this is so weird. i'm hearing lots of strange music coming from somewhere towards the north-east of campus (my dorm is east-campus) but i'm too lazy to go check it out. anyway, there was this flute-like-sounding tune for a bit, and after reading chim's reply to my email wrt chicago, i just have this image of a peaceful temple-like retreat place (you know, the kind you see in movies) with nice soothing music (yes, featuring a flute of some sort). i guess it's like some meditative place or something. long for peace.
anyhow weather's getting better and so i'm happy! the only problem is i think i slacked off too much last week so this weekend is going to be hell (and yes, i'm still here blogging). a paper due monday which is 20% of my grade, another program due wed. ahh.
the latter conversation transpired between me & CS 10mins ago.
CS: The latter's Chris' Outrageous Chocolate Cake combines brownie, pie, and cheesecake into 1,380-calorie pudding.
CS: Cheesecake Factory
CS: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6399267.stm
me: WOAH
me: they're going to kill pple with that man
CS: yeah
me: i wonder if it's new
me: probably not right
CS: no
CS: but gives you an idea
me: augh
me: i ate a choc cake today cos i was stressed
me: haha
CS: ok
CS: a whole cake???
me: no la
me: whole cake i die already you know
and i just had a hysterical laughing fit, which apparently rather alarmed jackie. and i was like well, i wasn't too sure if i could've stopped, but it's been a long time since i laughed that much.
more quotes from jackie:
context: she passed him some of her perishables (namely, roti prata & her 7-layer caramel cake) and her air-con to store over winter break.
"of all the things i gave john, the only thing he can't keep is the air-conditioner."
jackie informs me that my hysterical laughter was quite disturbing.
me: but you did that to me once!
jackie: yes, but i went and promptly got into bed
jackie tries to persuade me to go take a nap.
me, resisting strenuously, then conceding: i think i will. i can't think anymore.
jackie, visibly VERY relieved: THANK GOD.
random note: went for mentoring dinner (finally! this is the 7th week!) and had honey walnut prawns!! well i've had better elsewhere but since i haven't eaten them in a long time i was quite happy:) and then my fortune in the fortune cookie was hilarious (it also rather reminded me of retreat): "you are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling." both of which are so, so not me. unless you think otherwise, in which case do let me know cos i'd be rather curious.
anyway yes, after a disastrous midterm/hangman-program-due/pset due week, i came out of my econ classes with an epiphany. well, it's sort of a blurry epiphany since i'm not sure yet. but i may change my major. i mean, i really did not like macroecon last quarter (might be the fault of the teacher, might be that i didn't really understand stuff and therefore am now somewhat averse to it, maybe i just am not interested in learning about the fed/...)
but this quarter i feel like walking out of my econ classes 1 hr into lecture (they're 1h50). int'l econ i don't always feel like walking out, usually it's pretty intense so not much time to look at the clock and stuff. but it's a little hard to grasp too i guess, and he goes somewhat fast. but econometrics.. really.. i don't know. and my econ major right now is a finance track, but i really don't know if i'd like learning about those either. -_- i guess i'll have to do huge-time shopping next quarter. my bro suggested just taking one econ class and really exploring the rest of my options.
i also didn't realize how worried my family was about my state. so-called. cos my mom called, and my brother called, and ... i never really thought sophomore slump was a real concept but i guess maybe it is true.. when you really start wondering about what the heck you're doing (or actually, i should be using 'i' instead of 'you', as leng&hung would say). in life, in school, in whatever.
i know a couple of my fellow sealnet-ers are thinking about that, and one of dayoung's friends took the quarter off. i think she had a little bit of a self-esteem problem.. apparently she kept saying she doesn't know why she's at stanford, ... i didn't really believe it when people said everyone feels the same way 'how did i get in?' but i think i do now. and it's kind of like we don't realize what it is that makes us unique, and it takes other people to tell us sometimes. (at least, so i found out at the retreat when leng&hung were asking us to listen to each other and tell each other what we valued about the other person etc).
haha suddenly that sounded rather upbeat. oh well. david (the guy who gives me a ride to church normally) is at san diego so today i went w lisa & bertram & adelene. [daryl overslept! tsk]. anyway it was nice seeing all the stanford pple, but i think i prefer my own church. i guess familiarity does do something for you. and familiarity with songs. i feel like i can't really worship properly if i don't know the songs cos i'm trying to catch the tune, the words, and it just doesn't work. maybe that's why i felt weird at chi alpha last year.. although i know i should be able to worship anyway but it's tough.
anyway we had lunch at adelene's house and it was yummy! she cooked a mee siam-ish dish, very good. and she had pineapple tarts! just what i was craving! yay!! blessed:) haha. i have decided bengawan solo tarts are pretty good. although i really liked the de cooking house one (the shop's at far east square near chinatown!).
okay i really need to code yahtzee. it's kind of a fun game.. and i'm glad i don't have any other psets to do so i can really work on it. yay! and CNY dinner later should be awesome too:) oh and it was so nice to see megan yesterday, and the talisman concert was awesome, christina ho (freshman at chi alpha) has an amazing voice!
okay. so i'm tired of doing work and decided i could think about retreat so at least i get to do something fun. haha.
anyway. so there was a lot of breathing and listening (to yourself - being aware of wat's happening in your body, and to others, and to the surroundings). some of it was kind of similar to improv class, which made me think of dan (he's our improv coach! v cool guy:) at the beginning and comparing, but i forgot that after a bit.
at the beginning and at the end of retreat, we had this inner-outer circle where they'd play slow pure moods sort of music (which i'm sort of addicted to now!) and then we'd partner (inner circle w outer circle) and think about various things and reveal them to each other. they (leng & hung) created a lot of trust, i think.
and also kb, she's such an amazing person. so dynamic and yet willing to be so open and share such personal things in front of a huge group even though she hasn't met like more than half of us before. that's really something i admire. and also just having one person open up like that makes other people more willing to share.
so while all this was happening, i definitely felt closer to people there. but there was this nagging feeling in the back of me. because i kept thinking, shouldn't this kind of closeness be achieved with fellow christians? but i can't really imagine chi alpha pple standing around doing that sort of thing.. i dunno. it's hard to explain. takes a certain kind of atmosphere and person to perpetuate that. and it is admittedly kind of touchy-feely sort of thing.
oh yes and they were coaching us on being more honest about our emotions and owning them. saying "i feel (watever)" and esp when giving feedback (cos you're less likely to judge people or hurt them i guess). and also u're being more open and more vulnerable. and helping us find our values.
we had this relate-acting-to-leadership workshop thing, which was really cool. and there was this thing about telling your partner a story which showcased your 'personal best' moment and extracting your values/strengths from that and then coming up with a metaphor for your values/strengths. that was valuable. cos i always have trouble with the whole articulating your skills/strengths/... stuff.
sigh i kind of miss being there. although while i was there i felt a bit awkward cos i didn't know what to say to people either. and i had a number of emotionally draining conversations cos they were the higher-level-type and i guess being so engaged/watever you wanna call it takes a lot out of me. alright let's face it i just don't have very much energy unless i'm in a crazy mood.
and i feel awful about not wanting to talk to my family. because i'm struggling with school and i don't know what i'm going to do about my summer! well okay the context for that is that my mom was trying to talk to me on skype and my stupid headset wasn't working so i called the home phone. and my mom was asking me abt retreat, i didn't feel like talking about it (too tiring to talk about it i guess). and then about my (failed) interviews. then my bro wanted to talk to me about summer. i suppose now i'm unhappy because talking about all those reminded me of my inadequacy (which i recognize is ridiculous since like everyone keeps saying, i'm just a sophomore, it's okay. and i knew that i wanted experience, which i did get.)
and that is also why i don't want to go for akpsi meeting later, cos i know people will ask me about the interview stuff and i don't want to talk about it.
alright i think i feel a little better. i wish pam was here, she's like my mommy-friend and i need someone like that right now. i guess i'll go spend some time with God. if i can find Him. it is so hard sometimes, how many times have I been to church this quarter? it's awful.
i am so annoyed.. i was editing my hangman code on ryan's laptop over the weekend and somehow it didn't save to my external drive so i've to redo everything -_- not that it was a lot but STILL! growl. i want a laptop.
anyhow, i figured (fine this is somewhat procrastination) that i should have closure on the retreat. so my 6th weekend of winter quarter (and 5th weekend off campus) was spent at SEALNet retreat. and what is SEALNet? --> www.sealnetonline.org
it was such an out-of-the-world weekend. i guess cos the two main facilitators, leng & hung, were such breathing/connect-with-your-spirit sort of people. or at least, i think that's what they do when they coach people.
suddenly after that little nap i don't feel like blogging anymore so i guess the rest has to wait till later!
i wonder why it is that i can't seem to summon up energy to be enthusiastic about stuff i'm involved in. yesterday's SEALNet meeting, i was just like dude we've been thinking about this (what to do in Vietnam) since last Dec, and there doesn't seem to be something that sounds sufficiently exciting. and then i was just reading the akpsi emails about this publicity thing we're doing.. i actually didn't forward stuff, oops. even though i think it's a really good idea. i guess i'm just lazy. sigh.
and so it reminded me of when the interviewer asked me what i'm passionate about. i really don't think i'm passionate about anything (unless you count snowboarding, haha). and various other things like cirque du soleil and dance and wat not. oh i guess food does figure, but jackie definitely beats me hands down there:)
i decided salsa is lots of fun though, lots of energy! yay. but yeah i think i really am lazy:( which sometimes really makes me wonder wat i'm doing here. everyone here is the 'let's go out and change the world!' sort and i'm just like.. yeah, watever. too chill. heh. i suppose it also depends on my mood, i could be upbeat about stuff if i put myself in the correct mindset i guess. although it was interesting coming from jackie 'it's a privilege to be here'. yup it definitely is although it's so easy to forget that.
i am SO tired. actually i think i probably brought this upon myself because i got hooked on full house, but i prefer to wallow in self pity. haha. anyway so the 102b (econometrics) pset was SO frickin' long, i think i used 7 sheets of paper and i'm not really done yet. i HATE that class.. like seriously >.< it is so torturous to sit through 1h50 of that lecture and talk about regressions and all manner of weird formulae including matrices and linear algebra and.... i really would drop econ because of this one class. the only problem being i wouldn't know what else to do. (it's a core class for econ, sadly unescapable).
and i'm also not very prepped for cs.. i guess that shouldn't be as bad since it's openbook but my logic is really not there sometimes. okay i guess i should be able to manage but i'm so tired right now i'm typing with my eyes closed cos they refuse to stay open! ok definitely my finishing 16 episodes (1hr each i think) in 3 days had a part to play. :| and of course being in boston over the weekend.
this is like never going to end.. tonight i'll have to mug for int'l econ, which hopefully shouldn't be so bad cos that class is actually interesting and i know the front half of the material. but i know i'm gonna be tired which is a problem too.
and after that i'll have to code like crazy cos hangman is due on friday. >.< so tired. but i did have fun hanging out w ser in boston and meeting trang... yay for that at least:) and being done w interviews although they turned out rather unfruitful save for the experience -shrug-
you know the feeling of desperation? well as long as i remember i don't think i've felt it as much as during college. or maybe it's just this quarter cos CS is so unpredictable - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you can't BS your way thru making it work (unlike psets or papers).
alright at least this problem set isn't so bad. but i really should've prepped for case interviews earlier.. when am i going to stop procrastinating?! and i couldn't finish my pset yesterday in time.. and i don't know what i'm gonna do about my two midterms next week. ahhh. alright, today's a huge problem first.
oh and i'm so thankful for jackie, she's so sweet. heh. so last night i was going to take a nap and then get up and code (which of course didn't happen), so she covered me wth her flurry blanket n set my alarm for me. aww.
when i saw how happy chun-kai was when his lil bro got an offer from gs taiwan, i think i can imagine how my brother reacted when i got into stanford. it was so cute, chunky was like so proud and telling pple how he n jon n some other guy prepped him like crazy for the interviews.. heh. but again chunky's always v funny and animated.
but yeah, just something that stuck with me tonight and it just made me think of my bro and how he spent so much time helping me with my apps and all. and how his friends knew about his lil sis getting here and how i heard it from them. aww.
anyway i'm feeling much better, which is good. i don't really know about tomorrow though, will just try my best and have faith that God will do the rest. was really kind of hard to have faith yesterday/today but life goes on. and it was really nice to talk to Cat, fellow-sufferers-in-kind with recruiting being so draining.
i am so so tired. i think over the past week i haven't had more than 6 hrs sleep/night, average was probably 5 or so. and then sat night i couldn't really sleep either, combination of nerves and unfamiliarity. and i was missing home, weirdly. also on the flight back, i guess cos usually when i'm on a plane i get to go home. haha.
and last night i thought i was finally hopefully going to get 8 hrs but that didn't work out either cos my head was still swimming (from what, i don't know) and then halfway i suddenly knew wat was going on around me and i could hear jackie's canto >.< poor girl though, it must've been frustrating to not be able to record it properly. i was like ?? why the hell is she repeating it so many times!
blah. i don't feel like going for more interviews. it's like being perpetually stressed and i can't just heck care either cos that'd just make it worse. aughhh. okay actually i guess i'm just tired.. i was glad i'd get to go boston and see ser but am definitely not looking forward to plane flights. traveling is super tiring. not to mention boring if you're on american airlines >.<
where are people when i need them.. i need to take a nap. and i also can't help feeling i'm going to feel really silly about all this when it's all over. haiyah. but wat to do!
another week! time really passes so quickly. and i'm so puzzled, i'm supposedly taking a lighter courseload but i'm still not really up to speed! i guess the two-consecutive-ski-trips didn't help.. but they were fun:) although the S@S one would've been better w more people, definitely. the house for dorm ski trip was SO huge.. pretty cool.
anyway yes, i really don't know what i've gotten myself into but i thank God many times for all the opportunities anyway.. still wondering what his plan for my summer is though. guess we'll see how it goes this weekend and next week and blahh... somehow i keep thinking of Seabiscuit and how he won the race against the superhorse War Admiral, only because of the training that his trainer focused on and the jockey's strategy. the exact phrase escapes me but it somehow keeps resounding in my mind.
going to be busy busy busy!! ahh. actually i already am. and i also figured my classes are quite a bit harder this quarter.. either that or i'm getting stupider, haha. and i haven't really been able to keep my promise to my dad which kind of worries me. i try! okay not really i guess. hm. last night was doing oxford apps, coding CS, now i'm studying for a midterm, tmr i have a pset to do, i'm sure i have more stuff for the rest of the week.. ahhhh!
right i really need to understand and internalize all this econometrics stuff, augh.
wow it's almost been a week since i last posted! but this quarter is so crazy. actually every quarter's crazy. hmm. yeah. plus double ski trips.. which means my weekend is effectively gone.. oh well. boarding is always fun, except for the long drive there >.< and this time i somehow wrenched my left leg or something, it really felt dislocated yesterday.
so here's the story (which is going to sound so stupid but well):
so after getting off the lift for the beginner slope (of all slopes! ugh! was going to help out my dormmates cos it was their first time boarding) i think i skidded on an icy patch and then landed on my side. in which i felt this sharp pain on my left side (similar to wat happened to my finger last week at heavenly as well - talk about jinxed). and i wasn't going to get up for a bit but i was blocking the path and this guy helped me up.. anyway it was so so painful (still is actually) but i could still board (although it was still kinda painful) so i'm like heck i'll just continue
so when i unstrapped and had to walk my board along it did hurt, kind of, but when i was actually boarding it wasn't so bad.. thankfully. but when i stopped for lunch. !! that was a nightmare. really could NOT walk at all.. i kept wondering whether i fractured something. and it was so torturous i was thinking about calling Peling (my long-suffering RA) to come pick me up earlier. but then i thought about the $50 lift ticket and the 5hour drive and i'm like heck.. i'll just go on.
it was fun though, going on the nevada side properly (instead of getting myself stuck there like last Sat and having to rush down the slopes to get down in time). the snow was much better. and i did blues! yayy. but yeah, after that i was begging Reid (my other long-suffering RA) to let me take the car up the hill cos there was no way i was going to be able to walk up. and he actually offered to carry me cos Peling was going to be driving the equipment up.
oh what happened was that our house was on this hilly part where the bus couldn't enter cos it wouldn't be able to climb the hill.. so we'd to walk about 0.3miles in (according to Peling) - on the first night it definitely seemed REALLY long esp cos 1. it's uphill and 2. it was so cold. but yeah, Peling made a second trip down to the bottom to get me so phewwww. walking from the ski lodge to the bus was already so painful as it was.. everyone was really nice about it though.
and i totally suck at CS.. okay well i guess this is really my fault (as usual). didn't start doing my assignment earlier.. and then i fell asleep on thurs night cos i was so tired from getting up at 6:30 to go to SF for my interview and then company talks at night.. so no time to code. and had to take two late days (we get three 'free' late days for the quarter) cos i couldn't hand in by fri at 5 cos we left at 3 to go to tahoe.. and over the weekend i didn't do coding either (i need a freaking laptop man) , did a little on the bus but coding without testing it out never works.. so i just handed in a buggy program. which really sucks cos i hate doing things like that. :(
i hope my leg is fine by tonight. okay, more realistically, by tomorrow.
sigh i don't know why i'm in such a bad mood nowadays. okay maybe not nowadays.. aiyah. i hope it's just a passing thing! i keep thinking about how glen said if your religion hasn't made you a better/nicer person, nothing can.
anyway. so while i was typing this halfway cs n jon came in and 1. started marvelling at the (rather horrible) state of my room and i was telling them stories of how 1. i got 'stuck' on the nevada side of heavenly ski resort this weekend and 2. seihout (one of my snowboarding buddies now) went down a black diamond and called 911. haha. now that is a really succinct summary which sounds hilarious but the details are really ... wow.
but i feel better now. wangning's bday dinner was hilarious.. daryl and bertram are such a pair! well of cos daryl's much sillier but still.. they are so ridiculous.. at least i can still laugh with them. and of cos with jackie, wat would i do without that girl esp at night when we're both tired and not making much sense.. haha. oh yes. tonight i'm going to wear the antlers and amuse her (and myself). jon was trying to persuade me to bring it to the dinner but i'm like no! in the privacy of my own room, fine.. at dinner, no!!!! oh the antlers are this hairband thing which came with a burger king happy meal (which i had before leaving)
alright i shall try to cleaan up my room and i'm quite sure i have lots of things to do.. including the last part of settling $ stuff for the snow trip which was such a nightmare:|
sometimes i just want to quit school. and do what, i don't know. it's been such a long day, i am so tired, and it isn't over yet. actually i guess i could sleep. oh no i have to write that thank you letter first. okay actually my spirits just lifted a little cos Still by Hillsongs was playing and thinking about God's majesty helps. and Seihout finally returned my call so at least I know he's going tomorrow.
anyway, to puff off some steam, it's just so tiring to think about jobs (internships), planning stuff (ski trip is such a nightmare), i haven't really thought about the studying bit, guess that's the least of my worries since most things are structured. hah. alright i shouldn't really dwell on these things cos they'll just make me more depressed.
but the summary is that i didn't get much sleep last night cos was prepping for interview, ditto today.. and after my interview i had various meetings (including some akpsi-only mckinsey info session and all these recruiting things are very intimidating), was reminded of the lack of initiative i have wrt sas, definitely could do a lot more and i don't know where the new year resolution went. and ski trip is really really such a nightmare, i really pray that everything works out and we'll have a good time.
masters students make up the bulk of the participants, and i didn't send out the word early enough about the trip so they planned their own and booked their own place. so we ended up with very few people and lack of drivers. i guess it's not that huge a problem.. dunno la.
maybe i just wasn't cut out for all this. but no, my parents are spending so much money and i'm just tired right now. so so tired. i should sleep. at least there's only cs tmr. and the first week of school will be over.
so i'm back! man i'm still kind of tired.. not really ready to go out and face the stanford world. haha okay that sounds so dramatic. but didn't get much sleep on the plane, my room is so comfortable i don't want to go out, and, as i was telling jon, have to be nice and social. sometimes its the fear (or inertia) that's worse than the actual thing though. many times, in fact. blah.
but i'm sort of unpacked! so that's good. and my expensive black jacket is nice and warm so i'm happy:) at least it was money well spent, i hope. alright i need to stop procrastinating! and i actually kind of miss jackie's aircon cos its a bit hot (it's more like fall weather rather than winter, isn't that crazy? not complaining though).
okay! to work! work work work so i can sleep in peace!
augh. i am in such a weird mood today. i can't even figure myself out! anyway.. it was nice meeting sean n joel again. haven't seen them for so long. haha okay not actually that long but well.. much less often than last (academic) year. i also realized i'm not all that plugged into the christian community there.
we ate SO much though.. the kolo mee was pretty good. and then milo dinosaur! haha. i actually haven't had a milo dinosaur before but well. it was good:) it's so weird to think joel's engaged already! and thinking about marriage and saving up. it's like having to grow up too fast.. i dunno. sort of like mrs cheriyan saying yesterday that she felt so weird when her student came back (years later) pregnant and she had to take a moment to accept that fact heh.
and then island creamery! and sean gave me a lift to orchard, so nice of him. and it was starting to rain so i was v thankful for the lift heh. tea with chris n lyd was fun!! chris got us such nice earrings from HK.. i'm wondering how come i never saw such nice things. i need to find nice shops online to buy stuff for pple man.
oh and we were playing some board game.. was kinda fun haha. poor lyd kept (in her words) 'visiting tourist attractions and having to pay', and it sort of reminded me of that crazy monopoly game we played during thanksgiving where we ended up in two huge alliances wondering who'd go bankrupt first. so ridiculous.
charlotte's web was so cute. but kind of sad at the end when charlotte died. i think i was kinda sad too when reading the book (a looong time ago). and somehow in the middle of the movie i was thinking about how i only have like one day left here. i really thought i'd got over the whole leaving thing already, but i guess when i really realize it after brushing it off for the most part it's worse??
and during dinner lyd was asking me if i thought my ability to make friends was 'handicapped' by the fact that i don't drink. maybe it is.. i dunno. aiyah. some things i just don't really want to think about.
anyway.. oh yes. so i guess all my mixed feelings built up to this point.. and then i ended up taking it out on this random guy who approached lyd (while she was talking to me too, how rude!) and wanted to get to know her. and apparently it's happened before so she's kinda used to it. after she said no, he wanted to either give her his phone no/get hers. and but i think i was kind of at this breaking point and something just snapped in me and i snapped at the guy 'she said no! leave us alone!' actually i guess that wasn't a very nice thing to do, but the guy looked =so= sketchy and i thought he was going to continue pestering us or something. i still don't really know what got into me but lyd was like ok u're really in quite a bad mood, that was so unclar.
notable event of the evening haha. nice spending time w lyd though, pity didn't have as much time to hang out w chris. sigh.. i will get one-suite or something so i can call people. oh daryl recommends futurephone.com, must go check it out too.
pretty long day again! man it's been so long since i stayed out that late last night.. (thurs night that is) so on thurs: went out at 1ish to shop. attempt to shop would be more accurate, since i didn't find the low-priced long-sleeved shirts i was hoping to find, so not a very successful trip.
and i was very tired of walking by the time i met lyd so i was like !! time for food! haha. we had a very nice late-lunch-tea meal at tcc though:D i think i spend too much money :| and then it proceeded to rain!!! so heavily! :( ah well.
meeting jm and eunice was interesting.. one from uk one from australia and me from us! kinda cool. and rather different. i didn't know the NUS bidding system was so annoying.. poor people! very thankful that stanford doesn't really run out of spaces for important classes.
so i got back pretty late and (for once) was quite tired but i stayed up reading seabiscuit (again), one of my fav books:) and then i didn't really feel like going out today but i'm glad i did:)
so much fun! ms tan is hilarious.. never fails to amuse me. really love annoying her haha:p although i felt a bit weird cos i just went back in july (or something) with serene.. but serene talks so much. and i also forgot peiying was in ms tan's form class in sec 1. haha.
and you also don't realize how much teachers gossip (or talk about us) until you're in there listening to them:p but it was interesting anyhow.. and meeting mrs deborah tan was so weird. she told us we must set up an emotional bank account (i.e. build good feeling) so you can ask pple for favours next time. aiyah i think basically it's networking la.
anyway. i am beginning to feel the force of the oncoming quarter.. i think if i don't get into my introsems i'll take 17 units and preserve my sanity and hopefully by God's grace get a good internship. aaahh.
haha this is the 601th post. anyway yay, this shouldn't sound as depressive as the last. and i finally saw shaun after two years (hello shaun! if you happen to read this). i guess he is right though, if you don't see people for a long time you've a lot more things to say. or it could also swing the other way and you'd feel really awkward and have nothing to say. i wonder which happens more often. feels like the latter wouldn't really happen as much but you never know.
yay i finally managed to upload my hongkong photos on facebook. link on the left! thinking about changing my template again but lazy to find a new one.. actually given that i'm so free i shouldn't be, but when i feel like i have to do things i'll procrastinate on them -_- blargh.
oh! so i have a mentor (stanford alum) and then i kept pushing back writing an introductory email to her until tuesday, and then when she replied she said she literally just left singapore. sigh. i could've actually met up with her!! augh. i need to learn from these things. and missing deadlines. blagah.
and on mon/tues night i was clearing out one of my drawers and i found all manner of interesting things.. including this sheet of notepaper where i wrote down a couple of quotes. so i think this was in apr 04, and my dad said to me, "nobody will care if you don't do well in your SATs/can't get into a good university. the choir's not going to come together and sing you a song." i think at that point the issue was that i was spending too much time doing choir stuff. i guess they (parents) just weren't used to me actually spending time on CCAs, given that automation was so slack.
new year. i didn't really feel like going to church but i'm glad i did.. one of the youth (or 'yout' as they call themselves haha) was giving one of the messages, was pretty cool cos i've never seen him serve! and his msg was pretty good although i dun really remember a huge chunk of it cos i didn't have my notebook to write stuff down. and by the time we got through the second exhortation and one hour's worth of praying, my mind was quite fried. oh and the hour worth of praying was thanksgiving for the past year and requests for the new year.
grar facebook isn't letting me upload my photos! !! bah. oh i can upload a church photo here. and photos of the stuffed toys that my bro won at ocean park (two of those game thingys where you're supposed to throw balls into holes).
so i met up with candice and fiona today.. so good to see them! and it was easy to talk to them. cos it's like sometimes with other people it's awkward and have to think pretty hard to find stuff to talk about. actually that happens really quite a bit more often then i'd like it to. i'd also like to believe that's cos i'm always meeting new people but that's probably not the case.
really depends on my mindset at the moment i guess. whether i'm in the 'ooh we must meet people today and it's fun!' or 'aw man this is going to be such a chore' mode. anyway.. yeah. i guess it also helped that they're good frens so they can like bounce off each other. if that makes sense. and candice when you read my blog you ought to tag so i can 'talk' to you since you're never online! -sulks-
oh and church was kind of interesting. i've never really felt like part of my church, which is quite tragic. i also like to blame my parents for that but if i'd had my priorities right when i was younger i guess it wouldn't be such an issue. dunno la. i miss chi alpha though. and campbell. so i think i ought to go for thanksgiving service tomorrow but i don't feel like it cos i know i'm going to feel so awkward. yup. that's me. awkward.
okay this is starting to sound slightly depressive. it shouldn't! happy new year! haha. i am so lazy. need to find something better to do with my time. i keep pushing everything to next week (well, this week, already) telling myself i don't want to think about school stuff while it's 2006. procrastinate. ahhh.