hakuna matata

the latter conversation transpired between me & CS 10mins ago.

CS: The latter's Chris' Outrageous Chocolate Cake combines brownie, pie, and cheesecake into 1,380-calorie pudding.
CS: Cheesecake Factory
CS: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6399267.stm

me: WOAH
me: they're going to kill pple with that man

CS: yeah

me: i wonder if it's new
me: probably not right

CS: no
CS: but gives you an idea

me: augh
me: i ate a choc cake today cos i was stressed
me: haha

CS: ok
CS: a whole cake???

me: no la
me: whole cake i die already you know

and i just had a hysterical laughing fit, which apparently rather alarmed jackie. and i was like well, i wasn't too sure if i could've stopped, but it's been a long time since i laughed that much.


more quotes from jackie:

context: she passed him some of her perishables (namely, roti prata & her 7-layer caramel cake) and her air-con to store over winter break.
"of all the things i gave john, the only thing he can't keep is the air-conditioner."

jackie informs me that my hysterical laughter was quite disturbing.
me: but you did that to me once!
jackie: yes, but i went and promptly got into bed

jackie tries to persuade me to go take a nap.
me, resisting strenuously, then conceding: i think i will. i can't think anymore.
jackie, visibly VERY relieved: THANK GOD.

random note: went for mentoring dinner (finally! this is the 7th week!) and had honey walnut prawns!! well i've had better elsewhere but since i haven't eaten them in a long time i was quite happy:) and then my fortune in the fortune cookie was hilarious (it also rather reminded me of retreat): "you are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling." both of which are so, so not me. unless you think otherwise, in which case do let me know cos i'd be rather curious.

anyway yes, after a disastrous midterm/hangman-program-due/pset due week, i came out of my econ classes with an epiphany. well, it's sort of a blurry epiphany since i'm not sure yet. but i may change my major. i mean, i really did not like macroecon last quarter (might be the fault of the teacher, might be that i didn't really understand stuff and therefore am now somewhat averse to it, maybe i just am not interested in learning about the fed/...)

but this quarter i feel like walking out of my econ classes 1 hr into lecture (they're 1h50). int'l econ i don't always feel like walking out, usually it's pretty intense so not much time to look at the clock and stuff. but it's a little hard to grasp too i guess, and he goes somewhat fast. but econometrics.. really.. i don't know. and my econ major right now is a finance track, but i really don't know if i'd like learning about those either. -_- i guess i'll have to do huge-time shopping next quarter. my bro suggested just taking one econ class and really exploring the rest of my options.

i also didn't realize how worried my family was about my state. so-called. cos my mom called, and my brother called, and ... i never really thought sophomore slump was a real concept but i guess maybe it is true.. when you really start wondering about what the heck you're doing (or actually, i should be using 'i' instead of 'you', as leng&hung would say). in life, in school, in whatever.

i know a couple of my fellow sealnet-ers are thinking about that, and one of dayoung's friends took the quarter off. i think she had a little bit of a self-esteem problem.. apparently she kept saying she doesn't know why she's at stanford, ... i didn't really believe it when people said everyone feels the same way 'how did i get in?' but i think i do now. and it's kind of like we don't realize what it is that makes us unique, and it takes other people to tell us sometimes. (at least, so i found out at the retreat when leng&hung were asking us to listen to each other and tell each other what we valued about the other person etc).

haha suddenly that sounded rather upbeat. oh well. david (the guy who gives me a ride to church normally) is at san diego so today i went w lisa & bertram & adelene. [daryl overslept! tsk]. anyway it was nice seeing all the stanford pple, but i think i prefer my own church. i guess familiarity does do something for you. and familiarity with songs. i feel like i can't really worship properly if i don't know the songs cos i'm trying to catch the tune, the words, and it just doesn't work. maybe that's why i felt weird at chi alpha last year.. although i know i should be able to worship anyway but it's tough.

anyway we had lunch at adelene's house and it was yummy! she cooked a mee siam-ish dish, very good. and she had pineapple tarts! just what i was craving! yay!! blessed:) haha. i have decided bengawan solo tarts are pretty good. although i really liked the de cooking house one (the shop's at far east square near chinatown!).

okay i really need to code yahtzee. it's kind of a fun game.. and i'm glad i don't have any other psets to do so i can really work on it. yay! and CNY dinner later should be awesome too:) oh and it was so nice to see megan yesterday, and the talisman concert was awesome, christina ho (freshman at chi alpha) has an amazing voice!

okay. so i'm tired of doing work and decided i could think about retreat so at least i get to do something fun. haha.

anyway. so there was a lot of breathing and listening (to yourself - being aware of wat's happening in your body, and to others, and to the surroundings). some of it was kind of similar to improv class, which made me think of dan (he's our improv coach! v cool guy:) at the beginning and comparing, but i forgot that after a bit.

at the beginning and at the end of retreat, we had this inner-outer circle where they'd play slow pure moods sort of music (which i'm sort of addicted to now!) and then we'd partner (inner circle w outer circle) and think about various things and reveal them to each other. they (leng & hung) created a lot of trust, i think.

and also kb, she's such an amazing person. so dynamic and yet willing to be so open and share such personal things in front of a huge group even though she hasn't met like more than half of us before. that's really something i admire. and also just having one person open up like that makes other people more willing to share.

so while all this was happening, i definitely felt closer to people there. but there was this nagging feeling in the back of me. because i kept thinking, shouldn't this kind of closeness be achieved with fellow christians? but i can't really imagine chi alpha pple standing around doing that sort of thing.. i dunno. it's hard to explain. takes a certain kind of atmosphere and person to perpetuate that. and it is admittedly kind of touchy-feely sort of thing.

oh yes and they were coaching us on being more honest about our emotions and owning them. saying "i feel (watever)" and esp when giving feedback (cos you're less likely to judge people or hurt them i guess). and also u're being more open and more vulnerable. and helping us find our values.

we had this relate-acting-to-leadership workshop thing, which was really cool. and there was this thing about telling your partner a story which showcased your 'personal best' moment and extracting your values/strengths from that and then coming up with a metaphor for your values/strengths. that was valuable. cos i always have trouble with the whole articulating your skills/strengths/... stuff.

sigh i kind of miss being there. although while i was there i felt a bit awkward cos i didn't know what to say to people either. and i had a number of emotionally draining conversations cos they were the higher-level-type and i guess being so engaged/watever you wanna call it takes a lot out of me. alright let's face it i just don't have very much energy unless i'm in a crazy mood.

and i feel awful about not wanting to talk to my family. because i'm struggling with school and i don't know what i'm going to do about my summer! well okay the context for that is that my mom was trying to talk to me on skype and my stupid headset wasn't working so i called the home phone. and my mom was asking me abt retreat, i didn't feel like talking about it (too tiring to talk about it i guess). and then about my (failed) interviews. then my bro wanted to talk to me about summer. i suppose now i'm unhappy because talking about all those reminded me of my inadequacy (which i recognize is ridiculous since like everyone keeps saying, i'm just a sophomore, it's okay. and i knew that i wanted experience, which i did get.)

and that is also why i don't want to go for akpsi meeting later, cos i know people will ask me about the interview stuff and i don't want to talk about it.

alright i think i feel a little better. i wish pam was here, she's like my mommy-friend and i need someone like that right now. i guess i'll go spend some time with God. if i can find Him. it is so hard sometimes, how many times have I been to church this quarter? it's awful.

i am so annoyed.. i was editing my hangman code on ryan's laptop over the weekend and somehow it didn't save to my external drive so i've to redo everything -_- not that it was a lot but STILL! growl. i want a laptop.

anyhow, i figured (fine this is somewhat procrastination) that i should have closure on the retreat. so my 6th weekend of winter quarter (and 5th weekend off campus) was spent at SEALNet retreat. and what is SEALNet? --> www.sealnetonline.org

it was such an out-of-the-world weekend. i guess cos the two main facilitators, leng & hung, were such breathing/connect-with-your-spirit sort of people. or at least, i think that's what they do when they coach people.

suddenly after that little nap i don't feel like blogging anymore so i guess the rest has to wait till later!

i wonder why it is that i can't seem to summon up energy to be enthusiastic about stuff i'm involved in. yesterday's SEALNet meeting, i was just like dude we've been thinking about this (what to do in Vietnam) since last Dec, and there doesn't seem to be something that sounds sufficiently exciting. and then i was just reading the akpsi emails about this publicity thing we're doing.. i actually didn't forward stuff, oops. even though i think it's a really good idea. i guess i'm just lazy. sigh.

and so it reminded me of when the interviewer asked me what i'm passionate about. i really don't think i'm passionate about anything (unless you count snowboarding, haha). and various other things like cirque du soleil and dance and wat not. oh i guess food does figure, but jackie definitely beats me hands down there:)

i decided salsa is lots of fun though, lots of energy! yay. but yeah i think i really am lazy:( which sometimes really makes me wonder wat i'm doing here. everyone here is the 'let's go out and change the world!' sort and i'm just like.. yeah, watever. too chill. heh. i suppose it also depends on my mood, i could be upbeat about stuff if i put myself in the correct mindset i guess. although it was interesting coming from jackie 'it's a privilege to be here'. yup it definitely is although it's so easy to forget that.

i am SO tired. actually i think i probably brought this upon myself because i got hooked on full house, but i prefer to wallow in self pity. haha. anyway so the 102b (econometrics) pset was SO frickin' long, i think i used 7 sheets of paper and i'm not really done yet. i HATE that class.. like seriously >.< it is so torturous to sit through 1h50 of that lecture and talk about regressions and all manner of weird formulae including matrices and linear algebra and.... i really would drop econ because of this one class. the only problem being i wouldn't know what else to do. (it's a core class for econ, sadly unescapable).

and i'm also not very prepped for cs.. i guess that shouldn't be as bad since it's openbook but my logic is really not there sometimes. okay i guess i should be able to manage but i'm so tired right now i'm typing with my eyes closed cos they refuse to stay open! ok definitely my finishing 16 episodes (1hr each i think) in 3 days had a part to play. :| and of course being in boston over the weekend.

this is like never going to end.. tonight i'll have to mug for int'l econ, which hopefully shouldn't be so bad cos that class is actually interesting and i know the front half of the material. but i know i'm gonna be tired which is a problem too.

and after that i'll have to code like crazy cos hangman is due on friday. >.< so tired. but i did have fun hanging out w ser in boston and meeting trang... yay for that at least:) and being done w interviews although they turned out rather unfruitful save for the experience -shrug-

you know the feeling of desperation? well as long as i remember i don't think i've felt it as much as during college. or maybe it's just this quarter cos CS is so unpredictable - if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and you can't BS your way thru making it work (unlike psets or papers).

alright at least this problem set isn't so bad. but i really should've prepped for case interviews earlier.. when am i going to stop procrastinating?! and i couldn't finish my pset yesterday in time.. and i don't know what i'm gonna do about my two midterms next week. ahhh. alright, today's a huge problem first.

oh and i'm so thankful for jackie, she's so sweet. heh. so last night i was going to take a nap and then get up and code (which of course didn't happen), so she covered me wth her flurry blanket n set my alarm for me. aww.

when i saw how happy chun-kai was when his lil bro got an offer from gs taiwan, i think i can imagine how my brother reacted when i got into stanford. it was so cute, chunky was like so proud and telling pple how he n jon n some other guy prepped him like crazy for the interviews.. heh. but again chunky's always v funny and animated.

but yeah, just something that stuck with me tonight and it just made me think of my bro and how he spent so much time helping me with my apps and all. and how his friends knew about his lil sis getting here and how i heard it from them. aww.

anyway i'm feeling much better, which is good. i don't really know about tomorrow though, will just try my best and have faith that God will do the rest. was really kind of hard to have faith yesterday/today but life goes on. and it was really nice to talk to Cat, fellow-sufferers-in-kind with recruiting being so draining.

i am so so tired. i think over the past week i haven't had more than 6 hrs sleep/night, average was probably 5 or so. and then sat night i couldn't really sleep either, combination of nerves and unfamiliarity. and i was missing home, weirdly. also on the flight back, i guess cos usually when i'm on a plane i get to go home. haha.

and last night i thought i was finally hopefully going to get 8 hrs but that didn't work out either cos my head was still swimming (from what, i don't know) and then halfway i suddenly knew wat was going on around me and i could hear jackie's canto >.< poor girl though, it must've been frustrating to not be able to record it properly. i was like ?? why the hell is she repeating it so many times!

blah. i don't feel like going for more interviews. it's like being perpetually stressed and i can't just heck care either cos that'd just make it worse. aughhh. okay actually i guess i'm just tired.. i was glad i'd get to go boston and see ser but am definitely not looking forward to plane flights. traveling is super tiring. not to mention boring if you're on american airlines >.<

where are people when i need them.. i need to take a nap. and i also can't help feeling i'm going to feel really silly about all this when it's all over. haiyah. but wat to do!

another week! time really passes so quickly. and i'm so puzzled, i'm supposedly taking a lighter courseload but i'm still not really up to speed! i guess the two-consecutive-ski-trips didn't help.. but they were fun:) although the S@S one would've been better w more people, definitely. the house for dorm ski trip was SO huge.. pretty cool.

anyway yes, i really don't know what i've gotten myself into but i thank God many times for all the opportunities anyway.. still wondering what his plan for my summer is though. guess we'll see how it goes this weekend and next week and blahh... somehow i keep thinking of Seabiscuit and how he won the race against the superhorse War Admiral, only because of the training that his trainer focused on and the jockey's strategy. the exact phrase escapes me but it somehow keeps resounding in my mind.

going to be busy busy busy!! ahh. actually i already am. and i also figured my classes are quite a bit harder this quarter.. either that or i'm getting stupider, haha. and i haven't really been able to keep my promise to my dad which kind of worries me. i try! okay not really i guess. hm. last night was doing oxford apps, coding CS, now i'm studying for a midterm, tmr i have a pset to do, i'm sure i have more stuff for the rest of the week.. ahhhh!

right i really need to understand and internalize all this econometrics stuff, augh.

wow it's almost been a week since i last posted! but this quarter is so crazy. actually every quarter's crazy. hmm. yeah. plus double ski trips.. which means my weekend is effectively gone.. oh well. boarding is always fun, except for the long drive there >.< and this time i somehow wrenched my left leg or something, it really felt dislocated yesterday.

so here's the story (which is going to sound so stupid but well):
so after getting off the lift for the beginner slope (of all slopes! ugh! was going to help out my dormmates cos it was their first time boarding) i think i skidded on an icy patch and then landed on my side. in which i felt this sharp pain on my left side (similar to wat happened to my finger last week at heavenly as well - talk about jinxed). and i wasn't going to get up for a bit but i was blocking the path and this guy helped me up.. anyway it was so so painful (still is actually) but i could still board (although it was still kinda painful) so i'm like heck i'll just continue

so when i unstrapped and had to walk my board along it did hurt, kind of, but when i was actually boarding it wasn't so bad.. thankfully. but when i stopped for lunch. !! that was a nightmare. really could NOT walk at all.. i kept wondering whether i fractured something. and it was so torturous i was thinking about calling Peling (my long-suffering RA) to come pick me up earlier. but then i thought about the $50 lift ticket and the 5hour drive and i'm like heck.. i'll just go on.

it was fun though, going on the nevada side properly (instead of getting myself stuck there like last Sat and having to rush down the slopes to get down in time). the snow was much better. and i did blues! yayy. but yeah, after that i was begging Reid (my other long-suffering RA) to let me take the car up the hill cos there was no way i was going to be able to walk up. and he actually offered to carry me cos Peling was going to be driving the equipment up.

oh what happened was that our house was on this hilly part where the bus couldn't enter cos it wouldn't be able to climb the hill.. so we'd to walk about 0.3miles in (according to Peling) - on the first night it definitely seemed REALLY long esp cos 1. it's uphill and 2. it was so cold. but yeah, Peling made a second trip down to the bottom to get me so phewwww. walking from the ski lodge to the bus was already so painful as it was.. everyone was really nice about it though.

and i totally suck at CS.. okay well i guess this is really my fault (as usual). didn't start doing my assignment earlier.. and then i fell asleep on thurs night cos i was so tired from getting up at 6:30 to go to SF for my interview and then company talks at night.. so no time to code. and had to take two late days (we get three 'free' late days for the quarter) cos i couldn't hand in by fri at 5 cos we left at 3 to go to tahoe.. and over the weekend i didn't do coding either (i need a freaking laptop man) , did a little on the bus but coding without testing it out never works.. so i just handed in a buggy program. which really sucks cos i hate doing things like that. :(

i hope my leg is fine by tonight. okay, more realistically, by tomorrow.

sigh i don't know why i'm in such a bad mood nowadays. okay maybe not nowadays.. aiyah. i hope it's just a passing thing! i keep thinking about how glen said if your religion hasn't made you a better/nicer person, nothing can.

anyway. so while i was typing this halfway cs n jon came in and 1. started marvelling at the (rather horrible) state of my room and i was telling them stories of how 1. i got 'stuck' on the nevada side of heavenly ski resort this weekend and 2. seihout (one of my snowboarding buddies now) went down a black diamond and called 911. haha. now that is a really succinct summary which sounds hilarious but the details are really ... wow.

but i feel better now. wangning's bday dinner was hilarious.. daryl and bertram are such a pair! well of cos daryl's much sillier but still.. they are so ridiculous.. at least i can still laugh with them. and of cos with jackie, wat would i do without that girl esp at night when we're both tired and not making much sense.. haha. oh yes. tonight i'm going to wear the antlers and amuse her (and myself). jon was trying to persuade me to bring it to the dinner but i'm like no! in the privacy of my own room, fine.. at dinner, no!!!! oh the antlers are this hairband thing which came with a burger king happy meal (which i had before leaving)

alright i shall try to cleaan up my room and i'm quite sure i have lots of things to do.. including the last part of settling $ stuff for the snow trip which was such a nightmare:|

sometimes i just want to quit school. and do what, i don't know. it's been such a long day, i am so tired, and it isn't over yet. actually i guess i could sleep. oh no i have to write that thank you letter first. okay actually my spirits just lifted a little cos Still by Hillsongs was playing and thinking about God's majesty helps. and Seihout finally returned my call so at least I know he's going tomorrow.

anyway, to puff off some steam, it's just so tiring to think about jobs (internships), planning stuff (ski trip is such a nightmare), i haven't really thought about the studying bit, guess that's the least of my worries since most things are structured. hah. alright i shouldn't really dwell on these things cos they'll just make me more depressed.

but the summary is that i didn't get much sleep last night cos was prepping for interview, ditto today.. and after my interview i had various meetings (including some akpsi-only mckinsey info session and all these recruiting things are very intimidating), was reminded of the lack of initiative i have wrt sas, definitely could do a lot more and i don't know where the new year resolution went. and ski trip is really really such a nightmare, i really pray that everything works out and we'll have a good time.

masters students make up the bulk of the participants, and i didn't send out the word early enough about the trip so they planned their own and booked their own place. so we ended up with very few people and lack of drivers. i guess it's not that huge a problem.. dunno la.

maybe i just wasn't cut out for all this. but no, my parents are spending so much money and i'm just tired right now. so so tired. i should sleep. at least there's only cs tmr. and the first week of school will be over.

so i'm back! man i'm still kind of tired.. not really ready to go out and face the stanford world. haha okay that sounds so dramatic. but didn't get much sleep on the plane, my room is so comfortable i don't want to go out, and, as i was telling jon, have to be nice and social. sometimes its the fear (or inertia) that's worse than the actual thing though. many times, in fact. blah.

but i'm sort of unpacked! so that's good. and my expensive black jacket is nice and warm so i'm happy:) at least it was money well spent, i hope. alright i need to stop procrastinating! and i actually kind of miss jackie's aircon cos its a bit hot (it's more like fall weather rather than winter, isn't that crazy? not complaining though).

okay! to work! work work work so i can sleep in peace!

augh. i am in such a weird mood today. i can't even figure myself out! anyway.. it was nice meeting sean n joel again. haven't seen them for so long. haha okay not actually that long but well.. much less often than last (academic) year. i also realized i'm not all that plugged into the christian community there.

we ate SO much though.. the kolo mee was pretty good. and then milo dinosaur! haha. i actually haven't had a milo dinosaur before but well. it was good:) it's so weird to think joel's engaged already! and thinking about marriage and saving up. it's like having to grow up too fast.. i dunno. sort of like mrs cheriyan saying yesterday that she felt so weird when her student came back (years later) pregnant and she had to take a moment to accept that fact heh.

and then island creamery! and sean gave me a lift to orchard, so nice of him. and it was starting to rain so i was v thankful for the lift heh. tea with chris n lyd was fun!! chris got us such nice earrings from HK.. i'm wondering how come i never saw such nice things. i need to find nice shops online to buy stuff for pple man.

oh and we were playing some board game.. was kinda fun haha. poor lyd kept (in her words) 'visiting tourist attractions and having to pay', and it sort of reminded me of that crazy monopoly game we played during thanksgiving where we ended up in two huge alliances wondering who'd go bankrupt first. so ridiculous.

charlotte's web was so cute. but kind of sad at the end when charlotte died. i think i was kinda sad too when reading the book (a looong time ago). and somehow in the middle of the movie i was thinking about how i only have like one day left here. i really thought i'd got over the whole leaving thing already, but i guess when i really realize it after brushing it off for the most part it's worse??

and during dinner lyd was asking me if i thought my ability to make friends was 'handicapped' by the fact that i don't drink. maybe it is.. i dunno. aiyah. some things i just don't really want to think about.

anyway.. oh yes. so i guess all my mixed feelings built up to this point.. and then i ended up taking it out on this random guy who approached lyd (while she was talking to me too, how rude!) and wanted to get to know her. and apparently it's happened before so she's kinda used to it. after she said no, he wanted to either give her his phone no/get hers. and but i think i was kind of at this breaking point and something just snapped in me and i snapped at the guy 'she said no! leave us alone!' actually i guess that wasn't a very nice thing to do, but the guy looked =so= sketchy and i thought he was going to continue pestering us or something. i still don't really know what got into me but lyd was like ok u're really in quite a bad mood, that was so unclar.

notable event of the evening haha. nice spending time w lyd though, pity didn't have as much time to hang out w chris. sigh.. i will get one-suite or something so i can call people. oh daryl recommends futurephone.com, must go check it out too.

pretty long day again! man it's been so long since i stayed out that late last night.. (thurs night that is) so on thurs: went out at 1ish to shop. attempt to shop would be more accurate, since i didn't find the low-priced long-sleeved shirts i was hoping to find, so not a very successful trip.

and i was very tired of walking by the time i met lyd so i was like !! time for food! haha. we had a very nice late-lunch-tea meal at tcc though:D i think i spend too much money :| and then it proceeded to rain!!! so heavily! :( ah well.

meeting jm and eunice was interesting.. one from uk one from australia and me from us! kinda cool. and rather different. i didn't know the NUS bidding system was so annoying.. poor people! very thankful that stanford doesn't really run out of spaces for important classes.

so i got back pretty late and (for once) was quite tired but i stayed up reading seabiscuit (again), one of my fav books:) and then i didn't really feel like going out today but i'm glad i did:)

so much fun! ms tan is hilarious.. never fails to amuse me. really love annoying her haha:p although i felt a bit weird cos i just went back in july (or something) with serene.. but serene talks so much. and i also forgot peiying was in ms tan's form class in sec 1. haha.

and you also don't realize how much teachers gossip (or talk about us) until you're in there listening to them:p but it was interesting anyhow.. and meeting mrs deborah tan was so weird. she told us we must set up an emotional bank account (i.e. build good feeling) so you can ask pple for favours next time. aiyah i think basically it's networking la.

anyway. i am beginning to feel the force of the oncoming quarter.. i think if i don't get into my introsems i'll take 17 units and preserve my sanity and hopefully by God's grace get a good internship. aaahh.

haha this is the 601th post. anyway yay, this shouldn't sound as depressive as the last. and i finally saw shaun after two years (hello shaun! if you happen to read this). i guess he is right though, if you don't see people for a long time you've a lot more things to say. or it could also swing the other way and you'd feel really awkward and have nothing to say. i wonder which happens more often. feels like the latter wouldn't really happen as much but you never know.

yay i finally managed to upload my hongkong photos on facebook. link on the left! thinking about changing my template again but lazy to find a new one.. actually given that i'm so free i shouldn't be, but when i feel like i have to do things i'll procrastinate on them -_- blargh.

oh! so i have a mentor (stanford alum) and then i kept pushing back writing an introductory email to her until tuesday, and then when she replied she said she literally just left singapore. sigh. i could've actually met up with her!! augh. i need to learn from these things. and missing deadlines. blagah.

and on mon/tues night i was clearing out one of my drawers and i found all manner of interesting things.. including this sheet of notepaper where i wrote down a couple of quotes. so i think this was in apr 04, and my dad said to me, "nobody will care if you don't do well in your SATs/can't get into a good university. the choir's not going to come together and sing you a song." i think at that point the issue was that i was spending too much time doing choir stuff. i guess they (parents) just weren't used to me actually spending time on CCAs, given that automation was so slack.

new year. i didn't really feel like going to church but i'm glad i did.. one of the youth (or 'yout' as they call themselves haha) was giving one of the messages, was pretty cool cos i've never seen him serve! and his msg was pretty good although i dun really remember a huge chunk of it cos i didn't have my notebook to write stuff down. and by the time we got through the second exhortation and one hour's worth of praying, my mind was quite fried. oh and the hour worth of praying was thanksgiving for the past year and requests for the new year.

grar facebook isn't letting me upload my photos! !! bah. oh i can upload a church photo here. and photos of the stuffed toys that my bro won at ocean park (two of those game thingys where you're supposed to throw balls into holes).

so i met up with candice and fiona today.. so good to see them! and it was easy to talk to them. cos it's like sometimes with other people it's awkward and have to think pretty hard to find stuff to talk about. actually that happens really quite a bit more often then i'd like it to. i'd also like to believe that's cos i'm always meeting new people but that's probably not the case.

really depends on my mindset at the moment i guess. whether i'm in the 'ooh we must meet people today and it's fun!' or 'aw man this is going to be such a chore' mode. anyway.. yeah. i guess it also helped that they're good frens so they can like bounce off each other. if that makes sense. and candice when you read my blog you ought to tag so i can 'talk' to you since you're never online! -sulks-

oh and church was kind of interesting. i've never really felt like part of my church, which is quite tragic. i also like to blame my parents for that but if i'd had my priorities right when i was younger i guess it wouldn't be such an issue. dunno la. i miss chi alpha though. and campbell. so i think i ought to go for thanksgiving service tomorrow but i don't feel like it cos i know i'm going to feel so awkward. yup. that's me. awkward.

okay this is starting to sound slightly depressive. it shouldn't! happy new year! haha. i am so lazy. need to find something better to do with my time. i keep pushing everything to next week (well, this week, already) telling myself i don't want to think about school stuff while it's 2006. procrastinate. ahhh.

yay it was good meeting pam today:) she got me wondering though. whether pri gep was really that influential. i mean i did really like chinese then, we had so many fun games and chinese was really cool:) and a lot of my closer friends now were fr pri gep but maybe that was just a self-perpetuating sort of thing.. we'd already been through 3 years so in sec sch it was pretty normal, just a continuation?

anyway. and she was saying she's not very good at a group friendship sort of thing.. and i totally agree for me too. prefer one-on-one. although sometimes i wonder if pple get bored. but yeah.. the group friendship thing. is kind of like draw groups hanging out.

alright hopefully i'll be back in the shopping mode next week cos i do need to buy stuff. and i hope the sales last oh dear. ahh. anyway tomorrow is stay-at-home day, will potter about and just enjoy being home:)

i think i may be overdependent on the internet. no actually it's just because i was trying to get on the sms website last night. i think. anyway.. so i was rather annoyed yesterday when the taiwan earthquake rendered our internet quite slow and useless! therefore i went to bed. okay la i was tired too.. long day.

haha i always laugh so much when i'm out with rachel. even though at first it's a bit awkward cos i haven't seen her in so long (same with everyone else i guess) after that i always end up laughing really hard cos we're so ridiculous:D yay squishy squid 2! oh i forgot to bug you to do your credit card application.. let me msg you now. haha i can't believe you stored my number under 'squishy squid'! -sulks- and we forgot to take a photo:( nevermind i'll come to TLL and disturb u n christine sometime.

and it was such a pity that we couldn't watch night at the museum at vivocity! but that place is ridiculously crowded.. -_- oh well. lyd's laugh is so happy, i wish i could bottle it up and bring it with me wherever i go. well i would bottle up lyd but since that's not very possible, the laugh goes just as well:)

it was nice to see chris (on tues night now) after so long. need to hang out another time! i can't believe it's been a year. i think i need to be better at calling up people to keep in touch.. new year resolutions:) the only thing being that now the sch year and calendar year don't coincide so it's really weird. new sch year or new calendar year resolution? guess i can have both.

some things are just very confusing. i suppose i think too much cos i'm too free. haha. and now i don't really feel like shopping! shopping overload from hongkong. oh it was so interesting, when it started raining last night 心雨 by jay chou came into my mind. kind of apt huh? even though i guess the 心雨 isn't really literal.

oh yingheng's story about his tuition kid and learning new words was hilarious.. so they're supposed to write down words they don't know and find out the meaning (to expand their vocab). and one day one of the kids came up with this four-letter word which means a small rock with mould on it. and i couldn't stop laughing because for crying out loud, why in the world would you ever use that word so why would you write it down? but it was hilarious:)

yayy i'm home! finally. i think a week in hongkong was too long. or maybe cos i was longing to come back. i like familiarity. and having my stuff around (i.e. so i'm not really completely happy cos i'd prefer having my own computer:p) but it's still good!

anyway i really went crazy with the photo taking and video taking, i didn't think i was going to use the whole 1gb memory card for my camera, but right now its at like 900mb 0_0 the power of expanding watever you call it. umm. expanding to fill whatever you have (or in this case, expanding to use the entire memory card:p)

but i don't know if i'm going to transfer stuff out cos firstly i'm supposed to install the driver. we'll see.

it's really good to be with my family again though. i wonder what the europe pple are doing now though heh. ie cs jon bertram etc. and what serene is up to. maybe i should use trillian instead hm.

and i can't sms properly anymore!:( my US cell phone keys are so much easier to press than my sg cell:( haha i'm sure i'll regain it with practice:p oh well.

oh and i'm now in love with bo luo baos:) yumyumyum. they are SO good. especially if the dough is good.. sigh! can't believe i didn't discover them earlier. maybe daryl will go crazy over them too haha. as compared to egg tarts, which are really good too!

alright. i don't know if i'm still up for more shopping.. hongkong shopping was, as dawn said, pretty stressful cos there're so many choices!! augh. and it is so hard to find xmas presents. i totally agree with this column in monday's straits times about how it's so forced to have to find presents for xmas. like if i don't see stuff that i think they'll like it's kind of hard to force a present! maybe i'm just making excuses though.

kk. maybe i'll go take a nap.

ahh. i guess i'm calmer today. thank you god. i believe he will be with me and help me through this crazy crazy time. and yay for colin who was pretty calming. and for jon (who albeit went on and on about his crazy courseload last semester while i'm like okay.. i'm kind of half-resigned to my fate and want to sleep soon_ but he was still pretty encouraging). i guess reading shaowei's blog about drawing closer to god in times of trouble is kinda true.

and of cos for dearest jackie.. i was like 'wat do you do when you're totally freaking out?' and she made me close my eyes and described a 'happy place' for me, which was hilarious (stress-reliever yeahh:) because it started off with a forest (i just knew that was gonna be it!) and then i would've been pretty satisfied with a forest and cute cuddly animals but she went on with descriptions of money (and dulce de leche cheesecake) growing on trees and cities with goodness knows what else, i don't remember.. and the crowning glory of 'hot men' - at this point i was like okay, i think i was quite happy with the cute animals.

so.. i'm gonna rock this final! (and the next, and the next, and the next.) there. that covers all four.

but anyway.. the real point of my doing a quick blog (study break, haha - philosophy drains my mental faculties). it was kinda hilarious really, jackie went to sleep after i got up.. well done girl. yesterday she got up at ~6pm and i'm like. you do know you completely missed daylight? and she was like well actually i saw some of it before i went to bed. ... haha.

alright to the point! a package came for her (while i was figuring out the mysteries of life, no less. rofl) and i was just thinking i never really knew the joy of receiving packages until coming here! it is so fun.. like little presents. i mean, even if it's just online shopping.. when the stuff comes (like my camera :D yay) it's just great!

anyway. couple more hours and i'll be done with philo woohoo!

woahh. that just completely blew my mind.. i definitely did not know my bro's very good fren's now at goldman.. anyway. i really need to stop procrastinating so much. and i have also decided (after various mishaps) that i work better with a paper planner (as compared to electronic calendars) so i'm going shopping for one during the holidays! whee~
(typed that a couple of days back but never posted it)

this is today:
AUGHHH damn stressed. okay actually this is really my fault for not doing my studying earlier but yeah. still stressing out anyway. so i just whined at poor chuansheng. haha. so for philo at least i've looked at all the stuff (i am SO so SO thankful for the study grp if not i would never have gotten anything done) but thinking of objections and counter objections and reconstructing arguments all take time, of which i have a severe lack of.

bio should be fine i think. but econ 52 is going to take me a substantial amount of time given that i haven't read some of the chapters and i need to prep for the essay stuff. and econ 102a i really need to prac, of which that requires time TOO. help help help. it also does not help that i'm reading about stress stuff for bio (or i just finished doing that). at this point praying also does not help me very much, i'm just panicking too much at this point.

wow. god is really great. i can't remember at the moment who else's testimony i heard.. but it's just stories like that which remind me how in power he is. and the power of prayer. okay that probably didn't come out sounding too right since i'm not particularly coherent but well.

crazy event of the day: so me n jackie were trying to figure out about going to paris for spring break.. and i was like oh i have the calendar i'll check the dates of spring break. so i came over to my table.. and i picked up my calculator instead of my calendar.

it was quite a classic moment, really. but i must say in defence of myself that usually my calendar and calculator are like next to each other/one's on top of the other so i'm slightly justifed..

i decided to post a pic of my pretty snowboard! here it is:)


it unfortunately looks much worse now. but plus cute traction bits that jon pasted for me! whee~

and all the people i met!

the girls: liana (jr), joon (soph), me


the guys: jon (jr), yongji (frosh), andrew (frosh), zhixiu (jr), yf


more of the guys: nick (on exchange), ryan (he's really like the uiuc-version-of-daryl haha), dominic (soph), josh (soph)


random pics of my room

forever friends bedspread!


yay forever friends poster from ser!:)


my slightly messy desk


front part is jackie's half


i should really do my work. and it was so tragic, chris decided to nominate me for akpsi secretary and i'm like. oh. oops. i don't have a laptop! but anyway i don't think i could handle an ecomm position this year. hopefully i'll be something next year though. will see what god has in store for me.

simps playdate thing today was kind of awkward.. i don't know why. i thought it would be somewhat like a regular class, just go in and play games. but somehow the connection was missing (like kenneth said). things weren't very funny.. maybe energy not thre? or just awkward cos it was like.. simps vs 103ers. oh well.. reiterate last sentence of last para. if it's meant to be it will happen, i believe. i tried my best.

dead week and it doesn't feel like it at all. or i'm still slacking around.. i don't understand why i need food so much when i'm here. like during thanksgiving i wasn't very hungry or thinking about food all that much. didn't really snack. or maybe cos snacks were so easily at hand it didn't matter that much. but when i'm back in my dorm room.. it's just. food. food. food. ! so bad:(

man today is one crazy day.. but yay! i have my license! which just prompted me to call my mom and say happy bday, thanks to the wonders of the chi alpha calling card. she's so cute, she sent me this encouragement card sort of thing with my airticket home.

so yeah, i wasn't sure if i got my driving test time right.. and then yinnah's car malfunction light came on and i wasn't sure if the driving test pple were going to be okay with that.. and then we had to wait so long for the test. but phew, thanks for God's grace, everything went fine. and i passed! woohoo~ i saw the examiner who failed me last time, thankfully this time it was a guy and he was much nicer.

oh and while waiting for my test jh calls me and says that they decided i'm part of the team for the JPMorgan competition thing and i'm like !! i haven't done anything for it! man. feel kinda bad about it also but it'll be great experience if we get through.. so then i have to think about looking at resumes/personal statements/writing my own.

and the concerto thing was such a fiasco! man. that was seriously one of my worst nightmares. like i knew i wasn't particularly prepared.. but that was just terrible. the tempo was so much faster than i'd expected and my fingers can't move that fast.. lack of practice/skill. i guess i should've just called jon (aow) up earlier and admitted defeat.. but i still thought i could manage it but i practised like mad tonight/tmr. and then after like 50mins i could tell they thought i was hopeless and i also knew it was hopeless.. really thank God that jon was free/can manage it.. actually i was pretty sure he'd be able to, am just so grateful though. cos i already wasted the guy's and his teacher's time.. don't wanna ruin his performance as well. so phew.

anyway, am feeling so much better. yay for being online haha i sound like i'm addicted. oh well. time to do silly econ pset. and it's so freaking cold nowadays!:( i forgot how depressing winter is =sulks=

aaahh. i'm so tired. or at least my eyes are, i think. i don't actually think i got more sleep during thanksgiving break cos the place i was staying at (with junwan & frens, no less) had skylight-ish panels which allow morning sun to shine right into the room and wake me up! so i got up at like 7ish almost all the time. oh well. gotta make up for that soon.. after tonight's black friday shopping heh. and i also need to figure out my driving test:| augh. i wish i'd passed the first time, it would've made my life so much easier!

anyway, had lots of fun in colorado, am very glad i decided to go join joon! yayyy:) her friends are all so nice.. actually jon (goh)somewhat reminds me of sean, i guess its the way they interact with/care about people. and i really wish i had sean's knee pads. haha. arrgh! poor knees. actually poor snowboard, it definitely got chipped by ice/rocks/something. -sob- oh well.

pics on facebook..
http://stanford.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2046548&l=da600&id=213134
okay i don't actually know if the link works but we'll see. maybe i'll dump them in shutterfly when the rest send the other photos along or something.

sigh! 86 emails to plough through and i have to return to reality (i.e. having to think about classes/work/jobs/.... moooo.) laundry calls soon. and practising for this bass trombone concerto accompaniment! man i really hope it turns out fine.. help.

i think the hot tub does help. or at any rate, me n joon n liana were trying to figure out how come we didn't ache as much yesterday.. as compared to the days before. alright. need to get stuff done! its nice to just slack around.. hm.

boohoo. clar is like half sick. i guess i just refuse to admit i'm fully sick. but i'm not! okay, in denial. but anyway i kept hiccuping yesterday cos my throat was dry and everytime i coughed that kinda triggered it. 0_0 . oh well.. at least today should be better.. i wish i was completely well though, how to go snowboarding otherwise?? and i wish we'd booked a later ticket so i can go to the burton sale and get a snowboard. :( . i guess god will provide..

so yesterday's chi alpha worship was quite magical. sicheng was telling esther 'i think we brought back something from that trip!' [they drove 4 hrs to redding over the weekend, i dunno wat was happening at the church but that's interesting]. i still have a tiny suspicion about whether my experience was partly because of my sleep deprived state.. philo paper due yesterday, that is. and bio midterm today and i haven't read anything for econ essay, die!! gotta rush that during lunch or something :|

but wat colin said was good and timely. god will give you exactly what you need. i like the phrasing too. somehow that just reminded me of sean, i wonder why. maybe the big-bro-christian-encouragement thing. which is good. haha man this is like a spillover from my philo paper about "the human good". aahh!

it was so uncanny yesterday cos during improv there was this static scene involving a bicycle, a squirrel and a nut (i.e. the bike was about to run the squirrel over). and then while i was furiously biking (like the wind, no less, as jackie likes to advise me when i'm hard pressed for time/late in handing up stuff which unfortunately happens rather often) to turn in my phil paper, this stupid black squirrel (with a brown nut! augh!) ran directly across my oncoming path!! i was like wth!! wat's ur problem! outraged. haha. i wish i had a picture of that though. i really thought i might've run over the stupid squirrel. :p

sigh i feel so stupid. so jackie's taking a nap and so i was working with just my desk lamp.. and then i turned it off and attempted to make my way to the door to go for dinner. and -taadaa- i tripped over her suitcase or something and hit my head on the fridge corner. very very painful. my first thought was like i want my mommy haha and then after that i got paranoid that this knock has addled my brains. cos i'm doing this bio course on intro to brain and behavior and there're lots of stories about how if certain parts of your brain are damaged then it'll effect some behavioral effect and i was thinking wat if i knocked this part which unblocks all the childhood inhibition thingys and i start behaving like a kid. 0_0.

i hope i'm being paranoid at any rate. and it somewhat reminds me of bertram's story earlier about how some SJI kid got knocked by a shot putt (imagine that! poor guy) and apparently became a genius after that. haha. oh well. thankfully for peling my poor RA who walked to wilbur to get ice for me.

it also doesn't help that i'm not feeling too great.. nose clogging up and swallowing hurts. augh! i will not get sick! more smoothies. yay for jamba juice and late nite.

jekyll pup and hyde pup. i was so amused by this i sent it out to the improv class list (and found out that the list is moderated. !! not like it's that likely that pple will spam the list, but oh well..) cos it reminded me of a warm-up exercise that we do sometimes.

jekyll pup [RAWWWWWWWWWWWR!!!!!!!]



hyde pup [awwww]



it's soooo cute. haha. hasn't failed to cheer me up/amuse me when it's late at night and i'm feeling so battered that it's so easy to let depressing thoughts overcome me. i am definitely more susceptible to feeling awful at night when i'm tired and it's been a long day. talk about rollercoasters.

but i am so thankful for the guys to help out with the sporean stuff though.. why nygh and dhs have to come visit in the same week is a HUGE mystery to me.. it's so tiring. i used to think it'd be fun but once is more than enough.. after rj came last year i had enough already. maybe also cos we did jc visits during summer.

haha this is hilarious, my econ 52 prof (the useless one who doesn't teach anything in class - okay i'm being so mean here, he's not all that bad) writing on how phillips was a crocodile hunter.. and i was commenting that he's probably getting in touch with his australian roots (see the first page of the paper: http://www.jstor.org/view/00130133/di983528/98p0011i/0) and then i skim the other pages and it's like a biography of phillips! i'm like.. hm.. why are they publishing this, i bet he blackmailed them or something haha.

i really come up with the most nonsensical stuff at night when i'm tired i think. last night i was rather pissed off with the whole NYGH tour stuff (they coordinated their trip with some grad student and i had no idea wat was going on and blah blah blah) so i was complaining to poor long-suffering jackie about having to "do my civic duty as a singaporean here" and bring them on a tour.. so just before i fell asleep i was spouting some nonsense about how i should bring a whip and make them stand in line or something like that. must really ask jackie later wat she remembers of my ridiculous suggestions last night..

oh yes. jackie is awake. first it was me being snappy and snapping at them. jackie's examples of things i would snap:
kids "oh.. it's so pretty"
me, snapping "of cos it's pretty! it's stanford!"

kids "where's the library"
me, snapping "they're both libraries! this is stanford! there's more than one library!"

next, because i was complaining about having better things to do rather than doing a tour (i.e. my econ pset, which at this moment i still have not completed) so i don't know how we came out with me making them do a military march to make them hurry up and march around campus so i can hurry up and come back and do my work. (and this is where the whip comes in)

sigh. i am currently so confused about everything. :( but i think it's just been a long (albeit fun-filled) day and i need to sleep.

it's so unbelievably nice to feel free. after those two midterms on tuesday.. i really have not been doing any work. not that it's a good thing (okay it's good to relax for a bit) but it's lots of fun! whee. feel so much better. and improv is amazing, i wasn't feeling very well starting sun afternoon and then i was contemplating asking the teacher to just let me observe the class instead on monday but i decided otherwise (plus i was a bit late:|) and i felt so much better after the class it was ridiculous.. i mean i'd been drinking fruit smoothies/soup/etc to prevent myself from feeling worse and stuff but after class it was just great. gave me the energy to study for my midterms.

and wednesday was so interesting, we weren't allowed to speak for the full 1h50 and had to keep in constant motion.. so the teacher (dan) brought us into the room one by one and there were these periods of time where we were doing something like stomp.. but with clapping and stamping. rhythm beats! quite fun. and then there was a lot of miming (we call it 'space objects')

so this guy was pretending to reel in a huge fish.. and i pretended to be the fish, and after that i apparently was skewered, roasted, cut in half. (all this i couldn't see cos i was on my side pretending to be dead). then later one guy grabbed my legs and another one grabbed my arms and they started swinging me (like when you're going to dunk ppl?) and i was like ooh, this is interesting. and later this other girl was telling me that dan was so horrified when he saw them doing that cos he was afraid i'd get hurt and his eyes opened SO wide and he kept motioning for them to put me down.

anyway. lasertag tonight! ryan and alex dominated again.. those guys are crazy man.. last year they dominated too. haha. lots of fun! whee.

it's been almost a week! man. kind of a busy start of week.. philo paper due monday which was slightly disastrous:| really should've started earlier and such but hopefully i'll learn from that. and the econ 52 pset due tues. i hate having econ psets due tuesday.. there're never any office hours on friday and at earliest they post the problem set wed/thurs.. okay i shouldn't complain and just do my work earlier. ah well.

was kind of annoyed at not having checked last week's econ 102a pset cos i got some silly things wrong! sigh. must prioritize. and last night.. aiyoh. should've checked answers before hanging out and all that. oh well.. hope it'll be alright. anyway so i felt very free after having finished my 102a pset (half of it was done during class, haha.. reminds me of how i'd get influenced by serene and do other work during lectures.. just that now its wang ning who was doing that) so i went wandering around talking to people.

was trying to be a good mentor and went to find my mentees at okada but they were all not around! well like half of them weren't there so i was too lazy to go up to the third floor:p ohwell will just send them an email. then i wandered over to kimball to find yf but he wasn't there so i ended up talking to ian for a bit.. then wenqi and her roommate.. then came back and was talking to jackie for a bit then yf n jh came to look for me to talk about sealnet singapore. well also about thanksgiving cos after i found out from joon that she and her UIUC frens were going colorado we're both tempted to go too.. i need to decide quick quick quick! augh.

anyway so we ended up at yf's room and watched "whose line is it anyway" for a hour or so. some parts were really funny.. like there's this game where one person is having a party and then three people have to play specific roles (assigned beforehand) with some weird characteristic and the host has to guess wat they're playing. so, one of the guys had to pretend to be "an increasingly annoyed french pig looking for truffles" which totally cracked me up.. i think i really love animals. i think trying to act like an animal is hilarious. but i still prefer theatresports i think. dunno. i would say traditional improv, but i don't even know what that is! haha

woww praise god apparently i'm like 3rd highest for bio midterm.. which is pretty amazing given that i hadn't really been reading and stuff, but also thank god for a level bio which ensures that a lot of stuff is there in my brain already.. haha. whee!

ahh i don't know how to do this app. why are internships so hard to get:(

alright, that definitely took me longer than i expected, esp when i should've been writing my philosophy paper. okok i will do it now. the writing tutor was so taken aback yesterday upon discovering i hadn't started yet and it's due monady. oh well. :| i really hate the way i do things sometimes. actually, many times. bleah.

yesterday's natalie macmaster concert was lots of fun! although i don't really know my dormmates so that was a little tough. but anyway she and her band are SO energetic! it's crazy.. they're really good too.

our RFs are really nice, they paid for all our tickets.. aww. i think that's a much better job than last year, i don't think patrick ever did anything for us except friday night movies. and the only time i got emails from him was when like there was some trouble in flomo. but i guess he was the RF for the entire westflo whereas brent and barbara are RFs for just lantana (i think). maybe castano too? hm. anyhow and their dog stogey is sooo cute!! it so reminds me of boxer (my illegal unlicensed labrador-cocker spaniel fr 1992-1997 or something like that, i forget the dates). anyway i also guess it's easier to do stuff when you've a family to support you? or something.

philo paper philo paper! aahh. i guess if i don't finish i won't go for sealnet beach retreat tomorrow. and it'll allow me to do my tutoring too.

i am really going to change my template, but jackie as usual has her very encouraging comments about my stuff.. i'm like watever, i'm gonna do wat i like. but anyway, besides that, i need to get past this crazy week first. actually it isn't all that bad, it's just that having econ pset due on tues afternoon is a HORRIBLE time. well okay, i didn't start on the pset that early but there aren't office hours on fri and he only sent out the qns on thursday.

and today was a mad rush. from lunch to improv class (yay!) to philo class to swc (which kinda forces me to start on my philo paper, thankfully) to leadership workshop to tutor observations. and then i somehow ended up going for bible study (very very late though) even i wasn't really planning on going cos i was so late and i have so much work to do. okay i guess i don't really, but some things are just overwhelming when they're not done and they all come crashing down like a LOAD.

but i'm glad to say while i was at lunch (meeting pledges, wat a weird feeling!) and in improv i could forget all that and enjoy the moment(s). the only highlights of my day, really. oh and seeing nathan at casa was nice.

unfortunately, now i think i've worked myself into a lather (i.e. nervous wreck) trying to finish this stupid econ pset (i had to drop the first one cos i didn't finish in time) and it doesn't help that the TAs are refusing to answer questions specifically about the questions. and also that ahhh! forget it. i shall stop this.

i'm such a bad person. so much work to do and i'm blogging. (and i also spent like 4 hours at chi alpha b/c i was playing keyboard and helping to pack up). anyway.. just had to mini-document my bday celebrations.. heh.

so sunday i went to memchu w the guys instead of my own church cos david (the guy who's giving me a ride) was gonna go for late service and they'd arranged bday lunch for me already. memchu was interesting.. and listening to the choir (and the reverberations in memchu) reminded me of choir italy trip.. also reminded me of why i love(d) singing in a choir. it's so weird to remember something that happened a while ago and all the feelings come back. kind of.

and then it was so funny, cos we met at tresidder for jh and shineik to drive us to my lunch place (some peking duck place recommended by cs) and then when almost everyone arrived (except for the late sheep wangning cs n jeslyn) there was this rather-large circle and then i acutely realized how i was the ONLY girl there. it was actually kind of funny though. like. one girl at her bday lunch and like 10+ other guys. maybe that's why i have more non-sporean girl frens (also since there aren't many sporean girls to begin with). dunno. gd n bad.

it was so sweet though, they got me a cake (with my name! haha) on it and everything. aw. and we took up two tables.. kind of sad though cos didn't get to mix with everyone. oh lisa and isaac (grad students) biked over. n yf was like u're like bai3 jiu3 xi2 like that.. haha.

um. well then skip the rest of the day.. till midnight and then there's a knock on my door and sealnet pple are outside! awww. haha. reminded me of sean and co. last year.. really acutely too. cos it was sort of the same and i was almost expecting to see a crowd of pple i didn't know! which is really really weird cos there's no reason why that would happen this year but yeah. the thai scholars (minus mod, i don't know where that boy goes! he's never with the rest of them) jh yf tu viet gina etc. and ryan n dian came later.. oh and tu got me a cake and strawberries.. so cute. she is so sweet. & jh was like i've seen you 3 times to celebrate ur bday already. haha.

and soo many facebook posts! and emails frm pam n yh aw:) ecards frm peiying n ser.. calls from jane n megan n my ex-roomie.. feel the love!

i guess there isn't anything i really want to talk about.. other than a sudden influx of chinese pop songs is making me happy:) haha. need to do work! and i'm so scared for consulting interview:| and that i'm not doing enough for akpsi. and oh.. i don't know. so many things i don't know if i can cope. so lost in philo, feel like dropping the class but i kinda want to learn the whole logic stuff.. don't like econ 52 (macroecon) and also feel like dropping it (tcher is so weird!). rather sad state of affairs huh. but i went to gym today and i think i got quite a bit of bio read (or maybe that's cos i knew much of it frm a levels, thankfully)

weirdly i'm not as tired as i thought i might be.. maybe i'm still on an adrenaline high or something. but just now i really was quite tired. anyhow. i'm so glad the bbq went so well.. at least i think it did:) and yf & jh said it did. haha. and i'm sure a lot more people just that i can't remember at the moment. it was so surprising to see so many families though.. i'm wondering if they just came to stanford, or if they just decided to come cos of the national day msg emphasis on connecting back to singapore. but maybe i'm being too pessimistic and they came cos we did a good job of publicising. haha. ie daryl's flyer was very memorable:p

and it was so funny.. i guess i kind of suspected that they wanted to do something cos daryl was talking to viet n jh and i dunno who else and wanting me to go up on the balcony to thank pple for coming and stuff. but then after a while then i realized it was something to do with my bday cos they were being rather suspicious about it. so i refused to go up but daryl went up anyway and announced to the entire crowd of like 70+ppl that my bday's on monday.. slightly embarrassing to have the whole crowd singing happy bday to me but definitely memorable. haha.

i also know realize wat it's like to meet a TON of pple and then totally forget their names/faces a moment later cos i've met so many.. and then i feel bad about it too cos i wouldn't like pple to forget my name.. but there's only so much my poor brain can take. but i'm really glad so many pple came.. and organizing it with berkeley was cool. the guys and wenqi were all really sweet though, carrying stuff around and clearing up and getting everything done. am glad we've such a good team:) and the pple who crashed (tu and her roommate misha, daniel, yf's roommate ian, jh's roommate michael) were really nice and helped out with stuff too.. yay!

rush interviews in the morning were interesting. i had no idea wat to ask for the first interview.. and with kisha next to me asking all these really gd qns i was just like erh... haha. oh well. to learn. and then sitting in on the voting session later. makes me wonder wat they said about me last year. but again i also don't think i really want to know.. i heard tapiwa was really pushing for me, which i'm really grateful for too.

crepes at douce france were sooo yummy:) made me happy:) even with the driving-lesson-fiasco in the morning, which i shall not recount because it's nothing that i care to remember. i really really should sleep. i hope the berkeley guy took nice photos.. didn't get to talk to chim/other people too much, though.

sigh so its just the second week of school and i am so so busy. and rather stressed at points. i guess it isn't all that bad.. just crazy deadlines now and then.. anyway so very belated photos are finally here:

chim's cool attic room!


cute black dog i saw at berkeley.. its homeless though. or its owner is, i believe.


my soco room sign! cool huh.. apparently the company is some colgate something or other. symbol:CL


my soco room! yay for singles. although it was admittedly kind of small


my hair. although i think the photo wasn't too well taken, maybe i'll try again one of these days


anyhow. yes. lots of gripes but too tired/lazy to put them into words. its such a chore to tell people, even. haha. i'm getting ridiculously lazy.. really haven't done any work. and it doesn't help when jh instigates me to go over to kimball and slack at yf's room! but it was quite funny la. jokers. but it was raining! augh. yes. i was indeed very whiney about the rain.. do not like tramping around without any sort of cover when its raining! rained pretty hard.

so i kind of need to start figuring out wat i want to do i guess. the kiasu sporean mentality, when starting earlier will give you an edge. actually i think quite a number of pple here do that so it isn't all that edge-giving. haha. but really. how?? shelve that for the more pressing pset of the moment. ha.

sometimes i wonder what i'm doing in uni. i'm not really very interested in doing research papers or reading them, even. like. intellectual curiosity? i'm not exactly thirsting for knowledge the way my econ 52 prof seems to think we should be. i guess i just wanna have fun. epicurean? oh dear. maybe i'm just saying all this cos its late.

improv class is lots of fun though.. i laughed so hard in class today. haven't done that in a while besides talking nonsense with jackie about roasting ducks a couple of days ago. it's so interesting though, you've to accept offers to keep things going and in order to enjoy..

i am so exhausted. my mental faculties are completely dehydrated. and jackie says she's never heard of that line, but i quite remember reading it somewhere so either i'm so tired i'm spouting that much nonsense or i really did read it somewhere just that i don't really remember where:) ah well.

tutor institute was sort of a chore, but there were definitely useful things. and i totally didn't recognize ian, oops. i guess its somewhat like ben not realizing it was me at the sealnet table that day, since i hardly wear contacts (or dye my hair, haha). anyway it was kind of hilarious, i really didn't wanna do roleplaying for tutor institute but was forced to in the end, cos there's a grand total of 5 econ tutors and 4 of them are new and singaporean (zhihao the gambling guru, me, kiat, wangning). kiat left early and zhihao already roleplayed something. so it was like down to me and wangning. with richard and cs unsurreptitiously poking me, the person in charge (amy) was like "i see someone being volunteered" and of cos wangning didn't twitch a muscle so i was like i'll do it.. oh and it was a situation involving an econ tutor and a potential econ major whose math is very bad. so. had to be an econ tutor. ah well. i got an oreo + milk (which was nice).

oh sumo wrestling was hilarious too.. actually i really was not intending to do it.. but tet was quite on about doing it and while watching it was soo amusing so i figured, heck, it's not like i'll get to do this every day so just do lah. and of cos cs had to go back and get his camera so daryl can have more incriminating photos of me on the next eflyer. sigh.

speaking of which, so i've been bugging poor daryl to get the eflyer for fall bbq/mooncake festival out. so yesterday he finally sent it, and i didn't even realize until i opened my blinking adium window and jon was like "OH MY GOSH. he's done it again. HAHAHAHA". at first i was rather puzzled and was like "who?" then i guessed in a second and went "oh dear". jackie couldn't stop cackling when she saw it.. and said she would buy daryl a drink if he were the drinking sort. sigh. so i'm not sure, but friday at activities fair some masters sporeans recognized me (from the flyer maybe???) so it seems like my face is going to become unforgettable. well done. i think sometimes i feel somewhat like poor ser getting diaoed when we were back in rg/rj. haha. but in a different way.

alright i better sleep before i really conk out tomorrow.. still have so many things to do! and jackie was so amused at the way i exclaimed in tragic tones (upon seeing this email from my econ 102A prof) "i have homework! nooooo" apparently i provide a lot of entertainment somehow (with my batchmates, anyway), jackie's recording this list of "clar-isms" and has informed me that it's always on the top 5 list of word docs that she opens. photos next time.

ahhhh. it's 2am!:( i was definitely intending to sleep earlier to make up for my 7am day today (thanks to driving, man) and my 9am day tomorrow, but i ended up talking to jh for like. quite long. it was nice to have a good conversation though. although as we were discussing, wonder if that sort of connection can be made with americans. ponders. but again some sporeans end up marrying nonsporeans anyway so i'm sure sometimes these things must work.. ah well. probably depends on the person, i know a couple of americans who really like hanging out with asians and vice versa too.

oh it was really amusing listening to de wen after chi alpha too. augh i shall continue this tmr.

so it's actually kind of late (well, not really, but since school hasn't started i hope to sleep early. haha) but just had something to say. i had my first driving lesson today! it was kind of freaky, really. got in and then he started asking me all sorts of things i didn't know and i was like. oops. okay. i suppose i must've appeared like i haven't driven before.. but i guess my dad teaching me illegally doesn't really count cos all i was doing was parking, mostly. it just is different.

anyway so the instructor started asking me all sorts of questions which i couldn't answer so he was like, u'd better go read the book properly. i guess he was wondering how i passed the theory test. haha. it is kind of different applying theory to practical though. and then i've never driven more than like 30km/h with my dad whereas the instructor was like faster!! faster!! 25mph/30mph/40mph/...!

it was good in a way though, made me try more stuff and be more confident since i didn't really have much of a choice. haha. funny how things work sometimes. he claims guys are better than girls at driving. maybe cos they're less scared/better coordination. weird theories, but watever.

and yay everyone's back! had dinner w yf n jh n shineik n jesley. as usual i'm like the only non-batchmate. makes me wonder if i'm being extra sometimes but oh well. isn't as bad as being the only undergrad among grad students though:p oh yes i must go visit tianai sometime.. and it was so funny, i was tabling with cs at bechtel and we met some of the grad students-who-came-from-cornell. in which i told yuanjun that christina said he's very funny so he should entertain me! i think they think i was mad. but i really was quite mad that day so hm. it would be justified.

so yeah jh was driving and i think shineik was slightly alarmed by the way he was driving sometimes, it was really funny.. cos he'd swerve while talking to us and stuff (okay not that often, but when he did..) and shineik'd be like "yeah, but not when u're driving" or something like that. rofl.

ahh. kinda miss having sean n joel around. or have i said that already? the happy-go-lucky seniors. well they did get stressed but they were still really chill mostly haha:p i guess after 3 years you tend to be like that.

oh and ser's poster (i.e. my bday present) arrived today!! haha its so pretty yay:) i shall stick it up on my wall soon.. i need to figure out where my bamboo-scroll-thing-from-chinatown (spore) will go though.

ahhhh! i'm in such a crazy mood (i.e. my senile moods i.e. those where i make weird noises and laugh at every single little thing) but there's no one here to be crazy with me! chuansheng just looks at me like i'm mad, which i am, but that doesn't help.. sigh. where's ser when i need her. i think jackie would also think i'm mad. hmm. sigh.

anyway i'm so excited! i think my birkis have arrived.. but i only got the email from the wilbur housing office AFTER they closed. :( cos i was sooo busy this afternoon if not i'd be happily wearing them by now! -sulks-. oh well.

ohhh!!! and i saw roomie today! ahaha. so funny.. she colored her hair too. but definitely more obviously than mine.. pretty funky. haha. she said she didn't recognize me. and also that she liked my hair. and that i looked more sprightly so summer break did me well! i'm like.. hahaha okay i'm super sleep deprived by now.. 3h45 on thursday night and 3h45 on sunday night.. and having to wake up at 7 today to go help freshmen move in.. oh! i met the people who're staying in my (last year) room! so exciting.. haha.

sometimes its so weird. i feel like i get my energy from other people. or actually, kind of mood-swingy. sometimes i'll be like taciturn and zoning out and watever.. and then sometimes i'll suddenly be (relatively) more chatty and smiley and etc. so after today morning's "speech" by dean julie and all i was like ooh, it's time to be nice and friendly to the freshmen. dunno if that's coherent, but it is something i noticed. and brings me back to last year's pledging.. social events, i get energy from seeing pple like vivian and christine so bubbly.

augh i don't understand why some people can't understand that not everyone likes the same kind of music.. do you really have to blast out your songlist?! oh great. stopped! whee. :)

oohh i'm happy today:) albeit still kind of tired, having stayed up till 5am on friday morning to finish my analyst report [and i only really finished it after class] i did my written test today! so now i just need to get a couple more lessons and i can go for practical and get my license woohoo:) thanks for poor meng how who had to get up to drive me there:| i wanted to treat him to lunch but he refused. oh well.

and then i went to deliver the S@S flyer to i-center.. which was closed, oops. i really should've done it way earlier sigh. but anyway, then i saw mod! and art! and annie! and mac! in that order. haha. oh and i saw top yesterday when i was moving! yay for thai scholars who were on SEALNet trip. it was so nice to see them.. heh. i'm glad they're all pretty close by.. on east campus anyway. i realized how far lantana is from everything boo. flomo was really a pretty good location. ah well.

okay i really need to do my paper.. oh! i must say, lunch at tofu house was fantastic. made me even happier. hahaha. whee

i suddenly have a craving for pizza. to be exact, the bbq chicken pizza we had at prof shoven's house on sunday. it was sooo good. from spot, i think. forgot what its real name is.. but it is one fabulous bbq chicken pizza. haha. i decided when i get stressed, i eat. very bad, really. now i'll have to find more time to go to the gym or something. boo.

anyway, the reason i am stressed is because i only really started writing my analyst report on disney today. well i sort of glanced through the 5 reports i downloaded in the business library yesterday, but that isn't really really counted i guess? and yes, taadaa the report is due tmr morning at 10am. sigh. clar and procrastination. this whole course is kinda disastrous in that respect, so it seems. didn't read the books, now i'm doing my stuff so last minute as usual. and the paper.. is going to be quite a headache unless i can figure out what i'm going to focus on/how i'm going to do it.

and i also volunteered to present on monday, thinking that it'll force me to get my stuff done, but i conveniently forgot about having peer mentor training the whole of sunday afternoon. so.. that is going to be interesting too. and i need to do a good paper to make up for my not asking questions in class. i don't know, i just didn't know what to ask.. -frowns- or maybe i was intimidated by how the guys seemed to know a whole lot of stuff and i know next to nothing.

ah. watever. i shall finish the report soon so i can sleep.. and i also originally forgot about moving out tomorrow! it'll be nice to be in my real room.. and hopefully with more space. anyway at least i'll be able to decorate and stuff. not that i decorate a lot, but then i can put pics and stuff up. also got to figure out about my packages which haven't arrived, hope the housing service pple don't kill me:(

so, it doesn't seem like i'm going to be all that free before school starts.. again, conveniently forgot i was peer mentoring. oh crap! i still owe the tutoring people my bio and photo and ahhh.. okay, one thing at a time. i should stop working myself into a frenzy hm.

blah now i wish i'd done my driving stuff last year. for a huge variety of reasons, not excluding how i didn't get to drive the grand prix go-karts today thanks to my lack of a license! ah well. but we went to play mini golf, which was pretty fun.. i was pretty good at the beginning but zonked out at the end! sigh.. oh well:) it also kind of reminded me of how we went sentosa mini-golfing when the twins came to sg when they (and I) were little.

anyhow.. the bumper boats looked really fun too! haha. but kind of wet. so after that we headed to my prof's house for dinner (pizza) which was nice.. and he has a pool table at home! sweet. and a very nice garden.. although i think my psych introsem prof's garden is prettier. think she spends more time planting stuff.. or maybe it's prettier cos deer and weird wild animals don't trample through it. -shrug-

so, i think my prof must be quite the pool fanatic cos there's a mini-pool table in his office as well! haha. and another random fact: his car license plate is SIEPR, stanford institute for economic policy research for something like that.. sheesh. oh and then teresa was trying to figure out wat cars were in his garage.. there was a really nice looking sports car (convertible, i dunno wat make it was), a bmw (the SIEPR plate one), a lexus, and two more cars (one of which is a jeep-looking thing, okay i'm really bad at cars but watever).

when i think about how my bio introsem prof is living in this house which i think is pretty inexpensive and if i remember correctly, built for people who didn't have that high a budget for a house.. seems like the payscale for a finance prof and a bio prof differs quite a bit huh.

oh anyway, i won two pool games in a row (actually by default, cos the other side potted the white ball while trying to get the black in/potted the black prematurely), one of which was played with my prof as my partner so that was quite funny. he was like, i know how to pick my partner. rofl. i think i definitely play better when i'm not wearing high heels.

haven't been too good about blogging.. i get distracted by lots and lots of stuff:| anyway, my brother forgot to give me my camera cable so gotta wait till yf comes back next thurs to pass it to me.. but there're fun photos.. lala.

went to berkeley to visit chim n jane today! finally! after promising for a year! i am so proud of myself.. i think it is really quite hard to get down during the school year though.. it took like 2+hrs on public transport, and i'm sure driving isn't that much faster either. but it was sooo unbelievably good to see them:) although it's just been over a month since i've seen them.. and we were talking about some rg gep things. good times:)

jane's apartment is lovely and the building has some sort of rustic charm.. chim's house is homey and comfy.. i wish i had a house too! photos have to come later, unfortunately. oh chim's attic room is pretty cool too, besides wang ning's pointed comments about her having to go into yonghe's room to climb up to her room.. haha. and chim cooked pasta for us for dinner! she said it was idiotproof (as compared to pineapple-less pineapple tarts - 413ers? hehe)

yeah.. i don't really feel like saying anything else at the moment. trying to figure out how to achieve my aim of getting my license (actually now my new goal is like before sch starts haha) since the favorite driving instructor for singaporeans at stanford is on holiday till dec. augh.

blah. its 4:30am and somehow i can't get back to sleep.. maybe i shouldn't have taken a nap in the afternoon:| which also, incidentally, caused me to miss dinner. and then i suddenly started worrying about all sorts of things, like how i'm going to get to church and whether i really like this whole investing business because it doesn't really mean anything to me at the moment.

i have a single! hehe. quite fun.. just that it does allow me to be even more solitary which may not be such a good idea.. i have no idea where the other people disappear to, either they're off at their friends' dorms or they're in their rooms with the door closed. class is just from 10 - 12 and after that we're mostly free.. so need to figure out what to do. yay tmr stacey's feeding ponies so i can tag along!:) whee.

yeah i was also thinking about the people i hang out with on a regular basis (at sch) and decided there're really very few of them. but whether it's just me being unsociable or it being a normal state of things in general is something i still wonder about sometimes. i suppose i assume everyone here is really outgoing and spends their time hanging out and getting to know more people.

alright i shall attempt to get back to sleep.. hopefully will be able to finish skimming my books for tmr's lesson. augh. i really should've read the books.

i think my mom's right. i should've cut my hair earlier. i have a huge tendency to procrastinate and therefore now its a crazy rush (okay, i'm not rushing yet but i will be soon) to get everything done.. anyway the slanted fringe thing didn't turn out too well cos i only decided on a slanted fringe after she trimmed it straight so its kind of short. oh wells. and the red does tend to look quite bright in some sorts of lights. but it's still fun to have different coloured hair haha.

oh dear. i think i shouldn't have read selene's blog. or maybe i'm just blaming that cos its convenient. but anyway i suddenly feel rather melancholic! cos there're 3 days left. or less, actually. more like 2.. at least i did most of the things on my to-do list today.. alright i really should go and pack. more like, -start- packing. :|

at least we have the house to ourselves until after i leave. heh. ms jap girl is now at my uncle's house. but then my parents got into an argument (actually i guess it isn't all that rare) so they aren't speaking at the moment. so silly. i'm sure they'll be fine soon, but still.

actually i think i'll be fine once i'm back in school. it's just the thinking about the in-between that isn't very fun. blah alright time to go do something productive (like eat durians, :D)

heh been so busy. kind of. so let's see.. tuesday was meeting up with so3c girls.. and we met jm and amanda by chance! so funny.. so sarah sj chelsea (whom i haven't seen since results, i'm sure) fiona n candice n me had lunch at nana thai at far east.. pretty good price - student discounts! and then fried mars bars.. i tell u candice is hooked on that..

so since i promised rachel i'd visit learning lab i decided to get a lift from candice back to united square.. first time being chauffeured by candice!! haha. she has a cool style of driving man.. and a nice new car. heh. i told her she needed a convertible to complete her image:)

silly rachel didn't realize it was me.. thought i was a student [grr]. oh i saw chernise at the ben & jerry's downstairs but she was quite busy so didn't stay for long. so after entertaining rachel for a bit while she was doing her paris duty [which consists of sitting on a stool outside this sliding door place to ensure that students don't get hurt by the sliding door which is so cleverly concealed u don't realize it's a door until it opens and then if you're playing around there's a possibility of your hand getting chopped off] i went in to look for christine.. who as usual shrieked when she saw me and went on and on about how i'm still so small and cute. apparently i [surprise surprise] look even younger! she claims its the fringe and the mid-length hair.

then i met ms jap girl (her name is yumiko). i think her eyes might possibly be bigger than mine. or maybe its cos of the eyeliner/mascara. anyway her english isn't fantastic.. i'm not even sure how much of wat i'm saying she understands. oh well. we had dinner with my aunt and uncle and cousin.. lots and lots of food. actually since she came i've been eating a LOT. augh.

it's funny how when guests come, life becomes so much better. so since she's here, we get to use the car (instead of my bro) and get good food all the time, basically. i guess it sort of makes sense, yet it's ironic at the same time. i just had durians (the best, according to my dad, who doesn't want to admit how much he paid for them cos i think my mom'll scold him for spending so much. haha).

anyway. wed.. city tour and then ended up at chinatown. in which it started raining! so i was sloshing around in wet slippers.. reminded me of bangkok as i was telling jh.. and then i ended up buying this bamboo poster thingy. i was rather amused, she's the tourist supposed to be the one buying things and i'm the one who ends up spending $. but in the end she got something too. bargaining there was ridiculously easy, i was surprised.

shopping at marina square after that - i decided it was silly to try and walk around outside in the rain.. i saw this $10 dress, quite crazy. but then i also don't think i have anything to wear it to.. oh well. wish there was more occasion to wear my sec 4 prom gown, i really like it:) although i wonder if i can still fit into it -frowns-

today was sentosa.. was quite a bad day actually, kept raining and raining. my mom says i'll be expert at sliding when i'm done with this pair of slippers.. i think i'm quite pro already haha. but we got to see dolphins! although the las vegas show was better i think. or maybe i'm biased:p oh well.

and the musical fountain! it looked quite promising but turned out to be half good half bad. they had this ridiculously silly-looking emcee who was really quite a clown.. the only impressive thing was his cartwheel-plus-somersaults at the end of the show.. other impressive things include how he managed ot make a fool of himself. okay i'm really critical.. oh well. but his presence really detracted from the enjoyment of the performance, as did the presence of kiki the retarded giggling green monkey and his fantastic fish friends which were fantastic in their ugliness than anything else.

but i have to say the techniques of the laser show were pretty cool.. the 3d creatures looked very real. quite amazing. unfortunately.. there's the lack of style. i think they were trying to cater for kids.. thus the advent of kiki and his silly friends. bellagio fountains! ahh i wanna go to vegas. so it reminded me of wenzheng's flying to vegas (and grand canyon too i think?) maybe i should go get myself a pilot's license too! lala.

today's been such a long day. i don't know why i'm still at the comp.. trying to figure out if i should buy birkenstocks. haha. sigh. anyway, it was good meeting everyone.. haven't seen some people in such a long time! i doubt if i've seen lou since sec 4 man.. haha. maybe from time to time but still.

so ms jap girl is coming tmr.. i better clean up my room somemore. i think it's gonna be a pretty mad rush. it's so funny, she wants to go spa! and i haven't even been to one.. luckily lyd gave me some recommendations heh:)

i am so full. watching kahli and shan cook was quite interesting.. makes me wish i could too. but it does really take quite a lot of time i think. and yingling's so funny! heh. sometimes i really forget that she n kahli n i used to be in the same class/pri sch. seems like sec 3-4 was most memorable.

darryl never fails to amuse me.. maybe cos i have it permanently stuck in my head that he's silly.. so he'll always be silly to me whether he's grown up or not:p but again like i was saying, friends are to [in yf's words, sort of] talk nonsense to.
come to think of it daryl also never fails to amuse me. also another silly one. and both of them are so involved in church stuff. interesting.

i finally have my land before time dvd:) and it came with stickers!! haha. i think i'll bring it back to stanford to watch. hm. and that silly buddy! too lazy to write me a letter to go with it. grumbles. oh well.

aiyah i think i need to sleep. wonder how i'm gonna pack and all.. i think it's just easier not to think about things sometimes. cos the more you think about it the worse it gets.. taking things as they come and appreciating/revelling in wat u have at the moment is so much less painful. cos if i keep thinking about how i'll miss being home i'll just be miserable. whereas if i'm just happy while i'm home then i'm happy and that's good. and then when i go back to school i'll be happy at school (hopefully) and there you are.

so random, mrs kwan called me up while i was in the bus on the way to orchard (to meet wangning and his roommates and cs for dinner) to ask for chim's email to ask about emilyn. it was nice talking to her though half the conversation revolved around how US-spore communications work (skype and handphones and wat not). i think the tchers are kinda worried about us. wonder if they feel responsible since they taught us (and we're geps, so much $ spent on us and everything). i'm sure they really care about us, relationships built and all, but still wondering if a sort of duty sense comes into play.

oh and i saw jacelyn tay at kino after dinner. again very random cos i was trying to find some book and waiting at the information counter and this female was in front of me (all i could see was a curtain of hair) and i idly glanced down at the form she was filling up - i was wondering if that was a form to help the pple find the book or something but i guess it was probably an order form or something? and i saw "jacelyn tay" in caps and was wondering if that was really her or someone else with the same name. but yeah it was her.