yay! i finished econ. ladida. and i had a nice lunch:) i wonder how come the food's better today.. either 1. it's finals week or 2. the pple who're cooking today are better. workers are on strike today to demand better retirement benefits/other benefits today. apparently it's more for the hospital workers, but they're just showing solidarity so dining workers are on strike too. oh well. and then it was so funny, cos we were eating lunch and one of my dormmates was like, the pple today are so polite! we should keep these guys man. haha. oops. i was thinking the same thing when i saw the better food today. but of cos maybe it's just better cos it's finals week.
yesterday's lunch and friday's dinner were hilarious, but i'll recall the quotes another time. oh and last night i had such a terrible night.. apparently it's not just me cos my roommate felt the same way. i tried to sleep at 10.30 cos i wasn't thinking anymore (this happens oh so often) and then i kept having the feeling that i wasn't really asleep, but i refused to look at my watch cos i knew i'd panic if i saw the time and think "oh crap, its (watever time) already and i'm still not asleep". and then i woke up at 12, then 2.45, then i can't remember if there were any other times. and it was so hot, which was weird. normally i'm quite comfy under my comforter but last night it was HOT. oh well.
tomorrow i'll be a happy me! lalala
hmm, so now it seems that primal scream happens every night. last night i came back from the shower to see my phe (peer health educator) and a couple of guys leaning out on the balcony shrieking. haha. i didn't hear it on tues night though, maybe i was in the shower or something. i'm using up all my plasters, there must be something wrong with my hands cos they keep getting cut.
and it's so odd that suddenly fall quarter classes are all ending. like for jc and the last two years of sec sch, we had two years before we had to say goodbye. and i just realised there's no more ihum lect (yes!! ahaha) or section (yess!!! even though my section's rather amusing). and no more introsem (okay, i shall stop typing the same thing; basically all the classes are finishing up). i guess it's less sad, but no bond. although my introsem prof says we're going to have reunion nxt quarter haha.
ahh. i suddenly thought of gerald durrell. i need one of his books! bah. stupid math is driving me nuts. and i suddenly thought of how it's so weird to live two types of lives. one at home with family, one here in dorm with friends. anyway. i wish i had hello panda. but i'd just gobble it all up. and maybe it isn't such a bad thing having all finals on one day, then i can hurry up and go home! ahaha. and laugh at the rest. hopefully every quarter's this good, but i wouldn't count on it. (there are bad points too though, like having to cram everything this week).
i'm falling into exactly the trap i know i shouldn't be falling into. it's so true the way the other pple in my introsem say that they start analyzing things as being fixed/growth mindset heh. and they know wat's the wrong/right response and try to change it. but it doesn't always work.
and something i realised during bible study. it's kind of weird how i just seem to realise things during church/bible study. but anyway. it is the same thing. i can't blame it on the fact that our culture is different or whatever, it was just the same back at home. it's just that i momentarily forgot about what happened in rj/at church. or maybe it was just an easy excuse. the same feeling of having nothing to say, feeling awkward, ... and it of course doesn't help that my mom was asking me just now how, has my personality changed? and i'm like, haha, no. which reminded me of the whole point why my parents agreed to send me here in the first place even though it's costing them a hell lot of money. maybe i'm just being impatient or something, i don't know. sometimes i think it depends on my mood. but i always have the feeling that something isn't as it should be.
maybe that's why music is so good. immerse myself in it and forget (or try to) everything else. nothing else matters at that moment.
there're always two sides to a problem. when i'm unhappy, i see the bad side. when i'm neutral/happy, i see the better side. that just goes so much for religion too actually.
oh dr dement came to talk at westflo. he says that the ONLY cause of fatigue is sleep debt. i find that curious. okay, like dennis said, i guess it is intuitive, in a way. but on the other hand it doesn't seem possible that there can be only ONE cause. still very interesting though. and he says sleep is sleep, it doesn't matter when you take it! that just goes against everything i've ever heard. weird. i mean, he did say sleep should coordinate with circadian rhythms, which is probably a big part. right i don't even think i'm making sense anymore.
back to preparing for introsem presentation.
oh.. a few of my favourite things from www.demotivator.com. first seen on sean's computer! haha. this is one of the times when i wish i were using windows then i can d/l their free trial screensaver. but this was to cheer myself up while feeling blue just now. there're a few more i like, but can't be bothered to upload. one can't have too much of a good thing. haha.
hahaha there was so much noise outside and i was wondering what in the world was happening when I realised it was midnight and it's dead week. primal scream! rofl. darn. i think i should have shrieked somemore. i'm the one who has to spend the week studying cos all my finals/papers are on the first day. but anyway it was still hilarious:D sometimes i still can't believe i'm here.
let me quote from some website or other
"The Primal Scream takes place every quarter at Stanford during the week of intense studying that precedes final exams. On Sunday, at the stroke of midnight, hundreds of undergraduates all across campus lean out the windows of dorms and libraries to vent their anxieties in one enormous, collective yell."
anyway. i went for this musical called "into the woods"! it was really lucky cos my dormmate had extra tickets and were giving them away (!!) wow. and the theatre isn't even a huge one or anything.. I mean I guess the cast wasn't the original broadway one but still. they're pretty good. even though I feel guilty for not doing work:| and had to leave int'l dinner early.
and then saw the nutcracker on saturday.. at the war memorial opera house. man i didn't know it was going to be so posh..
http://sfwmpac.org/gallery/gallery.html#wmoh
forgot to bring my camera sigh. how was i supposed to know that there'll be anything worth taking!! ahh. and there was this pastry confection thing made by fairmont - a model of a huge house and a nutcracker doll and polar bears and various other animals.. all made out of chocolate/biscuit/sth! it was awesome.. okay not that it was really pretty or anything but it was definitely cool. I can't find a picture of it though:( darn. maybe i should ask the rest if they took a photo of it.
pity that the seats that we got as a dorm (okay, more like as a hall since it was the whole of westflo) were kinda pathetic.. very very near the top of the entire opera house, which is really far up. I guess one can't expect too much for paying $5 haha. it was still fun though.
can't believe the quarter's almost over.. a's seem so far behind but it still doesn't feel like december. pple were saying that they don't feel like it's dec cos there's no snow, but i think for me it's the idea of having started school in late sept that is just weird.
yay! we vacuumed our room today, it's so nice and clean:)
oh for the first time (i've been resisting this as long as possible) i wore three layers (instead of two). at least i didn't freeze in church. and also for the first time in the long time i had brunch at my dorm (and poor jon had to walk back to wilbur haha:p) cos sean was busy so we didn't go for lunch (which is also fine, since i'm still quite broke)
ooh my roommate just played mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you".. it's so nice. anyway. one of my dormmates just knocked on the door and said, "i'm collecting donations for alcohol on friday". [friday there's this huge party at west-flo] and i just stared at him and was like "wat?" and he laughed at me n said that was the cutest look he'd ever seen. uh. okay. i certainly didn't know looks of stupefaction could be cute. but anyway i was quite puzzled as to why he was going around asking for donations when they're already using $500 out of dorm funds for the party!
i can't listen to christmas music now or i won't do my work! sigh. but i think christmas music is very happy and nice:) and christmas is my favourite time of the year! the whole atmosphere anyway. bells and cheer and pretty decorations and ... ahh. it reminds me of chorale xmas songs too though haha. have yourself a merry little xmas and oh.. i've just forgotten the name of that other song. ugh. when i remember i will put it in. it's so annoying!! i can see the score in my head, and the notes, but i just can't remember the lyrics.. gah.
and it reminds me of bellagio! and 'O'! ahh. and hearing "carol of the bells" at the famous fountains of bellagio which also reminded me of ri/rj xmas concert. i wish i could watch "O" again without having to pay more insane amts of money. i think it cost US$150 that time as it was. ugh. best seats though.
okay better get back to work. dunno why i'm suddenly feeling stressed. maybe cos all my finals are on the first day, meaning everything has to be done by then. ahh!
i'm awfully awfully awfully sleepy! waking up at 4.30am for shopping is no joke. thanksgiving sales galore! haha. i think the grad students went crazy at gilroy.. i'm happy with what i got! yay. even though i didn't buy that much stuff. was happily wearing my new jacket (okay, having to wear it in my room cos i'm cold is not happy, but having it at all is happy:) wahaha. and i'll have to wash the jeans before wearing. but well. yay!
i'm happy tonight cos i've sort of finished math hw (finally!) okay i only had a couple of questions but it's done. except for a few questions which i shall have to ask chuansheng haha. and pam emailed! yay! haha. i should really email more people so i can be happier more often.
anyway while waiting for the grad students to finish their shopping me n kiat were stoning at the cafe.. I don't know why I suddenly want to go home so much. I guess it's cos it's thanksgiving week and everyone else gets to go home and we can't. I mean it's good to stay around and have some peace and quiet but it's different. and I wonder what I'll think when I'm back home.. maybe I'll wish that I was back here. the grass is always greener on the other side eh. but no doubt it'll be interesting.
although, like i was telling kiat, i can foresee myself having to answer tons of "how's stanford?" and etc.. i think i should like prepare a speech and just press replay whenever the question comes up. but actually I don't even know what to say. I can't say things like "it's really great!" cos well, yeah it is great sometimes but other times it isn't great at all. and I hate saying things I don't mean. actually sometimes it's really contradictory. this is the -strive-for-balance-side of me coming out. i can even analyse myself now, this has got to be chuansheng's fault. he always does that.
so, i think it'll definitely be interesting. going home for a while with a new perspective. and also increased mobility and good FOOD!! ahh. and CHEAPER prices!! okay. clar is becoming very aware of money after realising she is very low on funds, which wasn't (and isn't) supposed to happen so soon.
but once i go home i think i won't want to come back cos it means i have to do work. but again if i do take my fun courses then it shouldn't be so bad, hopefully. i am unbelievably lazy. i don't want to study, don't want to work, ... and i won't want to leave my comfy room! (with no alarm clocks!) although actually i believe i've heard my mom's / bro's alarm clocks before. it's been a nice week with a temporary-single room, but i guess it'll be nice to have everyone back nxt week.
actually i'm so sleepy. but i decided i must wax lyrical for a while on the joys of cirque du soleil. watched corteo today! sorry jane for ditching you but well.. since i had a ride back and a ticket with sporeans.. heh. it really seems like providence that i decided to ask if any of the others wanted to watch cirque du soleil today and then daryl happened to remember that zhihui said they were going down this week and they happened to be going today! if that makes sense.
i was soo happy while watching the show. unfortunately it only lasted during the show. i guess when it ends, it ends. but anyway.. the first act reaffirmed the feeling i had when watching O.. that they have so many characters on stage/things going on that it's hard to decide where to look. i suppose one learns to ignore the periphery. i think they made wonderful use of the theme.. like turning beds into trampoline-ish things! okay maybe that isn't so original but it was still great anyhow:) and the performer on the aerial straps was one of the strongest i've ever seen.. awesome!
oh and there were two "horses"!! haha. i was also very happy when i saw them. like, i was meant to see this show. anyway this show was really quite different from the rest.. when i walked in and saw the screen with the rich opulent setting i was like wow.. i've never seen this before.. and the costumes were very different too. prettier, in my opinion:) the other cirque shows i've watched tend to have kinda more garish costumes (except O)
there was this fantastic flamenco-rhythmic gym act.. okay it wasn't really flamenco but they had red spanish-looking dresses so well. anyway they're fabulous! when i saw them i was thinking how lijia would've loved it.. and peiying too.. actually i was just thinking everyone should have come with me, they would have enjoyed it. oh and i realised cat 3 seats, if you get the front few rows, aren't so bad, but the problem is watching the performance from the side.. i don't know if it looks just as good as it should from a different angle. and as it was our seats were slightly blocked by the light-post.. so at the beginning i was kind of annoyed by it, but wat to do.
i can't remember if i said this before but i know why i like cirque du soleil! when they have more than one person doing the same routine/watever, they're always perfectly synchronised (okay it doesn't always happen all the time, but the large majority is gd enough) and that is just wonderful. i think i like perfection too much. enough to pay insane amounts of money for it. blah. i need to be rich.
and the juggling acts.. the pple dropped the stuff once but they tried again and did it perfectly.. i don't know if they staged it or it really happened, but i think we clapped all the more louder when they succeeded. reminds me of introsem heh. it means more when they didn't get it right the first time but managed to the second. maybe it shows that they're still human, contrary to what we may think:p
i just remembered. my two complaints: 1. not long enough (1.5hrs with 30min intermission) 2. soundtrack not out yet
alright i'm too sleepy to say anymore.. alcatraz was certainly interesting.. and i'm quite sure there were no woman prisoners, haha. and then when we heard christmas songs being played in mac's.. i'm like.. why're they playing that?? it just puts me in a holiday mood such that 1. i don't feel like doing work 2. i want to go home and slack. okay i guess they're about the same, but well. and then wandering into borders to browse around.. the feeling of actually being in town as compared to confined to palo alto/stanford.. that was really good. i think i complain too much. time to sleep.
i am now feeling very poor. i shall revise my outlook on life and become a miser. (well, starting from after tomorrow since i'm going to watch cirque du soleil yay!:)
anyway i visited woonteng's blog and found this horoscope-thing. think it's partially accurate. ser will agree with the high standards part eh? haha. oh speaking of which the new harry potter show.. i think i'm learning not to judge shows by their books but for what they are. even though while i was watching the show i kept remembering details that they left out. i'm just prone to nitpicking. the actors have really grown up.. kinda interesting.
horoscope from: http://www.alabe.com/freechart/
Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Capricorn
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking and very serious as a youth, things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. Generally, you have a good, earthy sense of humor that can carry you through when times really do get tough. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible.
Sun is in 15 Degrees Libra.
Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it.
Moon is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.
Mercury is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.
Venus is in 19 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so -- you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you -- this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them.
Mars is in 00 Degrees Aquarius.
Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause!
Jupiter is in 14 Degrees Pisces.
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries.
Saturn is in 06 Degrees Sagittarius.
Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing.
Uranus is in 19 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.
Neptune is in 03 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.
Pluto is in 06 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.
N. Node is in 20 Degrees Aries.
You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!
after a hectic week.. i'm suddenly feeling very free. just came back from gaieties.. it wasn't really that centred around cal-bashing. plus i didn't think it was very funny/impressive. but the lead singers were quite good. the girls anyway, i didn't really like the guy. reminded me of chicago on broadway though.. that was awesome!:) want to watch more broadways! haha. but i need $$ man. sigh. i'm so tempted to buy cat 1 seats for corteo with jane but i don't know if i should.. or whether cat 3 seats are that bad. blah.
the irony of it all; after the last (which also happens to be the first) ihum paper, i vowed to start earlier so i wouldn't have to stay up till 4.30am on thursday night (or friday morning) to write it, but no.. the same thing happened. i really don't get it.. maybe it's my tendency to procrastinate. or the idea that i can just keep thinking.. and thinking.. and thinking.. until it's too late and there's no more choice! ugh. anyway i'm surprisingly awake given that i slept at 3.45 and woke up around 7.40 (not by choice, i was planning to wake up at 8.40 but i woke up anyway, maybe cos my subconscious mind was telling me i needed to get that paper done) and when i tried to take a nap just now i didn't succeed. but now i'm a bit tired. time to sleep 10hrs!! yeahh..
uh. well. oh.. i've downloaded like half the soundtracks for kA.. i really like love dance! maybe cos of the harp. and the cello. i think those are my two favourite instruments. i want the CD though. US$19.50:| hmm. okay i think i shall go bathe and sleep.
am listening to jay chou's kai1 bu4 liao2 kou3 and it starts off with this airplane noise thingy.. reminded me of 17th sept.. the day before flying here. the day at sentosa, and ending up reaching home so late and going out for dinner and rushing to pack when i was SO tired. haha. and getting scolded for not packing earlier/going out even though i hadn't packed. and now i'm here already it seems almost comic (heh, wolff's favourite word when lecturing ihum) that i was so worried about forgetting to bring stuff.
and then not being able to sleep even though i was so tired (maybe the fatigue wore off) and then waking up with a horror of leaving my home. of not being around, even though it's only for 3 months. actually now that i think about it i still don't like the idea, especially when i'm not going home next winter, hmm. but anyway. it's easy to look back and shrug it off. but that terror was very real. ah well.
also reminded me of the tea/watever at marche with church pple.. when jason came back and was telling us about british slang and the oxbridge rivalry. i wonder wat i'll have to say about stanford-cal rivalry haha. today someone in my ihum section was trying to sell a shirt. it said "cal" in front. and at the back "stanford was too hard to spell" or sth to that effect.
anyway.. i was so amused (and bemused) by the appearance of this email entitled "our humble contribution" in my inbox, with 2 pictures of freezers. one with joel grinning from ear to ear. so, here is the much-loved, well-stocked freezer of the occupants of 2094 yale street. i must make sure i mention that this fantastic freezer of theirs contains "20 lbs of meat!" (not to mention guo1 tie1s and i assume, at one point in time, pineapple tarts)
this is the reason i was at their house yesterday. hahaha. oh.. should have sent me a pic of the shrine too. haha.
ahaha! i have just introduced my roommate to the wonders of hello panda. haha. she agrees it's addictive. i think i finished off 3 packets today. :| oh well. at least i'm not daryl who bought like 5 (rather huge) packets of bin bin. and then when we were at ranch99 yesterday daryl was like "i heard from sean you told him to go outside and wait cos u were going to take a long time" and i'm like !!! that guy.. i'm sure daryl heard something else too but i forgot wat.
lunch was good! haha. i have discovered the joys of honey walnut prawns thanks to sean too. joel was like "his three favourites: honey, walnut, prawns". and then i don't know how come they served us bubble tea, but then daryl was drinking his bubble tea and sucked too hard or sth cos suddenly a pearl shot out of the straw and ricocheted to the back of his throat and then he jumped slightly and looked very shocked. it was so funny la he's forever so ridiculous..
oh here's a pic frm yesterday's dinner
back (l - r): zhihui (i'm v sure she was tarbet mass dance capt or sth.. anyone find her familiar? i know she was an spsl though), sean, daryl, wenzheng, kevin, kevin's gf (i'm not sure how to spell her name), me!
front (l - r): xianyi with the two birthday boys joel and ruixiong
okay i really should be doing work not doing this but ahh.. i listed out the stuff i have to do. it doesn't seem like that much, but i know it's a lot. ugh. too unstressed for my own good
ohhh i just remembered sth else that happened yesterday/today thanks to kiat.
yesterday during dinner sean was in ecstasies over this bak chor mee place, and decided that we were going to lunch there today. so we went there and then found joel and daryl standing outside. cos the place closed down and there was another restaurant in place of it!
they (sean n joel) were so disappointed..
sean "brother.. the sun has set.."
joel "yes brother.. it is a dark day.."
and they went on in that line for a while.
then when we went to their house to visit and ailin came along with the most fabulous egg tarts i've eaten.. (from chinatown in SF! 1029 grant street! haha) and apparently she knew that place closed down but didn't tell them so they were complaining. and saying they should go into mourning; rend their clothes and put on ashes and sackcloth. it was SO funny.. oh and their freezer is very full of meat.
yesterday joel defined chicken and fish as vegetables, i don't know why.
ruixiong "do you think you'll be okay?" (walking back to my dorm from his, which is like 50m away)
me "no, i'll get mugged on the way"
ruixiong "that's okay"
me: !!!
i was being sarcastic, but still. haha.
oh, one from sean last sunday i think.
zhongjie (hopefully that's the way his name is spelt, hmm) was talking about going to the gym and sean was saying he had to do reps as a swimmer. and i can't remember if it was zj/jon who said "oh you were a swimmer?" and sean said "yeah but now i'm a blobber"
it kind of reminded me of lydia though. the word "blob". maybe cos it used to be her msn nick.
daryl, yesterday, on his phone which wouldn't receive/make phone calls. "my phone is incognito" (he meant to say incommunicado)
i couldn't stop laughing even in math after that.. cos the image of a emperor riding in a sedan (or on a horse) to the countryside appeared in my mind. and i was wondering what daryl's phone was pretending to be.
and i thought this nonsense with the alarm clock was over. if i didn't have to wake up early to go for melody i'd be severely annoyed. 7am, 7.40am, 8.20am (and this one went on for like 15mins cos she refused to get up) and then 8.40am.. i think i'm going to be deaf by next fall. unless by some happy chance my classes start earlier than hers.
ah. i see. she has just informed me that she intended to wake up at 7 (!!) to do work but she couldn't get up. cos she wants to do work so she can go out and do other stuff. hmm. anyway, its kind of weird she doesn't seem to feel bad. maybe i expect too much.
i think i'm very capable of just holing myself up in my room given there's so much work to do. bah. actually i know i thought i had a LOT of stuff to do yesterday night but now when I list it out I feel like I'm forgetting something.
oh. and dining hall food is quite sucky half the time. should go to wilbur more often haha. at least they have chinese food. and at least i get to eat something nice every sunday:D
chim's coming over today! haha. but that horrible girl didn't tell me, i had to hear it frm wang ning.
ooh okay i saw chim already:) anyway she mite be coming over with jane nxt week! how fun! haha. wish the rest could be here too though. bleah. if i had my way i'll probably wish for half my sec 4 class to be around.
and i was telling jon just now.. it's so sad.. when teaching lil kids piano you feel SO happy when they manage to get through a page of sheet music. at least i didn't have to figure out how to teach her about time signatures haha. i really wonder how my teacher managed to teach me last time.
ah i forgot to add something else. just now during math section i was telling chuansheng that during ihum, when we were analysing joyce's dubliners, one guy was like saying that american kids feel stifled by the education system - follow the prepared path through grade school then college then get a job.. and that is exactly wat everyone says in spore. looks like it really applies universally.. the notion of "once you get out of your country (or state or hometown) everything'll be fine".
definitely there's a difference in perspective and all, but after a while it does become the same situation. it's the mindset you have to escape from. like my feeling of wanting to go for a holiday.. it's the same as it was in rj. so what has changed, really?
this is partly why ihum is depressing sometimes. it points out things one is normally in denial about. like the stuff we read from tolstoy was about how people're obsessed with material stuff and only realise they ought to have lived otherwise when they were at the brink of death. okay baldwin wasn't so depressing, possibly cos i still don't really understand/like it. and joyce's dubliners is about paralysis/epiphanies and actually tolstoy n joyce write a little about social convention too.
okay i'm going to think about nxt quarter courses and sleep cos i can feel myself zoning out already
moderately eventful week. actually. no. the only event was getting sick. on monday night i decided i desperately needed sleep and therefore purposed to sleep before 10. unfortunately, after happily thinking i had no more work to do/..., i suddenly realised i hadn't written my introsem essay yet. freak. so i wrote 2 pages worth and then it was 11pm so i decided it was time to sleep.
woke up at 4.30 with the feeling of inevitability. throat/nose/watever felt weird. 37.6degrees! yay.. go back to sleep. wake up, still around there. toyed with idea of skipping introsem later (while editing/finishing my essay). went down to breakfast, ate fruits and padded along to econ lect. in no condition for running so better leave earlier. econ lect was okay, not particularly illuminating that i remember of. back to nice warm dorm.
during lunch had to go look for all the nonheaty stuff (not that there's alot to begin with). oh before that i finally decided i was going to skip introsem and dance and come back and sleep. i decided i couldn't survive 1h15 of pointless discussion and 1h30 of moderate exercise. thankfully no midterms this week.
came back after math, which was also only slightly useful. and slept. roommate was like "are you taking a nap?" and i'm like "i'm sick! i have the right to sleep!" and she's like "watever roomie.." cos she's forever taking naps (and most of the time she's not sick)
anyway thankfully by wed i was quite alright and today even better yay~ my toes were cold on mon/tues night though. random comment. haha. and i had this really weird dream on monday that i was back in spore and i forgot to pack anything (i.e. no luggage or sth) so all my stuff was still here. and feeling an acute sense of annoyance/despondency cos i'd left all my stuff behind and i wasn't about to get on a plane back here to get all my stuff. crazy stuff that dreams are made of.
have to choose classes for next quarter soon and i am torn between so many things! rather equates to being totally clueless. am seeing my advisor tmr, but i'm not sure he'll be of much help. all he's going to say is to advise me not to take 20 units again. actually when i went to see him i said i was gonna take 18 and he was already advising me against that. ahh.
not in a very good mood tonight.. don't feel like doing my work especially cos i know i have so much stuff to do. bah. tmr there's the performance, then sat morning there's melody (i almost regret doing this) sat night dinner out, sunday church, ihum thesis and introsem outline due monday, ...... how depressing. and i desperately need to practice math. ahh!!! i want to skip next week and go straight to thanksgiving. "like monopoly", chuan sheng says. haha.
man. i'm so glad that midterm is over. i'm not so sure how i did though, sigh. hopefully it'll be good to make up for all the nonsense i've been handing in for econ. it was a rather terrible realisation that there're only a few more problem sets to boost my grade. and i was so zoned out after it i didn't even recognise xianyi when he biked past haha oops. until he called me and i looked properly and was like oh.. haha.
actually my head is still a bit woozy right now. i better sleep early tonight, who cares if i finish reading introsem. haha. and thankfully i managed to get the dance tickets.. and i talked to my ihum tf about my paper.. it was very reassuring:) maybe i'm not so bad at ihum after all, given that that first paper was written in virtually two days or less. (although chuan sheng keeps saying that doesn't matter, hmph) but anyway i'm feeling proud of myself for now yay
oh i tried jamba juice for the first time today. it's.. interesting. and it was so funny.. i suddenly heard "clarissa lin!", whirled around, saw sean and wondered what he was doing there. "yeah.. monday morning right" (cos he watches webcast instead sometimes) anyway he started telling me all the good flavours.. haha he really is synonymous with good food. oh we went to coldstone creamery yesterday! it was fantastic.. it reminded me of the dairy queen thing last time at mobil petrol station where you can choose what you want to mix into the ice cream.. ahh. different, but still good! and i was late for econ review session but who cares. haha. food is more impt! oops.
i'm hungry! :( but i don't think i should be eating dry/heaty stuff. oh dear. guess i'll just starve.
ah i just remembered i had to do laundry.
i'm so freaking annoyed.. i forgot to hand up my econ problem set and only realised it after the solutions were posted, so they aren't going to accept it and i have to drop the grade.. which totally sucks cos this was probably one of my better ones since i went for office hours and got most of the stuff explained. and it also doesn't help that i got the median score for econ midterm, even though i'm relieved it wasn't any worse. and i have so much stuff on this weekend i haven't studied, nor do i feel like studying at all.
okay i think part of the annoyance is cos i'm sleepy, and i can't even figure out why. i think i'll give up and go sleep. i'm very glad for my new stanford sweater though its nice and furry inside and warm. thanks to wangning's discount coupon. oh and i'm also glad jane's gonna come over and stay the night before big game! yay!! okay. i have cheered myself up slightly. but i'm still tired.
crap la i just tore part of a page of my econ txt cos my hair dripped water on it and i rubbed too hard at the page trying to dry it. i really need to sleep before i start destroying more things and getting even more pissed off.
i think chuan sheng is right. it all depends on my attitude. anyway, i was blog surfing, sort of, and came across some stuff in judith's blog which is so true. so i koped some phrases from her. replace H with stanford and you have it. my sentiments exactly.
||One of the hardest things about college is having to start from scratch. Then, the fact that you're starting from scratch at H, where you -are- scratch, also doesn't make things any easier.||
it's so easy to forget that though. like when i talk to pple i don't realise that these are like super-smart pple or anything.. the way i forget age differences and all. and i didn't realise like everyone who's here was valedictorian of their class. haha.
||My time here feels so precious and so tedious at the same time (...) And I'm not even bonded to any particular job when I get back. It's like the whole account is accountable to myself, and that makes it all the more frightening. If I don't make good, it'll really be my own fault.||
i don't really think about it (like many many other things) when i'm swamped in work. but sometimes the realisation just comes and hits you. i really should be doing my work. okay nvm, lemme finish this. so yeah, as with many other things, sometimes i just suddenly remember that its my parents who are paying for all this (hell lot of money too, i might add) and i don't even think i'm living up to their expectations at the moment. which of course they don't know, but that makes it even worse.
i'm not driven the way so many people i know are. although actually i'm quite sure that's a defining characteristic of any student in a university like stanford. i haven't the foggiest idea what i want to do.
i'm really glad i'm here though. i realised it is really different. my time is entirely my own; there's no mom to nag me to stop playing around/wasting time and study. not that i really needed that much nagging but sometimes i do tend to not do my work. heh. anyway i guess i'm getting more used to the reading textbook thing..which is gd.
alright, ranting over. yay i have understood my math. i feel better:) oh. i think cs & ser are right too, nxt quarter i better find courses that i actually like.. although given that pwr n ihum are compulsory.. hmm. must find some way to make them appealing (haha)
bah. i'm so sleepy. but i haven't done much work today:| last night was frosh formal! we were SO late, haha. but dressing up is fun. and i don't really think i would have wanted to stay very long. this partying thing is really not me. then we went to jonathan's room to eat ice cream! yay. pity the ice cream was sort of melted though haha the sorbet became a (rather thick) smoothie. but it was still good:) and i only remembered jackie was sick after we finished most of it. but nvm, i'm not going to get sick.
uh. yeah. so we left jon's room at 2.30 (and therefore no more midnight express/shuttle, horror of horrors, had to walk!) thankfully it wasn't that cold.. but of course there wasn't much choice. and i ended up sleeping at 4. !! i don't think i've ever slept at 4 in spore. maybe that night when my sleep cycle was screwed up cos of being sick/trying to study for bio a level prelim mcq, but that's about it. and i've already done that 3 times (sleeping past 4) and it's only been 1.5months. man.
so i happily woke up at 11.30! actually i wasn't that happy, cos i got woken up at 8sth by my roommate talking to her family on the phone. why can't she get out of the room and talk? ... although maybe she thought i was still fast asleep and wouldn't hear. given that chuan sheng can spend 2 hrs on the phone outside his room cos his roommate was sleeping.. later she saiid they forgot about the time difference. and assume that she's awake. since they're always awake after 7 at home. but really, college is so different. how can one expect to keep the "go to bed early and wake up early" routine? forget it man..
i think i'm a terrible person to room with:| i'm very picky about sleep. if that's the way to put it. like, when my sleep is disturbed, depending on my mood, i can really feel like screaming my head off.
anyway. sigh my neighbour opposite threw a birthday party and the music's been going on for 3 hrs and it's giving me a headache. actually maybe the headache is also due to fatigue, but i prefer to complain. seems like people are more vulgar though, f*** seems to form a rather large part of conversations sometimes. and i also frequently hear "goddammit!" in the hallways.. maybe i was too sheltered before though
i hope there's nothing wrong with my computer anymore, it's so tedious to bring the whole freaking thing down to stanford shopping center and have to back up the hard drive.. thankfully ruixiong had an external hard drive to lend me.. yay for sporeans! haha.
oh wait i haven't explained why i haven't done any work. after waking up, went for brunch/lunch at lag (and met wang ning on the way, how coincidental) he was busy eating yoghurt or something and only looked up when i stepped into his path haha. then i decided to go visit chuan sheng since i'd never seen his room before. and he just woke up! well done man.. haha. it was rather amusing. then i figured since i was at lag i may as well walk over to frosoco n visit kiat (also cos his roommate isn't around for the weekend, like jon's). since if i were in my dorm i'd never trek over to either of their dorms. haha. killed two birds with one stone! then aft tt i decided i'd visit jesley too since i'd never seen her dorm either.. and i caught her just when she came back frm movie! lucky day:)
then i finally came back to my room. and did two weeks' worth of laundry. (this is what two midterms on the same day at the end of the week does to you). messed around a bit, decided to go shopping. alone. i think there's something rather wrong with me. find it tiring to have to create/continue conversation for long periods of time. i guess i just wanted some time alone. which is weird cos i'm mostly alone anyway. i must be becoming a hermit.