hakuna matata

ah. forgot to say that yesterday after lunch, at around 2, i finished all my graphs and was left with nothing to do! haha. i was most amused. (okay today i found out i forgot to put in one country but well, that's besides the point). so i walked around 23rd floor asking pple if they needed help, and none of them did! wahaha. so i went down to 22nd floor. (where my cute french guy is! haha) and this lady decided to give me a handphone to input phone numbers into. it's actually more tiring than computer i think. cos u only use ur thumbs. (quote lydia "this was a rather long sms conversation. my thumbs are tired")

anyway so i finished (had to rush a bit cos had to reach rj before 5 to get my stuff frm general office, luckily got a lift frm parents). and reached rj at like 4.50 or 55 haha. the person in the office was like "u come at the eleventh hour". that is so true. sigh. i always do things super last minute. but it wud be a bit too slack to ask to leave at 3 rite.. even if i have nothing to do.

wanted to visit frens in staffroom but they went home already (and i din noe aud was training! bah.) so went to visit choir juniors. and saw the j1s! suddenly everything's a bit more alien. i guess it's always like that. luckily reggie was there haha. fellow j3. decided i cudn't wait 1.5h for them to finish. and i think it wud've been quite awkward too anyway. went j8, attempted to find ser's present. rather unsuccessful, but it's alright. i think there's just sth with me.. it's like i can shop forever and not buy anything, but one day i'll just see sth and *snaps fingers* that's it! of course that doesn't always happen all the time so i'll just settle for second best.

lemme see, today everyone came back! haha so bustling again. i guess it's more fun having more pple around. but can't slack so much either. and i ended with more graphs and excel stuff to finish:s price to pay. oh well. and more pple come so i can look around more haha. it's more interesting when more pple appear. then can evaluate their looks. haha. making life more fun for myself, it's inevitable when you don't wish to stare at the comp all the time.

and i also figured that work is more about the pple than wat u're doing. i think. cos i think i'll miss my colleagues quite a bit.. even though i don't talk to them much lar but well. they're nice pple. like e french guy! haha. he's so cheerful and greets everyone. yeah. i guess it's cos he actually bothers to say hi to me sometimes. and he looks quite pleasant. haha. there's this other french guy who sits straight in line of the pantry so everytime i go to get my tea i'll have to open the door and will make some noise and end up disturbing him in a way. and the vice pres, who actually somehow reminds me of a bear. must be the deep growly voice.

and the secretary's so cute, in the morning she came in carrying a pot and i was like huh? is that a plant? and she proudly informed me how it's been 2 years ago or sth and the plant's thriving! it was from a fundraising event. and then there was this other time when 2 of the managers were "squabbling" about cutting queues cos 1st they both wanted to talk to the secretary about something, then they (again) both wanted to talk to another manager about something, and one of them accused the other of cutting queue twice.

oh and then today they were talking about the pirated vcds or dvds they brought back frm penang.. so funny:p one of them was saying she was so scared cos they do random checks and a few pple in front of her got singled out.. and then someone else was saying she got ocean's twelve! all the cute guys in there! haha. sth like jiahui saying her seniors (at work) were talking about movies today and then before meetings they'll be like "i sit w u k?" and go round asking who wants to sit with them.

yup. so my conclusion is that work is more about the people. unless u end up with some very technical/research-orientated job or sth. and all the managers are forever on the phone or discussing stuff w other pple and the doors are mostly open, so i've picked up the habit of just listening to the tone instead of the content. rather interesting. but sometimes i make wrong assumptions abt them since i don't know them v well.

i think it's v nice to have teachers who're likeable. in general. i mean, imagine having to learn stuff from someone u didn't (or couldn't) like. how sad. i think that happened for quite a few of my piano teachers previously. i remember going thru like 10 potential teachers before i settled on one for grade 8. and that was partly only cos i liked the studio:p picky clar huh. yeah i know.

anyway, wow, tmr's friday again. time flies when your days are packed. good and bad lar.
oh! wait. today i went for this lunchtime concert thingy at vch.. they played such showy pieces.. like wow. i've never seen a violin played like that. but again i don't go for that many concerts so haha. but still. rather amazing! n met wuiming and krishna, pleasant surprise! i had to rush back to work though:s was already late as it was.

so, hope i have a great day tmr! haha i have a new outlook on work so don't have to sympathise w me so much anymore. i shall make life interesting for myself. but that's probably cos the worst of the graph-excel-stuff is over. which is good. i need different things to do. i wouldn't mind continuing for a while if they'd give me a variety of stuff to do.. it's quite nice to have a half-french envt haha. and i think the office is in a superb location. but maybe i've said all that already. oh well.

wahaha today is really slacker fest cos next to nobody's around on my side of the office plus i've kind of finished my stuff. i mean, i guess i could draw more graphs but i'm not sure she wants them. haha. i'll do them later. must leave some work lar.

and i just walked around my office. for the first time. luckily no one else much was around.. seems like the whole 23rd floor houses managers! k that sounds weird but nvm. i shall go down to 22nd floor and walk around later haha. this is fun.

and yay! if the papers are correct chow yun fat will be in the sequel for pirates.. 2 fav actors in there whee! ok i'm going a bit mad. time for lunchy lunch soon:D and i shall go buy my stuff frm bras basah too.

ooh. just watched the thomas crown affair. cool show. rather exciting! haha. the way he confused all the police at the end was quite amusing.

anyway. i took a super long lunch break today oops:s and then i left 10mins early haha:p oops. but if i rush everyth today i'll have nothing to do tmr! not that i mind lar but well. have to leave =some= stuff to do;D maybe i'll sew my handphone pouch rofl. then i'm sure to get work from the rest. but well, the luxury of having all the managers off at the seminar. haha:D

and they changed my laptop to a huge computer today! i mean a normal pc but it's huge compared to the laptop. ah well. the only problem is that it obstructs my view. and i think the whole world can see my screen even more clearly now. not that i care.

oh! there's this cute french guy in my company haha. not cute as in good-looking but boy-cute. he's always so happy and cheerful and polite. but i've no idea wat his name is. ah well.

okies i better go finish my forms and get more sleep. today i felt like sleeping at 3pm again. it must be inborn instinct. and i shall go design my pouch! whee~ making stuff is fun. haha. i think i must be a maniac. all the mood swings.

haha i think i must've complained too much on my blog. but thanks to everyone who sympathised with me abt hating my job lar haha. i feel loads better now! it must be the disney movie. i think disney movies have a feel good factor. k this sounds suspiciously like mr chan ty on our bio prelim paper but shuddup clar, no more things abt exams.

lala. k i have been asking pple to eat lunch/dinner w me. so i won't feel lonely anymore! k i sound super deprived. but anyway yeah miss pple loads.

this stupid lizard keeps coming out everyday and making me scream. it's as if it owns the house!grr. whack it. anyway, hopefully my good mood persists. or prolongs itself. whichever. lalala.

oh! i forgot to write about the eating-at-mrt station incident. actually there were 2 lar. once at eunos.. was waiting for aud ting pam to come and for jiahui to change.. and was eating dinner (bread) while looking at the map to figure out where the cc was so we'd noe how to walk there. then this attendant or watever u call him came up to me and said "no eating in the station" and told me to move to the entrance of the mrt (which was like maybe 3 metres away). super spastic. i'm sure i'm going to pluck off bits of bread and fling them around.

and then another day in the morning i was eating pineapple tarts in the car.. so i was still eating when i reached the bukit batok mrt.. so i stuffed the rest of the tart into my mouth and fished my wallet out and went in. and then unless i heard wrongly or sth, the guy told me to eat slowly. was rather amused:p

i think i've become a horrible person. hmm. or maybe over-perfectionistic. or over-critical. or over-demanding. yeah that sounds about right. anyway. i was thinking about this last night. or maybe this morning. dunno lar. suddenly remembered the quote (i have no idea where it's from) : eyes are the window to one's soul. really? i don't seem to agree. or maybe i'm just not discerning enough.

it's so weird. i feel like i haven't seen my friends in ages when i just met them on monday. hmm. and suddenly feel lonely. like nobody wants to talk to me. or i don't want to talk to pple. funny huh. maybe staying at home and sleeping 11hrs on both days does something to you.

i also think my lethargy has reached new levels. my determination seems to be at an all-time low! either that or work saps all my energy (convenient excuse huh). all i end up doing is lie on the bed and read and read and read. and i haven't finished half the books i read last year. aiyoh. wat a real pig.

oh! and my mom told me that my aunt and her colleagues say my hair's v untidy! they work 18 floors below me, and apparently can recognise me even though I only went to her office once. weird pple. oh wait there was this other time when they said i'm always smsing or sth. i'm really most bemused. the way people gossip is scandalous. i hope i don't do that. like gossip about pple i don't even know and criticise all sorts of things.

wonder what cny will be like this year. same old boring stuff. i wonder how my lil cousin's finding nygh haha. that'll be interesting at least. maybe she'll have some funny things to tell me:) somehow i think my family's quite isolated. or maybe that's just what i think.

and i dunno why i'm suddenly getting worried about results all over again. sigh. maybe it's the time to wallow in self misery so everyth that comes to mind is nothing happy.

oh yes and one night i had this super weird dream that i suddenly had another sister (slightly older than me) whom i knew next to nothing about, and was typing in her income data or sth into the computer. result of combination of work & listening to frens' stories abt rich pple.

mixed-up me. nevermind, maybe tmr'll be better if i don't have some other weird dream. haha. oh! i forgot if i sed this, i want to watch finding neverland! i hope it wins lots of awards haha. (and johnny depp of cos). raving johnny depp fan here. k lar i only like pirates and probably this show too but well. oh and racing stripes looks cute, but the voicing over seems quite.. dunno. doesn't really fit what I thought it would be like. from the clips i watched. nvm, having the horse-racing in is probably good enough haha.

warning: do not read if you don't want to hear me whine. a lot.

i'm busy wallowing in self pity now cos i hate my job. it's undescribably monotonous. and unbelievable mind-numbing (and finger-numbing too i might add). i have 5 more graphs to draw manually. and 2 more to do w the computer. i hate the sight of computers now. wails. and i couldn't find myself any nice and cheap food to eat!:( the curry puff wasn't nice. i must go find nicer curry puffs. i miss the rj muslim stall one:(

anyway, yes, and i am totally sick of excel files, and anything remotely to do with lubricants, whether automotive or industrial. and the HR manager seems to have this knack of walking out when I'm doing something not work-related. oops. heck, they had better pay me my 1000 bucks. or more, if i work more than a month. grr.

let me see what else i can complain about. and sick of doing formulas for summing stuff and taking weighted averages. and oh! yes. i'm quite convinced i got the carpal tunnel syndrome (okay lar today my right hand doesn't hurt so maybe i'm well already haha) thanks to their work. feel like sueing them. click click click click. growl.

and they don't even have nice things in the pantry. ah. my train of thought has derailed cos ser came online to save me haha. the only thing vaguely interesting i got to do was to do name tags haha. the cutting's actually quite fun:p k yeah i'm deprived, i noe. but really, when u're stuck with excel and graphs on powerpoint, you start to appreciate little things a lot more.

ah! yesterday i was v sad cos there was no bed and i wanted a nap. (sleeping at 2 doesn't really make u feel v awake in the afternoon) and then when i told my parents that last night they were so amused. but really! i was so tired and wanted to sleep and there was nowhere comfy:(

i think my brain cells are being depleted by this. more damages to claim. haha. if only.

k well back to stupid graphs. i keep forgetting wat i was going to say.

oh wait i just remembered sth. this office is so freaking cold it's like winter. if i stayed here any longer i'd become a snowman. or ice queen. crazy lar. dunno why they need the aircon to be so cold. i mean like fine, performances like cirque du soleil, the performers might sweat and that's quite dangerous so they need lower temps but here?? ....

quotes of the day from peiying. cos they're the only 2 i remembered

lyd talks about her pay, and how she spends it on clothes and all that.
peiying: nxt time when pple ask u where's your pay? answer = "i'm wearing it"

chris: oh.. u noe.. shining and her boyfren are in paris!
peiying: i don't know shining. but i know paris!

anyway, dinner was funny.. trust chris to dump the ice cream in knowing that the chocolate'd overflow.. shud've taken a photo of that haha. and also trust lydia to refuse anyth with the slightest trace of ice cream inside:p and lijia's peas on the table, and attempts to cover them using the paper/plate (oh no! the waitress cleared the plate!) and tissue. and the great overturning pizza. it was really good seeing everyone again:) smaller groups work better.

although i must admit i was in a terrible mood while i was walking there. everyone knew my phone wasn't working. yet at 7.15 i called chris, no answer. called joon. "we were waiting for u to call" "ur phone really can't call ah?" & before that "ok 7 at giordanos so u wun have any problems later". after i msged everyone and set the time and place and everything and at 7pm, nobody is to be seen. k i'm probably over-reacting as usual but anyway, at that moment i was quite annoyed. but, at least everyone else decided where to eat earlier if not we'd waste more time deciding. and i didn't say anyth at dinner cos i didn't want to spoil everyth. figured it's quite stupid to organise something and ruin it. plus it's hard to stay mad at such lovely pple haha. anyway, it's over. and not a big thing.. just that i wasn't in a gd mood to begin with so got rather grumpy.

oh yes, my phone! i wanted to lodge a complaint but apparently it's not really their fault either so i can't. darn. anyway, yes. finally, on saturday, after visiting samsung shop at centrepoint to check out why i can't enable wap, we found out i have to change my sim card. (here i'm already wondering wat kind of service singtel is giving but apparently a few pple had to change card too, so watever). so, went to the hello shop at westmall and the guy says, tuesday the new sim card will be activated.. around noon u can't use the old card to call out. so, fine, i'll just remember to bring the card on tues to change. but taadaa! today, at 12-sth, when i try to msg ser to ask her abt her bag, my phone doesn't work. -alarm bells go off-. well done, singtel. congratulations on your efficiency. but you have also succeeded in inconveniencing me for the rest of the day. i wouldn't have really cared if i were at home, just switch the card. but u wudn't expect me to carry the card around w me everywhere when they said tuesday!

anyway, on a happier note, i got my cd! wahaha:) haven't had time to listen yet though. and i finally settled two very long-belated bday presents:s now for the next 2 haha. i feel poor. where's my pay?? aah. time to sleep. so so tired.

ah.i should've followed my instincts on friday night and not gone. but again, it wasn't really instincts. i think? anyway pity we din get to kayak aft all cos fuzzy din call them earlier to ask or sth like tt.. and jiahui was still sick, and pam cancelled for dunno wat reason.

so ended up watching aviator. wasn't exactly my cup of tea (plus it was super long). n we shud've read the synopsis before going haha was a bit lost there. i did feel like watching a movie but nothing really appealed yest.

nvm, i've found nice movies to watch: finding neverland and racing stripes! haha it looks super cute.. saw it in australia:) i hope it's nice! lala. and actually i'm only watching finding neverland cos there's johnny depp haha. i sound like a groupie. and the show's supposed to be good anyway. and i shall get my cd tmr. once i can decide which cd and where to buy it from haha.

and i made konnyaku jelly today! a bit too sweet and a bit too soft.. nvm still got 2 more packets to experiment with haha. and drove today. illegally i mite add. but well i think i'm getting the hang of it. there's an awful lot of things to remember. why's it so tedious.. it goes for everything lar. except for maybe piano or sth, i dunno.

*yawns* i took a 2 hr nap and am still tired. i shud stop being so lazy:( nvm tmr's dinner should be gd:) yumyumyum .but i foresee feeling rather poorer aft that.

haha. 2nd day i have dinner at home. lala. i'm wondering if i shud go kayak tmr. mmm.

anyway. yeah let's complain about work a bit more. it's so stupid! haha. k i dunno why i suddenly became so anti-work.. but after i drew like 10 graphs manually i had enough. oh no! i drew 11! yes. got so angry and irritated. grumpy clar. but really.. temps do all the stupid things. like kahli told me today she had to "carry boxes. or key in millions of small data for them. i should sue them for eyesight damage". haha good old glad. anyway my sentiments exactly! bleah. as quoted frm her sms in the morning.

oh yes i had enough and i walked to bras basah to buy sth and took half an hour:D as it is i was in a bad enough mood. i wonder why. maybe it was cos i cudn't decide wat cd to buy haha (and still haven't decided even now heh). or it was bcos of lunch!

ah yes. lunch. they tried to cheat me lar! give promotion and then charge me the usual price.. i mean okay lar the usual price one is when u get green tea as well but how was i supposed to noe.. and then the guy making sushi kept bothering me when i was flipping thru the menu.. i was like i'll look at it myself already and he -still- asked "do u want udon? or rice? or .." i was super pissed off lar. partly because b4 he asked, the waitress already asked me the same qn and i sed i'll look at the menu. like hi, if i say something, maybe i actually mean it? man. anyway, apparently the waitress didn't write down the food number correctly so cashier made a mistake. ah yes and they were all looking very sulky. don't like to serve pple then go do sth else lar! ah i seem to complain a lot today. but it's friday lar, i've survived a full work week so can't blame me haha.

i was going to talk about something else.. oh! yes. i spend my mornings thinking about where i'm going to eat lunch and what i'm going to eat. mornings as in train ride plus some part of working time haha. it's actually quite fun lar. like i was telling candice, lunch = eat nice food of own choice + go nice place also of ur own choice + shop (in an attempt to justify myself because she accused me of "succumbing to serene's witchery"). and like ting sed, the highlight of the day haha. oh and today i walked into delifrance and bought myself a mushroom quiche. so yummy! they usually slice up the mushrooms so there're only bits left? but this one was like big juicy chunks.. mm.. and creamy haha. oops. but delicious!:D

ah yes and then my boss (e guy in charge of me), upon seeing my completed graphs, decided i had a bright future. because i can plot graphs? right. and then i spent the rest of the day (actually less than 2 hours cos i went for my short shopping trip wahaha) typing out pple's names. and cutting paper. haha actually cutting paper was fun lar just that it's quite dumb. i actually think working is just another way to torture oneself. for the money. but i think i've said that before so nvm..

alrite. so i'm going kayaking after all. let's hope i still can perform normal functions with my arms on sunday. nevermind, it's a sort of exercise anyway. and i hope i dun get those fibreglass thingies:s remember claire got some splinters during obs n it was terrible:

yeah k given that i'm probably going to have to wake up at 7 (wails! my only free day and i can't wake up late! i'm going to take leave on monday man..) to get to pasir ris. sigh.

right. 4th day of work and i'm finally home for dinner (just in time to catch last episode of double happiness. haha.)

anyway, i hope they don't think i spend too much time on the phone at work haha. like i called chris yesterday n talked for some time. and today was calling up to find out abt stuff. but that didn't take v long lar. just that i had to make quite a few calls:p oh well. let's hope they gimme a pay raise. everyone else seems to be earning more than i do! grr. oh quite funky they had three galettes des rois today. i found out the big boss is an englishman! weird. i always thought the french guy was the boss oops. cos he had his own secretary. if that's what she is.

and i think temps have v sad jobs. all the boring tedious stuff gets dumped at them. but i can't imagine without a temp, they hafta do it themselves?? augh. i must really find a job that i'll like. i wonder why pple have to torture themselves like that. haha. self-inflicted misery. but again that's probably my pessimistic view. since my aunt actually enjoys her job cos she likes organising stuff.

oh actually my office has quite a good location:) btwn city hall and bugis! yeah. very convenient to buy stuff haha. just that i dun think raffles city is particularly gd for buying stuff sometimes. anyhow.. yeah.. everything's beginning.. hope my lessons are fun! and coaches are good of cos:) tho i still haven't gotten round to scholarship apps:s somehow i dunno how i'm going to get myself a scholarship. and uni apps how? :s better not to think liao ergh.

i'm so tempted to shop somemore. bleah. oh yes going to work leaves u with rather little time to do much else. rush rush rush. today's work was terrible lar. mind-numbing. at least that's done. and now i have i/o to do.. which will be worse cos there're more categories.. pray for my sanity please. and those graphs! i can't believe u've to do it manually? i must make sure i think of sth better. grr. manual graph-plotting is quite a waste of time. but maybe it's faster than thinking of alternative methods. bah. n i dun understand they refuse to gimme a log scale. none of my numbers are negative or zero! :(

oh!! yeah went back to rj to visit choir yesterday.. haha we spent like 15mins trying to find lt4! and it's really pathetic.. nobody knew where lt4 was lar. not even j2 councillors. haha. quite funny actually. ah well. anyway, talk about nostalgia. first, i remembered the music. then, i remembered the times when we had drilling and i got so sick of it. but i guess to reach the standard u hafta drill huh. hmm. i don't think i can sing anymore! no more abs:( haha.
anyway, was good to see juniors again:) silly darryl n kp.. one could video them and send it to america's funniest videos and perhaps win.. and jinjie, trying to look tanned?? i realised i hadn't seen chernise in ages.. like open house i saw most of them i think..

alrite.. let's hope tmr is a better day.. and thurs i'll get to see pam finally.. long time since i talked to that girl. and oh dear i think i was spposed to msg lyd abt dinner! oops. and i wonder when joon will decide to have dinner. heh.

woah. wat a week. or rather, end-of-week. friday's work was better i guess, but i suspect he's giving me extra stuff to do cos i'm so fast. haha. self-praise. k nvm maybe he just thought of the extra stuff that he forgot previously. but anyway, my supervisor, or watever u call him, is actually quite nice i guess. found out he has a son my age! wah. talk about coincidence.

then budak concert.. quite funny lar. and like i predicted, we saw mingze. with -someone-. haha. oh before that, i was going to look for some gift shop near the mrt entrance in plaza sing, and met chris n tiff! so didn't hafta call them after all:) yeah and jan gushing about her guitarist. well he is the best looking one in the bunch (which actually isn't saying much, but nvm:p) i managed to catch the bus! haha. luckily i was wearing flatter heels (actually my mom's) so could run. and the nice bus-driver kindly waited for me:) and met pingying! another coincidence! so cool:)

saturday.. i think i slept 12 hrs out of sheer lethargy. haha. i wud've woken up earlier just that i decided i deserved more rest and went back to sleep for another hour:p

and now sunday. haha i think i spent like $260 shopping in the evening. wat a record.. but i need work clothes. plus i hardly go shopping. quite funny actually, just grab stuff off the racks and try, try, try. well at least i think i'm settled for the next few months. i don't think i've ever bought so much stuff at one go. not bad! i must congratulate myself. and now i'm super tired again haha. back to work tmr. oh i got a pair of really comfy shoes!:D yay

i can well understand why pple who work don't exercise. i mean, stuck in office mon - fri, 9 - 6. who wud feel like exercising in the wee hours of the morning/at night when the sun has set? i mean like sch usually ends earlier and there's actually a track around and all that. now i wish i'd treasured sch life more, i think working life is much worse. no sch holidays! augh. whole year stuck in the office lar. i was trying to think of work which didn't involve being stuck in front of a computer/in an aircon office the whole day and pays well but nothing much came to mind. maybe i need more brainstorming sessions haha.

well.. 1st day of work.. haha i think i shud try and not yawn so much. maybe cos i'm not v used to waking up at 8 and a 45min journey to work bleargh. and some of the oil stuff was really boring.. and finance stuff was really boring.. but i'm quite thankful he explained it to me lar. he's quite a nice guy actually.. or maybe he's just nice cos i'm going to be around for a month haha. k i shudn't be so mean but i've learnt (from experience, sadly, or maybe luckily?) that one should always suspect the worst sometimes.

and actually i dun think i shud be staring at the computer somemore when i was staring at it for the whole of the afternoon (besides running off at 2.30 to pay a surprise visit to my aunt working 18 floors below me and running off again at 3.40 to get myself ice cream/fresh air.. i really felt sick k! stale aircon. bah.) and i got an extra long lunch break today haha cos my computer wasn't set up. but really, u cudn't expect me to sit around and do nothing and wait for an hour + for lunch break rite.. i could be doing more productive stuff like shopping. rofl. i need to find ser her bday present. and i still owe darryl his. oh dear.

i just remembered something and got really annoyed. there's that saying about elephants have long memories huh.. i shud be more forgiving and less like an elephant. but it's not that i didn't forgive or anyth, it's just a fact wat. its just. the injustice of someone saying something when the opposite is true. very indignant. but nevermind. hopefully it never repeats because that's something that really irked me. which hasn't happened for quite long, thankfully.

anyway, besides that. i'm kinda glad it's going to be saturday soon, i can wake up late again!:D i dunno how my dad can sleep at 2+ and still wake up at 8 in the morning and continue the cycle the next day.

i'm so tempted to bring a discman (ok, not that i possess one) to work and listen while i compile datasheets. better than getting distracted by pple talking on the phone. and tempted to buy more cds. sembawang music centre is really quite cheap, i realised. at least i think so unless hmv has a huge sale now

ow. poor feet. and eyes. my contacts don't seem to agree with my eyes v well. or maybe cos an eyelash dropped in just now.

anyway. long day tmr! sigh. actually, for the next month. i don't know why i'm getting myself into this.. i guess i feel too poor for my own comfort haha. i guess it wasn't good to be late on the 1st meeting. but at least i called up to inform them earlier rite?? augh. k. my fault. anyway, the guy in charge of me looks so stone. and looked so disapproving/sulky when i sed i was frm both raffles schs. e.g. of scenario:

guy: so.. just to understand ur situation.. u're waiting for a level results rite.. where were u from?
me: rj
guy looks slightly sulky and continues: and.. before that?
me: rgs
guy looks even more sulky

okay lar maybe i may have miscontrued his facial expressions. but he didn't look v friendly to me aft hearing those two schools. and then later when i was requesting a higher pay. but seriously! i looked at the adds and heard frm pple and all n they mostly seem to get like 6 per hour at least? ah watever.. he looked even more displeased when i was asking about it haha. too bad. it really seems bit unfair wat.

and really, i can't believe they paid poly students only $400 for the same job.. that is like exploitation. or abuse of workers. or cruelty to workers. watever. almost wanted to tell the HR manager that but luckily i shut up in time. will not do to be impolite. but my mom said i shud've told them off. haha. but that's my mom so nvm..

owch there's really sth wrong w my nose, keeps running and i keep sneezing. phantom was not bad i guess but i think musical wud be better w live music.. now it sounds a tad tweaked by the computer.. voice editing or sth? i dunno. and i also thought they exploited the sensual part a bit but maybe that's just me too.

anyway i had better get to sleep soon. foresee a super tired clar for the next month. plus i've to figure out weird powerpt graphs and dunno wat else. working doesn't seem v appealing after all. have to contend w all sorts of problems. nvm.. shall see what happens.

wow. long time since i blogged. but didn't feel like writing anything much. anyway sigh! for one glorious moment i thought i could live my dream. but that doesn't seem so possible now huh. bleah. not that i could have done anything else actually. maybe i'll still get to live it for 6 months? haha. i gave up the idea a long time ago, but when the opportunity resurfaced.. woah.. but now dunno how.

and am sadly unemployed! i figured whatever i apply for, i'll still end up doing teaching/data-entry/waitressing or something equally mundane. so what was i expecting anyway...
i think i learn too much from my brother. have started to feel very poor now. partly thanks to his influence, partly cos everyone else is working, partly cos now have to pay adult fare (groan). well at least i foresee myself being less spendthrift, hopefully. why can't i just fly? haha. dream on girl..

but on a brighter note, i think i'll get to learn loads of things in these 8 months. also hopefully. (and end up spending a lot too actually but nvm haha)

and yesterday was absolutely depressing, realised just how inept i am, maybe i was just wasting a whole lot of money applying.. how? :(
now i also don't think i have any chance of a scholarship either. what an absolutely wonderful state to be in..

ah yes sleeping beauty on ice was so good.. set, costumes, performance, music. everything! but of cos after a (long) while the routines get a teeny bit repetitive. BUT the guy playing catalabutte is superb.. i've never seen a gymnast like that! (okay maybe cirque du soleil's acrobats can rival him) and i wish they could take photos of the production on the spot and dump them in the program but i guess that's asking for the impossible. i always do. anyway the reason for that's cos the pictures in the program -never- look like what you see on stage.. the same way the mamma mia cd didn't sound like what i heard on stage either. blah.

i think i'm too idealistic.

anyway, why isn't kA's CD out? not that i could buy it actually. unless i get them to ship to my bro and ... maybe one day i'll go back to vegas just to watch another one of cirque's resident shows:) but the static in LV is horrible. augh.

oh yes one last thought, i shouldn't get so many pple hooked on pool haha. my mom doesn't even approve of me pooling in the first place. or playing cards. oops. i wish i were as pro as dasheng/shaun.

alritey. am really rested. haha. almost 12 hrs!! ugh. can't believe myself. i woke up at 8.30 initially but thought i'll sleep 1 hour more and ended up waking up at 12.15. well well. wat to do.

anyway ahh i just forgot wat i was going to say. it was something about australia though. hums. ohh!! yes sydney opera house. it isn't that wonderful really, i think esplanade is more impressive. esp the concert hall. sydney opera hse's concert hall isn't very awe-inspiring. it was quite funny though when the 2nd half started and the orchestra players all came out wearing tinsel/attaching tinsel to various parts of their instruments, and the lady behind us exclaimed very loudly between chuckles "they're being rather silly!" haha. the soprano was awesome though. first time i've ever heard actually. but yeah. wow.

and i'm so sorry to admit to abusing one of the wombats at the featherdale wildlife park to make it come out. i felt quite bad about it lar. but i really wanted to see it walk around! gah. and it still didn't come out of its hole. so i guess we din do it much harm. fat lazy things. they're supposed to graze in the day quite often even though they're nocturnal. but the echidnas were really cute though haha waddle around like sea slugs on the seabed. okay that doesn't sound v nice but when my bro sends it over to me everyone will see wat i mean.

and the koala that had bad aiming! haha. it was feeding time so the koalas were scrambling towards the eucalyptus leaves.. and one of them, when jumping from one branch to another, almost fell over. quite funny:p

saw a lot of amazing things there. mostly animal-related though haha. i should go do something related to animals huh. my dad was saying last yr i was so enchanted by the dolphins at siegfried n roy's secret garden that i wanted to bring one home, and now i want to bring a wombat home. haha. but it's so cute and fat. wish i'd been able to see a platypus though. we did get to see it in the movie but it's different when it's right in front of your face i guess.

lemme see. yes. the cow which tricked me into walking into a cobweb. the farmstay! so i was standing on the verandah and then suddenly this cow which was grazing looked up and stared at me. so i wanted to walk closer and stare at it and then ended up walking into a cobweb. grr.

and feeding the farm animals! haha. hungry cows galloping was hilarious. my brother couldn't stop laughing at their greediness. and was so appalled when the big bull licked his hand. and then brucie the pig who put her two front feet into the food trough while eating. (and then this lady who was watching told her husband "don't talk to me abt table manners nxt time!") and then brucie somehow ended up losing her balance/decided to lie down and overturned the food trough (its round-bottomed, made up of a barrel cut longitudinally) so the food spilled onto the ground.

i saw alpacas! pity they were shaved the day before we arrived though. i have a pillow at home which is made from their wool/fur/watever u call it. bought frm vegas last yr.

umm. oh i really liked the house tt we stayed on at the farm. it's so tastefully decorated. maybe cos its new.. 1 yr old only. but i got the pink room! haha. took lots of photos of the rooms cos they're all colour-themed, really pretty:) and it so happens the pink room had a queen bed so i got the whole bed to myself. but the other rooms had queen beds too lar so not much diff anyway.

the only problem was the abundance of insects around. in the houses and outside. so many flies!! ugh. got so annoyed. dirty things. and i've gone off horse-riding a bit. maybe cos i forgot most of wat i learnt last time.. got to take lessons again maybe. or maybe need the correct footwear haha.

okay i better hurry up with my uni app forms.

alright. am back. and really tired. i woke up at the singapore equivalent of 5am. augh. and watched like 3 movies in a row on the plane. SIA movie selection is really good.. plus the music.. u'll never be bored.. but not good for eyes yeah.

christine's house is so so so nice!! can compare with denise's liao. just that she doesn't have a pool table haha

i dun think my brain is working v well at the moment so i shan't attempt to say much abt my trip. besides the fact tt i'm sick of hot sun and looong drives. and that it's so fun seeing kangaroos on the road! haha. and i always appreciate spore much better aft holidays abroad heh. and it was hilarious with my crazy bro around. nobody'd believe he's 22 and i'm 18. even i don't believe it most of the time.

anyway, since serene so kindly reminded me, here is the story of the emergency lever. which i don't doubt she has told most of the world, seeing that I always find out about how she's told the whole world various events which I don't remember telling many pple.
check-in counter
guy asks my mom : how old is ur daughter?
mom : 18? why?
guy : oh.. its okay.. underaged children aren't supposed to sit next to the emergency door
mom starts getting worried : 18 isn't underage rite?
guy laughs : no.. its just that some stewardesses don't allow.. they're afraid they (children) will play with the lever..
i'm in a state of disbelief and shock. sarcastically : rite.. so i'm going to start playing with the lever later..

when i'm more free i will type more quotes. like how my bro was so fascinated by the accent that hong kong pple have when they speak english. esp the guy who was explaining opals to us.

alright. off to australia tonight.. back on 27th night. i don't suppose anyone will be writing xmas cards this year rite haha maybe i'll write new year cards or sth hmm.

heh i'm here doing last minute essays n my parents are doing last minute planning for holiday. yay.. the last minute lin family. anyway they keep talking about "coomba" which sounds so much like "kumar" haha. which reminds me he still owes me my 3 SAT books. i forgot this classic quote from the french movie on sunday.. may not be v accurate though i don't remember exactly wat happened

gal hears squeaking and scratching at night : what's tt?? -huddles in bed-
guy : i don't know, i'm not an expert on animal noises
squeaking resumes
gal gets more frightened : can u get up and see wat is it??
guy doesn't want to, wants to sleep : mouse, rat, giant roach, ...
gal shrieks in fright
guy sighs in resignation and gets up and checks under the bed : nothing. it's beneath the floorboards
gal, v agitated : but wat IS it??
guy, annoyed : bambi
gal is stunned : wat?
guy : bambi! since u want a name, i'm giving u a name..

so i was just thinking of a fawn in the floorboards. most amusing haha.

haha lunch was fun. cheukka and her "softshell crab isn't crab wat!" "oh. i thought it was something like crayfish" various other things which i forgot.. and kai with her silly jokes.. whereby the only thing that is funny about them is her laughter after every joke.

and the movie was.. well.. unexpected. i didn't know there was going to be singing in there but i was v happy haha:D opera singer! woah. so cool.. tho the actress was really fat. but that camille deveux or watever her name was looks really good.. plus good voice too.. unless that was dubbed. in which i'll feel so disillusioned.

ooh i like my new phone haha. tho i felt rather guilty buying it. hope it'll serve me (and my bro, i assume) well. explorer has conked out on me. grr. now for essays. esp stanford. aargh

ah. 5 hour sleep. but somehow it was a little fragmented. and woke up feeling a bit achey. anyway.. chalet was quite fun. though a lot of stuff could have been done better lar could've thought about food and etc beforehand? but really must thank andrew for coordinating everyth.. esp when u've a class which is as laidback as ours. maybe not laidback but hmm can't be bothered? think slightly more than half the class appeared which is not bad. now to wonder when to have that combined bbq.. aahh. maybe i'll call everyone and ask when they're free. quite difficult lar sigh

anyway ohh yeah pity the weather only cleared up today morning.. past two days was like light drizzle all the time.. quite cold. okay. cool. so ended up playing a lot of bridge. must get changmou to teach more card games.. just that i wun remember how to play them if he's not around haha. that sheepheads thing or watever was really confusing tho i dun blame siewjin for needing a calculator to keep track of points cos i needed one too haha:p maybe dinos are lousy at mental calculations oops

hmm let's see.. oh pool on monday night was rather sad haha kept fouling all over the place.. was really horrendous. at least i think i redeemed myself on tues. i suppose i've gd and bad days. anyway the charge was really crazy.. i wun have gone on monday actually but since everyone went then just go lar.. then second night dun care about the charge already. shud really learn to spend $$ more wisely. n i shud've learnt frm chorale camp that food always gets left over. ah well will try to remember nxt time.

pity didn't get to swim.. apparently the jacuzzi was v nice. and it was nice rooming with aud:) and funny when i woke siewjin up for her soccer match. she mumbled some stuff which i cudn't hear. and i was so puzzled. and ended up asking me " 4 1 2?" or sth like that. was most queer. and amusing.

wait i was going to say sth.. ohh yes really pity shaun haha come to chalet just to get diaoed by all the guys -and- ser. i think the latter is the worst. dasheng probably will agree haha. and we met ms jeanne tan in the downtown east carpark. her take on it? "i thought i saw familiar faces but the guys were acting so childishly so i wasn't sure.." haha.

various quotes. i can't remember other various funny things dasheng said tho.
ser "every morning i eat a piece of milk"
ser on m dremaux her sec 4 french tcher "ses oreilles bleues" [his blue ears. she meant to say his blue eyes]

dasheng, explaining why he was still quite awake at 2sth am even tho he only slept 2 hrs the night before "took a shower then okay already lor"
and apparently he wasn't supposed to sleep yesterday night
so candice suggested he take 40 minute interval showers
dasheng "wah then i'll become a prune lar"

oh and the cat invading our compound. i bet it thought we were trepassing on its territory. so dasheng threatened to strangle it. so when i told mrs cheong she sed "tell dasheng that he may not be able to pay for dead cat" haha. cos he has nets card and was supposed to pay for any damages. rather amusing.

ah i think this is long enough already. shall start worrying about essays again. it was nice to forget abt all that for a while and just slack:) days of mugging seem far behind. tho possibly unforgettable anyway.

i think i've less than an hour before i've to go off again. haha. and my eyes are still half closed. don't think i'll wear contacts today liao. so tired:s now i realise having stayovers consecutively isn't a v smart idea.. oh well. but was quite fun lar haha lots of amusement..

wah and yesterday full day frm 9am to almost 12 is really too much. and still went out walking around aft tt couldn't walk straight anymore. ohh the food at the tea session was the best yet haha. tho i'm still not v tempted to apply to join saf. it was good seeing cheukka tho:p although the hair was shocking. and found 2 nice shops at raffles city! tho i probably can't afford/bear to buy anyth frm there actually. but well. nice to look at.

then grad nite. haha i'm so glad pam was prom queen:) tho now she'd better treat me n chris for standing us up partly to sew her gown. and everyone looked so glad. i half wished i went to do my hair properly too but actually no time also.. i like tiff's curls! haha. but they've disappeared already so sad. and it was quite surprising i ended up taking photos w pple i haven't spoken to for the past 2 years but at least we did lar. quite nice after all. food was okay didn't really like it that much.. but i'm picky. and the deejay's not bad. albeit mean at times. quite happening..

ah i'm too tired to type anymore and i've to pack. and think of wat to get mrs cheong. i hope there's no more mascara left *frowns* although i think i've washed my face like 5 times. the trouble with make-up.

ohh! i forgot to talk about incredibles on .. saturday. haha jack jack is so funny. at the end of the show he scared the bad guy and the family all din noe wat was going on. i was saying violet's lucky cos she has 2 powers [and they seem to be the more useful ones] while the rest have only 1 but maybe tts to make up for her self-esteem heh. and it's somewhat like x-men. powers and fighting bad guys who have powers too. and the machine thingy is like the octavarian guy or watever his name is in spiderman 2. but besides tt it was quite fun:)

arrh i think i'll fall asleep in the car on the way there. gnite zzzzzzzzz.

wahh. poor tired clar. and i really should learn my lesson about doing last minute things. today ate dinner at like 10+ because had to do last minute shopping. at least i've finally gotten all my stuff. one day before the prom? haha. well done clar.

lunch was hilarious.. was really glad lyd came:) provided much amusement. and jane u've the funniest comments/actions. and i finally returned poor chris her saltimbanco vcd [thanks for being so patient:p] always comfortable to be around gd frens:) yayyy happy day. tho bad pam didn't come hmph i will scold her tmr.

anyway. i have to go dig out the quotes from my phone.. here're some i remember anyway
lyd wants bread
jane "u should go to olio dome"
lyd didn't hear her properly "wat?" -bread skids off the tray- "oops". -uses tongs to put bread back-
jane "u should go to olio dome"
lyd looks bemused "but i'm here!"

lyd suggests giving chris an iron for her housewarming
chris "why?"
lyd "aren't u spposed to give useful things for the house at housewarmings?"
chris "oh. i thought u were u insinuating my clothes were crumpled"

haha. so cute. my dearest sec 4 classmates [okay fine jane's not a classmate but as good as lar]
i must organise another outing just for lydia before she whacks me again the next time i meet her.

alright better go pack and everyth. tmr's one busy day.. hope we'll have a fun time. and my uni essays are still half past six/not done.

haha i just browsed thru my blog archives and found that I wrote this on 16 June : “mugging is so tiresome and boring. how i'm going to last until november is a mystery to me.” and it's the start of december already. how time flies. it always seems like forever until it's over and then where has the time gone?

how do i find something unique about myself? sometimes i don't even feel like i know myself. okay these are quite useless questions haha time to think.

haha i just watched save um's on playhouse disney for fun and discovered the show was on a dirty baby dino! haha was most amused. baby dino played in mud and then got all dirty and unhappy.. so its baby sitters had to call the save um's for help. after some fruitless scrubbing, baby dino cried and its tears washed its face clean so yippee they realised water makes dirt turn to mud so its easier to clean off! haha. it was really funny lar. i think i'm deprived k nvm. light amusement.

aiyah. i feel so unoriginal and cliched when i'm writing my essays. i need a better brain. so much for instilling creativity i don't feel like i've any in me. grr. maybe if i buy myself an opal and stare at it the changing colours will inspire me haha. pathetic excuses.

ooh. finally got berkeley app done [terribly last minute i must say, like a lot of things i do:s] and got my gown! haha. i really have expensive taste *shakes head* but was quite funky lar the designer was there and advised on how to wear the gown and stuff like that.. for the moment i felt so rich and pampered haha got personal advisor.. anyway i still have to get necklace and i think i'm done! yay..

anyway. i must say i really don't like last minute thingys. i remember waking up and feeling this horror at the fact that i'd have to get up and face my essay [which is still unsatisfactory actually] AGAIN. oh well at least it's done.. hopefully it got in on time and everyth'll be fine n i didn't waste my money.

and i was the latest for a*star oops. at least i went. better late than never? i hope so anyway. and hardly saw many pple i knew.. looks like most pple are interested in firefly/psc rather than a*star huh. but they're really very sciencey. n tt gal ended up telling us abt illinois instead of a*star.. like trying to promote US education.. like anyone needs to do tt.. everyone wants to go already. i think i've said that b4. oh well. and then i was thinking they really don't bother much about leadership stuff.. some of their presenters were SO soft.. could hardly hear them speaking lar. which makes quite a change from the normal scholarship requirements.

ah i'm so glad taufik won:) he's really versatile. and his voice control is terrific! heh. i thought the show focussed too much on the 2 of them tho i was getting really bored of seeing them only.. wanted to see more of the final 11.. i mean like we've been seeing these 2 for 6 months and the rest for maybe 3 only or so? on average. was nice to see all 11 take to the stage though. miss jeassea and beverly and david. they're really good lar. besides the fact that beverly doesn't seem v gd with public relations heh. anyway i thought jeassea n bev did the independent woman song quite well..

owch. neckache. i shall do more essays tmr. and i shall break the cycle of sleeping past 1am tonight hopefully

ooh. tired. i've been out 3 consecutive days [well, half days?] and i'm quite tired. will be just glad to stay at home tomorrow n sort out my stuff.. and get rest.. haha..

anyway.. planning movie outings is so difficult!! sigh.. okay lar its prob cos i went to sign up for all manner of scholarship tea sessions n got stuff on n etc tts why. no lar actually the fri outing was quite okay. partly cos lijia helped me msg py n joon:) and nxt fri was quite easy too just call all 3. but now i dun even noe if the movie's showing aiyoh:s nvm lar we'll still have fun bumming around:) the good old french immersion days.. scotch-tape cutting skills anybody? ah but none of them read my blog so nvm..

today ah.. ooh i liked lunch loads haha:p it was good eating w everyone:) too bad aud, candice n chelsea weren't around.. wud've been more complete in a way. umm lemme see well pool was funny.. my aiming a bit off today tho heh must be the lack of practice. i wish i had a table like denise [choong]. haha. and her wonderful resort house. but that's out of point. fiona's so cute haha. and ser u're actually quite okay wat i dun see why u keep saying u're lousy.

anyway. yay. tmr is a day at home finally. so funny.. nvm i shall attempt to compile my quotes hopefully. and have a nice slackish time. aiyah am not thinking already.. somehow writing uni app thingies is interesting in a way but tedious in other ways.. i guess it's been a long time since i sat down and wrote non-gp essays haha.

wow. i'm free. it hasn't really set in fully but i'm so glad i don't have to come back and hit the books anymore. for a few months haha:D but chem s wasn't fantastic lar. i shouldn't have spent so much time vacillating about which qn to do and end up leaving so many marks blank. sigh. and i should have done organic 1st instead of panicking at physical cos mind wasn't v clear to start with. hope everyth goes fine tho *prays v hard*

anyway had a few interesting discussions with eunice today while walking around trying to find mom's present. [unsuccessfully i might add]. like how sometimes u don't know if things u remember are just the snapshots that u took, or that u really remember wat u saw there in ur mind. i don't really know how to explain it. and sometimes when you have dreams that are so real, u start to wonder.. what is reality anyway? or i do sometimes at any rate.

and i was telling her that i feel so sorry for children today.. it's like all those pre-school nurturing classes and wat not.. and have to cultivate entrepreneurial spirit so they've to start doing stuff and come up with business ideas and all sorts of rubbish.. there's no joy in being a child! where's the fun gone? do children still know how to play? i mean i remember things like my mom letting me go visit my neighbour and play at her house for a while then must come back n do work later.. or going to the cc with my brother n neighbours to play badminton and stuff like tt.. it doesn't seem like pple do tt nowadays. [okay these i really remember, nothing to do with photos] and they're all stuck to computer games and wat not. but again since i don't have a younger sibiling or anything i wouldn't really know wats happening generally but the impression i get is really sad.

anyway. feels good to be free. i can finally sleep without worrying [hopefully] and wake up anytime i like! woohoo!~ i have been forcing myself to sleep less for these past few weeks i think. out of desperation. i really hope it pays off. sometimes i really think wat emilyn said is right: here, mediocrity is a sin.

ok lar shouldn't be so melancholic. ka [new show by cirque du soleil] opens today! woohoo!~ maybe that's a good sign for me:) i shall order their cd. or maybe i should make my bro buy for me haha perhaps shipping within usa is easier. anyway. happiness! for now anyway;)

argh. horrible biotech paper yesterday - i was laughing while thinking of how to explain for 3 marks how one colouring is extracted from a named organism. i think the girl sitting nxt to me frm 3e i think? must have thought i'd gone berserk. anyway i ended up writing something really vague about crushing cochineal beetles so maybe they'll be kind and gimme 2 marks for that? haha. crazy cambridge lar how'd u expect us to know.. maybe if we write something halfway sensible they'll be satisfied.

now for math s. sigh. i can't believe how stupid i was.. not to realise how to do integration by substitution until time was up. and forgetting mr chan's nicely-stapled paper on my stats assignment! crumbs.. tt'd have cost me like 5 marks or sth. this is not a time when one can afford to forget things, given i didn't do that many marks in the 1st place. anyway. i'm just praying i get an m at least.. sigh. shattered dreams. there's only chem s left to dream about. and work for.

so i've 4 more papers. and then i'm finally free! but there's physics to get thru 1st, bio to pull up my so far horrendous papers. aahh. disillusioned. i think i'm going to get constant nightmares about horrible results. which hopefully won't materialise. i'd prefer my results to be a pleasant surprise thanks very much.

but it was nice to see yongjeng today, been ages since i met choir j1s.. tho i kinda pity them for 5 o'clock pracs during holidays heh. but again they've the whole day to slack so why'm i being sympathetic? haha. and can go for supper aft tt somemore. k it's not such a bad deal aft all.

ohh i had this weird dream about choir 2 days back i think. j2s went back to join j1s and then din memorise songs properly so the lyrics all disappeared. it was quite terrible actually. and i thought ms low/mr toh were going to start scolding and then i can't remember wat else happened. and yest's weird dream was connected to the 7o'clock ch8 show. and somehow there were labrador/golden retriever puppies featured haha. sth like quill. very queer.. must be my overstressed mind.

hmm. i think i'm very harsh on myself. i was really really fuming at myself some time after the malay woman said no more writing.. cos i realised how stupid i was putting an obviously wrong answer for the zinc+acid thing. gah. then later whined to serene and fiona whined to me then felt bit better knowing i'm not the only one who screwed up. haha. anyway. last week! it's [to quote ser] a frightening week though. as it was yesterday i was suddenly thinking wat if nxt yr i go get results and end up with b's n c's then i'm done for. aiyah. everyth's worrying. just pray and pray and pray that everyth'll end up fine.

yeah. frightening week of bio paper 3 + phys paper 3 [i really hope these go better than the paper 2] + 2 s papers + phys design [i hope these go better than prelims if not i'm done for also] + bio mcq. sigh. i foresee a stressful week. at least after that we'll be free. in a way. haha. then i'll have to do berkeley apps already:s super last minute lar oh well wat to do.

and then i shall go buy myself lots of cds haha:D and new clothes and such. oh yes and i'll have to get myself to exercise if not i can't fit into my clothes anymore with all the snacking.

oh i heard the ben1 track frm sun yan zi's new cd on the advert.. it's a bit rockish or sth? i should really learn to differentiate btwn the genres. anyway it's so unlike her. but it's different. quite interesting.

ooh i've also decided i like songs frm musicals.. this is the moment frm dr jekyll n mr hyde! that taufik sang yesterday.. oh sly's performance of music of the night was really sad lar.. cannot make it lar go sing chinese pop.

okay since i haven't blogged since saturday here i am. wasn't planning to blog actually but nevermind. physics was rather nightmarish. okay it wasn't that bad but wasn't fantastic. maybe cos i didn't prepare v well hum. and was slightly panicky. and rusty. and therefore unsure of answers.

anyway like i always say, ignorance is bliss. how'd you know the majority's correct anyway? i think tt was my philosophy for o's and recently readopted thanks to weiying's advice haha:D to quote her she "always runs away after exams" so can't compare answers.

ahh. i want to go out. i decided peiying's way of looking at everyth is quite good haha. she told me while waiting for parents to come. there's only one week left! and after that we've 9 months before going back to school haha. [even tho i was predisposed to taking the gloomy view and telling her we've to do biotech n s papers this weekend]

yesterday was napping at 1+ [pm] and didn't wanna get up! so comfy:) and then it started raining later. hais. but i had to get up cos my physics was half baked. i'm not sure it isn't now sigh. it's such a joke sometimes all you learn for 2 years and they don't test u on half of it anyway. maybe they should come up with other ways besides exams to gauge abilities and i don't mean project work. i remember this essay in the gp bulletin about how exams aren't a true reflection of how well the student will be able to cope in the working world. so so true.

anyway enough of exams.. freedom! sigh. lucky candice's sister.. her last paper is tmr! incidentally it's also chem mcq. i think i'll always remember 26 nov. end of o levels in the afternoon. and now end of a levels in the evening too. of cos it's also candice[cheng]'s bday haha. haven't seen her in ages!

oh surprisingly i think i'll miss rj. kind of. and our crazy lessons n teachers n classmates n lecturers. not in that order though. i shall compile my quotes. oh here's one i found rather amusing [sorry ser:p]
in sec 4: bio teacher mrs lee asks "wat precautions should you take while counting bubbles?"
ser "don't blink"

lemme go dig out a few more to amuse myself
ohh here's another. during farewell assembly i was sitting with sarah n her bball fren then mr chan [math] walked past. n sarah's fren asked "Mr chan why checkered shirt today ah?" then he replied [quick as lightning i might add] "graph paper"
it was really apt cos it was a white shirt with black (or grey or sth) lines criss-crossing. ah basically it really did look like graph paper with huge squares haha.

one day during bio lect: ser "don't you think candice looks like a christmas tree in red (her sweater) and green (RJ skirt)?"
candice turns around "i HEARD that"
me "being angry won't make you look any less like a christmas tree" [at this pt fiona i think scolded me for being mean. but let me defend myself, i didn't agree with ser, i was just making a point:]

eunice while presenting current affairs about civet cats with SARS in china [this was last yr]
"you kill it while it's alive"

last one for the day.. mr chan [bio] 's view on our Mt Sinai campus being used for NUS High Sch or whoever it is.. "it's a mighty big school for 100 students.. you could literally stuff one student in each toilet!"

was extremely annoyed this morning.. i think i woke up at 6 and then 8 and finally 9.30. was terribly annoyed cos i couldn't sleep properly due to itchy mosquito bites.. got up.. my mom made me eat sweet potato for breakfast [and i absolutely hate it] and then i went to put on insect repellent to prevent repeat of the mosquito bites.. ended up getting some on my watch which caused part of the strap to dissolve.. which served to anger me further.. there's really nothing like waking up on the wrong side of the bed. anyway so i had to avoid touching anything plastic and was getting v paranoid abt stuff. and very frustrated.

at least i think i'm fine now after eating my ice cream n listening to some music [i shall go buy somemore cds aft a's! haha.. have just discovered nice new site - www.soothingmusic.com i haven't figured out wat the track playing is though]

aiyah! i'm so annoyed at math... can't believe i just assumed it was finding inverse instead of derivative and didn't realise even when wondering why the range was asked only later.. ugh.. sometimes i'm SO smart. bah. and bio was not nice. i figured i mite end up with 71 for the paper! groan. this is partly audry's fault for worrying and influencing me. haha.

yay i finally got lots of sleep for the first time in weeks, decided if i dun sleep i mite end up sick n tts certainly not good. i suddenly feel melancholic too haha. i want to buy all the cirque du soleil music cds. well maybe not all lar only those which are good:D

was listening to e piano concert cd frm eons ago.. such memories haha. okay wasn't eons lar but 3 yrs is quite a bit. i havent' played piano for months i realise.. better practise hard after a's haha. i think my fingers have lost any agility they ever possessed.. typing is just not the same.

alright better stop slacking. on monday night while mugging bio/math i suddenly felt like going shopping! haha. but then when i go shopping i'll be bored anyway. weird clar. and then last night i was reading excerpts frm gerald durrell on the nice food and started thinking i wanted to learn how to cook yummy things n told my mom then she sed i wudn't feel like cooking if it's just for myself so i should go be a chef. which is true so i think when i want nice food i'll just buy it haha. so lazy. oh well. but true it's not efficient to spend all the time/energy getting ingredients and cooking and having to wash up then only one person eats.

feel v restless. and my bill is going to be astronomical this month! augh. as it it i've passed the 300 mark and it's only 10th of nov. partly cos i get bored. haha. then suddenly i'll get sick of smsing. and then my phone buttons aren't responding properly particularly the 7 button. most annoying. time for new phone! after a's

aughhh i dont know wat i'm going to do if results're not good lar. sigh. and it's not like i'm not trying my best. i think? haha. dunno lar. and i miss everyone. how tragic.

ugh i seem to have a problem with my sleep pattern. nap in afternoon, spend one hr slacking b4 i sleep, end up waking up at 7.30 cos it's so freaking bright, get v angry n refuse to wake up so early, try to sleep until 9sth, wake up still v unhappy. i shall attempt to change that today if not i'll be annoyed the whole week. i mean, when one can't even sleep in peace it's time to do something about it.

i suppose i kind of slept my worries away but i think they' re going to come back today when i rediscover my incompetency in tackling a level problems. sigh. no matterin which subject. very tedious. being cooped up within 4 walls does things to you. and yes i know it's my fault for not wanting to exercise either haha well.

anyway so cool! yahoo has a special banner for halloween. if that's wat u call it. i saved the pic yay:D quite a funky gif.

i was just thinking about "o" by cirque du soleil. it is truly a work of art. and then i'm thinking why isn't it possible not to work and just enjoy. but i guess one'd get sick of it after a while. and i think my perceptions of work are too hollywood-based. the power of the media. and sometimes when i'm pessimistic it feels like happiness wasn't meant for me. but of cos tts only cos i'm stuck mugging for the nxt month as usual.

wat a train of disjointed thoughts. so what has 2 yrs of jc given me? i really wonder.. esp tt day i was reading my autographs. i think i've said it before though. i seem to have changed. and not necessarily for the better. so much for never-ending patience and such. or maybe pple just write things that sound nice. nowadays i get annoyed at the slightest things so easily. though i may not necessarily show it. well maybe i'll be fine after everyth is done with.

comment on spore idol: it's quite pathetic actually.. the judges are like solitary individuals sitting there.. they've no camaraderie so it's really boring when they're commenting. i mean the show's about the singers [who aren't actually that wonderful either haha sadly] but it's also about the host [who isn't fantastic but probably one of the best one can find here] and the judges and how they interact. big problem: they don't interact. in my opinion anyway. i was trying to figure out why idol gets stale. and the themes are boring/singers can't bring the style out v well.

okay i should stop complaining. i think chem prac gave me a headache.

i'm so dead. kinda like equate not finishing a paper to suicide, especially when it's a's. i hate double indicators.. didn't know where the end point was.. am just praying that i estimated correctly.. the 2 tables make up 15marks lar if my accuracy's gone i'm done for.. esp when i didnt' finish both designs.. which is like 8marks gone. and i dunno if my qa is correct, anyhow whacked.

alrite i feel a bit better after complaining to lots of pple. thanks everyone:)

blah. these few days i've not felt like waking up. just want to sleep and sleep and forget about all the nasty things. dont' feel like doing anything. maybe it'll disappear after monday.

but really after a's i'll be probably stuck at home doing uni apps/scholarship apps anyway. bleah. it'll never end. oh and yesterday i suddenly thought of the shops at metro stations overseas [actually it was specifically those in france] and missed france + immersion all over again. quite weird the way things just appear in my mind sometimes. i want a holiday again! heh. wishful thinking. there's a long way to go before holidays come. hais.

oh and i've been in the "i'm studying for prelims" mode for so long that i still keep thinking its prelims. although i think somewhere in the back of my mind i noe it's a's.. but the 1st thing tt comes to mind is still prelims.

the pure cinema chillout cd my dad got for free is quite nice!:D recognise some songs frm opera band/bond though.. the way they copy songs is scandalous. okay i suppose it's called modifying but watever it just seemed like copying to me at the moment.

i think i'm never satisfied. that's gd and bad. rowls. i've realised taking photos is actually quite fun.. memories and such? anyway the way baoyi posts all her pics on her blog is quite cool:)

bio prac was disastrous. i don't think i was thinking v clearly. if not i wudn't have drawn the wrong genetic diagram.. can't believe how stupid i was. and started panicking. this paper was kinda unexpected somehow.. only 1 slide. somehow feel like prelims were better. which is not good. esp cos this prac had a lot of open-ended qns, meaning there's a whole lot more room for deduction when u don't explain enough. which is v likely to happen given how i always miss out on main points/keywords.

yeah. and instead of drawing tissue map i drew in the nuclei as well.. forgot lar. totally screwed. let me see wat else.. my tube 4 didn't change colour so i faked a bit at the end. watever lar. not my problem it didn't wanna change. and then all the explanation things.. yeah.. possibly will minus quite a few marks. and that explaining why rice grains don't have same length. i forgot sec 4 work lar stuff abt how it's frm diff plants and wat not. just vaguely talked abt e minor genes and environmental conditions. totally sucky. sigh.

that just about sums it up, some parts of each qn are all screwed. yup. so lovely.

hum. i will learn to do things more in advance in the future. this always happens. but anyway farewell assembly was alright lar. not fantastic. tho i dunno wat i expected. it was so so hot in the hall.. boring.. and i was getting a headache towards the middle of the thing.. but john made a really gd speech though. at least my interest was held. or maybe i'm biased. but whatever it is i think he'll achieve a lot.

umm. yeah. spent the 1st part of the evening rushing about madly getting last minute uni app stuff done. and now i realised something else which might give me some problems. baah. pray for help. worries abound! what to do.

i hope my photos get developed soon. haha pity the one with the guys is in the new roll and won't be developed for some time.. hope it turns out nice! dunno if we moved when serene took the picture. and i think sarah sed me n mrs cheong look alike. humm. i suppose it's the ponytail haha.

today was a bit awkward actually. also partly cos i was sleepy [dunno how come though]. haven't talked to them for a long time so felt a bit weird. anyway i came home and slept a LOT. sigh. my energy level leaves much to be desired.

oh! i din noe smrt took over trans island oops. anyway. the doorbell or watever u call it on the bus was getting on my nerves.. its so loud and jangly and ummm cacophonous. dissonant! yeah that was is. here i was trying to sleep [the seat was rather uncomfortable too i shud bring a pillow w me everywhere i go haha] but every few stops i'd be rudely jarred awake. now tt doesn't sound grammatically correct but nvm. dinnertime. wish i hadn't slept so much if not maybe we'd had gone out to eat jap food. heh.

ahh. haven't found time to sit down and blog abt yesterday. apart from slightly screwing up sats and very uptight while doing the papers it was a nice day!:) whee~

mamma mia was wonderful!!! haha. -goes into ecstasies- come to think of it i can't really pinpoint wat was so good. but i dunno.. the energy level was v high.. e singers/actors were superb [altho i din like the guys playing the dads] and i figured esther hannaford played sophie cos it was matinee performance.. but her voice is nice! and she's a really gd dancer.. wud have liked to see kellie rode act too tho o well can't have everyth..

anyway like i was telling candice i was disillusioned by the cd! sigh. london cast doesn't sound as good as australian cast:( maybe cos of the way it's recorded or sth.. quite sad. but now i'm hooked on abba songs haha they're quite funky actually:D yay

thankew everyone for ur bday wishes!:) and presents! haha. clar is a v happy gal:) [apart frm worrying abt a's / uni apps]

ooh. pleasant surprises:) didn't expect half of my presents.. but thank you everybody:)

unfortunately i woke up worrying about my sat 2s cos i don't feel particularly well prepared for them and i cannot deprove from may sats. bleah. and then mrs lim says she's overloaded with recommendations and can't write for me. or rather, will only write if it's absolutely necessary. therefore i am in a fix. which is of cos, my fault as usual. and as usual, i regret a lot of things. really the amount of things i regret is innumerable. and now i'm wondering if amount is singular or plural.. aaargh.

nvm tmr i'm watching mamma mia! whee~:) n there's this dim sum thingy which i don't know when it will take place [somehow that sentence sounds grammatically incorrect to me too] i shouldn't be such a busy person.. oh well. wat to do. i should go and do something constructive. been sleeping the week away!

humm. i guess i'm satisfied. just pray they won't moderate such that my grades drop. yeah. of cos it would be nice if they moderate phys by a LOT. but i guess that isn't going to happen unless i'm really lucky. so well. i'm okay i guess. not fantastic but passable.

so. everything's done and its back to mugging. seems like we never had much of a break. but what can i say.. such is the life of any jc2 student right now i guess. i shall go swim. for once in dunno how many weeks. or months.

how now brown cow. i'm wondering wat a merit for chem s is now.. to miss it by 2 marks would be hell. if only i could transfer marks from math over to chem s/phys/chem in that order of increasing marks needed. so much for the math mark.. it doesn't seem to make up for everyth else. i don't know lar. tmr bio n math s. wat's betting i'll end up with another ungraded. it's so unfair. but what else did i expect come to think of it.

aiyah nvm i guess i'm just full of ill feeling. tho yes, it probably won't matter in the long run. but how'm i going to apply to uni like that? bleahhh. its not good to expect too much of urself sometimes. disappointment is too severe. fall down frm the clouds with a huge plop. the harsh sound of reality.

maybe i should go think about maths. but wat's the pt? aceing math c doesn't equal aceing math s. ah watever it's all decided already anyway. hopeless. watever. i'll go do something else. and am extremely tired n headachey. why in the world i chose to do sats this sat is a mystery to me. horrible bday week.

the aura of depression. i suppose my marks were actually quite okay but its more like wat else i'm going to see tmr. worried for phys and bio. and s papers:s i guess i can't really do anyth about them. but am really quite relieved for gp. n chem was. well. expected i suppose. given that i realise i spent most of my time on phys/bio. hope i do fine.

and there's something else which is bugging me. which i can't exactly blog. but well. i wonder if we really deserved that. i hope it doesn't affect my recommendations hmm not that they're going to be spectacular in the 1st place. dunno how also lar probably end up staying here n doing med/law at the rate everything is going.

had a fun time w lyd chris pam py yest:) luckily i don't think i'm burnt haha cream helps:D if not i'd end up with a red nose/cheeks/forehead today.. i wanted to see dolphins tho! oh well. but cost like $17.50 n i dun think anyone else wud've wanted to spend the $$. pity.

lyd's so cute.. cos we saw lots of dogs at siloso beach n i was delighted at seeing this v cute labrador in the water n she sed "i'm sorry u dun have a dog.. nxt time when i'm rich i'll buy u one.." something to that effect anyway. n candice thinks she should buy me one for my bday too. oh well. and there was the lyd-bullying-pam-into-buying-subway-cookie for us and lyd-whining-at-pam-to-buy-her-mango-pudding incident..

really silly. while me n chris had to listen to pam's silly taxi driver ghost story twice and peiying throwing her cherish tissue at pam. the cat-stuck-under-the-wardrobe story was funnier than the ghost story i think. i've a bunch of sec sch classmates as silly as i am haha:p nice feeling. pity joon n lijia n claire didn't come..

feeling rather out of sorts. lots to think about. i figured i only think when i'm sitting in the car actually. okay fine during journeys.

quote from church bulletin today. "those of great minds discuss ideas, people of mediocre minds discuss events and those of smaller minds discuss other people" frm god's psychiatry by dr charles allen. interesting isn't it. room for discussion alright.

let me go try cheer myself up. i think its the anticipation of my impending doom that has affected my mood. hmm.

hmm. finally free. and i don't feel any happier. worrying abt wat i'm going to get for chem s. and normal chem. feel like i left a whole lot more blanks than anyone else. dunno lar. and i forgot wat i studied. how typical. dread nxt week:(

anyway.. so went w eunice to town n had lunch.. haha i was spouting so much rubbish i bet she'll be complaining on mon to candice abt how crazy clar was :p oh well. post prelim stress. anyway was v tempted to buy a harp or a choral cd. but couldn't decide [wat's new] so gave up the idea.

hmm. okay i finally bought my hair stuff.. which i've been needing for months but never got round to it cos i've been cooped up at home. the only times i leave the house = sundays to go to church or to go to sch on exam days/mugging days.

quite bored actually. think reading will alleviate that. and for once i can watch whole of spore idol tonite! yeah!!:):) haha. i keep calling it american idol somehow.. dunno.. out of habit i sppose. oh well. i like daphne!:) she has a unique voice anyhow. hope she sings a nice song tonight:) maia n jeassea are funky too.

oh i saw the ad for shark tale! if that's the name hmm. it looks quite cute:) and i saw the storybook at borders.. but i wanted to see the pics more than read the story.. too wordy. haha. but it seems too much like monsters inc/finding nemo. dunno. will see how. i never intended to watch finding nemo until i read the review. oh i saw the quill vcd at kino!:) v happy:D haha. oh princess diaries 2 looks promising too. but i bet it'll come out during a's sigh will be stuck at home mugging AGAIN. so sick of it. but it doesn't seem like i've been doing much. so how? hais.

oh yeah and was talking to eunice on the bus.. figured that all the tv shows and movies are so formulaic nowadays. like. reality tv shows are the only things showing and i really hate them. besides idol. haha. and then shows like white chick. it's not the 1st time u've guys cross dressing.. now skin colour changes too. quite sick.. and pathetic toilet humour.. really doesn't cut it.

the most impt thing and i forgot!! i was utterly horrified today... at borders.. i really shouldn't wander around bookshops alone in sch u hmm.. anyway.. i was trying to look for some wodgehouse book to see wat's it all abt.. and then while staring at the bookshelf.. this face suddenly popped up in front of me and started singing. how absolutely ghastly. i was wondering why this psycho had to approach poor defenseless ME of all pple and looked around desperately for help. i had this vague idea tt maybe some assistant could get rid of this nutcase for me. but anyway.. after a while i recognised the tune of the sch song and therefore laughed politely and retreated back one/two steps. and this guy bombarded me with all sorts of qns :
"pre u wat?" "on scholarship?" "going to apply for scholarship?" "going to university?" "wat course?" "how many 1's for o's?"
he looked like around 50 to me.

wasn't really intending to blog but clicked wrongly n ended up here so i guess i'll blog anyway haha. woke up at like 10.30 (such a pig) went to sch to mug. woahhh my knowledge is sadly lacking.. feel it more acutely when i'm sitting nxt to yz who'll probably top the chem s paper with flying colours.. i told him i'd pay him to take my papers for me:D

i just can't apply knowledge. failure student. haha. so much for education in the correct sense. actually maybe i'm just too lazy to think. which is very probable. costs too much energy to exert myself. haha. okay i sound like a real pig. which i am sometimes. oh well. must switch.. where's my fairy godmother when i need one?

ohh. and pple are scary. restarting mugging so fast. when all i want to do is burn up all my files and never look at them anymore [unless its to compile quotes:p]. but i suppose when i get back my prelim papers i will have to mug whether i want to or not. sigh. an interminable 2 months [minus 2 days] left.

i need a change in attitude fast. how bout a break? i think tt'll work. just wait till thurs.. and sat! haha. gd ole lyd. so cute. let's go rollerblading! ok! and we're settled. i can't believe aud sed she has to get back by 12 to watch liu xing hua yuan tho. at least she isn't a fan of f4. reminds me of tt incredibly bad joke dr chan made last yr during chem prac abt "wat's half of f9?" or sth like that. if only i had such a gd memory for academics.

i think i want to eat waffles [w ice cream! haha bet cheukka will laugh she sed i'm such a little gal.. always wanting to eat ice cream. oh well. its nice wat:] on thursday.. ooh am listening to tracks frm candice's acapella cd. the harmony is so lovely.

alrite i have to go read organic chem again. my lack of knowledge is really appalling. and i really don't like inorganic chem. eew: =shudders=

oh. joke i found on my chem s bklet
eunice "i think i'm going nuts!"
raphael "then squirrels will love you"

haha. math s. wat a joke. i wanted to walk out of the hall at 9.30am/just give up. looked all the qns all can't do! how? also managed to make a whole lot of spastic mistakes n totally confused myself. well done clar. and surprisingly i managed to rush out the vectors qn in like 15mins and i think it's correct. *prays* most of my qns were half done. or less than half done for that matter. let's see. i finished the qn 1, 5 and 11. that's about it. yay.

i just hope i don't get ungraded.

now for chem s. the list of organic reactions is so long i regret not studying earlier. regret is a terrible feeling. which has been plagueing me since prelims started. wat a lesson to learn. at least s papers are slightly less stressful than main papers i think. hmm. tho very much harder such that even if you have the time it isn't always helpful

haha today's class was funny. i feel quite bad actually keep laughing and not listening properly. but i can figure out for myself wat he's trying to say. and i write down watever which makes sense/answers the qn. and then i dunno lar.. just don't like it when tchers don't prep properly b4 coming in and then end up with us all confused. okay to be fair i think he did his best but well just realised i get quite annoyed by inept tchers. i suppose at least if you try yr best that'll be the minimum to do.

anyway i really wonder if they didn't laugh that much last week. and if so because i wasn't around. oh well. but really.. it's not my fault eunice comes n tells us about her picture bible with the picture of the beam in a boy's eye a.k.a. a branch sticking out of the boy's eye with LEAVES! hahaha. daryl decided it'll be a tree. so i asked "where'll the roots go?" and they came up with all sorts of gruesome possibilities. like roots wrapping around the eyeball and all that. they're so cute. anyway the laughing put me in a gd mood haha so am happy now! now to attack math s. hais.

oh i suddenly dreamt of rg last nite must be cos of em's post. anyhow i miss mrs kwan so much. i think it's because she really cares. and she believes in you when you don't believe in yourself. which happens so many times in jc it's difficult to count. when everything comes crashing down. even tho we used to complain abt her nagging in rg now it's different. not that mrs cheong's not nice.. she's probably the best ct one could hope for:) oh n i miss laoshi too. all the times i had extra lessons with her heh.

anyway better take advantage of my good mood and go attack my math s with a vengeance. thanks to everyth who msged to tell me to take care! feel much much better and can eat properly liao tho still not v much:) which is also good. haha.

hmm. i wonder wat everyone's doing now. for at least half of my batchmates' prelims are over.. it doesn't feel like that to me. anyway. i must say i derived some sort of sadistic pleasure [for a while.. after tt it got too painful haha] frm seeing the numbers on my thermometer skip and wondering how far it would go. so the highest i reached was 39.1! fantastic huh. and half the time i don't even noe when i've a fever. most interesting. like i'll just be thinking "okay my head hurts wat's new" and then mom will come n touch my forehead and exclaim n make me take my temp.

oh yeah and wed nite was awfully torturous, stomach was so queasy i couldn't sleep properly.. for the 1st 4 hrs formulae were chasing themselves around my head.. dreamt tt i cudn't do my chem/math s prelims nxt week.. so finally woke up and ended up vomitting. spontaneous expulsion. and after that still couldn't sleep properly cos my feet were numb. weirdly. finally went to see doc the nxt morning cos i cudn't eat/drink anyth w/o vomitting..

injection helped, medicine did too. the wonders of medicine. within 15mins of taking the fever medicine my temp went down! ah. anyway. hope bio was alrite even tho i was still slightly woozy:s i spent most of yest sleeping i think. had to wake up early to study [with a headache again n didn't noe i had a fever until mom came along haha i'm quite hopeless]

spent most of yesterday and today sleeping. haha. such a pig. o well.

i wish i could just throw down everyth and go somewhere else. WHY does this have to happen.. i can practically see all the horrible grades now.. it also doesn't help that shaun told me tt paper 2 chem's spposed to be harder than paper 3. which was actually supposed to be easy. therefore i'm even more dead. and chem s? haha. forget about it. i can see why serene wanted to get into an accident b4 prelims haha.

biotech. it also wud have been okay if i'd looked thru industrial biotech last night instead of flipping thru this morning. n focussing so much on med last nite. cos i ended up mixing up the microorganisms. so my essay's totally screwed. and i din write abt disadvantages of enzyme immobilisation. but how else? i dunno if i cud have remembered 8m worth of seed bank or crap out 12m worth of ethics in biotech. maybe i cud. then there's another wrong decision. seem to have no lack of them nowadays.

i really dread the weeks after prelims. which equals to time to get back results. i can't bear to not improve frm last common tests but now it seems so impossible. talk about nightmares of all the worst case scenarios. n i'll still have to pull myself back to study for sats. actually if i get horrible results there won't be much point doing sats. hmm. waste $$ only. n i'm in desperate need of sleep.

this is not the 1st time i wish we cud fast foward to nxt yr sept in an ideal situation: time to go off to some nice uni.

bah. so far i think math was the only okay paper. now that i think about it, i've no idea wat i've been doing for the past 2(?) months. i thought i was revising but can't seem to remember much, everyth's so fuzzy.

chem was a disaster. was really in the depths of despair yesterday. bio wasn't much better. even though i thought it ought to have been better after all the time i spent catching up [and neglecting chem and i'm going to pay for that. a really high price. considering i conveniently forgot chem dept sets the most killer papers] my stupidity astounds me. i really don't noe wat's wrong.. maybe i didn't practise enough or sth. then wat've i been doing? don't know.

yeah and now time management problem is back. i thought i'd figured that out for the last 2 common tests but now its a whole new format and everyth's back where it began. last yr's common test. my prelim grades had better be much better than those grades though. it's like zhini said. u walk out of the exam hall and "rite. so that was a prelim paper." a.k.a. superbly dead. don't know what to do. all the papers seem so screwed up. n i still have 2.5 more weeks to go.

and s papers! haha. those i'm even more dead for. i really need divine intervention... wanna quit sch now

bah. don't feel particularly well yet my thermometer tells me i'm fine. general malaise. maybe it's the haze haha. everyone was sniffing today. well alot of pple anyway.

anyway i felt kind of sorry for bible class tcher today.. his 1st time teaching us and the lesson seemed to be turning into a joke. he was teaching on sin and suddenly came up with a proverb on how "you can't stop the bird from shitting on you but u can stop it frm building a nest on ur head". now what that was supposed to illustrate still eludes me, but it was really funny somehow. and i wonder where it originated from [if it is a true proverb hum] if anyone knows please enlighten me

and then later he started talking about how an egg has microscopic holes in the shell.. for wat? jasmine ventures an explanation : to respire? which set me off in a fit of silent laughter again. partly cos i didn't noe why he suddenly mentioned an egg, and partly bcos i suddenly visualised this egg living and breathing [excluding the embryo i mean]. sort of reminded me of tjh's qn in sec 4 abt whether babies had gills to breathe.

anyway so later one of my bible classmates remarked in an undertone "does he like birds a lot? just now talk abt birds, now talk abt eggs". helpless laughter. n e fren nxt to me [who happens to be called daryl haha] apologised for killing me [by making me laugh at various silly things such as complaining tt she was hungry aft he mentioned eggs and wanting to volunteer to read verses in a dramatic manner - apparently she's in drama club so hmm okay]

yeah i thought we weren't being v gd students. like. were laughing at his pronunciation sometimes which actually is kind of unfair but o dear cudn't help it. enticed became "enteesed" and such. feel quite bad abt it lar i cudn't stop laughing half the time. hopefully he didn't notice:s

oh yar and last week another tcher told us about how some pple have mysterious lord's supper. they apparently have lord's supper in a garden. they go and hide in the bushes. and run out and take the lord's supper and rush back into the bushes. cos last time christians were persecuted they had to hide in the caves [somewhere in hebrews] so they commemorate it or sth. his description was quite graphic. said they find it very exciting.

i guess my imagination was particularly graphic cos i was the most amused. i mean. thinking of pple crouched in the bushes, bright and beady-eyed like chipmunks waiting for their chance to steal nuts, scurrying out and back into the safety of the bushes.

okay i hope i didnt insult anyone here. one never knows.

ohh the french choir show was quite nice.. tho i thot they shud have gone for a competition like sister's act but well. yeah. kinda similar to sister's act actually. and when i heard the choir.. was swamped by this bout of choir-sickness. and the boy sop! ahh. i mean not perfect but so crystal clear.

hais. bio was actually an okay paper. if i'd prepared adequately for it. and read instructions properly. can't believe i didn't suspect something was wrong with the hydrogen peroxide-filter paper expt and ended up faking results. [faked wrongly sort of.. given that my timings were totally off] well maybe they'll give me sympathy marks.

seem to be taking this as just a prep. but i can't do that! bcos it matters! which my bro was trying to drill into me that day. aagh. i shall go take a nap. cheukka's rite, prelims wun matter nxt time. but rite now it certainly doesn't seem like it. esp when i manage to screw up everyth possible.

its so funny how pple used to say they wish i had my self discipline/patience. i don't feel like i possess either of these attributes anymore. maybe i used to 2 years ago. but now? nvm.. off i go to sleep

haha. so it just gets worse and worse. did i actually expect otherwise? *hollow laughs* well done clar u're definitely staying in spore if this goes on.. i'll probably have to get full marks for the rest of my papers rofl. which is impossible. so i'm done for. haha. yay!

oh raphael was hilarious.. while we were waiting for our shift in the hall then he was saying sth abt committing suicide if he couldn't do the chem prac.. [i.e. can't get the gas] break the burette and slash his wrist.. then fiona sed drink hexane.. haha.. then raphael said he'll switch on the gas tap.. "if i can't do the chem prac nobody will!" then later he improvised and said after switching on the gas tap he'll light the lighter [if that's the correct word] and boom! haha. no more sch. yay:)

anyway. so i made a superbly stupid mistake which will cost me at least 6 marks unless there's e.c.f. which is quite unlikely. and didn't finish the qa design. i think she sed we weren't spposed to write no visible reaction but i had no idea wat else to write. so maybe that's more marks gone. and then dunno how to present properly for kinetics reaction. qa didn't fill up quite a few of the deductions cos dunno wat's going on.. i've never seen bright green ppt in my life.. i mean okay fine there's blue frm copper and then wat else?? i don't think i've ever felt so desperate in my life [unless it was during phys prac last fri] when i got n = 34.

freak. i'm so dead. time to celebrate.

hmm most interesting day. firefly purposely puts the talks on education on germany/japan/china 1st so pple're forced to listen to them.. and then psc has like a 1.5 h video plus "talk-show by scholars" thingy and oh we're left off to have tea [curry puff n eclairs]. the ironic thing is that they keep trying to persuade pple to go overseas. of cos everyone wants to go overseas its a question of who can get in/who can get the means to go there... sigh.

and didn't really get to know about wat they actually do in the psc or in their various depts. okay besides the police guy who was quite detailed. ah. anyway.

after firefly mom picked me up and informed me that this guy came to get his comp repaired [apparently dad responded to some qn on a forum.. this guy wanted spare parts for a psion or sth] and brought his family along w/o informing my dad prior to it. actually i found it rather amusing at 1st tt my mom was faced with 3 extra pple to entertain but tt certainly changed when i got home.

so. opened the door and found 4 strangers in my house. -mildly annoyed- i mean isn't it like basic courtesy to tell pple [esp pple u don't even noe] u're gonna bring 3 extra pple along.. i've never heard of people bringing their family along to a stranger's hse.

so here we have 2 little boys [4 n 10 yrs old] who have nothing to occupy themselves with and therefore argue about which tv channel to watch [and make a lot of noise in the process] and a mom sitting on the sofa reading newspapers and a dad sitting at the dining table fiddling around with his phone. my house has been successfully invaded.

and then there was nothing for them to eat or drink or watever cos my mom din noe they were coming. n heard one of the boys say he wanted to open the fridge and find something to eat. erps. rite. at least they went off to the playground for a while. ended up eating lunch in bro's room. bah. on a side note i realised the illiad is really kind of hard to plough through. the overall storyline seems easier to understand heh.

anyhow they finally disappeared. yay. haha i sound so unhospitable. but really.. this is too much. like violation of human rights haha. maybe that's not the right word but i can't think of it at the moment. maybe i feel too strongly about stuff.

oh and i noe why i thought abt cirque du soleil. its like performance at its finest. but of cos behind the scenes there're lots of problems too just that you don't noe when you watch the show. all you see is the final product that has been honed to perfection. something i remembered from when i watched the making of varekai.

okay i've blogged such a long entry like there're no prelims better stop soon. am reading the nat'l day rally online and boy is spore gd at acronyms.. i've found 4 acronyms which i don't noe what they stand for.. and i'm hardly halfway thru reading. gets kind of annoying sometimes.

talk about a disastrous prac.. nightmare!!! arggh. i don't think i've ever had a worse one. stupid pendulum.. spent 20mins trying to tie the stupid thing [while sweating profusely cos fan wasn't on cos it was oscillations] and couldn't so i gave up n drew the table 1st.. went back to attacking the string and such.. in the end made so many mistakes.. such that after i discovered them i wrote them down so i'll remember not to do such stupid things for a level pracs. sigh.

watever.. i hope i do decently.. my dreams seem to be slipping away already with one exam down. haha. well done clar. oh and like andrew said.. phys prac is usually spposed to be the easiest.. and they kill us for it.. wat're chem n bio pracs gonna be like? n i haven't studied yet. *hollow laughs*

but it was quite cool lar today while we were waiting in LT5 someone frm jane's class taped singapore idol [hmm i keep typing american idol somehow] last nite n we watched a bit of it b4 being released. somehow i was thinking abt cirque du soleil. run away and join the circus! haha.

suddenly feel like listening to my enigma songs again. there's sth abt the drums/bass beat or watever u call it. wish i knew more abt music. ah well. i musn't be distracted now. having already screwed up 1 paper. oh and the guys sitting behind me were most annoying.. every sentence had to be punctuated with f- this n f- tt. unless i was imagining it. anyway i was tempted to throw something at them. like cursing and swearing is so cool. most disgusted. maybe cos the gp video was full of swear words too. watever..

just when i thought i'd gotten over it mom had to come and remind me of everyth all over again.. said she talked to my bro. which is so true. i don't have much to offer n for that i kind of regret. maybe i should just resign myself to my fate haha. moral of story [man i was going to type morale.. too much of dr chan.. haha] make e most out of jc life n don't regret at the end of your 2 years. i've never realised that so acutely until it really matters and it's too late.

weird how a few months before i'd just think i'll have a go at it and hope for the best. and now it seems so impossible. delayed reaction. maybe cos the prelims are so near and i'm so unprepared. and i noe i've said u shouldn't give up b4 trying if not half the battle's lost b4 u even begin & i do believe tt but sometimes it's unbelievably difficult to put it in practice.

it's times like these when i really wish we could just fast forward to nxt yr sept or sth n we'll be happily going off to uni [assuming best scenario]. maybe it's not good to want something too badly cos you'll be doubly disappointed when you fail.

of course i hope i'm worrying unnecessarily. is it possible? to turn a dream into reality.

ugh right speaker isn't working! so weird to have music just coming out from the left side.
feel so sorry for li jia wei. newspapers are full of how she cried aft the match and apologised and blah. and really i don't think we're in much of a position to critique the games in detail just after watching a couple of games. if that makes sense. i don't noe why i was so affected either.. maybe cos i agree w wat the preacher said yesterday abt it's easy to say stuff when u're not playing and not feeling the pressure and all that.

it was gd seeing [tan] jh pam n lyd today tho:) miss them lots. n funnily enough seems like mugging w classmates leads to more bonding somehow. come out with all the interesting questions that u need to rack ur brain to find ans to. or clarifying concepts at least. quite good:) at least company makes mugging less dreary. guess wat ruijie said that day was right. at least if i can't go out w my frens i still can see them ard sch/mug w them. better than nothing.

at least there's friends tonight. shall go eat dinner maybe food therapy helps haha i dun like eating much nowadays. unless its dessert:p

and i just remembered the word is inadequacy. i mean i remembered it some time ago but am only online to check the table tennis finals results.. at least china won. haha. today's bronze match was really the sound of inevitability. okay maybe not the sound. but i just felt tt it was inevitable somehow. oh well. it's over.