desired.
oh! i din noe smrt took over trans island oops. anyway. the doorbell or watever u call it on the bus was getting on my nerves.. its so loud and jangly and ummm cacophonous. dissonant! yeah that was is. here i was trying to sleep [the seat was rather uncomfortable too i shud bring a pillow w me everywhere i go haha] but every few stops i'd be rudely jarred awake. now tt doesn't sound grammatically correct but nvm. dinnertime. wish i hadn't slept so much if not maybe we'd had gone out to eat jap food. heh.
ahh. haven't found time to sit down and blog abt yesterday. apart from slightly screwing up sats and very uptight while doing the papers it was a nice day!:) whee~
mamma mia was wonderful!!! haha. -goes into ecstasies- come to think of it i can't really pinpoint wat was so good. but i dunno.. the energy level was v high.. e singers/actors were superb [altho i din like the guys playing the dads] and i figured esther hannaford played sophie cos it was matinee performance.. but her voice is nice! and she's a really gd dancer.. wud have liked to see kellie rode act too tho o well can't have everyth..
anyway like i was telling candice i was disillusioned by the cd! sigh. london cast doesn't sound as good as australian cast:( maybe cos of the way it's recorded or sth.. quite sad. but now i'm hooked on abba songs haha they're quite funky actually:D yay
thankew everyone for ur bday wishes!:) and presents! haha. clar is a v happy gal:) [apart frm worrying abt a's / uni apps]
ooh. pleasant surprises:) didn't expect half of my presents.. but thank you everybody:)
unfortunately i woke up worrying about my sat 2s cos i don't feel particularly well prepared for them and i cannot deprove from may sats. bleah. and then mrs lim says she's overloaded with recommendations and can't write for me. or rather, will only write if it's absolutely necessary. therefore i am in a fix. which is of cos, my fault as usual. and as usual, i regret a lot of things. really the amount of things i regret is innumerable. and now i'm wondering if amount is singular or plural.. aaargh.
nvm tmr i'm watching mamma mia! whee~:) n there's this dim sum thingy which i don't know when it will take place [somehow that sentence sounds grammatically incorrect to me too] i shouldn't be such a busy person.. oh well. wat to do. i should go and do something constructive. been sleeping the week away!
humm. i guess i'm satisfied. just pray they won't moderate such that my grades drop. yeah. of cos it would be nice if they moderate phys by a LOT. but i guess that isn't going to happen unless i'm really lucky. so well. i'm okay i guess. not fantastic but passable.
so. everything's done and its back to mugging. seems like we never had much of a break. but what can i say.. such is the life of any jc2 student right now i guess. i shall go swim. for once in dunno how many weeks. or months.
how now brown cow. i'm wondering wat a merit for chem s is now.. to miss it by 2 marks would be hell. if only i could transfer marks from math over to chem s/phys/chem in that order of increasing marks needed. so much for the math mark.. it doesn't seem to make up for everyth else. i don't know lar. tmr bio n math s. wat's betting i'll end up with another ungraded. it's so unfair. but what else did i expect come to think of it.
aiyah nvm i guess i'm just full of ill feeling. tho yes, it probably won't matter in the long run. but how'm i going to apply to uni like that? bleahhh. its not good to expect too much of urself sometimes. disappointment is too severe. fall down frm the clouds with a huge plop. the harsh sound of reality.
maybe i should go think about maths. but wat's the pt? aceing math c doesn't equal aceing math s. ah watever it's all decided already anyway. hopeless. watever. i'll go do something else. and am extremely tired n headachey. why in the world i chose to do sats this sat is a mystery to me. horrible bday week.
the aura of depression. i suppose my marks were actually quite okay but its more like wat else i'm going to see tmr. worried for phys and bio. and s papers:s i guess i can't really do anyth about them. but am really quite relieved for gp. n chem was. well. expected i suppose. given that i realise i spent most of my time on phys/bio. hope i do fine.
and there's something else which is bugging me. which i can't exactly blog. but well. i wonder if we really deserved that. i hope it doesn't affect my recommendations hmm not that they're going to be spectacular in the 1st place. dunno how also lar probably end up staying here n doing med/law at the rate everything is going.
had a fun time w lyd chris pam py yest:) luckily i don't think i'm burnt haha cream helps:D if not i'd end up with a red nose/cheeks/forehead today.. i wanted to see dolphins tho! oh well. but cost like $17.50 n i dun think anyone else wud've wanted to spend the $$. pity.
lyd's so cute.. cos we saw lots of dogs at siloso beach n i was delighted at seeing this v cute labrador in the water n she sed "i'm sorry u dun have a dog.. nxt time when i'm rich i'll buy u one.." something to that effect anyway. n candice thinks she should buy me one for my bday too. oh well. and there was the lyd-bullying-pam-into-buying-subway-cookie for us and lyd-whining-at-pam-to-buy-her-mango-pudding incident..
really silly. while me n chris had to listen to pam's silly taxi driver ghost story twice and peiying throwing her cherish tissue at pam. the cat-stuck-under-the-wardrobe story was funnier than the ghost story i think. i've a bunch of sec sch classmates as silly as i am haha:p nice feeling. pity joon n lijia n claire didn't come..
feeling rather out of sorts. lots to think about. i figured i only think when i'm sitting in the car actually. okay fine during journeys.
quote from church bulletin today. "those of great minds discuss ideas, people of mediocre minds discuss events and those of smaller minds discuss other people" frm god's psychiatry by dr charles allen. interesting isn't it. room for discussion alright.
let me go try cheer myself up. i think its the anticipation of my impending doom that has affected my mood. hmm.
hmm. finally free. and i don't feel any happier. worrying abt wat i'm going to get for chem s. and normal chem. feel like i left a whole lot more blanks than anyone else. dunno lar. and i forgot wat i studied. how typical. dread nxt week:(
anyway.. so went w eunice to town n had lunch.. haha i was spouting so much rubbish i bet she'll be complaining on mon to candice abt how crazy clar was :p oh well. post prelim stress. anyway was v tempted to buy a harp or a choral cd. but couldn't decide [wat's new] so gave up the idea.
hmm. okay i finally bought my hair stuff.. which i've been needing for months but never got round to it cos i've been cooped up at home. the only times i leave the house = sundays to go to church or to go to sch on exam days/mugging days.
quite bored actually. think reading will alleviate that. and for once i can watch whole of spore idol tonite! yeah!!:):) haha. i keep calling it american idol somehow.. dunno.. out of habit i sppose. oh well. i like daphne!:) she has a unique voice anyhow. hope she sings a nice song tonight:) maia n jeassea are funky too.
oh i saw the ad for shark tale! if that's the name hmm. it looks quite cute:) and i saw the storybook at borders.. but i wanted to see the pics more than read the story.. too wordy. haha. but it seems too much like monsters inc/finding nemo. dunno. will see how. i never intended to watch finding nemo until i read the review. oh i saw the quill vcd at kino!:) v happy:D haha. oh princess diaries 2 looks promising too. but i bet it'll come out during a's sigh will be stuck at home mugging AGAIN. so sick of it. but it doesn't seem like i've been doing much. so how? hais.
oh yeah and was talking to eunice on the bus.. figured that all the tv shows and movies are so formulaic nowadays. like. reality tv shows are the only things showing and i really hate them. besides idol. haha. and then shows like white chick. it's not the 1st time u've guys cross dressing.. now skin colour changes too. quite sick.. and pathetic toilet humour.. really doesn't cut it.
the most impt thing and i forgot!! i was utterly horrified today... at borders.. i really shouldn't wander around bookshops alone in sch u hmm.. anyway.. i was trying to look for some wodgehouse book to see wat's it all abt.. and then while staring at the bookshelf.. this face suddenly popped up in front of me and started singing. how absolutely ghastly. i was wondering why this psycho had to approach poor defenseless ME of all pple and looked around desperately for help. i had this vague idea tt maybe some assistant could get rid of this nutcase for me. but anyway.. after a while i recognised the tune of the sch song and therefore laughed politely and retreated back one/two steps. and this guy bombarded me with all sorts of qns :
"pre u wat?" "on scholarship?" "going to apply for scholarship?" "going to university?" "wat course?" "how many 1's for o's?"
he looked like around 50 to me.
wasn't really intending to blog but clicked wrongly n ended up here so i guess i'll blog anyway haha. woke up at like 10.30 (such a pig) went to sch to mug. woahhh my knowledge is sadly lacking.. feel it more acutely when i'm sitting nxt to yz who'll probably top the chem s paper with flying colours.. i told him i'd pay him to take my papers for me:D
i just can't apply knowledge. failure student. haha. so much for education in the correct sense. actually maybe i'm just too lazy to think. which is very probable. costs too much energy to exert myself. haha. okay i sound like a real pig. which i am sometimes. oh well. must switch.. where's my fairy godmother when i need one?
ohh. and pple are scary. restarting mugging so fast. when all i want to do is burn up all my files and never look at them anymore [unless its to compile quotes:p]. but i suppose when i get back my prelim papers i will have to mug whether i want to or not. sigh. an interminable 2 months [minus 2 days] left.
i need a change in attitude fast. how bout a break? i think tt'll work. just wait till thurs.. and sat! haha. gd ole lyd. so cute. let's go rollerblading! ok! and we're settled. i can't believe aud sed she has to get back by 12 to watch liu xing hua yuan tho. at least she isn't a fan of f4. reminds me of tt incredibly bad joke dr chan made last yr during chem prac abt "wat's half of f9?" or sth like that. if only i had such a gd memory for academics.
i think i want to eat waffles [w ice cream! haha bet cheukka will laugh she sed i'm such a little gal.. always wanting to eat ice cream. oh well. its nice wat:] on thursday.. ooh am listening to tracks frm candice's acapella cd. the harmony is so lovely.
alrite i have to go read organic chem again. my lack of knowledge is really appalling. and i really don't like inorganic chem. eew: =shudders=
oh. joke i found on my chem s bklet
eunice "i think i'm going nuts!"
raphael "then squirrels will love you"
haha. math s. wat a joke. i wanted to walk out of the hall at 9.30am/just give up. looked all the qns all can't do! how? also managed to make a whole lot of spastic mistakes n totally confused myself. well done clar. and surprisingly i managed to rush out the vectors qn in like 15mins and i think it's correct. *prays* most of my qns were half done. or less than half done for that matter. let's see. i finished the qn 1, 5 and 11. that's about it. yay.
i just hope i don't get ungraded.
now for chem s. the list of organic reactions is so long i regret not studying earlier. regret is a terrible feeling. which has been plagueing me since prelims started. wat a lesson to learn. at least s papers are slightly less stressful than main papers i think. hmm. tho very much harder such that even if you have the time it isn't always helpful
haha today's class was funny. i feel quite bad actually keep laughing and not listening properly. but i can figure out for myself wat he's trying to say. and i write down watever which makes sense/answers the qn. and then i dunno lar.. just don't like it when tchers don't prep properly b4 coming in and then end up with us all confused. okay to be fair i think he did his best but well just realised i get quite annoyed by inept tchers. i suppose at least if you try yr best that'll be the minimum to do.
anyway i really wonder if they didn't laugh that much last week. and if so because i wasn't around. oh well. but really.. it's not my fault eunice comes n tells us about her picture bible with the picture of the beam in a boy's eye a.k.a. a branch sticking out of the boy's eye with LEAVES! hahaha. daryl decided it'll be a tree. so i asked "where'll the roots go?" and they came up with all sorts of gruesome possibilities. like roots wrapping around the eyeball and all that. they're so cute. anyway the laughing put me in a gd mood haha so am happy now! now to attack math s. hais.
oh i suddenly dreamt of rg last nite must be cos of em's post. anyhow i miss mrs kwan so much. i think it's because she really cares. and she believes in you when you don't believe in yourself. which happens so many times in jc it's difficult to count. when everything comes crashing down. even tho we used to complain abt her nagging in rg now it's different. not that mrs cheong's not nice.. she's probably the best ct one could hope for:) oh n i miss laoshi too. all the times i had extra lessons with her heh.
anyway better take advantage of my good mood and go attack my math s with a vengeance. thanks to everyth who msged to tell me to take care! feel much much better and can eat properly liao tho still not v much:) which is also good. haha.
hmm. i wonder wat everyone's doing now. for at least half of my batchmates' prelims are over.. it doesn't feel like that to me. anyway. i must say i derived some sort of sadistic pleasure [for a while.. after tt it got too painful haha] frm seeing the numbers on my thermometer skip and wondering how far it would go. so the highest i reached was 39.1! fantastic huh. and half the time i don't even noe when i've a fever. most interesting. like i'll just be thinking "okay my head hurts wat's new" and then mom will come n touch my forehead and exclaim n make me take my temp.
oh yeah and wed nite was awfully torturous, stomach was so queasy i couldn't sleep properly.. for the 1st 4 hrs formulae were chasing themselves around my head.. dreamt tt i cudn't do my chem/math s prelims nxt week.. so finally woke up and ended up vomitting. spontaneous expulsion. and after that still couldn't sleep properly cos my feet were numb. weirdly. finally went to see doc the nxt morning cos i cudn't eat/drink anyth w/o vomitting..
injection helped, medicine did too. the wonders of medicine. within 15mins of taking the fever medicine my temp went down! ah. anyway. hope bio was alrite even tho i was still slightly woozy:s i spent most of yest sleeping i think. had to wake up early to study [with a headache again n didn't noe i had a fever until mom came along haha i'm quite hopeless]
spent most of yesterday and today sleeping. haha. such a pig. o well.
i wish i could just throw down everyth and go somewhere else. WHY does this have to happen.. i can practically see all the horrible grades now.. it also doesn't help that shaun told me tt paper 2 chem's spposed to be harder than paper 3. which was actually supposed to be easy. therefore i'm even more dead. and chem s? haha. forget about it. i can see why serene wanted to get into an accident b4 prelims haha.
biotech. it also wud have been okay if i'd looked thru industrial biotech last night instead of flipping thru this morning. n focussing so much on med last nite. cos i ended up mixing up the microorganisms. so my essay's totally screwed. and i din write abt disadvantages of enzyme immobilisation. but how else? i dunno if i cud have remembered 8m worth of seed bank or crap out 12m worth of ethics in biotech. maybe i cud. then there's another wrong decision. seem to have no lack of them nowadays.
i really dread the weeks after prelims. which equals to time to get back results. i can't bear to not improve frm last common tests but now it seems so impossible. talk about nightmares of all the worst case scenarios. n i'll still have to pull myself back to study for sats. actually if i get horrible results there won't be much point doing sats. hmm. waste $$ only. n i'm in desperate need of sleep.
this is not the 1st time i wish we cud fast foward to nxt yr sept in an ideal situation: time to go off to some nice uni.
bah. so far i think math was the only okay paper. now that i think about it, i've no idea wat i've been doing for the past 2(?) months. i thought i was revising but can't seem to remember much, everyth's so fuzzy.
chem was a disaster. was really in the depths of despair yesterday. bio wasn't much better. even though i thought it ought to have been better after all the time i spent catching up [and neglecting chem and i'm going to pay for that. a really high price. considering i conveniently forgot chem dept sets the most killer papers] my stupidity astounds me. i really don't noe wat's wrong.. maybe i didn't practise enough or sth. then wat've i been doing? don't know.
yeah and now time management problem is back. i thought i'd figured that out for the last 2 common tests but now its a whole new format and everyth's back where it began. last yr's common test. my prelim grades had better be much better than those grades though. it's like zhini said. u walk out of the exam hall and "rite. so that was a prelim paper." a.k.a. superbly dead. don't know what to do. all the papers seem so screwed up. n i still have 2.5 more weeks to go.
and s papers! haha. those i'm even more dead for. i really need divine intervention... wanna quit sch now