hakuna matata

back from laserquest! haha that was quite fun:) although it was quite a workout, something I didn't expect. and the packs were rather heavy. wished we could have more games, i'm rather lousy at shooting pple/hiding as for now. i bet all those guys perfected their skills through playing computer games.

anyway i've been feeling so lackadaisical about doing work this weekend. i really haven't accomplished much. i think i spent most of my time sleeping. it was so weird cos i woke up at 5pm today (fell asleep at 3 or so) and i was like wait. i think i was supposed to do something in the course of the afternoon. but actually i didn't. oh well. so disoriented. i wonder why hm. interesting.

and so i feel out of sorts again. i think it's cos i feel like i have a lot of stuff to figure out and therefore i'm even less motivated to even start. i have to think about spring break, about spring courses (actually i think this should come before the break hm), what i'm gonna do during the summer and then my work due for this quarter. come to think of it i think my priorities are all mixed up (seeing from the order my list is in). man. why do we have to plan for anyth? i hate planning! let me rephrase that. day to day planning is fine, but long term isn't. that's going to get me into trouble one day though augh.

alright, am not in a terribly good mood evidently. but as for classes, when i see how other pple have to do homework during spring break (HAHA) i'm very thankful for quarter systems:) (and we get to take more classes)

man. i need good food. just now i was craving yesterday's oasis burgers. they were really good though.. aahh. maybe i'm experiencing snack withdrawal symptom haha. cos i have all my snacks but i'm determined not too eat so many (esp since i have an ulcer, grr)

yay! i decided i had to blog before my happy mood runs away. let's see.. for the first time this quarter, i slept at 3am. very bad idea. but anyway, i wanted to finish reading ihum (not that it did much good since i didn't say much during section hm)

anyway, had to force my poor sleepy self out of bed.. yay for dance! haha. cha cha is fun but mambo is more fun! although sometimes i have some misgivings about latin dances hm. ihum wasn't exactly very fun but i didn't fall asleep! and i didn't fall asleep during econ either! although that was like a repetition of econ 1 about monopoly, dunno why i was copying stuff down in the end. darn after doing econ pset not so happy liao.

we ended early so i got to go back for lunch! yippee. and ate a cream puff and brownie (oh dear. fat!) and then voice class.. i think i still sound a bit weird, maybe i need to practise. haha. notice there's no "more" cos i haven't been doing so, oops.

and ihum section.. was normal. my tf makes very crazy comments. we were talking about society in effi briest. and there was this thing about how going on a vacation requires a lot of procedures, esp if u're middle-class. and he was like "never go on a cruise! you'll be on a ship with 50 other people who're just like you! may as well jump off the ship". rofl. and he was remarking on how his prompts never get chosen for papers. haha he's quite cool la. just that our sections aren't exactly the most interesting things. okay maybe i'm just biased cos he gave me good marks for my ihum paper! the one due the day after snowboarding! oohh. really praise God:) although i have to admit that wasn't the first thing that came to mind, something i have to work on there. anyway, yeah, it kinda justifies my going snowboarding, so i was telling chuansheng. yippee~

came back from econ office hours and it was raining:( and i had no raincoat:( oh well. time to peer review PWR papers!

ladida. i seriously think i'm too slack this quarter for my own good, am going to have a terrible time next quarter, with ihum psych1 cs106a and (undecided) and maybe golf. hm. and it's time for rushing too. hope i survive hm. i think i'm actually glad for the quarter system, i already get bored of my classes halfway thru the quarter, wonder how i'd cope with a 14 week semester haha.

i guess God did plan it for me. or maybe i'm appreciating what i have. like. the weather. if i'd ended up on east coast i think i'd be really quite miserable. unless i get to go snowboarding more often haha but that also costs $$. and then the quarter vs semester system. oh well. it's good anyhow. and zhihui was telling me the other day when i was talking to her about rg, that chicago is more like bi4 men2 zao4 che1 while here pple go out and do things.. so i should take advantage of that. hopefully something works out later on cos i don't feel like i'm doing anything much right now hm. although i probably should start.

ooh. i just spent like 45mins sitting in my dormmate's room talking to her. i should do that more often. but it was so funny cos it felt like i was in a psychologist's chair (and she is a psych major). so interesting. i didn't know she went to german school in DC. anyway.

ohh i got killed for assassins just now, ahaha. i sort of had the idea that either ryan or devin would be after me before long but i couldn't be bothered to bring my gun along when i went to get water. so well. oh. assassins = game played in the dorm with water guns. you get assigned a target, whom you're supposed to kill within 24 hours. kill the target by squirting a water gun at him/her. targets can't get killed in their own room/in the toilets/in the servery. uh. and dormmates can't see you shooting ur target. i think that was about it. oh after 24 hrs u're in danger of termination by the staff (they come after you with buckets of water/super soakers and take you out of the game). i was in danger of termination on friday and today. hehe. but i don't think the staff really cared cos they wanted pple to stay in the game. and half the pple were killed already.

one day my PHE sent us this video of kittens in this mini world.. and so i dropped over by her room and she showed me the website and we were just squealing at the screen together.
cute pic!:) i now have this guinea pig on my wall.. ahaha. so cute and fat and furry. cuteoverload.com



ah i just remembered something else. daryl bought $14 worth of pocky from ranch99 today. and we got vip cards for savings purposes in future. anyway, the looks on sean's n joel's faces were priceless when they saw the amount of pocky daryl had in his hands. so hilarious. but again daryl never fails to amaze when he buys stuff from ranch99. and i was rather upset they didn't have the big hello pandas! not that i really wanted it but i think my roomie could've done with it, she has a LOT of work to do this week. oh well. we got to eat mochi courtesy of our two fav housemates. i think the guy who invented that is up there with the guy who invented beds (and pillows and bolsters) now i feel like eating tangyuan. boo.

i love the quote on sharon's blog. okay, ex-blog? haha.

dance
as though no one is watching you,

love
as though you have never
been hurt before,

sing
as though no one can hear you,

live
as though heaven is on earth.

actually i think i've seen it before. also in amy's room.

anyway. i just remembered something my dormmate and my roommate were discussing the other day. that i'm only mean (i.e. insulting) to pple i like. which is, really, when you think about it, rather odd. anyway i guess it's true. sadly or otherwise. and then they started to wonder if i'm only nice to pple i don't like. hmmm. i think if i don't know you very well i would. i mean, one doesn't go round diaoing ppl they hardly know right. actually i don't think i'm that weird after all, i'm quite sure most people do that.

ooh! it seems like jackie read my blog cos she sent me roti prata pics last night yay:) totally made my (rainy and miserable) day. i must really go and find out what happened to our instant noodle pics hm.



man i think the photos i take are better than those jackie takes. haha. anyway.

the grad students are really crazy la last night one of them sent an email asking if anyone wanted to go skiing this weekend (and there's one planned for next weekend!) i was telling my roomie and she decided that it wasn't fair tt grad students are so free. haha.

oh! i just remembered sth. so i went to airport church of christ on sunday (near SFO). since sean was happily off in vegas. ahem. anyway. then i realized the importance of hospitality. so at home i'm the one who's been in the church since forever, and i'm wondering why visitors would want random pple to go up and say hi to them. but then when i come here and i'm the visitor, i see why. esp since i ended up hanging around for potluck lunch (yum). the weirdest thing was that the couple who fetched me here.. the wife didn't talk to me at all. actually nobody talked during the ride there. maybe cos they were all listening to the gospel recording, but still. i talked to the guy cos he came down on saturday to figure out where to fetch me from. but that's all.

and God really provided, before class started i was thinking about how i was going to do my work (this couple stays in SF the entire day on sunday!) until 6 and then i remembered joel would be fetching daryl from the airport! my saviour.. haha. yeah. it was such a coincidence cos i did call joel on saturday to tell him i'd have to spend the day there and he mentioned he was going to pick daryl up and somehow it didn't make a connection there. but on sunday morning it did. interesting huh.

then joel was saying that he actually has a lot of work to do, contrary to what i may think. but they must give us hope. i'm like wat hope?? so he said bible says faith, hope and love right. love cannot give so give hope lor. rofl. that was singularly one of the most hilarious things i've heard. man. what are we going to do without them next year.. and now ruixiong's going off to princeton too. very tragic.

oh! yessterday kiat didn't wanna go back to frosoco for dinner in case it rained again. so he came over and got dexian to eat dinner too and i met ruixiong in the dining hall and got him to come over too! mini-sporean gathering haha. quite cool. and it was so uncanny cos wenkai was here to visit jennifer. another sort of even more mini-sporean gathering.

today i had one of the most useless pwr classes ever. we sat around reading boothe prize essays and analyzing how their intro/conclusion worked. i'm like okay, i guess it might be helpful, but we have better things to do like writing that 12-15pg draft which is due on monday! at least he let us off early so for once i got to eat lunch. haha. and i was so annoyed on monday, he gave us back the contextual analysis and had quite a number of problems with my paper, most of which were present in the draft, which he didn't think to tell me about earlier! seriously, if you're going to make us hand up drafts, i would appreciate it if you gave us constructive feedback. instead of "oh, it's fine" "you write very well" and etc. and for the first two papers he only gave A-'s A's and A+'s, so that does explain a lot.

just back from a rather full day, although i think i did have a slight intention of getting a nap in the afternoon. anyhow. yay! i finally borrowed scores from music library. and was trying to play chopin's ballade and totally dying. this is why that is LRSM level i think. and boah asked if i wanted to go stanford shopping center with her so i did.. ended up spending the rest of the day out (and sleep deprived, sadly)

rhythms was pretty cool.. actually i wouldn't have gone, except for the fact that my roommate was performing and my dormmate too.. and talisman was singing (they should've sung more songs augh!) but then it turned out pretty good.. i really wasn't expecting to like indian dance/etc but i think i changed my mind. basmati raas n bhangra n hindi film dance were SO energetic. well not all of them, but still. quite amazing. something in common with yesterday's olympic finals. you can tell when someone's enjoying wat he/she's doing. for performance anyway.. they look really really happy.

and i wish they would stop going on and on about the "diversity in stanford" thing. i mean some things aren't meant to be said.. the more you talk about them the more obvious/forced and less natural it becomes. like, it's well and fine that it's so diverse around here but you don't have to keep calling attention to it. i feel like the fact that the show got sold out is a pretty good indication that diversity is appreciated. (of cos, there is the added incentive that westflo's tickets were heavily subsidized, but pple could've still chosen to not go).

decided i never post photos (besides those of sean's n joel's fridge) so here are some.

my roomie, emphasizing her height (i think she's like 30cm taller than me or sth)


monday's ski trip! yay~ as usual i'm the youngest. ok i guess it's not so "as usual", since all the american freshmen are one year younger than me. but well.

i decided i need to take more interesting photos. ohh! i must chase jackie for our roti prata cooking photos.

hmm. i really do think i'm going crazy. i just spent 4 hours sitting in my dorm lounge watching olympics women's figure skating (with some snowboarding and some freestyle skiing thrown in). and pple just started gathering until there were like 10+ pple sitting around. quite cool. maybe i say that cos i hardly go and hang around in the lounge hm.

anyway today was a gd day! somehow i couldn't sleep much, woke up at 7 and at 15min intervals thanks to my roommate's alarm. i guess i don't get so mad nowadays when i get woken up. more tolerance maybe? anyway the other day my ihum tf was saying freud's philosophy is basically that everything wrong with you can be blamed on ur parents. haha. so i think my original wrath at being woken up before it's time to do so comes from how my mom used to wake me up. although actually that isn't really "before it's time to wake up", i just didn't want to get up.

ok digressed. so, went for dance, and was rather lost at first cos they started club two-step on tues (which i didn't go for cos 1. i was finishing my ihum paper and 2. i figured i had enough fun on monday so better do my work 3. i was aching quite a bit). and i thought he'd spend quite some time reviewing steps and wat not, but that didn't happen. so i kinda figured it out along the way, thanks to the poor partners who had to suffer with my cluelessness. anyhow once i got the hang of it it was pretty fun! lalala. very relaxed and comfortable dance. one's partner makes such a difference sometimes.

so i was quite happy after that. didn't really want to go back to doing waltz, but oh well. for other pple to review for viennese ball tmr. then i had ihum, presented by two TFs. the first one was alright, the second one made more sense and was more organized. and then econ, where i got so bored and i wasn't listening properly. bit restless today also. oh i thought maybe it was the iced latte yesterday (first time i decided to try it i think, and i am never drinking coffee again). but i guess since i still don't want to sleep now although i really ought to, there has got to be something else.

uh. lunch w jackie. food wasn't great, they ran out of salmon grr. then voice class! ooh. was pretty satisfied today, i thought i heard some vibrato while i was singing my piece.. so that was pretty good. tcher was quite happy too (although sometimes i don't think she has v high standards since this is just a beginning class) and given that i actually don't actually practise the song, which i really should, but i know the tune and everything anyway. n she decided i could think about trying the cadenza at the end and i'm like . right. i don't really think i could do a high b flat. but we shall see. maybe if i sing properly i can. hehe.

didn't want to go for ihum section, but well. spent 1/2h watching lohengrin so that was more interesting than usual discussion.
was late to see my pwr teacher. i think he's really biased la, he keeps telling me my writing is v good and gave me an A for my rhetorical analysis which i don't even think i concluded properly -- he even wrote "why are the (last few) paragraphs so short?" (well i would think it's a bit obvious i ran out of time and couldn't finish properly right haha oops). -shrug- or maybe chuansheng's right, just high standards. anyhow i'm not complaining. so i was asking him if he got more sleep (esp since we had long weekend). and he said he went clubbing. and i'm like . right. so much for complaining u dont' get enough sleep. n he said when u're having fun it's different.. and he thinks SF clubs should open until at least 6am instead of 2am. -shakes head-

that was quite amusing. then i went for econ office hours. and was, at first, rather appalled that my TA walked in. cos the last time i tried going for his office hours i walked out after 15mins. but it all worked out and i finished my work. came back, had dinner, sat at the table listening to 2 of my dormmates and one of their friends (all black) discuss the black community in US/at stanford. interesting. i think these identity things only surface for minority races or something, like whites wouldn't be sitting around discussing wat other pple think of them or anyth.

alright. really really should sleep. -shakes head-. i think i'll take a nap tmr. or a few naps. haha.

ohh.. this weekend is parents' weekend. it's kinda cool seeing my dormmates' parents come in.. kinda wish my parents could come too. i think they would want to too. weather's been improving

ah. finally i have some time to slack. i'm sure there're somemore things i need to do (ie econ problem set) but i think that's about it yay! haha. i ended up slightly late for library workshop for pwr today cos i was finishing my paper. and i think my draft research proposal was really nonsensical but heck.. luckily i know enough about singlish to be able to crap my way through pretty fast. ahaha. and i also ended up crashing into someone while on my mad rush to green library. oops. but seriously, it's not my fault he was going so slowly. maybe i'm just making excuses. but anyway.

just came back from meeting psc officers. that was such a weird experience, one of the pple is a psc scholar who graduated frm uni in 2001. and i was trying to imagine other psc pple in his place, telling pple abt psc scholarship and etc, and i just couldn't. anyway i think i asked some slightly awkward questions. they were kind of sheepish when i asked how they got our emails, and asked if they should apologize. come to think of it, this is kind of like zuo4 zei2 xin1 xu1 right.. i mean if you got it in a proper way you wouldn't be feeling like you ought to apologize. ah. that's a gd point. haha. self-declared.

and i don't think i made a very good impression by telling them it wasn't fair to not back-pay and still have a bond of 6 years. haha. oops. but seriously, it's kind of a principle. even though he said it isn't like finaid, nothing to do with proportion, more about how 6 years is optimal to assess the ministry/let them assess you. or something like that. i suppose it depends how you look at it.

anyhow come to think of it, it's just interesting to think of friends/classmates as working in their respective fields. like the medicine people will end up doctors and etc.

anyway. monday! haha that was so awesome, definitely don't regret going. although at one point or other i was contemplating staying and just going for crossing the line at night. according to kiat they asked very personal questions abt race/religion/... but i think there weren't that many pple frm my dorm who went so just as well:p if it hadn't been up to expectations i'd just have been sad/annoyed.

and it really reminded me of gilroy trip; leaving at unearthly hours (4am, okay 4:15 since wenzheng overslept haha) before the sun rises and coming back after the sun sets (reached around 11:10pm). gilroy was like 5am to 8pm. but that's nearer and that's shopping. so quite different.

kirkwood was pretty different from squaw.. i guess since squaw was the site of winter olympics dunno how long ago, their stuff is sort of more centralized; there's a huge carpark in front of the resort. but the runs are so nice and huge. i guess it was less crowded cos it's a monday. and they have awesome college deals, it was that much cheaper.

and i was the only freshman (and probably the most inexperienced and therefore the slowest) so everyone had to wait for me. but they were so nice about it. sean was like my instructor for toe turns, which i'm still quite lousy at actually, but nvm. i bet it's the phobia of very bruised knees from the first time i snowboarded. haha. n when i got stuck on flat ground sean n wenzheng offered to pull me along haha. oh and i also realized how unfit i am (not that i was very fit to begin with la), after a couple of runs i was quite tired liao. yay for lunch:p

and weirdly enough i wasn't very hungry the entire day. maybe the granola bars are that good. haha. anyway by the time it was 4:30 and all the lifts had closed, i unclipped the snowboard and could hardly hobble downhill haha. sad case man. oh and i don't like their step-in snowboard, so difficult to step! anyway. i think every part of me which could ache was aching. as a rule i don't really mind aching, but when it's on this sort of scale it's not very fun. oh well.. am glad i got to go with them:)

i need LOADS of sleep tonight. not that i've been that sleep deprived since i made sure i got at least 7 hours the past two nights. but still. chionging papers and all. am so glad it's done. oh i had an extra french class just now cos there's no class nxt friday, ended up talking to her for an hour instead of 1/2hr. i think my brain stopped thinking in french after a while cos i just kept forgetting all the french words and she had to think instead of me:p to help translate. it's really interesting how sometimes i can just sort of "slip" into the french mode and speak more fluently than normal. unfortunately those times don't happen as often as i'd like them to.

shall watch figure skating finals tmr! at least, i think they're tmr hm. shall go and read the article chuansheng found on loving your job. i definitely need to read that. haha.

oh!! yesterday my RA decided to look for my house on google maps. and i actually found it! after quite some time though, haha. oops. anyway then he labelled it as "Where Clarissa lives (Baby Dinosaur Land)" grr. i was so indignant that i was the only one with weird labels (the others were like "maggie's house" "amparo's house".

ow. am feeling rather battered. just back from snowboarding! that was so fun.. albeit my super-aches now. actually sometimes i like aches cos it means i've been using muscles but well, if it's overdone, definitely not a good thing. i wonder how i'm going to get out of bed tmr. maybe like daryl after his two days at heavenly; "i had to roll out of bed". rofl. just that the bed height isn't very good for rolling. anyway. IHUM!! aahh. will talk abt today later.

just got back from talking to zhihui about rgs.. she's doing some project on good schools and decided to focus on RG! so rg pple reading this i'm probably gonna ask you guys to help fill up this questionnaire thingy haha. anyway. it was a rather strange journey. back to 4 - 8 years ago. and when she asked me what was my most hated lesson.. i was like ok i need to list my classes to remember.. so while listing.. i came to "math" under lower sec and sharon lee popped up in my mind. strangely enough I can't remember what exactly it was that made her hate us/us hate her. need to go home and read my diary again if i didn't throw it away hm. although i guess some things are best forgotten anyway.

and i realized i'd forgotten so much. it's all become a huge jumble, i can't differentiate between what happened in rg/rj, ... or like what camps we had for class/cca/psl/sec1/... rather melancholic to think that i'll probably forget even more as i get older. in fact i think before coming i already had a sense of that. how you meet pple in different stages of your life but you move on and so do they and sometimes you never meet again.

wow okay i'm like pushing myself deeper into "the abyss of my mind" (frm ihum section yesterday). but it's such a gloomy day anyhow. i was utterly miserable cycling to wilbur in the rain and then wang ning and the rest of the guys decided i needed more and waved today's stanford daily at me. 5.75% hike in tuition fees for nxt year, yay! well done.. i better suck up to those two pple coming on wed, like wang ning suggested. blah.

i hate cold rainy days. and i want to eat something now but i can't cos we're going out for dinner at cheesecake factory. ahh. i also need a thesis statement for ihum. boo. feeling very lethargic. not that i'm rarely otherwise. hah. haven't been sleeping properly lately, i dunno why. like i'll wake up at weird times and readjust my comforter. or i can't fall asleep. boohoo.

i am so nonplussed. i just went for my pwr conference with my teacher and expected to get scolded for
1. lousy texts: we were supposed to choose 2 main texts to analyze and 5 supporting texts, and these 5 texts I kind of found like the day before the draft was due, and all from the internet (which he expressly talked about in class on wed, saying that he would have to talk to some of us cos some pple used solely internet texts, in which my guilty conscience immediately decided I was going to be in trouble

2. sloppy work: i did the rhetorical analysis part in chunks first cos i had no idea what a contextual analysis involving rhetorical analysis was supposed to be. so on wednesday night i had 3 pages worth of that. and was still searching for the other 5 texts, I might add. even though I had a vague idea of what to use. so thursday night I spent doing.. and friday.. at intervals chuansheng would be asking whether i'd finished yet and of cos not.. and i was so aghast when one of my peer review grpmates sent us her draft at like 11am on friday. (the deadline was 5pm) and at 5 i was just at my last paragraph. man. that was so nightmarish.

and then the first thing he says is "yr paper is so gd i have nothing to say". and i'm like. erps. "i don't believe that" and he laughed and said ok let's look at your texts (ie the biblio). so i was like, ooh, first scolding (although actually he's not very gd at scolding in real life, which is gd i guess). but apparently he thought they were alright so -shrug-

so we get to my paper. and he's like, really, I don't have much to say about it, you write very well (or something to that effect). and i'm like i didn't think it was a very gd draft and he asks why. in which i inform him of my total (almost anyway) cluelessness of what a contextual analysis is supposed to be. and he laughs his head off and after having finished laughing, asks if i read his outline on the assignment. grr. of cos i did but it's not my fault if even though the outline is helpful, it still doesn't tell me what a contextual analysis does! anyway... i don't know why everyone laughs at things i say. my roomie (and other dormmates) are often very amused at me. i suppose ignorance is bliss.

oh.. here's another picture of sean's and joel's fridge. (since sean asked me if it was going to make it onto the blog). but i told him even pictures of very filled fridges (i came back from ihum section to marvel at the prodigious amount that the two of them eat) get boring. so. time to await more exciting pics!



and i need to get back to my french presentation on "la fete de la musique". it's a really cool topic though. and i think God planned it so i really wouldn't die this week.. if i had contextual analysis due tmr i'll be dead. not that i'm glad my pwr tcher was sick but well.. anyhow this weekend I have to work hard!

i think i had a far slacker weekend than it should have been. question mark there though. yesterday i skipped melody, figured i could use the extra couple of hours. but then i ended up going to sean's n joel's hse for dinner.. it was so interesting watching joel cook. and it was quite hilarious cos i took so long to do things tt joel decided he'd better do them if not we'd never get any dinner. reminds me of my zoo days. anyhow i did the dishes (so many plates/saucepans/pots! guess why? so much food!!) and they decided tt upped my cool quotient (although i'm sure suaning them didn't help haha)

anyway the amount of food totally reminded me of french immersion. start with soup/appetizer, main course, cheese, dessert, ... ... and my host family was wondering why i didn't eat much. good old days, when cheukka swept cookie crumbs under her bed and decided they didn't exist anymore since they were out of sight. and i actually agree with her about old hands now! but i don't think either she/kai-lyn/yun lei will be reading this sigh. dry hands look old! eek.

and then i had screw ur roommate at night.. kind of a pity tt the original guy my roommate set me up with couldn't make it. he's taking the pwr that i wanted! and it would've been interesting. but anyway it was still fun~ i haven't bowled in ages.. and the ball just got heavier and heavier throughout the night haha. disco bowling. dim lights and disco ball. and the music was so terrible.. off-pitch pple yelling into the mics.. man. i thought i'd end up deaf. and with a sore throat cos i had to shout to be heard over the music. apparently no one else has that problem, probably cos they're all so loud to begin with anyway. it's true!

so when i came back i immediately set about downing a gallon of water. which ended up in me visiting the bathroom at 5am or sth. wat to do. and i still sounded a little weird in the morning. but oh well. oh! my cool story of the night: first throw (or watever u call it), 9 pins down. left 1. and while i was going to do my 2nd shot, atiqah called. so i was like talking to her while bowling and somehow, very miraculously, the last pin fell! ahahaha. should've videoed it.

anyhow. and yes today is a momentous day because we managed to get to church before the first song! i think we've done it once before but i can't remember when. but anyway. landmark occasion.
sadly i had to rush back for IHUM mozart performance (for that 1% extra credit) so no lunch. i so wanted jap food! oh well. next week. :)

ohhh yes i finally closed my suitcase. but that horrible dormmate insists that i still look like i just have to pop a toothbrush in and then i'm ready to go, just grab the suitcase and leave. i contend that it's under the bed, nobody's going to see that.

i feel so cheated about my pwr peer review letters. first of all it's so silly cos none of us really know what a contextual analysis is supposed to be like, so how to critique other pple's work?? and then while i'm struggling to fit my letters into one page, my grp members have just like 3/4 page (and without changing the margins) i am very bitter. like here i am spending time analysing your work and you're not being very helpful with mine. but again since we're all not sure how it's supposed to be like it's also kind of hard to suggest stuff.. ah watever.

must mug econ

thursday night:
hmm. i am rather amused. my roomie has just informed me that last night when one of our dormmates came running to our room and yelling about something or other i sat up and glared at her like i was going to kill her. quote her "i was really scared of you" (or something to that effect). hmm. and i don't remember doing that actually. just goes to show how incensed i can be when unfairly awoken. ahaha. or maybe my subconscious taking over since i'm not overtly emotional in real life. even though i must admit there were times when my roomie's alarm clock would go off multiple times (and for at least 3mins each time) and i felt like screaming at her.

i'm so thankful for lovely singaporean upperclassmen. last quarter when i blogged about how awful i was feeling shineik'd talk to me about it.. yesterday i realized how unprepared i was for the next week (and for tmr; 6-8 page pwr paper of which i had 1 paragraph written and no idea how to go about writing the rest of it) and was rather despondent so sean was trying to cheer me up. and then i was telling ruixiong about how my econ 50 prof is new so we don't have practice midterms (okay we have one from last year but that's it) and he offered to lend me his notes and when i came back from a very long day (8:45 to 6) i found a whole stack of notes under my door and before realizing it was his notes i was wondering why someone dumped so much stuff there. hehe. and tonight [friday night] sean and joel were out and got krispy kreme for us. well even though i didn't get to eat cos i didn't pick up my phone cos i was in mixed co (acappella) concert it was still really nice of them:) wow my sentences seem to be really long today, must be the last-minute chionging of a 6 page paper.

and anyway i had ihum section reunion dinner so that equals good food and gelato! although i still think venezia gelato is better.. -shrugs- maybe cos that's the first gelato i ate. hm. yeah. and theirs isn't so creamy.. maybe i'm just deceived by their 99% non fat or watever the sign is haha.

now i need to decide on what to present on with regard to french culture. and decide if i should go for the mozart concert on sunday and get 1% extra credit for ihum or go for lunch. haha. i can already hear it "are you a true sporean or not?" (which is what jackie asked me when we were still eating at 8 and bon bon ball swing class started: dance or food? heh) but actually sporeans are also kiasu wat.. besides being great food lovers. bah.

right. since i've slacked since 5:30 till now (10:30) i should go something productive.

i'm bored and i don't feel like doing my work. even though i know jolly well i ought to be doing my work now so i don't die next week. ahh. and if i manage to finish fast i might even be able to go snowboarding (if they do go). ahh! sigh. i figured yesterday was cos i was pretty much trying to do work from 2.30pm to 12.30. or something like that. haha. trying is the word though.

and if i sit at my desk i'm just tempted to eat. and eat. and eat. :(
today's dance was fun though, sth to do with viennese ball or something.

okay well i didn't finish that yesterday so. i am SO pissed off at cingular. the past however many times i've called them to ask sth about my bill, it was just fine. and today, this guy decides that oh, since i don't have an ssn, i need a password before they can access my account and answer my questions. i.e., i'm supposed to go down to a cingular store and get one. how stupid is that? and they've been taxing me for some spastic thing which i don't even know; the last time i asked, the guy was like, oh, it's govt taxes, we don't know anything about it. maybe i just shouldn't bother so much and just pay it. freaking annoying though.

just read val's blog. she always sounds so happy it's really amazing.. maybe cos i only blog when i'm not particularly happy haha. come to think of it it's probably true that when i'm happy i won't be blogging. oh well.

under sean's persuasion i ended up in glen's house watching the 2nd and 3rd quarters of superbowl. it was certainly interesting though, given i'd only watched the big game since i've gotten here. it's really different watching top teams play. at least there's more action. and more skill. haha. and lisa fetched me back! oh and joel fetched me there! yay for them.. oh lunch at korean house was quite hilarious, with various stories of microwaving/cooking attempts.

my mom has a tendency to remind me of things i'd rather not think about. so i'm supposed to come here and become a totally different person. how possible is that anyway? maybe i'm supposed to develop two identities or something. although she's right, one doesn't spend $300 k to come here and do the same stuff one could do back at home. it's so easy to slip back into old ways though. in every aspect.

oh a few more amusing things: one of the spore-stanford exchange students who went to church today thought i was sean's sister cos "i look so young". rofl. i don't think sean was very flattered. but i told him he's almost my bro's age anyway. haha. even though that wasn't the point.
last night my mom called and my bro talked to me for a bit. told me "papa has two new pets, he's busy playing with them now".
me, mystified, "what pets?"
bro "two crabs"
clar is rather amused. normally my dad likes buying electronic gadgets of sorts so i thought it was some other new toy but i suppose that couldn't be a pet. though for a moment my mind conjured up an image of tortoises or something, i dunno why.
me "how's he playing with them?"
bro/mom in the background "he puts some water (in the bucket) and prods them so they move"
rofl. and they're gonna eat them tonight.
reminds me of my dormmate telling me how my roomie held a hello panda, exclaimed "so cute!" and happily popped it into her mouth.

just back from church (and lunch at korean house) today. haha we arrived at the 6th song, sadly. woke up at 7:30 originally but i decided a couple more minutes in my nice warm bed would be good, but it ended up half an hour. and coincidentally enough sean just woke up too. oh well. so much for our resolve to get there for the first song. haha.

friday was a really nice day. i actually decided to carry out my intention of exercising (well, sort of anyway) and go visit the athletic center(s). the buildings look really nice. maybe i'll go climb the rockwall next week heh. and i visited the barn! cos it was such a nice sunny day. it's pretty far away.. past frosoco and the tennis courts. but it's really pretty. and i haven't seen horses in so long. saw jane there but unfortunately she'd finished riding for the day. oh well. another time!

saturday. i don't think i got that much work done. was trying to nap but wasn't particularly successful hmm. anyway, jackie insisted that i go over to her place and cook roti prata (surprise surprise) and rice and lap cheong (not that i like this very much but well). before that we went to get cheesecake (yum!!!) and were trying to find eggs so she could have her omelette and me my half-boiled egg but they only sold it in dozens so too bad. no way am i going to cook multiple times over the next week. ahaha. our cooking adventure was really interesting/fun though. the crazy light in the kitchennette kept going off so while we were frying the prata it'd suddenly get dark and we had to jump around to get the light to switch on again.. but the prata was really good. only thing: no sugar/curry (sigh).

rice also turned out pretty well, considering that i haven't steamed rice in more than like 4 years since our last home econs class in rg. ahaha. nor have i hung out in the kitchen to watch my mom cook (actually come to think of it she doesn't cook very often anyway).

bon bon ball was interesting. very crowded though. and i wish we learnt more dances/steps. but well, it's only been four weeks, guess it won't do to be too demanding. i want to learn so many things i'll despair of ever graduating if i take all the classes here. heh. all the languages and the instruments and the dances. okay i just realized they're all artsy.

man i think daryl's right. i may have to skip dinner. ah but i know i won't.. i shall just have to make sure i eat less. these buffet things.. i must develop more self control. of course, it doesn't help that i have an open pack of m&m's on my table and i keep popping some into my mouth.

i'm in such a weird mood tonight. wonder why. i think i got affected by my roomie or sth. hmm. well anyway like i was telling dayoung just now, i like my french conversation course cos it allows me to learn stuff without being tested on it. i mean, i like finding out stuff (about France and in general) and reading on my own but i think i wouldn't like it as much if i had to mug it and do exams. maybe i just need to read on my own but no discipline there haha.

yay i just called adeline on an impulse. the lag was kinda bad but it was fun:) okay i'm sure i had more to say but i forgot so it shall have to wait until i remember.

oh i remembered. i often feel very battered by the end of the day. actually, more like by somewhere btwn dinner time and bedtime. must sleep to recharge and get up feeling optimistic/better. kinda queer hmm.

i had such an eventful weekend. heh. hardly got any work done. yay for me huh.. luckily this week i don't have anything due so YAY!! haha. though i have to start preparing for hell week (for me anyway) aka week of 13 to 17 feb. i hope my pwr paper is really decent sigh.. i tried.

okay i was just starting to type abt friday and i realized i described that already. but suddenly i don't feel like blogging anymore so i guess i shall stop. haha. oh wait i just remembered wat it was that i had to say. change of mind again.

saturday was cny dinner at hotpot city with sporeans.. milpitas rocks! haha. not that i like steamboat very much. but that place has a lot of gd food. and also ranch 99, our favourite supermarket:) ladida. so the grad students went there too.. was cool.. saw sean and kevin again.. they're always so funny. and met dayoung's friend emily! actually i thought she was a grad student or sth haha. oops. but she's pretty.. and quite tall.. and on the ballroom dance team! funky.. and very sociable.

so anyway. wesley drove us back and somewhere on the way decided to stop for krispy kreme (yeahhh:) and treated us! ahaha. ok i'm jumping ahead. so while we were on the way back.. we finally realized why wesley has a reputation for reckless driving -ahem-. it was raining and the turning off rengstroff ave was pretty sharp and he was driving at full speed la.. so of cos we went off the road. but luckily didn't get into accident. it was definitely scary enough though.

the conversations that ensued were very interesting. different group dynamics i guess. and two upperclassmen i've hardly talked to. so that was really interesting. wesley and jon phua and jon aow and chuan sheng. they were talking about financial markets/singapore/how gep is rigged with a control group/cs/army/many many things. and when we went to visit jon at his row house after that there was this discussion abt how pple at stanford are good at everyth and excellent in something. i've yet to discover what i'm excellent in, hmm. i should really go ask the admission office why they admitted me. but anyway, tales of expert hackers/swimmers/dunno who else.

and they're pretty competitive i think. talking about gpas/courses/... and the way they were talking about it.. woah. nothing but excellence/high standards. i think i slacked off quite a bit this quarter, i bet this is sean's fault/influence. rofl. that's right, clar, blame it on other pple. ah i'll figure it out.

okay oh.. having gotten less than 5 hours of sleep on sat night, i decided to take a nap just now. so i woke up, saw it was 4pm, and was thinking i must've slept really deeply to be not woken up by my alarm/sean's call. i was under the impression i'd slept from 2.45am to 4pm and hadn't gone to church, even though i'd been to church AND lunch AND grocery(snack) shopping and came back. then i realized otherwise. really interesting man.. i must've been reorganizing my mind or something while asleep.

started typing this last night but was too lazy to finish writing:

just got back from going with the grad students/seniors to wish ailin happy birthday. they're such a hilarious bunch.. guess it's cos of all the shared experiences.. and they're really nice people too. i always laugh a lot when with them. or maybe it's just sean and joel cos they're so ridiculous. hmm. sunday lunches. heh. i wonder where we're going tmr. the whole group has such a nice chemistry. my impression anyway.

so yesterday.. bulk of it was spent revising my pwr paper. i think it was really quite bad in the end actually. sigh. maybe i should have foregone more sleep. somehow i feel like this quarter i'm becoming more slack. which is like, woah, even worse. must be the influence of =some= pple.. this is not gd. i mean, come on, i wrote the last page of my paper in like five minutes.. really terrible. cos it was already after 5pm. blah. hopefully i can pull it up with the rest of the stuff, augh.

dinner w roomie and dormmates at lag. they had malaysian food. hmm. i don't really think it was that authentic but it was alright.. and went with them to black auction (where pple go up and put on a show/act and let pple bid to date them. something like that anyway.. proceeds go to some charity or other). that was certainly interesting.

then i was thinking of taking marguerite to wilbur to see joel displaying his legendary skill at table tennis. unfortunately, no bus in sight for like 10 mins so i decided to walk. which ended up a gd idea:D although i didn't know it at that time. so i watched them for a bit then went to visit dayoung across the road. she was really hospitable, offering me their guest chair and biscuits (yum!) and orange juice. and then joel called to say they were going to wish ailin happy bday so okay! let's go!

it was so funny cos the surprise was ruined inadvertently. kevin wanted to go to the toilet and it -just- so happened that ailin went at the same time (sigh) and saw all of us. really hilarious.. she was telling us she saw kevin and a bunch of pple and was thinking "don't i know those people?" rofl.

lisa was saying how unsubtle we were in arriving at ailin's lab.. all the cars zoom in with headlights and park next to each other.. i can't remember if it was sean/joel/kevin who said that it's like those gangster scenes with the cars.. rofl. and that when they drove to escondido turnaround to fetch pple they also all pulled in like -zoom-.. it's just the image.. i was so bewildered as to what was happening cos i didn't know who was driving and joel was like "just get into any car!" so i went w kevin. and after that wenzheng fetched me n ruixiong back.

on a side note, after ihum section one day i realised i have an interesting way of needing to classify pple under two categories (whether i like them or not) and then deciding my attitude towards them. hmm. it's not exactly a very gd idea cos first impressions aren't always all that accurate. and even then. well. okay time to listen to mr brown (zhng my car!) and do econ haha.

i can't figure out why i'm so restless today.. i haven't felt like doing work the entire day, and it's not like i got that much stuff done. and i kept procrastinating and wanting to watch my show (which is finally downloaded but the subtitles don't work! bah). anyway boah and dayoung came for church today, which was cool. but we were very very late. -shakes head-

yeah, i was (am) definitely in a really weird mood today. can't seem to get anything much done. except pwr peer reviews (yeah..) which are done yay! i was just telling my roommate i think i prefer pwr to ihum papers. i guess they're both analysis but of a different sort. i have a LOT of trouble coming up with thesis statements for ihum somehow. or maybe that's cos i'm not sure what a pwr paper is really supposed to be like, having only done a draft. anyway so as usual i have no thesis statement for a pwr paper which is due on tuesday at 10. sigh.

i really have no idea if i can find something good to do during summer. i hate all these thinking-about-jobs/careers things. i've had the wildest imaginations sometimes, which definitely aren't going to be practical. but that isn't going to help. and i also have to think about how i'm going to earn back S$300k. sometimes i still can't believe i'm a uni student. and that i'm older than most of the other freshmen and even some of the sophomores. but who am i to talk anyway, what about the finished-ns guys. oh well.

i'm really glad my mondays aren't so sucky as in fall quarter. i think fall quarter i had ihum on mon wed so that was really bad haha. hum. anyway, so sometimes i still can't believe i'm here and this is college. very weird. i'm sure there's a word to describe this in psychological terms or something but watever.

oh i went out with the pple on my floor for dinner on friday! yay. that was cool. although the group was so huge.. hmm. and i was in this car with two couples, which was kinda weird. and saturday it was so miserable cos it was drizzly and COLD. okay, people like chris who laughed at jane for wearing a scarf are going to laugh at me too, but -boo- i wasn't attired properly okay. today was a beautiful day though:)

oh. i remembered something from winter break. lyd said i used to laugh more. and i think the same goes for her. but then i also remember reading this article which says that pple always look back on the past and say things used to be better then. i think it's true that everything on retrospect has a much rosier glow than when you're in the situation.

anyway. i think i might actually like pwr better than ihum. or maybe i'm already predisposed to hating ihum. esp writing papers. they are the bane of my life cos i can never think of a satisfactory thesis statement. i seem to have a complex about ihum. i hate the prof's constant use of literary words which are incomprehensible. but at least i'm not the only one who finds him fast.

i have very violent tendencies when awakened by my roommate's alarm, i find. last week she was really good at getting up. these few days... i really felt like killing her. i can't remember which day was the worst but today her alarm was set for 6.30 and she didn't want to get up. at least it didn't ring like 8 times or something, but i was in constant fear that it was going to be.

so. i shall take a nap. i sometimes regret doing social dance, 8.45am class is really unearthly even though it's fun (to an extent, depending on the partner and my clarity of mind). i think God didn't let me get my 9am pwr class for a reason. i probably would have killed myself by now if i had to wake up at 8 everyday.

oh! and chris and her cornell friends (yingyi huangyu zhi ern and i'm not sure how to spell the last guy's name) came down yesterday! i'm glad the weather was quite alright haha. although it rained at night. i also don't think i was a very good guide, oops. oh well. and it was so funny when chris decidedly told me that cornell squirrels were fatter. cos it's too cold. anyway, they're a nice bunch and i got to see chris;) sigh i don't want to grow up.

i fully intended to blog before the end of last week. oh well. circumstances weren't favourable. and i forgot what i was going to talk about. so well. oh one thing interested about mid-year convocation for freshmen: they got people (juniors and seniors) to talk about what they went through in freshman year. and then it was all about flunking tests really badly and stuff, and not spending enough time studying. it's so ironic cos if we were to have the same type of thing in singapore, it would be more like "don't spend all your time studying, go and do other stuff" or something like that. or maybe it's just cos this is uni and ccas are really up-to-you.

back from ski trip this morning! the journeying was awful; i could have taken a flight to korea in the time that we took to get to tahoe on saturday. but i'm so thankful that i didn't choose to buy half day ski ticket on saturday cos we got there at like 9pm. and the conditions were terrible, according to those who went. and sunday was so beautiful. i'm also very glad i got to hang out with those paloma pple.. pretty cool. and i wouldn't have thought about going down the mountain run (which is like intermediate) if i hadn't gone with them. actually i think it was ken's idea. anyway, it was crazily steep at some points (and my toe-turn still isn't very good but well) but i think i managed pretty well on the whole!:) esp since it's just my second time snowboarding (the last time was in 01). interesting how i seem to balance better when i stuff my hands into my pocket. maybe that restricts my hands from flailing around or something. but well, keeps me warm too so i'm not complaining.

was also kind of amazing how people go skiing/snowboarding without appropriate pants/gloves.. i'd be scared to do stuff like that cos i'll freeze but i guess i've had the fortune to ski before so i kinda know. oh well. and i'm also so thankful for my bro's ski goggles.. the sun was so bright. am aching rather a bit now though. but it was so fun:) nice to see snow again too.. i'm glad it snowed on the way there and not while we were snowboarding:)

so i think i've finally settled my classes, hope the french class won't be too hard. heh.

flying on sunday after all! yay.. God really provides. it was really rather amazing, cos yesterday I gave up hope and emailed yin nah to ask her to fetch me on saturday, and then this morning my uncle said there was space for me yippee~ also rather amazing the way I got my flights in progression. first it was sq on 6th jan 5pm, then 7th jan 9am, then 7th jan 5pm, then finally the flight i wanted. kinda weird cos when we were leaving for the first time i didn't want to leave on sunday, preferred saturday. and now it's the other way round. ah well.

i must also figure out how to get rid of the dvd i have so boah can get me the limited edition from korea. haha. darn. she's really sweet about it though. this is why US return policy is good, normally it's like 45 days with receipt. and kino is 7 day exchange policy. sad case.

it's been a mad rush! okay not really, but packed enough. tuesday met junming for lunch.. catching up was good.. and met yingling and anna in wisma! pleasant surprise no. 1:) after that i was walking along shaw underpass and met chris and estelle and engsiang! pleasant surprise no. 2:) it's rather hard to bump into people at stanford, and even if i do they're not necessarily people i know well, so i guess it's doubly pleasant now heh.

was supposed to cut hair on wed but shop was closed, so bummed around at home. oh.. made konnyaku jelly and my favourite fried dumplings! munch munch munch. yesterday went to novena sq to eat with christine and rachel. i have no idea why when i come back people like asking me if i'm attached. well it happened at least thrice so i figure that's substantial enough. haha.

anyway it was fun, and also interesting to retrace the familiar walk to the learning lab. really nothing changes. christine was so cute about the card, made the little snowmen stand up and was telling me excitedly "they're double-sided!" and she drew them herself. which is even more amazing cos they're really kinda small (and hard to draw & cut, i conclude)

went shopping and had some problems carrying her present around until i bought stuff at john little's.. the sale is quite crazy. but it's nice to get good bargains. and as usual i was inflicted with indecision and had to come back later to buy track pants/bedsheet. which wasn't such a good idea, cos by the time i went back it was peak hour so all the working people were buying stuff. ah well.

oh yes it's so annoying to walk about orchard and have people approach you and ask you to 1. donate 2. buy things 3. fill up surveys about something or other. why can't they leave us alone.. ugh.

i finally cut my hair today. my head suddenly feels very light. but again i go through this practically every year, or every two years. heh. and he decided to spray some colour so now i have golden-brown-ish hair! hmmm. oh well. it'll wash off tonight anyway.

how can you miss something that's right in front of you?
ahh. i have five days left here and i don't want to go back again. i'm like missing home in advance. it's so nice to have accessibility to town and different parts of spore. and to have good food. although truth be told i think america's desserts are better, today's andersen's ice cream somehow wasn't as nice as like.. coldstone's. haha. but of cos coldstone's is one of the best so that probably isn't a very fair comparison.

i have no idea how i managed to go out of the house without a wallet today, but thankfully i had $10 in my bag. sad case man. anyway. yes. it is when time runs out that one starts panicking. my french is still half baked! (here i remember my dormmate ed's wise words, although in the different context of me trying to finish my ihum paper,: in a couple of hours it'll be fully baked!)

and i still need to meet pple, and to shop and buy stuff - the shopping part is easy, the buying isn't. suddenly there isn't enough time again. sigh.

so, back to missing home in advance. i can already see myself back in my dorm and getting bored. and missing pple and all. ahhhh. human psychology; reverse psychology. actually i'm not even sure if that's the right word. wanting things you can't have? okay it's time for bed.

after blog surfing i decided it's time for reflections on 2005. time really flies.. partly realise it when i have to move to different classes in church heh. teenagers class was from sec 1 to 4, then young adults class jc 1 - last year, and now we decided to crash the foundation class, which is really for young christians but nvm.

anyway it doesn't feel like a year since we finished A's. i mean i suppose if i did go think about what i've done since then, it has been a year. but other than that, nah. and it's also weird starting school in late sept. heh. it always seemed so right that with the start of a new year, a new school year starts too.

so.. after the mad rush of uni apps and holidaying in sydney, came back to a job! thanks to my aunt.. first taste of how boring working life is, how i felt so cooped up in an office 9 - 5. 9 - 6 to be accurate. so that was january. i actually became rather attached to the place, i can't imagine why, given that the work was so boring, but well. i guess i kinda got to know some of them better nearer the end.

february was chinese new year and slacking around at home, waking up late. CNY, wondering if next year i'd get to miss it. i don't like CNY cos we're not very close to my dad's relatives so it's kind of a chore meeting them. actually it isn't that bad, i did talk to my girl cousins a couple of times. but i still don't like it anyway.

march was results. heh. what a way to open the month. but it was nice to see everyone again. and results were alright, thanks be to God! and relief teaching at RJ.. man.. i'll never forget denise's class. they left me really speechless. not that i normally have a lot to say to begin with, but that was definitely an experience. and the zoo. haha. also definitely another experience.

april was US uni results. another way to open the month. i know i was in a very very bad mood on friday (1st apr) cos i wasn't getting into places i wanted to go. and it didn't help that i was stuck at work at ubi the entire day. but i woke up on saturday to ser's sms and switched on my computer and opened my mailbox to an email i couldn't believe. i really thank God for his blessings. and am thankful that I still could go without a scholarship, even though this is definitely not a very ideal state of affairs.
and there was choir concert, which was cool. and started teaching at NJ. there's another new experience, teaching GP was never something I envisioned myself doing.

may. mid-may, ended my teaching (YEAH..) and flew off to Boston for brother's graduation. i found myself wondering how he could uproot himself from 4 years' worth of living there. but i guess there wasn't really a choice. and also wondering why most of his friends were asian. but now i know.

june. came back in 2nd week of june, left a couple of days later for church camp. that was fun.. i'm so glad i got to know church pple better.. it's amazing (in a bad way) how i got through so many years without talking to them very much. unfortunately i'm very capable of doing such things. hmm. nvm. at least that's addressed.

july. started with learning lab. one of the most interesting things i've ever come across.. and working with younger people was nice for a change. okay well relief teaching would sort of come under that category, but it's kind of different somehow. anyway i was kind of bored until i started annoying rachel, i can't remember when i started that actually but well.

august. also spent in learning lab. besides annoying rachel, there was christine too. although i can't remember when i started that either. and then people started leaving one by one.. i think i was really excited when i saw them online and asked them about how life was. but when it was my turn and i had to tell other pple about how my life was, it wasn't so fun. haha.

september. end of job and crazy times.. shopping consecutive days, meeting pple, ... and that eventful day before i left, spent in sentosa and dinner w my grandpa. so tired i hardly wanted to pack. and the night before i left, when i was near hysterical cos i was so afraid of what i was getting myself into and i had to come online and whine at ser, who did a pretty gd job of counseling me i think;) and then stanford.. a whole new experience.

october. second week of classes, still slacking around, thinking i was very free, and then that first ihum paper which i wrote in two days. i don't think i've ever felt so desperate in my life. well subsequent papers did bring on the same feeling, albeit less intense, but that was still the first time. which was the worst. oh and of cos, birthday! haha. day was rather uneventful but dinner was fun!

november. big game and thanksgiving week. i never want to watch another football game. heh. thanksgiving week = catching up on sleep, getting a bike (finally! the way i can survive without things there is amazing) corteo!!! ahh. and gilroy.

december. end of quarter, where has time gone? dead week with primal scream every night, finals, and time to come home! yay. i like being home. but all the same, it's time to go back and conquer the world. okay i have no idea why i put that last bit in, it just sounded nice. sometimes i wonder how to refer to stanford. "stanford"? "california"? "back there"? heh. more like second home or something. i wonder.

it's been a really interesting year though. hope this year'll be better!

it's been another week! ahh. i still haven't gotten round to doing much math or preparing for french much. this is very bad.

today was 413 (plus jane) lunch. we're missing so many people! i wish peiying n jiahui were back. and chim. and ting. and lijia. and horrible lyd who pang seh-ed us. okay i'm sure there're somemore pple i missed out.. not thinking all that clearly, it's past my bedtime:p but anyhow it was still good.. we got a round table! round tables are my favourite:)

i think there must be something rather wrong with me, i always feel like i'm waiting around for people to shop cos nothing in the shops interest me very much (even though i am in quite dire need of clothes). maybe i'm just too picky huh. i have also discovered that pam likes very happy-coloured clothes. and she is very loathe to spend money on clothes. haha.

pam's sister had very good timing too. so i wasn't left alone waiting for yingheng to come. food republic is quite cool.. but i guess all these high-traffic area food court places are more expensive than normal. anyway. the balcony is quite a cool place! besides the smoking and watever. and yay i got to eat my oreo cheesecake at tcc! lalala. i think tcc is a nice place. the only problem being that it closed at 10.45, but i guess at least that's a reminder not to miss the last bus/train. oh and we saw zhuanghui and someone else there. hmm.

anyhow i had a good day, surprisingly my feet didn't hurt that much:) now, to persuade myself to do what i came back to do, amidst all the activities coming up, half of which do not have a confirmed date yet. ahh i can't believe i only have a week left. i don't want to go back to horrible dorm food. and the feeling of being cooped up. which reminds me i haven't really confirmed my courses. and my pwr!! how?? wat if i don't get my satire:(

nvm, first weekend is ski trip, i shall be happy:) albeit probably rather broke. ooh ser paid me today, i am rich(er). i'm proudly announcing to everyone about how i arrived home with 55cents (US) in my wallet and a debt of $2:)

it's been a week since i've been back! man, two more weeks and i've to go back and study. groan. i'm too slack here for my own good. but i thank god that my results for this term were alright. hopefully next quarter i can manage my time better.

anyway, so on monday i met fiona (who was half an hour late grr) who also claims she's in the bottom half of medicine. heh i'm sure i don't envy her having to remember all the bone names and wat not. though she'll probably have a more meaningful career hmm. i need to figure out my life.

tuesday met darryl n kaiping. my five year old buddy will never grow up. or maybe NS will make a difference. but well it's always good to keep the kid side of you. if not you forget how to imagine, how to laugh, how to be silly. perhaps love was the first chinese musical i've seen. and i didn't really like it that much. i somehow don't think chinese songs are suited to musicals. or i might just be biased. besides that the story was kinda complicated, and not very developed plot. i think i can be very critical when i don't like little things. very much prefer my innocent steps show.

wednesday met rachel. woah, she can really shop. awfully picky about what shirt to get for her bf. so cute, must get the perfect present. but i guess i can empathise with that since i'm so picky too, just not about buying bfs presents. haha. ooh and we had sashimi. yumyumyum.

thursday met pam! she hugged me so hard i had problems breathing. she went bungee jumping in NZ! so cool! and she was so enamoured with NZ scenery her phone was full of pics of trees and flowers and such. oh, she was also squealing over her baby niece (or someone) while i remained relatively unaffected. but again pam has always been so mommy-ish, even to me.
and we watched narnia! that was good. although lucy didn't even seem the least bit startled when she backed out of the wardrobe into narnia for the first time. i think i didn't picture anything in my head when i read the book cos for once when i saw a screen adaptation of a book i wasn't thinking "i didn't imagine it that way". or maybe i've just learnt to accept a movie for wat it is.

so today was the first day in days that i stayed home. not that i accomplished very much. and i should really get down to writing york's appeal letter but i'm feeling so lazy. i should also be revising french for the placement test but... i miss my playlist. maybe i should've brought my mac mini back heh.

ohh! on wednesday i bought my dvd and was very happy (although not so happy when i watched it and realised they didn't have the deleted scenes, sigh:( director's cut!! which costs like $60 including shipping! argh and i don't even know if it'll have eng subtitles for extra features, sigh somemore)

anyway my dad decided that it was a good show too, so the nxt day (thurs) he called me during lunch to ask if i wanted "april snow. it's a korean show! original dvd only $20!" and i'm like yeah, i saw it in the shops, but i have no idea wat it's about. it's funny cos 1. my dad suddenly became so enthusiastic about korean shows 2. he usually doesn't buy original dvds

now i can understand why candice was infatuated w korean dramas, namely autumn in my heart & winter sonata. i think korean shows in general are addictive. esp cos they know to put good looking young pple on screen. man, i sound so shallow. but like chim says (but in an entirely different context), works of art eh?

so now my dad is busy watching some korean vcd series he bought on thurs. this is so funny. like how pam was telling me about her parents getting hooked on some 70-episode korean drama and feeling so out of sorts after they finished watching the entire series. haha.

oh! i have also finally finished class quotes. very amazing achievement, all thanks to my extreme boredom during the weekend. unfortunately i think if i send it to the teachers everyone is going to kill me (with the possible exception of serene)

either there's still something wrong with my sleep cycle or i slept too much on the friday i came back. woke up at 7 yesterday, 6.30 today (also partly thanks to ser's 5 smses, leaving me wondering why someone was sending me so many msgs at such a weird time).

church was certainly interesting, the first two adults I saw didn't even realise I was back even though I greeted them, until my mom told them. I don't know what it is about Campbell COC singing.. maybe cos ken the songleader is good. -shrugs- bible class was actually better than expected heh, cos I seem to remember most bible classes being not particularly useful, but it was otherwise.

it's a weird feeling. it's so easy to get used to being back, i don't seem to have a real craving for any type of food, i'm just like, okay, we can eat something else today, and slip back into the old routine. maybe that's thanks to sean & co. who save us from lousy dorm food once a week.

well anyway gonna meet fiona later yay! that should be fun. hopefully I can find the stuff I wanna buy.. oh and it's so nice to not have to convert and think, man, this is so expensive. haha.

oh and suddenly it feel so slow driving on expressways here. 80km/h vs 80miles/h. oh!! yesterday when we were going for lunch, there was this pathetic poseur in a sports car trying to show off his speed and zoom around, but kept getting stopped at traffic lights. haha. sports cars are useless here la.. where're you going to speed to? my dad was saying mahathir said if you drive for too long (or sth like that) you'll end up in the sea. haha. rather true.

my dormmate is getting kicked out cos 1. he saw someone setting stuff on fire and didn't stop him, 2. staff don't think he's a gd member of the dorm. that's kind of harsh though.. hm. and the guy who set the stuff on fire (a junior i think) is getting kicked out too. hmm. it's amazing the things which happen..

on another note I was so bored (and lazy, didn't feel like preparing for french placement) that I decided to finally finish compiling class quotes (i'm still not done, but there's definitely progress made) and I kept laughing so much. I realised I hadn't had so many laughs in a while. besides the dinner/lunch with the council (of the wise) the weekend before finals. anyway actually lack of laughter happens quite often, but i think it's only with good friends that i really laugh. cos we're so comfortable with each other we can say the most ridiculous things and it doesn't matter.

i'm home! ahh. i got out of the airport and was like.. wahh.. hot. haha. it's nice to be home though, although i miss my mac and my screen rofl. but i'm glad i no longer have to jump into bed. and i can wear shorts without freezing! but i need the fan instead if not i think i'll melt. ahaha.

didn't sleep much on the flight back cos there wasn't any need to. (vs going to stanford, international orientation started almost immediately) so i spent most of today sleeping. touched down at 12.35am, got to the gate at around 12.50, got out around 1.10am and then went to report baggage damage. they're so much better than SFO SIA la.. there they just shoved a piece of paper at me telling me that they're not responsible for dents.. here they said they'll come pick up the luggage later to fix it.

oh and i watched this show about dance on the plane (innocent steps) and i'm so addicted to it now. and i found out that the actress acted in autumn in my heart! no wonder. she's quite cute though. the good thing is that the main actor n actress are good looking! haha. watching shows without eye candy is very sad. well of cos they have to be able to act too la. i am going to buy the dvd. hope it won't be too ex:| and apparently it came out in spore in aug! ahh. i should've watched it. oh well.

i got the german ihum, wasn't too sure if that's a good choice but in the end i decided i shall stick with it.. but i dunno about section. now i have a 5.15pm one which is not very good in a way. hmm.

alright time to go back to sleep.. haha i came home and pottered around until 3.30am then i got up at 7am and went back to sleep at 9.30am until 7pm or so. unless my watch was wrong, which is quite possible cos it keeps slowing down which is really weird.

yay! i finished econ. ladida. and i had a nice lunch:) i wonder how come the food's better today.. either 1. it's finals week or 2. the pple who're cooking today are better. workers are on strike today to demand better retirement benefits/other benefits today. apparently it's more for the hospital workers, but they're just showing solidarity so dining workers are on strike too. oh well. and then it was so funny, cos we were eating lunch and one of my dormmates was like, the pple today are so polite! we should keep these guys man. haha. oops. i was thinking the same thing when i saw the better food today. but of cos maybe it's just better cos it's finals week.

yesterday's lunch and friday's dinner were hilarious, but i'll recall the quotes another time. oh and last night i had such a terrible night.. apparently it's not just me cos my roommate felt the same way. i tried to sleep at 10.30 cos i wasn't thinking anymore (this happens oh so often) and then i kept having the feeling that i wasn't really asleep, but i refused to look at my watch cos i knew i'd panic if i saw the time and think "oh crap, its (watever time) already and i'm still not asleep". and then i woke up at 12, then 2.45, then i can't remember if there were any other times. and it was so hot, which was weird. normally i'm quite comfy under my comforter but last night it was HOT. oh well.

tomorrow i'll be a happy me! lalala

hmm, so now it seems that primal scream happens every night. last night i came back from the shower to see my phe (peer health educator) and a couple of guys leaning out on the balcony shrieking. haha. i didn't hear it on tues night though, maybe i was in the shower or something. i'm using up all my plasters, there must be something wrong with my hands cos they keep getting cut.

and it's so odd that suddenly fall quarter classes are all ending. like for jc and the last two years of sec sch, we had two years before we had to say goodbye. and i just realised there's no more ihum lect (yes!! ahaha) or section (yess!!! even though my section's rather amusing). and no more introsem (okay, i shall stop typing the same thing; basically all the classes are finishing up). i guess it's less sad, but no bond. although my introsem prof says we're going to have reunion nxt quarter haha.

ahh. i suddenly thought of gerald durrell. i need one of his books! bah. stupid math is driving me nuts. and i suddenly thought of how it's so weird to live two types of lives. one at home with family, one here in dorm with friends. anyway. i wish i had hello panda. but i'd just gobble it all up. and maybe it isn't such a bad thing having all finals on one day, then i can hurry up and go home! ahaha. and laugh at the rest. hopefully every quarter's this good, but i wouldn't count on it. (there are bad points too though, like having to cram everything this week).

i'm falling into exactly the trap i know i shouldn't be falling into. it's so true the way the other pple in my introsem say that they start analyzing things as being fixed/growth mindset heh. and they know wat's the wrong/right response and try to change it. but it doesn't always work.

and something i realised during bible study. it's kind of weird how i just seem to realise things during church/bible study. but anyway. it is the same thing. i can't blame it on the fact that our culture is different or whatever, it was just the same back at home. it's just that i momentarily forgot about what happened in rj/at church. or maybe it was just an easy excuse. the same feeling of having nothing to say, feeling awkward, ... and it of course doesn't help that my mom was asking me just now how, has my personality changed? and i'm like, haha, no. which reminded me of the whole point why my parents agreed to send me here in the first place even though it's costing them a hell lot of money. maybe i'm just being impatient or something, i don't know. sometimes i think it depends on my mood. but i always have the feeling that something isn't as it should be.
maybe that's why music is so good. immerse myself in it and forget (or try to) everything else. nothing else matters at that moment.

there're always two sides to a problem. when i'm unhappy, i see the bad side. when i'm neutral/happy, i see the better side. that just goes so much for religion too actually.

oh dr dement came to talk at westflo. he says that the ONLY cause of fatigue is sleep debt. i find that curious. okay, like dennis said, i guess it is intuitive, in a way. but on the other hand it doesn't seem possible that there can be only ONE cause. still very interesting though. and he says sleep is sleep, it doesn't matter when you take it! that just goes against everything i've ever heard. weird. i mean, he did say sleep should coordinate with circadian rhythms, which is probably a big part. right i don't even think i'm making sense anymore.

back to preparing for introsem presentation.

oh.. a few of my favourite things from www.demotivator.com. first seen on sean's computer! haha. this is one of the times when i wish i were using windows then i can d/l their free trial screensaver. but this was to cheer myself up while feeling blue just now. there're a few more i like, but can't be bothered to upload. one can't have too much of a good thing. haha.

hahaha there was so much noise outside and i was wondering what in the world was happening when I realised it was midnight and it's dead week. primal scream! rofl. darn. i think i should have shrieked somemore. i'm the one who has to spend the week studying cos all my finals/papers are on the first day. but anyway it was still hilarious:D sometimes i still can't believe i'm here.

let me quote from some website or other
"The Primal Scream takes place every quarter at Stanford during the week of intense studying that precedes final exams. On Sunday, at the stroke of midnight, hundreds of undergraduates all across campus lean out the windows of dorms and libraries to vent their anxieties in one enormous, collective yell."

anyway. i went for this musical called "into the woods"! it was really lucky cos my dormmate had extra tickets and were giving them away (!!) wow. and the theatre isn't even a huge one or anything.. I mean I guess the cast wasn't the original broadway one but still. they're pretty good. even though I feel guilty for not doing work:| and had to leave int'l dinner early.

and then saw the nutcracker on saturday.. at the war memorial opera house. man i didn't know it was going to be so posh..
http://sfwmpac.org/gallery/gallery.html#wmoh
forgot to bring my camera sigh. how was i supposed to know that there'll be anything worth taking!! ahh. and there was this pastry confection thing made by fairmont - a model of a huge house and a nutcracker doll and polar bears and various other animals.. all made out of chocolate/biscuit/sth! it was awesome.. okay not that it was really pretty or anything but it was definitely cool. I can't find a picture of it though:( darn. maybe i should ask the rest if they took a photo of it.

pity that the seats that we got as a dorm (okay, more like as a hall since it was the whole of westflo) were kinda pathetic.. very very near the top of the entire opera house, which is really far up. I guess one can't expect too much for paying $5 haha. it was still fun though.

can't believe the quarter's almost over.. a's seem so far behind but it still doesn't feel like december. pple were saying that they don't feel like it's dec cos there's no snow, but i think for me it's the idea of having started school in late sept that is just weird.

yay! we vacuumed our room today, it's so nice and clean:)

oh for the first time (i've been resisting this as long as possible) i wore three layers (instead of two). at least i didn't freeze in church. and also for the first time in the long time i had brunch at my dorm (and poor jon had to walk back to wilbur haha:p) cos sean was busy so we didn't go for lunch (which is also fine, since i'm still quite broke)

ooh my roommate just played mariah carey's "all i want for christmas is you".. it's so nice. anyway. one of my dormmates just knocked on the door and said, "i'm collecting donations for alcohol on friday". [friday there's this huge party at west-flo] and i just stared at him and was like "wat?" and he laughed at me n said that was the cutest look he'd ever seen. uh. okay. i certainly didn't know looks of stupefaction could be cute. but anyway i was quite puzzled as to why he was going around asking for donations when they're already using $500 out of dorm funds for the party!

i can't listen to christmas music now or i won't do my work! sigh. but i think christmas music is very happy and nice:) and christmas is my favourite time of the year! the whole atmosphere anyway. bells and cheer and pretty decorations and ... ahh. it reminds me of chorale xmas songs too though haha. have yourself a merry little xmas and oh.. i've just forgotten the name of that other song. ugh. when i remember i will put it in. it's so annoying!! i can see the score in my head, and the notes, but i just can't remember the lyrics.. gah.

and it reminds me of bellagio! and 'O'! ahh. and hearing "carol of the bells" at the famous fountains of bellagio which also reminded me of ri/rj xmas concert. i wish i could watch "O" again without having to pay more insane amts of money. i think it cost US$150 that time as it was. ugh. best seats though.

okay better get back to work. dunno why i'm suddenly feeling stressed. maybe cos all my finals are on the first day, meaning everything has to be done by then. ahh!

i'm awfully awfully awfully sleepy! waking up at 4.30am for shopping is no joke. thanksgiving sales galore! haha. i think the grad students went crazy at gilroy.. i'm happy with what i got! yay. even though i didn't buy that much stuff. was happily wearing my new jacket (okay, having to wear it in my room cos i'm cold is not happy, but having it at all is happy:) wahaha. and i'll have to wash the jeans before wearing. but well. yay!

i'm happy tonight cos i've sort of finished math hw (finally!) okay i only had a couple of questions but it's done. except for a few questions which i shall have to ask chuansheng haha. and pam emailed! yay! haha. i should really email more people so i can be happier more often.

anyway while waiting for the grad students to finish their shopping me n kiat were stoning at the cafe.. I don't know why I suddenly want to go home so much. I guess it's cos it's thanksgiving week and everyone else gets to go home and we can't. I mean it's good to stay around and have some peace and quiet but it's different. and I wonder what I'll think when I'm back home.. maybe I'll wish that I was back here. the grass is always greener on the other side eh. but no doubt it'll be interesting.

although, like i was telling kiat, i can foresee myself having to answer tons of "how's stanford?" and etc.. i think i should like prepare a speech and just press replay whenever the question comes up. but actually I don't even know what to say. I can't say things like "it's really great!" cos well, yeah it is great sometimes but other times it isn't great at all. and I hate saying things I don't mean. actually sometimes it's really contradictory. this is the -strive-for-balance-side of me coming out. i can even analyse myself now, this has got to be chuansheng's fault. he always does that.

so, i think it'll definitely be interesting. going home for a while with a new perspective. and also increased mobility and good FOOD!! ahh. and CHEAPER prices!! okay. clar is becoming very aware of money after realising she is very low on funds, which wasn't (and isn't) supposed to happen so soon.

but once i go home i think i won't want to come back cos it means i have to do work. but again if i do take my fun courses then it shouldn't be so bad, hopefully. i am unbelievably lazy. i don't want to study, don't want to work, ... and i won't want to leave my comfy room! (with no alarm clocks!) although actually i believe i've heard my mom's / bro's alarm clocks before. it's been a nice week with a temporary-single room, but i guess it'll be nice to have everyone back nxt week.

actually i'm so sleepy. but i decided i must wax lyrical for a while on the joys of cirque du soleil. watched corteo today! sorry jane for ditching you but well.. since i had a ride back and a ticket with sporeans.. heh. it really seems like providence that i decided to ask if any of the others wanted to watch cirque du soleil today and then daryl happened to remember that zhihui said they were going down this week and they happened to be going today! if that makes sense.

i was soo happy while watching the show. unfortunately it only lasted during the show. i guess when it ends, it ends. but anyway.. the first act reaffirmed the feeling i had when watching O.. that they have so many characters on stage/things going on that it's hard to decide where to look. i suppose one learns to ignore the periphery. i think they made wonderful use of the theme.. like turning beds into trampoline-ish things! okay maybe that isn't so original but it was still great anyhow:) and the performer on the aerial straps was one of the strongest i've ever seen.. awesome!

oh and there were two "horses"!! haha. i was also very happy when i saw them. like, i was meant to see this show. anyway this show was really quite different from the rest.. when i walked in and saw the screen with the rich opulent setting i was like wow.. i've never seen this before.. and the costumes were very different too. prettier, in my opinion:) the other cirque shows i've watched tend to have kinda more garish costumes (except O)

there was this fantastic flamenco-rhythmic gym act.. okay it wasn't really flamenco but they had red spanish-looking dresses so well. anyway they're fabulous! when i saw them i was thinking how lijia would've loved it.. and peiying too.. actually i was just thinking everyone should have come with me, they would have enjoyed it. oh and i realised cat 3 seats, if you get the front few rows, aren't so bad, but the problem is watching the performance from the side.. i don't know if it looks just as good as it should from a different angle. and as it was our seats were slightly blocked by the light-post.. so at the beginning i was kind of annoyed by it, but wat to do.

i can't remember if i said this before but i know why i like cirque du soleil! when they have more than one person doing the same routine/watever, they're always perfectly synchronised (okay it doesn't always happen all the time, but the large majority is gd enough) and that is just wonderful. i think i like perfection too much. enough to pay insane amounts of money for it. blah. i need to be rich.

and the juggling acts.. the pple dropped the stuff once but they tried again and did it perfectly.. i don't know if they staged it or it really happened, but i think we clapped all the more louder when they succeeded. reminds me of introsem heh. it means more when they didn't get it right the first time but managed to the second. maybe it shows that they're still human, contrary to what we may think:p

i just remembered. my two complaints: 1. not long enough (1.5hrs with 30min intermission) 2. soundtrack not out yet

alright i'm too sleepy to say anymore.. alcatraz was certainly interesting.. and i'm quite sure there were no woman prisoners, haha. and then when we heard christmas songs being played in mac's.. i'm like.. why're they playing that?? it just puts me in a holiday mood such that 1. i don't feel like doing work 2. i want to go home and slack. okay i guess they're about the same, but well. and then wandering into borders to browse around.. the feeling of actually being in town as compared to confined to palo alto/stanford.. that was really good. i think i complain too much. time to sleep.

i am now feeling very poor. i shall revise my outlook on life and become a miser. (well, starting from after tomorrow since i'm going to watch cirque du soleil yay!:)

anyway i visited woonteng's blog and found this horoscope-thing. think it's partially accurate. ser will agree with the high standards part eh? haha. oh speaking of which the new harry potter show.. i think i'm learning not to judge shows by their books but for what they are. even though while i was watching the show i kept remembering details that they left out. i'm just prone to nitpicking. the actors have really grown up.. kinda interesting.

horoscope from: http://www.alabe.com/freechart/

Rising Sign is in 20 Degrees Capricorn
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking and very serious as a youth, things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. Generally, you have a good, earthy sense of humor that can carry you through when times really do get tough. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible.

Sun is in 15 Degrees Libra.
Very sociable, you enjoy being with others and definitely prefer not be alone. Warm and affectionate, you go out of your way to make others like you. You despise ugliness, for you being surrounded by beauty and harmony is a necessity of life. You prefer fine clothing, an attractive home and pleasant surroundings wherever you are. Your refined tastes apply to music and to art as well. At times, you are very indecisive you waver and falter when forced to make a choice because you have the ability to see both sides of any question. The positive part of this is that you are very fair-minded and can be trusted to settle disputes. Your greatest challenge is to take any one- on-one encounter and make the most of it.

Moon is in 27 Degrees Sagittarius.
An idealist, you prefer the grand, the beautiful, the good and the noble. You get very disappointed when your high expectations in life are not met. Very curious by nature, you enjoy traveling and learning about other peoples and cultures. Try to avoid your tendency to ignore the small but important details of living. You are independent and free, and you want others to be that way, too. Optimistic, buoyant and cheerful, others like to have you around. You have an incessant desire to learn as much as possible about metaphysics, religion, philosophy and any other broad, deep subject. Your life tends to be punctuated by bursts of energy and frenetic activity.

Mercury is in 07 Degrees Scorpio.
You are a born investigator. You are fascinated by secrets and mysteries and unanswered questions of any kind. When you become upset or angry, your emotional reactions are overpowering -- reason and logic disappear in an uncontrollable passionate outburst. You tend to keep your thoughts secret and bottled up and this makes others regard you with suspicion. It is not that you are trying purposely to be evasive, it is just that you would rather not deal with the explosions and hassles that often occur when you reveal your true feelings and opinions. Your sense of humor tends toward sarcasm and irony.

Venus is in 19 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so -- you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you -- this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them.

Mars is in 00 Degrees Aquarius.
Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause!

Jupiter is in 14 Degrees Pisces.
You are at your best when you give of yourself and what you have -- try to avoid being a martyr about it, though. You're a true idealist, but you must learn not to be upset when life does not cooperate with the way you think things should be. Very concerned with spiritual truth and growth, when you practice what you preach, you make an excellent role model for others. You are so devoted to altruistic ventures and concerns that you tire easily at times. It then becomes necessary for you to go off by yourself to recharge your batteries.

Saturn is in 06 Degrees Sagittarius.
Basically quite conservative, you respect traditional authority figures and are very thankful and supportive of the laws and institutions which govern your life. You learn and accept new ideas only after having very thoroughly examined them. Ideals and abstract concepts are important to you only if they can be used in some practical fashion. You are so practical and so orderly that you have natural skills in planning, administrating and organizing.

Uranus is in 19 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and most of your peers, have the tendency to think that all ideas, customs and traditions from the past are outmoded and irrelevant. You are attracted to radically new ideas, philosophies and religions that will, hopefully, cause sweeping changes throughout the world.

Neptune is in 03 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 06 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 20 Degrees Aries.
You're at your most comfortable when involved in group activities outside of your immediate family circle. You delight in getting involved with others in neighborhood civic or political activities, especially if you can be a part of the leadership of the group. Your zeal and overabundant energy bring out your real creativity when you can work toward tangible results -- things that will immediately benefit those around you. You have a real gift for getting the most out of charity drives and community benefits. Take time out between projects though, because you tire out easily and your effectiveness becomes greatly diminished when your energy is depleted. Also, don't even think of trying to get involved at a peripheral level -- you need a total commitment to feel personally fulfilled. Let others bake the cookies and set up the chairs -- you should be the one to tell everyone what to do and when to do it!